What the Signs Should Cook
  • Aries:Donald Trump with a fresh parsley garnish
  • Taurus:the homophobes baked at 350°F
  • Gemini:Unfollowers with a caramel sauce drizzled lightly
  • Cancer:Their ex with a nice salty rub
  • Leo:Sliced Justin Bieber served with a nice wine
  • Virgo:sautéed math teacher
  • Libra:The 2008 version of yourself toasted a crispy brown
  • Scorpio:Diced Kylie Jenner with her boiled lips on the side
  • Sagittarius:Fried Nash Grier with EXTRA hot sauce to cover up the blandness
  • Capricorn:a nice dish of chopped Iggy Azalea (extra tip: for an amazing dining experience, play actual rap, so even while she's on a platter, she can take notes)
  • Aquarius:Carter Reynolds with a cherry on top, maybe from a plate he won't try and pop it this time
  • Pisces:the minions dipped in chocolate and frozen to perfect the hard chocolate case
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