carrie tequila

OKAY BUT WHAT IF AH CREW ROLES WERE SWITCHED

Ray is the youngest crime boss in the country and carries it all in tequila shots and new tattoos that litter tan skin and he’s constantly trying to keep his boys protected

Mama Michael the pilot who is always worried that Ray is too stressed and gently pulls the bottle from his hand but also if you mess with one of his boys he wiLL FUCK YOU UP

Hacker Ryan who trips over his own shadow and squeals at everything and asks weird fucking questions

Jack the psycho who wears an elf mask everywhere he goes and slices throats with a giggle and brands his victims

Gavin with a temper shorter than his nose who can make anything blow up in your face, even your fucking pen so click at your own risk

Sniper Geoff, shy and quiet but clever as well. The best shot in the country who wears the same pair of neon blue Vans everywhere he goes.

We “broke up” with our realtor they weren’t doing squat to sell our house. So we interviewed two realtors today. The first one parked like an idiot in the middle of our driveway so we couldn’t get in it. Then I was carrying Tequila (our trip to Casa la Parrot took longer than usual, Tequila had some bleeding toes). One of the guys started telling me how he had a bird like her but it flew out the door and it wouldn’t come back, but he could hear it in the tree even in the winter so he let it live outside. I was so pissed, how irresponsible. Then he asked if we could tie up my sister’s puppy.

The second one parked correctly, asked if he could see her (she was hiding in her tent), and even played with my sister’s puppy. Guess which realtor we went with.

How you park and how you treat animals is 90% of how I judge you.