Hurricane Advice

I just lost my home due to Hurricane Harvey, and I know so many are about to be in the same position because of Hurricane Irma. So, here is a flood victim’s advice on what you need to do before the shit hits the fan. 

1.) If you have pets get ready to move them. If you don’t have a carrier, find one. Make sure they all have identification with an up to date phone number. Pack food for them in air tight containers. You can replace walls and furniture but not furry family. 

2.) Loosing the big shit is gonna hurt but the little things are what really matters. Photos, family heirlooms, your favorite jacket all need to be in something air tight and up high. 

3.) In fact put as much stuff as you can up higher. Anything in your lower cabinets, dresser drawers, under your sink needs to be moved. Clothing will mold and rot even if it isn’t in direct contact with the water. Stuff that shit in garbage bags and put up somewhere. 

4.) Your fridge is doomed. once the power goes out the food will all go bad. throw out as much as you can before to avoid a disgusting mess. I had a whole ice-cream cake and fermented soy beans in my freezer and let me tell you when they mix together and sit for a few days you would rather set the whole thing on fire than clean it

5.) HAVE A GO BAG! A small backpack or something that is big enough for extra clothes, dry socks, flashlight, water, any of your prescription medication, first aid kit, toothbrush, and phone charger. Your phone needs to be charged as often as you can. 

6.) If you can’t evacuate now, you might have to later. Know where the closest shelter is and any phone numbers you need to call if there is an emergency in your area. Find high ground and if water is already on the road don’t drive. 

7.) SHOWER NOW! shower before the storm. I had to sit in the same wet clothes for 2 days without a shower. Be prepared to stink. 

This is going to suck no matter how much you prep, but prepping might save you some heart ache in the end. If I think of anything else I wish I did I’ll add it. Please reblog even if you are not in an affected area. 

Good luck, stay safe, and I’m sorry. 

Batfam as Cats


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Robin Hood Men in Tights (directed by Mel Brooks) is one of the best Robin Hood tales ever.

It has:

1: This song.

2: Cary Elwes plays Robin Hood as if he were playing Westley playing Robin Hood, in an over-the-top snarky fashion. His pride and self-assurance are impressive, almost as much as the fact that “unlike other Robin Hoods, I can speak in an English accent.”

3: Dave Chappelle as Ahchoo, son of Ahsneeze (a prisoner who helped Robin escape jail in the Holy Land) who went to England to study, and Robin promised to keep an eye out for. The only person in the film snarkier than Robin, who never takes off his Air Jordans and does a flawless Malcom X parody to convince the peaceful villagers to join the Merry Men.

4: Instead of Friar Tuck, we have Rabbi Tuckman, purveyor of sacramental wine. And circumcisions. Played by Mel Brooks, and clearly having way too much fun with it.

5: More anachronisms than you can shake a stick at. Ahchoo’s Air Jordans and baseball cap styled hat are only the tip of the iceburg, it gets so much better.

6: Prince John is so done with everything. He clearly doesn’t want to be here (in a good way).

7: The jail-keeper in the Holy Land is a parody of a hotel maître d and is just so happy to be doing what he’s doing. I love him so much. 

8: Parodying how ridiculous “the chop” is as a sportsfan thing by having a whole bleacher full of people in medieval garb do it to cheer Robin on for no explained reason other than someone thought of it. 

9: An extended “Godfather” parody

10: Ahchoo: “Let’s get out of this ladies’ clothing and get into our tights!”

NaNo Prep: How Understanding Conflict Will Make Your Plot Explode

November is almost upon us, and in the build up to NaNo, we’ve asked for guest contributors to share their advice on how to craft great stories that will engage writer and reader alike. Today, author Cari Noga tells us why “GMC” should be in everyone’s vocabulary, and how it’ll help drive your plot. 

Fiction is conflict.

You’ve probably heard something like that before, and filed it away with other writing advice. Take it out, shake it off, and prop it up it next to your coffee mug. Besides caffeine, you won’t find a better buddy on your NaNo odyssey.

First—a definition. Conflict is the obstacle(s) between a character and his or her desire. It varies with novel genre: the enemy agent out to kill the hero; Mom’s new job that forces the middle-school kid to move and change schools; the character’s yearning to spurn expectations and do what she really wants. Conflict is fundamental to advancing plot, setting it back, twisting and turning it, as the characters wrestle with their particular nemeses. It’s also crucial to reader engagement. 

In the best stories, we become invested in a character overcoming their conflict. We root for them to get what they want, worry when they seem to succumb, and, above all, keep turning pages to see which way it goes. Steven James, one of my favorite writing coaches and a bestselling thriller author himself, puts it this way: You don’t have a story until something goes wrong.

Keep reading