cars id be into

I just got out of an abusive relationship & I’m in need of help. I left an abusive boyfriend I was living with, with noting except my ID, government documents, debit card, phone, laptop, car, a pillow, and a bag of my clothes. I have nothing else.

After being in my car for a few nights while waiting to hear back from a few studio apartments, I moved into a new place by myself and away from my abuser and I ended up putting my entire paycheck into a deposit, first month’s rent, gas for my car so I can get to work, cancelling the cable contract that was in my name at my ex’s place (which was a $350 cancellation fee, jfc.), my phone bill, buying out of my old lease, credit card bill.

My credit card is maxed out and I’m steadily paying it off, so I can’t use it. I’m a very independent person but I need help in getting myself on my feet until I get payed again. I have a very stable and decent paying job, but right now I’m going through a hard time. 

My google wallet is deysialexis31@gmail.com. I need essentials like soap, toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, laundry soap, a few groceries, an air mattress or bed of some kind, blankets, toilet paper, dishes, to hold me over until I get paid again. Any amount helps me so much. Again, I never make posts like this and I pride myself a lot in being an independent and self sustained person. Asking for help like this is a big blow to my pride but I’m trying to get back on my feet after leaving an abuse ridden relationship.

‘partners in crime’ sentence starters

Send one to see how my muse reacts. 

Trigger Warnings: violence, death, criminal activity

  • “I can’t believe we stole a car.”
  • “My ID guy can get us in.”
  • “Remember – trust no one.”
  • “You owe everything you’ve got to me. Never forget that.”
  • “You and me, we’re partners, right?”
  • “Did you get the money?”
  • “Cops are coming to pick me up for questioning. My bet is, you’re next.”
  • “We better lay low for awhile.”
  • “Just act natural.”
  • “The cops will probably talk to us. Play it cool, and we’ll be fine.”
  • “I think we’ll be okay. They can’t prove anything.”
  • “No matter what they threaten to do to me, don’t tell them anything.”
  • “Let me take the fall. You’ve worked too hard to go to jail now.”
  • “I’d NEVER rat you out! The cops were just trying to get under your skin.”
  • “What do you think? You trust them?”
  • “I remember when you still had rules. When you still had limits.”
  • “This isn’t just about money.”
  • “I won’t survive jail!”
  • “One day we’ll be rich, and we won’t have to do this anymore.”
  • “It will be so nice to be in a country where we can’t get thrown in jail at any moment.”
  • “I think every person in America would like to see us dead.”
  • “No. No! We are NOT going to jail now! We’ve worked too hard!”
  • “Shut up and keep digging.”
  • “We need money, stat. You got a gun?”
  • “God, could you get them to stop screaming?”
  • “Shoot me. It’ll make them trust you.”
  • “Okay, last resort – we kill him and dump the body, then get the fuck out of Dodge.”
  • “We can’t hide forever. Our faces are on every news network in America.”
  • “We split the profits, 50/50. What do you say?”
  • “Where have you been?! I was worried the cops got to you!”
  • “You clean up the blood, I’ll start burning the body.”
  • “There’s no escaping this, you know. We’re in too deep.”
  • “Tell them the whole thing was my idea.”
  • “Make no mistake – we’re partners, but I’m in charge. Not you.”
  • “What we need are entirely new identities.”
  • “I don’t become involved with my partners. It over-complicates things.”
  • “Don’t you think we’re a bit old for this Bonnie and Clyde business?”
  • “I don’t trust any of them. Just you.”
  • “God, what’s happened to us?”
  • “Retirement? Yeah, we’re probably not gonna live long enough for that to be an issue.”
  • “Keep your head down. Last thing we need is to get recognized.”
  • “I’ll cover for you.”
  • “Run. I’ll catch up.”
  • “Jesus Christ, we’re like a bad murder ballad.”
  • “Don’t worry. I’m not going to leave you. You and I are partners – until the end.”
2

Imagine meeting Dean in a bar.


Title: The Good Girl

Pairing: Dean x Reader, Sam, (briefly), Jayden, Rae, Dani, & Bailey (OFCs briefly mentioned)

Warnings: pre-smut, language, fluff

Word Count: 3.8k

A/N: So, this story is rooted in my own personal experience at 25. Obviously the guy wasn’t Dean fucking Winchester, but oh if he had been. *whew* Thank you Mimi and Erin for helping me see the issues and get them resolved. I know that a lot of you have been EAGERLY anticipating this fic. I REALLY hope it doesn’t disappoint you. It got lengthy and a little out of control and WILL have one more part. - I know it’s an HOUR LATE. SORRY!

Summary: You were a good girl. You went off to a private Christian college because  you knew there was a bad girl waiting to be set free. You wanted a career, so you made a choice. You went away. You didn’t smoke. Didn’t drink until you were 21. No bars until you were 23. Didn’t have sex until you were in love, or at least you thought you were in love. You’ve always liked who you are, but there was a pretty distinct shift when you were 25. Five friends. One guy. One piano. One drink. One bar. Everything changed. You’re different now, and you’re certain you’ll never forget that leather jacket or those green eyes. Jan. 24th, 2012. The day Dean Winchester rolled through town.

Dean Bean Lovers Tags Below, Bitches

FEEDBACK APPRECIATED!!!

Keep reading

A,B,C or all of Above

Mr. Min - Chapter 01

Description:  Your CEO caught your attention the first day you started your new job and it seems the attraction is mutual.  Too bad he’s only interested in a relationship that benefits him.

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Smut

Word Count: 8641

Warning: Dom!Yoongi, light breath play, cum play, punishment, demeaning names

A/N: I ended up having to split this chapter in two because it was getting so long.  I hope you enjoy it anyways!

Prologue - Ch 02 - Ch 03 - Ch 04 - Ch 05 - Ch 06

Keep reading

In 2009, Bobby Dale Jamison, Sherilynn Leighann Jamison, and their six-year-old daughter Madyson mysteriously disappeared in the mountains of Oklahoma while looking to buy property. Eight days later, their abandoned car was found in Latimer County, containing the family’s cell phones, IDs, wallets, their severely malnourished dog, and $32,000 in cash. There was no sign of the family themselves, and the only thing investigators could determine was that they sure as shit hadn’t gone missing voluntarily.

In 2013, their remains were found in a secluded spot three miles away from the car. Due to their heavily decomposed state, no cause of death could be determined.

OK, this has to have been, like, a drug deal, right? A couple drives in the middle of nowhere to meet a contact, Breaking Bad-style. Things go awry and people get killed, also Breaking Bad-style. They brought their kid along because they were dipshits. Case closed!

Only … start digging a little deeper, and BOOM! Suddenly each and every theory laid in front of you is a straight-up horror movie plot. Sherilyn’s mother is absolutely convinced that Madyson was on the hit list of a mysterious cult. I’m inclined to dismiss that line of inquiry, because her reasoning appears to be of the “My hairdresser’s cousin told me everyone knows Oklahoma is full of terrifying cults” variety, but that doesn’t explain the family’s pastor, who says that Bobby was eyebrow-deep in a battle with ghosts and evil spirits that haunted their house (hence the real estate shopping, I guess). We’re talking “reading a Satanic Bible for combat tips and looking for special demon-killing bullets” stuff here. W-what the shit?

5 Creepy As Heck Murders That Remain Unsolved To This Day

New Beta

Pairing: Stiles x Reader

Author: @ninja-stiles

Words: 2146

Authors Note: I finally finished the first part, and I think it’s pretty good! I hope you all enjoy it! I want to thank @thelittlestkitsune and @nothisisstiles for encouraging me to make this into a fic, @smutandahalf for helping me with some ideas and proofreading, and @stilinski-jpeg for also giving me advice on how it should be structured, and if it was any good or not! Thank you all so much. I love all of you!

I’ve known Stiles and the pack for about a year and a half now. I first moved to Beacon Hills around the middle of junior year. Stiles and I met in a unique but cute kind of way.

*Flashback*

I went to the grocery store for my mom the day after we moved, because she was too lazy to go herself. As I walked around the store I had to get my absolute favorite thing to eat, which was chicken flavored ramen. I found the isle that the ramen is stocked in looking for the specific flavor. There was only one package of chicken flavored ramen left and as I go to reach it my hand touches with someone else’s. I jump slightly looking to my left seeing a boy my age reaching for the same package of ramen. I blush slightly seeing how attractive this guy that’s now in front of me. He’s got this gorgeous soft looking brown hair that spikes up in the front, gorgeous amber eyes, an adorable nose, and his lips that look hella soft and pink. My eyes rake down his body slightly checking him out. I already like this guy since he’s wearing a flannel. Ahh I love flannels. There just so comfortable and warm. I’d wear them all the time if I could. As I’m about to speak I notice the guy grab the package of ramen.

“Wait! You’re really not going to be a gentleman and let the girl have the last package? Especially since it might be her favorite?” I ask with slight hope in my voice. The guy looks at me in shock and his cheeks start to turn pink.

“I-uh-I was gonna ask if you wanted it,” he says as he slowly hands me the package.

“O-Oh. Well thank you, so much,” I stutter slightly taking the package out of the guys hands. Our fingers brush against one another’s slightly as both our cheeks turn a darker pink. He turns around to continue his shopping when I yell out to him.

“Wait!” I run up to him and he turns around looking down at me.

“Um would you maybe, um we could eat this together? I’m new in town and I don’t really know anyone so, I was wondering if maybe you’d wanna watch a movie or hang out and we can eat ramen together?” I ask playing with the package in my fingers.

“Oh! Uh yeah,” the guy holds out his hand for me to shake, “Stiles.”

“Y/N,” I smile at him and shake his hand. I dig through my mom’s purse for a piece of paper and a pen. Finding both I put my first and last name on it along with my number and give it to Stiles.

“Just text me and we’ll figure out when we’ll hang out, but I really have to go. It was nice meeting you Stiles,” I give a little wave before walking to a checkout line.

*Flashback over*

I smile at the memory of meeting Stiles as I look at one of the picture frames in my room. I pick it up gently seeing the picture my mom took of Stiles and myself. It was one of the family barbecues my parents had hosted for my family, and I invited Stiles so I didn’t have to be alone. We were sat at the patio table and because there wasn’t enough seat I had to sit in Stiles lap. Since my mom told me that morning she always shipped us, so when she saw that I was sitting on his lap she wanted a picture of us. As she got the camera ready Stiles wrapped both his arms around my waist as I had wrapped one of my arms around his shoulders and linked my hands together as if we were hugging. I remember loving the feeling of his arms wrapped around my waist and even though we sat like that for maybe an hour, it was the best hour of my life.

I put the picture back down checking my phone to see if Stiles had messaged me. The pack was supposed to meet up for a meeting but I haven’t heard anything yet. There’s been so much going on lately with the dread doctors, Theo and his stupid chimeras that are bugging the fuck out of me. Lydia was stuck in Eichen House and the doctors there are doing who knows what with her. I can tell Stiles is super worried about her, he always has been. I wish that he had that amount of worry towards me, but I’m just his best friend. I sigh as I violently wipe the tears that escaped onto my cheeks. I hate crying, and I hate the fact that Stiles can make me cry so easily. I got a text from Stiles saying that he needed help with the research on the dread doctors. I grab my coat and car keys heading out to my car. I drive over to Stiles’ house letting myself in since the Sheriff absolutely adores me. I head upstairs to his room not seeing Stiles present.

“Stiles?” I ask looking around checking in his bathroom but there’s nobody. “What the hell?”

“Sorry, but it looks like Stiles won’t be joining us,” a girl that I recognized as Tracy mentions as she stalks towards me. I walk back towards Stiles’ door ready to run out of it and as I run towards it she beats me to it slamming it and pushing me up against it. She bares her teeth at me with her hand wrapped around my throat. My heart beats erratically as I try to pry her hand worried she’ll kill me. I feel her take her hands off my throat and I breath out in relief until I feel her claws stab into my side as I gasp for breath looking down at her hand whispering out, “why?” as I fall to the floor holding my wound. Tracy walks out the door leaving me for dead and I look up towards the bed seeing my phone go off and I try to crawl towards it but I wince at the pain in my side increases. I lay on the floor of Stiles’ bedroom staring at the ceiling as a few tears slip from my eyes.

Stiles’ POV

I follow Parrish to a car lot and see him look into a white van seeing the two dead chimeras. He closes the object they’re placed in shutting the van doors before taking off in the van. I tried calling Scott when Theo showed up in his black SUV and he jumped out fast walking over to me.

“Sorry, I got here as fast as I could,” Theo says.

“We gotta go. Now. Parrish has got the bodies,” I say to Theo as I head towards his car.

“Okay, wait up. Stiles wait.”

“Parrish is out and he’s got the bodies. We’ve gotta find Scott and tell him,” I tell him opening the car door.

“Stiles!” Theo yells and I close the car door walking a little bit towards him.

“I don’t think Scott wants to talk to you right now.”

“Yeah, thanks. I’m aware of that,” I start to head back to the door, “It doesn’t matter. He needs to know about this.”

“Stiles,” Theo warns, “Scott doesn’t want to talk to you, but I think your dad does,” he says holding up my school ID.

Theo was walking away from me as I was following telling me, “Your dad was looking for you Stiles. He found me instead.”

“Where is he?” I ask with a little bit of anger and concern in my voice.

“I covered for you. This was taken care of. If Melissa didn’t find it at the hospital. I guess even the son of a cop can make mistakes,” The states as we walk around in a circle.

“Did you hurt him?” I ask.

“I never lied about why I came to Beacon Hills. I’m here for a pack. I came for the werecoyote. The one whose first instinct is to kill, I came for the Banshee, the girl surrounded by death, I came for the dark kitsune, the beta with anger issues, I came for Void Stiles. That’s the pack I want, unfortunately it doesn’t include Scott,” Theo yells at me with anger and determination in his voice. “Your heartbeat is rising, Stiles. It’s not because you’re afraid. Nogitsune is gone, but you’ve still got more blood on your hands than any of us,” Theo says smirking at me.

“I’m about to get more,” I say angrily.

“I’ll tell you where your dad is,” Theo says placing my ID on the hood of the car, “if you promise not to help Scott.”

I punch Theo in the face out of anger. He stumbles back laughing menacingly.

“There he is! That’s Void Stiles,” Theo mentions excitingly, “it felt good, didn’t it?”

I punch him in the face again as I stumble back and Theo falls to the ground. He sits up and spits blood out of his mouth looking up at me, “We won’t tell Scott, because you can’t lose your best friend right? Even though we both know, you never needed him.”

I grunt landing on Theo gripping his coat as he eggs me on, “You hate me now, but you’ll get it eventually. This is the hard part, because you can’t help Scott and save your dad’s life, or maybe even Y/N’s life. You still got time Stiles.”

“Y/N? What did you do to her?!” I yell angrily.

“I didn’t do anything personally. Although, Tracy might have met her at your house. Choose who to save Stiles. You’ve got time.” Theo says and I stand up and start running towards my house dialing Melissa’s number.

“Stiles, I can’t really tal-,” I cut her off with worry in my voice.

“Melissa you gotta go find my dad! He’s hurt and Y/N’s hurt I need to get to my house, but please. Please find him,” I plead to her as a few tears escape my eyes.

“I will Stiles, I will.” Melissa says and hangs up.

I put my phone in my pocket finally getting to my house bursting through the front door. I look everywhere downstairs first before yelling out her name.

“S-Stiles,” I hear her whimper from upstairs.

I run up the stairs into my room finding her bleeding out on my floor. I instantly kneel next to her grabbing her free hand taking my phone back out calling 911. I tell them I need an ambulance at my address immediately and they told me they’re sending one out now. I hang up throwing my phone onto the bed and runs my other hand through her hair.

“You’re going to be okay Y/N. J-Just stay with me okay?” I say to her as she nods weakly. I hear the sirens get closer and I wipe the tears that spilled onto my cheeks.

“D-Don’t cry please…” Y/N says trying to lift her hand, but she’s too weak. I nod leaning down kissing her forehead as I go let the paramedics in telling them she’s upstairs.

They get her on a stretcher and bring her to the ambulance and ask me if I want to ride with her. I nod immediately, getting in, and sitting beside her. I reach for her hand stroking her soft skin with my thumb. We arrive at the hospital in about ten minutes and the doctors told me I need to wait in the waiting room. I was notified that my dad arrived a few minutes before we did, and he was going into surgery. I went up to the registration desk giving the nurse information on my dad.

“Stilinski, right?” The nurse asks me, “you said his insurance was with the county? He’s a deputy?”

“No, he’s the sheriff, he’s the county sheriff. Okay. He’s covered. I mean he should be covered,” I sigh and Melissa comes up behind me telling that nurse that she’ll take care of it. She pulls me to the side to talk to me but my eyes keep gravitating towards Y/N’s room.

“Is-Is she going to be okay?” I ask looking back at her.

“She’s going to be fine. You got there in time before something worse could’ve happened,” she says smiling sadly at me.

“Ca-Can I see her?” I ask with slight hope in my voice.

“Yeah, c’mon.” She brings me to her room letting us be alone and closes the door as she walks out. I slide a chair over to her bedside as she smiles weakly at me.

“Hi,” she says softly and I take her hand into mine smiling at her.

“Hey. How are you feeling?” I ask her.

“Better than before that’s for sure. Thank you Stiles, for saving my life.”

“If I had only known this was gonna happen I would’ve made you come with me,” I sigh bringing her hand to my lips placing a small kiss on them.  

‘cause when you walked into the room just then

theatre au collab with @alrightpotter. here’s her part.

a/n: lucie, my love!!! happy birthday!!! i’d want to know you if you reached peak gay or became buffy summers dog or could only eat car tires. i love you badly. id probably give up weetbix for you. have the best day in the world.


Godric’s Post                                                                              8th February 2009

Film: The Wind In the Whomping Willows
Director: Bathilda Bagshot
Plot Summary: 4 friends go for a picnic. Boredom ensues.

I’ve never liked Bathilda Bagshot, and yes this may have been because of an incident at one of my parents’ house parties where she literally hissed at me when I reached for another baked potato, but the point still stands. She continues rely on prolonged dialogue scenes that don’t move the plot along and stretch to the point of absurdity, until the viewer is begging for a change in scene, shot, anything, only to presented with (unbelievably) yet more boredom.  

So put aside whatever resentment you’re harbouring that I just name dropped Bathilda Bagshot and that she used to come to my house, and wallow in how wasted my Friday night was watching this garbage. My personal highlight was the closing credits, because it meant I could at last be free from this endless hell of four people sitting in a wood, talking about sandwiches and grass for two hours straight.

Naturally I imagine some people enjoyed the film, (Bagshot does know her way around a camera, I’ll give her that, the cinematography was flawless.) however dear, cherished, hopefully-subscribed-and-not-reading-this-on-the-free-trial-reader, I must ask: who doesn’t like a little during movie commentary? Before Friday I would have said no one, but after Friday I would have to say no one, with the exception of uptight, haughty gingers.

Rather like Penelope Clearwater’s unfortunate character in The Wind in the Whomping Boredom, I too found myself being falsely accused of a crime I did not commit. In Clearwater’s case (she shines in the film, despite Bagshot’s insistence she be holding a mirror in every scene) it was of stealing the picnic sandwiches. Mine was the slightly more serious charge of ‘injuring’ a fellow reviewer.

I want it stated for the record that no such injury occurred, and that as far as I am aware popcorn is rarely classified as an assault weapon, but I am willing to hear argument on the matter. However I could be wrong because the reviewer in question seemed to genuinely enjoy the Wind In the Whomping Waste of Time, so maybe it wasn’t her eye that should be examined, but her brain.

In summary: this film has done the impossible and been even more tedious than Bagshot’s last effort, A History of the Snake Inside Me, which I didn’t think possible. My nine-year-old criticisms rarely stand up to scrutiny but I think my judgement of Ms Bagshot being The Worst has proven correct. Furthermore, I want it noted for no particular reason at all that if at any point I am contacted by a lawyer about paying medical bills for a non-existent injury, I will do something else ‘ridiculous’ and ‘childlike’ like toilet papering a Certain Reviwers house or broadcasting my witty and hilarious movie commentary over a loudspeaker during each and every film I will ever attend from this point on.

(the editor Remus J. Lupin wishes to clarify for legal reasons that comments above are aimed at no particular individual, all wishes views presented are the writer and the writers views alone, and to please not sue the paper)


Godric’s Post                                                                                  3rd March 2009

Film: 101 Fantastic Beasts
Director: Newt Scamander
Plot Summary: CGI animals have a good time. Audience have a good time.

Scamander has always had a talent for animation, even his questionable films like Beasts Which Are Fantastic If Only We Knew Where To Find Them (nonsensical, long-winded title) and The Porpentina Goldstein Story (thought it was going to be about hedgehogs. It was not.) should be seen purely for their onscreen beauty alone.

Thankfully, 101 Fantastic Beats wasn’t a repeat of the Hedgehog Incident but rather exactly what it says on the tin, 101 Fantastic Beasts romping around the city and having a jolly good time, until one of them dies and the entire world becomes a bleak hell-scape that you are desperate to escape because you can’t stop crying.

Unfortunately my screening experience of this charming film was somewhat hindered by the near constant stream of insults and accusations of ‘eye assault’ from a Certain Reviewer which culminated in said reviewer tipping popcorn that Was Not Hers across The Innocent Victims Lap.

The reviewers in question needn’t have ever spoken again but because a Certain Reviewer had slandered another Wholly Blameless Reviewer in her paper, which the Wholly Blameless Reviewer’s Mother reads, some things had to be sorted out. And those things were trying to get the Certain Reviewer to print a retraction so the Wholly Blameless Reviewers Mother would stop bloody going on about it.  

On top of this Wholly Blameless was mocked mercilessly for showing emotion during what ranks as one of the most heart-breaking scenes of all time, next to such movie moments as the ending of Dead Poets Society and the shooting of Bambi’s mother in Bambi. Obviously a Certain Reviewer needs to borrow a heart so she doesn’t have to poke fun at others for having what she does not: feelings. Wholly Blameless would be happy to lend her some of his, as he’s just good like that and not at all the ‘slice of expired a*shole’ he’d previously been accused of being.

101 Beasts has heart (unlike Certain Reviewer’s) and is appropriate for the whole family excluding twelve year olds, because obviously they’re terrible and you’d never want to take them anywhere anyway, so it’s a win-win.

(The editor wishes to clarify that the writers list of saddest movie moments is flawed because it has left off the Jack death scene from Titanic because the writer thinks ‘Cameron clearly emotionally manipulated the audience’ and ‘there was plenty of room for both of them on that door’ because the writer is an imbecile. The editor cannot believe he is the film critic.)


Godric’s Post                                                                                  11th April 2009

Film: The Cupboard Under The Stairs
Director: Gilderoy Lockhart
Summary: You really don’t want to know.

Gilderoy Lockhart has won two Oscars, and yet every time I watch one of his films I have to forcefully remind myself that it wasn’t shot by a nine-year old with a camcorder who uses their dog as a sound assistant. The dullness of the film will stun and bewilder all who see it, as it defies reason why such a thing should be made.

True Hairy Chins Shouldn’t Be Seen By The Public was wildly funny (despite meaning to be a serious documentary), but aside from that I can’t think of a Lockhart film I’ve ever enjoyed aside from classics like Gadding With Ghouls and Travels With Trolls which hardly look like Lockhart films at all, despite him having directed them.

Cupboard Under The Stairs is so mind-blowing ridiculous, from the wooden dialogue to the extended shots of director and star Lockhart doing mind-numbingly boring tasks while smiling garishly, that when I found myself sitting next to a Certain Reviewer I didn’t even bother to move but rather stayed if only to have something to do. A slight physical fight broke out, and by fight I mean a Certain Reviewer hit me for a comment I made about the twenty second long director credit, so obviously I pinched her, and then before I knew what was happening we had been thrown out.

I don’t want you to think, dear reader who has clicked on this review and therefore pays my rent, that I might have acted unprofessionally by getting thrown out a movie twenty minutes in. I want to clarify: I absolutely acted unprofessionally. There is no ‘might’ about it. But my point still stands: the film was garbage, and that fact that I could tell this from only the first twenty minutes is further evidence of its garbagery.

Now I know at this point you’re all clambering to hear more about the two hours I spent alone with a Certain Reviewer, as for some bizarre reason, you’re all incredibly interested in our relationship built off pure loathing and irritation. Well, prepare yourselves readers, because a Certain Reviewer’s favorite filmmaker is not only Wes Anderson (!! There should be a limit to the amount of pastel on a screen at one point). But she also hasn’t read the best novel of all time, The Great Gatsby, and then told me that that ‘wasn’t that weird’ and asked me to ‘close my mouth’ because ‘its been two minutes’ and its ‘getting weird’.

However she did earn points back by liking Star Wars (if she hadn’t, I may have committed a crime worse than Cupboard Under the Stairs’ acting) and she also noted that Leonardo DiCaprio in Romeo + Juliet was her sexual awakening, and I to felt a deep attraction to DiCaprio and still do despite his insistence on growing a beard every few years. She laughed at this, but I think it was a laugh of agreement, so therefore it wasn’t bad.

Cupboard Under the Stairs was one of the worst atrocities committed to film, but a Certain Reviewer agreed that Han shooting first was an important part of his character, so all is not wrong with the world.


Text from James Potter to Sirius Black: do u think i look like leonardo dicaprio

Sirius Black: no

Sirius Black: is this bc evans said she liked him

James Potter: absolutely not


Text from James Potter to Remus Lupin: do i look like leo dicaprio

Remus Lupin: firstly, dont call him leo

Remus Lupin: and secondly, obvsly not

Remus Lupin: no two people have ever looked more different

James Potter: fuck u


Text from James Potter to Peter Pettigrew: do i look like leo dicaprio

Peter Pettigrew: no u look like u have a thing for evans

Peter Pettigrew: sirius told me to say that

Peter Pettigrew: whos evans

James Potter: do u not even read my fuckin column pete

Peter Pettigrew: it costs four pounds a week to subscribe to ur shitty paper i don’t have that kind of money


Godric’s Post                                                                                     3rd May 2009

RED CARPET WATCH

The Godric’s own Sirius Black, gossip columnist extraordinaire, was sent to the Red Carpet premiere of A Streetcar Named the Knightbus and reported back to us on all the hot gossip and glamour of the night.

In what may have been my favorite red-carpet to date, not in the least because Rita Skeeter was thrown out for badgering guests only ten minutes in, but because the greatest thing in the world happened. It was so great in fact, that I managed to look past the colossal injustice of me not being invited to walk the carpet myself, which was clearly a mistake (the editor Remus J Lupin would like to clarify it was not) and have a roaring good night.

May I just clarify that by roaring good night I mean I got absolutely plastered (The editor wishes to state that The Godric does not promote drinking) so the night comes back to me in bits, and from what I can remember everyone looked great. I can’t remember what the film was about, or even if they let me in (editor: they did not.) but even if it wasn’t I’m sure the film was good too. (editor: it was average)

But as I mentioned above, the best thing in the world happened, and that was that The Godric’s very own film critic James Potter got to walk the red carpet. He will tell you this is because his insightful and poignant columns are finally getting the attention they deserve. Any sane person would then loudly talk over him and say the real reason is because he’s become rapidly more popular with the introduction of a Miss Lily Evans, also a film critic, into his weekly reviews. Or, as James calls her, A Certain Reviewer. (editor: for legal reasons the editor must assert that A Certain Reviewer could be any individual and to please not sue the paper for defamation.)

Turns out Miss Evans had a popularity boost as well, because she was also on the red carpet, looking ravishing in a backless teal ballgown, and honestly, readers, it was a sight to see Evans in that dress. Potter obviously thought so to, as he spent the entire night staring. And not subtle staring. Obvious, in-awe, I-can’t-believe-a-person-can-look this-good, staring.

Now, once I’d gotten over the fact that not once in our ten-year friendship had James ever given me that look, I was absolutely thrilled. I had a thirty pound bet going that they’d be together by May and I’d just won, if that look was any indication. (the editor: it was twenty pounds.)

Furthermore, Evans and Potter spent the entire night talking, not even noticing how the cameras had utterly latched on to them despite having no idea who they were, purely based on the looks they were giving each other. It was a sight to behold, seeing two utterly oblivious people in formalwear hold a conversation probably about the merits of dressing gowns (they talk about weird stuff like that) while what felt like the entire world took photos.

Now I’m aware I’m meant to be discussing the gossip and glamour from the whole night and not just two D-list celebrities who happen to both be my friends. But consider this: I do not care. These photos are modern art. Both so clearly have a crush on each other it’s embarrassing. Even Moony would have to agree (the editor: I do.). Anyway, in summary of the night: I bet everyone reading this that they’ll be screwing in a month. Mark my words.

[image: a man in a suit and a woman in a dress, against a while backdrop with A Street Car Named the Knightbus film logo printed across it. Her head is turned towards him, laughing, holding a delicate purse. He is looking at her, mouth parted, like she is the first girl he has ever seen. Something to be looked at just to make sure she didn’t disappear, blown by the wind, like in a dream. A dream girl- except not. A real girl, in a real dress, in a real place. He can’t quite believe it. A hundred camera flashes go in the background.]


Text from Sirius Black to James Potter: so whens the wedding

James Potter: i fuckin hate u


Sirius Black renamed the group james’ got the hots for evans

James Potter: this is cyber bullying

James Potter: im calling netsafe

Remus Lupin renamed the group netsafe cant help the fact that ur in love with evans

James Potter renamed the group stop now

Sirius Black renamed the group not a chance mate


Sirius Black created the Facebook Page Lily Evans and James Potter should get it on

This page received 17,798 likes.


Text from Lily Evans to Sirius Black: im going to fucking maim u. take it down.

Sirius Black: sent a link

Lily Evans: if that’s a link to the fucking page i will cut your balls off

Sirius Black: its not

Sirius Black: on an unrelated note do not click on that link it is a virus I just remembered


Remus Lupin created the Facebook Page Lily Evans and James Potter should get it on part two because lily made us delete the last one

This page received: 21,104 likes.


(don’t forget to check out ellie’s part here)

Bucky was so in awe of the flying car at the Stark Expo like, the boy was such a science nerd, i bet when he met Howard during the war he probably turned into an excited schoolboy asking questions at a mile a minute whilst Steve just sorta gives Howard an apologetic smile but does nothing to stop Bucky’s curiosity

Shrinking - The teaspoon girl pt 5

A witch turns Y/N into a teaspoon sized woman, and Sam and Dean has to make sure she doesn’t get squashed – and find a cure.

Word count: 2226

Have another part – this one is a bit angstier than the others. Sorry about that. Hopefully part six isn’t too far away (I’m sorry – I’m a slow writer).

Please let me know what you think – and remember that I’m not English. Also let me know if you want on – or off – my tag list.


From part four:

Leaning back to look at him like Spiderman, she failed horribly at winking and snortedloudly. “Shhh…” she whisper-yelled. “I’m climbing Sam, can’t you see? Always wanted to – how can I not, I mean look at ‘im,” she continued, slurring slightly. “Mmm… just… muscles, y’know. And…”

She was interrupted by Sam, who surprisingly had turned the shade of a very ripe beetroot. “Y/N, you’re drunk,” he said, gently lifting her off his arm – she’d reached his elbow, and was trying to scramble over a fold in the fabric without falling down – and put her back on the table, where she promptly plopped down on her butt and groaned.

“Hey! Put me back! I’m trying to… I’m gonna… I wanna…” She grinned widely and blew him a loud kiss.

“You’re drunk,” Sam repeated.

“No, I’m not. You’re drunk. I’m… I’m –“ Shutting up abruptly, her eyes darted around frantically. “Bucket!” she mouthed, and then threw up all over herself.

A wet washcloth slapped down on the table, followed by a loud laugh that definitely belonged to Dean. The light hurt in Y/N’s eyes, and she felt increasingly dizzy, but being covered in vomit made nothing better, so she embraced the gesture – even with the laugh.

Keep reading

Auston Matthews - Part 27

Here we go again… 

My phone rings as I climb back into my car after getting groceries. Looking at the caller ID, Alex’s name flashes across the screen and I answer.

               “Hey girl,” I say, putting her on speaker phone as I start my car up.

               “Hey! How’s it going?” Alex says, overly cheerful like usual when she calls me nowadays since I let slip that Auston and I actually went on our first date over three weeks ago. Ever since then she has been all over me.

               “Everything is great!” I say, my mind wandering to last night and my cheeks flush.

               “Going to the game tonight?” Alex asks.

               “Unfortunately, no. Riley, my lab partner is coming over because we are way behind… or so he says,” I grumble into the phone, pulling out into traffic.

               “Riley is a boy?”

               “Yeah?” I make a face. “Why?”

               “Where are you working?” Alex asks, ignoring my own question.

               “My house, why?” I ask again.

               “Is Auston okay with that?”

               “Um I didn’t ask him permission because he’s not my mother?” I snap into the receiver. “What is with you? I’m twenty-one years old, I think I can decide things on my own without asking my nineteen year old boyfriend.”

               “Whoa calm down, I didn’t mean to upset you… Auston is just well… he can be a jealous person,” Alex says quickly, clearly not wanting my temper directed her way, even if she is hundreds of miles away.

               “There is not a single thing to be jealous about. I’ve gone to every home game since I moved to Toronto, I think he will be okay if I miss one due to school,” I sigh into the phone, rolling my eyes.

               “I know, I’m just telling you. I doubt that if Auston knew that your partner was a boy…” she starts and as if she can feel my temper rising through the phone she quickly changes the subject to the boy that Breyana is currently pinning after.

               My mind stays on the previous conversation though. Would Auston be mad? I don’t think so, he doesn’t have a single thing to be jealous about…

               “Y/N?”

               Alex’s voice breaks me out of my trance and I wonder if the light I just passed under was green or not.

               “What?” I ask.

               “I asked you if you’ve gotten anymore charms for your bracelet yet,” Alex laughs through the phone.

               “Oh,” my eyes flash to my wrist and back to the road. “No, I haven’t. Didn’t really think about it actually. You know me, I would need to get two so that it’s balanced,” I say.

               “True, forgot you’re my little OCD baby,” Alex teases through the phone and I scowl at the road.

               “Well I’m almost home so…” I trail and I can practically feel her roll her eyes at me through the phone.

               “Fine, I’ll talk to you later,” Alex says and we hang up after saying goodbye right as I pull into my driveway.

               I spend my morning color coding my notes and organizing everything that Riley and I will need for this evening. Glancing at the clock which is showing 3:45, I guess that my mom is done with work for the day and call her. Just like I do every day.

               “Hi, mama,” I say when she answers.

               “Hi, baby,” my mom says back to me, I can hear my dad in the background babbling away.

               “Is dad on the phone?” I ask.

               “Yes, we are in the car on the way to Detroit for their game. It’s not as fun without you,” she admits and I feel my heart break a little.

               “I wish I was there with you,” I say softly into the phone, wanting my mom to hug me and pet my hair while my dad makes his famous hot chocolate with a shot of Irish Cream in it. The only time I’ve gotten homesick the last four weeks is when Auston goes on the road, meaning pretty much all my friends are on the road as well.

               “I think your dad is coming to Toronto next week for a game, he’s excited to see you,” she says and my heart lifts up inside me.

               “Really?” I squeal and my dogs come bounding into the room, most likely thinking I stepped on one of their toys.

               “And I’ll see you in thirteen days for your cousins wedding,” she adds and I smile.

               “I know! I can’t wait mama!”

               “Your father is giving me a dirty look, I think he wants me to stop talking over him on his phone call,” she muses and I roll my eyes.

               “Alright, I’ll talk to you later, love you,” I say.

               “Love you too, baby,” she whispers and hangs up the phone. I place my phone on the counter, my mood sufficiently improved just from a minute conversation with my mom.

               I open a snapchat from Auston that I had gotten earlier, the others have calmed down a bit on their obsession with embarrassing Auston and now I only get a few snaps from them during the day. This one is a picture of his food and the caption, ‘im worked up about the game. Relieve my stress?’ I roll my eyes and take a picture of my legs from my position leaning against the counter, sending him back a ‘not in the way you’re insinuating.’

               Right away he snaps me back, this time of his face, a pout firmly in place. I take another picture of my legs this time captioning it, ‘if that’s what you wanted in a girlfriend then you chose the wrong one. I relieve stress in other ways.’

               Again, he responds right away, a mirror picture of his perfect suit. ‘then im on my way.’ I giggle and walk to the mirror in my downstairs bathroom and send him a picture back. ‘Nope, doors are locked.’

               This time results in a phone call full of pouting, teasing and promises that I make him to get him to stop pouting.

               “Go to your game, Auston,” I finally say, exasperated as usual when I talk to him on the phone.

               “Fine. Hopefully I score on the ice because it sounds like I’m not when I go to bed tonight,” he muses and I giggle.

               “Shut up, you don’t technically score any other night actually,” I remind him and I can hear him huff at me through the phone.

               “Not for lack of trying, babe. Not for lack of trying,” he pouts again and I know he’s shaking his head in exaggeration.

               “Oh whatever,” I roll my eyes. “Good luck, I’ll be watching from my couch all night,” I say.

               “I’ll take what I can get. Can I come over after?” He asks.

               “Is that even a question?” I ask. “You leave tomorrow for four days, gotta take advantage of your body while I can,” I tease and bite my lip waiting for his response.

               “Who taught you to talk like that?” Auston snaps after a moment and I giggle. “You can’t do that to a man before a big game, Y/N.” He scolds and I laugh harder.

               “Bye, Auston,” I whisper and he sighs.

               “Bye, babe. I’ll see you later,” he promises and we hang up.

               I turn around to see both of my dogs staring at me.

               “What? You’re girls, you know how it is,” I defend myself against their judgmental stares. “If I play ball will you stop staring at me?” I ask and their heads tilt at the mention of a ball.

               I spend the rest of the day until Riley gets here tiring my dogs out as best I can so they aren’t pestering me all night again. I hear a car door slam in front of the house and rush my hounds inside, telling them to behave as I go to open the front door.

               “Hey,” I say, taking a step back so Riley can cross the threshold. All 6’2’’ of his slim frame making its way into my living room. I notice his hat is covering his blonde hair along with his ears and I smile at the thought of Auston and his stupid hat.

               “Hey, nice place. Much better than a crammed apartment,” Riley grins at me and I laugh.

               “I can only imagine, you can put your things on the coffee table,” I gesture and he follows behind me. “Want anything to drink?” I ask, stepping into the kitchen as he pauses to put his things down.

               “Water would be nice, thank you,” he responds, taking a seat on the couch and organizing his things among mine on the table. As I come back into the living room with his water and a pop for myself I have to laugh.

               “You color code your notes too?” I ask, handing him his water. His fingers brush mine as he takes the glass.

               “Of course, I don’t get how people can learn when things aren’t organized,” he says grinning at me and I laugh again.

               “I thought I was the only one,” I squat down onto the floor and flip open my binder. “I thought we would start on Ganymede and Callisto and then work our way down to the smaller moons of Jupiter,” I say glancing at him. His blue eyes are on me and he quickly clears his throat and nods.

               “Yeah, great idea,” he says and I hear almost a little annoyance in this tone.

               “Okay, did you want to take Callisto so we can go a bit faster?” I ask, deciding to ignore my previous thought.

               “In a hurry for something?” Riley asks, definitely annoyed this time. I flush and shake my head.

               “No, it’s just you’re here to work on our project… I just thought we could get more done tonight if we broke each section into parts and went from there,” I stammer, confused at his tone.

               Riley stares at me a moment, an odd look on his face then he blinks several times and rubs his face.

               “I didn’t mean to snap at you, Y/N. I’m sorry, I just get stressed out with group work. You’re so much more advanced than I am for this class and I’m just not used to it,” he says and I relax, I hadn’t even realized my body was as tense as a coiled spring.

               “No worries,” I say a bit awkwardly, not knowing what else to do.

               “You can take Callisto, I’ll do Ganymede,” he smiles at me, reaching for his binder. I notice his teeth are incredibly straight and whiter than the wall behind him.

               I give him a tight smile and nod, taking my book out and flipping through it, grateful for something else to look at.

               Riley seems to relax a bit more the longer we work. Once seven comes around I stand to turn on the Leafs game, though the settings were still set to the Xbox so I have to get up and manually change the input. When I bend down to reach the switch I glance over my shoulder at Riley.

               “Mind if I turn the game on?” I ask, his eyes flash to mine from where they had been trained on my behind. I open my mouth, not sure how to go about the fact that I just caught him checking me out.

               Riley seems oblivious and grins at me. “That’s fine,” and then he proceeds to talk hockey with me for a few minutes after I get the T.V situated and take my place back on the floor across from him. I never letting on that I’m dating a player and newly best friends with another couple. People in Toronto tend to get really excited when you let slip that you know Leafs players, a lesson I learned very well.  

               We are able to work in comfortable silence for the entire first period. Though once intermission hits he pushes his laptop away from him and stretches his arms above his head.

               “So how has Canada been treating you so far, Y/N?” Riley asks, leaning back into the couch and looking down at me.

               “It’s been fine so far,” I say only glancing at him before narrowing in on my textbook again. “Enjoyable,” I add.

               “Had much time to go out and meet new people?” He continues and I give up on reading. I look up from my book, putting it back on the coffee table.

               “I already knew a few people before moving, but yes, I’ve made several friends,” I can see where this conversation is going and I’m scrambling for a response.

               Riley nods, his eyes still on me. He has a cute face, more along the lines of ‘let me pinch your cheeks’ rather than Auston’s ‘let’s make out’ face. His hair is styled very precisely, longer at the top and shorter below, he wears expensive clothes which I find ironic that he complains about having to have roommates to afford his apartment.

               “Been to any clubs?” He asks and I breathe a sigh of relief that he didn’t ask what I thought he would.

               “Nope, not a club person,” I give him a tight smile and tense when I hear Auston’s voice. I whip around but it’s only the T.V and he’s doing an intermission interview before the beginning of the second period. My heart fills as I listen to him spew out his typical clinches about what they need to do better in the next period, being down one to nothing. I suddenly wish more than anything that I was at the arena sitting with a few of the other girlfriends and wives.

               “You a fan of him?” Riley asks me and look to see him nodding at the T.V. “He’s a great player.”

               “I’ve seen better,” I mutter, looking back at the screen with a smile on my face.

               “Oh shit, I just realized I never grabbed dinner like I said I would!” Riley exclaims and I jump, startled at the sudden outburst. “I’m so sorry. I completely forgot!”

               “Oh, don’t worry about it!” I reassure him. “If you’re hungry I can put a pizza in the oven or something,” I give him a smile and he returns one.

               “Could you? I hate to ask, but I’m starving,” he rubs his stomach in exaggeration.

               “Yeah, of course,” I say, getting to my feet and making my way into the kitchen and digging through my freezer. A few minutes later I have the oven heated and a pizza cooking.

               I squat down onto the floor again, ready to get set on the next part of the project. Riley and I fall back into a slightly less comfortable silence because he glances at me every few minutes and then looks quickly away when I catch him. It’s nothing. He can look all he wants.

               However, when the oven timer goes off, I practically run into the kitchen, peeking over the counter at him as I crouch down. He isn’t watching the game like I thought he would be, instead he’s looking at my phone on the table which just vibrated with what sounded like a snapchat notification. I think about my screen saver, a picture of Auston with my two dogs sleeping on the couch. Oh boy.

               I take my time getting the pizza out and cutting it.

               “Uh, pizza’s ready,” I call out to him. “Help yourself.” I give him a tight smile as I make my way back to my place at the coffee table.

               Riley eyes me a minute before standing and going to get his own plate.

               “Thank you,” he calls over his shoulder and I nod even though he isn’t looking.

               I look up in time to see 34 flash across the screen, streaking down the ice and finishing with a beautiful forehand shot beating the Oilers goalie top shelf. I sigh in admiration, grinning at the screen.

               “So… is he one of the ‘friends’ you already had here,” Riley says, settling back down on the couch and I notice the emphasis on ‘friends’ and I know exactly who he is referring to.

               “Yes,” I answer, a bit snappier than I had intended but I hope he gets my tone.

               “Lucky guy,” Riley mutters and I scowl at the T.V. annoyed beyond belief.

               “Well,” I say putting my now empty plate on the coffee table. “Let’s get back to work, shall we?”

               Riley nods and double tasks, eating and writing. I calm down as the silence takes back over, the only sound being the announcers on the T.V.

               We both look up at the screen as 34 streaks across the ice again, scoring once more in overtime to give the Leafs a two to one victory. Riley and I cheer and even high five, though I notice his hand lingers even after I pull mine away. I glance at the clock and know that Auston should be here in the next hour. Eyeing Riley for a moment, I decide it’s probably best that Riley isn’t here when Auston comes. Doing a quick estimate, I think I can get enough done to satisfy him to call it a night on the project if I do most of the work myself, he was right, I really am way above his level with this stuff.

               I get to work doing just that, Riley stares at me as my hands fly from my book to my computer to my pen and back again.

               “Um… we have a few days left to work on this…” he says after a few minutes.

               “Can’t talk, in the zone,” I say, nonchalantly checking the time on my phone.

               Forty-five minutes later I slam my book closed and yawn.

               “Alright, Riley. I think we call it a night,” I say around my large, fake yawn and he raises his eyebrows. He sat there doing almost nothing while I did all but the conclusion of the project.

               “Um, yeah… okay…” he says and there’s another funny tone to his voice. With incredibly slowness he starts to pack this things away and I resist the urge to stuff everything into his bag and rush him out the door. But that would be weird. Instead I sit there pretending to watch the T.V. screen, wondering to myself why I’m suddenly so nervous. You’re letting what Alex said get to you. You’ve seen the way Riley has been looking at you all night. If someone was looking at Auston that way you would be jealous.

               I get to my feet and wander into the kitchen just as lights shine into my living room from someone pulling into the drive way. Oh no, oh no! I chant in my head, glancing at Riley I see he’s paused in his packing and is looking out the window. I stand stiff as a board in the kitchen not knowing what to do.

               The front door opens and in walks Auston, holding his overnight bag in his hand. He looks over at me and smiles until he catches sight of Riley sitting on my couch staring at him. His smile instantly vanishes along with my stomach.