carry and conceal

we carry tampons like concealed weapons

10 years old
First ever sex ed class
The girls and the boys are segregated into separate rooms
So there’s nothing to laugh that and so there’s nothing to blush at
Yet the entire student body still giggles in the halls when someone says the “p” word
Why is our genitalia a legend or a myth that doesn’t exist within the lockers of my PE class
My biology education was built on the foundation of whispered conversations passed down like a game of telephone
By the time the story gets to me it sounds like a skit with a laugh reel
And I can’t tell which story is real
Just a pre-adolescent trying to be present but at least I’m here

13 years old
On summer vacation one trip to the bathroom and now she’s a woman
A spot of red makes her face go red
and when she asks for advice someone slips her a flower patterned pencil bag to carry those tampons and pads in
It’s how our own mothers unintentionally shaming begins
Because everyone’s afraid to say vagina out loud
And because everyone’s using slang phrases and cute nouns in the place of that private body part
The one that’s only a part of our human anatomy
You’d swear that those organs were so vulgar, the equivalent to a cuss word
Words so dirty not even our mouths want to hold them
Words we drop to the floor but there’s no five second rule here

16 years old
Leftover rumors from the soccer team that when your cherry pops it will be painful
Suddenly girls my age are giving blowjobs on prom night
I ask if that’s safe and they all roll their eyes
“It’s just oral”
And what’s confusing to me is being more OK with putting your face near a penis
When my high school never taught me how girls can feel pleasure
Please point to the diagram and tell me what a clit is
We have our driver’s license and have also been trained so discreetly to not let anyone know when our period is
Yet boys still claim PMS is the reason for our rage
And chocolate and ice cream can fix that
Close your ears and close your eyes
for this natural cycle is nasty
It’s bodily fluids coming out from “down there”
It’s the reason we carry tampons to restrooms like concealed weapons that don’t belong here

19 years old
If you haven’t had sex yet you’re probably a prude
Too naïve to let a man’s dick puncture your skin in the rhythm he decides
And yet everyone tells you it’s a good time
Bragging about bases and what positions you’ve tried
How come my own reproductive organs still feel like a mystery?

23 years old
Working in an office
80% male
She reaches in her purse pulls out a tampon and shoves it into her front pocket like she’s done 1000 times
How come being a woman feels like committing a crime?

I don’t know why, but for the last three times I’ve gone out to ice cream with my family (at three different ice cream parlors even, mind you) there’s always been a random ass white dude with a fuckin’ open carry pistol holstered to them, and I’m always like “Why the fuck you think you need that on you when you go to an ice cream shop? Are you honestly afraid someone’s gonna attack you or attack someone defenseless in a place like this? The worst thing that happens here is like, the crying two year old that’s upset they dropped their mint chocolate chip cone on the ground.”

(Also, if we’re gonna start normalizing carrying weapons into public places, I demand the rights to apply for a license to carry a sheathed bastard sword into public spaces. D: )

Lestrade: Name?

Sherlock: You know my name.

Lestrade: Sherlock, you are making an official request to Scotland Yard to be allowed to carry a concealed weapon. I have to follow protocol.

Sherlock: It’s ridiculous.

Lestrade: Fine. Then we’re done here. Do you want to get some coffee?

Sherlock: My name is Sherlock Holmes.

Lestrade: Reason for wanting a gun?

Sherlock: To shoot people.

Lestrade: Not a good response.

Sherlock: It’s the truth.

Lestrade: You know, I’m writing ‘Self defence in the performance of my duties pursuing suspected felons as contracted out to Scotland Yard.’

Sherlock: So I can shoot them.

Beta move: Using a bathroom stall to just piss while conceal carrying so nobody can see you have a gun.

Power move: Putting your gun on top of the urinal and pulling your pants all the way down to piss.


Arming jacket or doublet, 16th century. Note the maille sleeves and maille integrated into the body of the piece. There are a number of doublets that outwardly appeared to be unarmored, but in fact had maille sleeves and an up-armored torso (both maille and scales of plate), and were fairly prevalent in the 16th and 17th centuries. Vincento Saviolo has an anecdote where two individuals went out of a city to fight a duel, and one man asked the other to open his (armored) doublet and assure him that he was not carrying a concealed pistol. The asker prompty stabbed him. The stabee survived and tracked the fellow down again to return the favor, but everyday wear often included various components of light armor. [ @we-are-rogue , relevant to your present discussion of light armor? ]