carrie reed

How Reed Instruments Cope With Reeds:
  • Saxophone: Doesn't even think about reeds. May not even know that they use a reed.
  • Clarinet: Spends a lifetime finding a good reed and then uses that same reed as long as possible because they know that no other reed will live up to the same standard and when they finally switch reeds they get sad because they don't sound as nice.
  • Oboe: Some say they cry, others say that the only reason they can cope is that they have no emotion whatsoever. However, no one will ever truly know how the oboe manages.
  • Bassoon: Carries reed around in an industrial-strength, bullet-proof, cushioned case with air-conditioning, heating, and a humidity controller.

So one time I was at a rehearsal for an orchestra and we were having a break and the conductor before she let us outside told us to tell music jokes to relax and everybody went around saying normal cute music jokes like “a C, Eb, and G walk into a bar. The bartender said, sorry, we don’t serve minors here” and stuff like that

Anyways my turn came up and I said “you are lost in the woods and you run into Santa, an in-tune cello, and an out-of-tune cello. Who do you ask for help?” And the room was fucking silent and I said “the out of tune cello because the rest are imaginary!!”

And the cellists freaking RIOTED and the entire orchestra started screaming REKT and that’s the story of how I ended up with all of my reeds snapped in half when I got back from break