carrie not allowing herself to trust him

anonymous asked:

you smell nice starco

Strawberries. All he could smell was the ripeness of her shampoo, inhaling the mounds of golden tresses his face was buried in. If she were any closer to him, their bodies would have fused together, her legs wound around his torso as he cradled her in his lap. The uncomfortable apartment bed felt like a cloud beneath them, soft and inviting, like a tempting finger beckoning.

“You smell nice,” she sighed, her warm breath cascading into the nape of his neck, the faint scent of cinnamon filling her nostrils. Her fingers traveled up to seize a handful of his hair as her other hand played with the fabric of his t-shirt. She’d hugged him countless times over the years, embraced him and never let go for what would feel like ages. But this was truly the most intimate they had ever been physically. Like the world around them was shrinking and the only way they could survive was if they practically melded themselves together.

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Keep Me Close - Carl Grimes

Prompt: Can u do a story on Carl and a girl that he finds by himself on a run, but the girl is so tiered and hurting and mostly exhausted so he takes to a house and makes her sleep but she’s to scared so he comforts her and takes care of her while she’s asleep

Requested By: Anon

He couldn’t believe it. He had found this girl, given her food and had been protecting her for hours. He couldn’t believe that she was so reluctant to get some sleep. He swore to her that he would protect her while she got some well needed rest.

She was scared though, and he understood that. He understood that times were full of fear and unawareness, but he was there with her. He had been protecting this girl he had found and helped for hours. He almost had to carry her. He fixed up her wounds and took her to shelter.

She told him she couldn’t though. She made up so many excuses, he couldn’t remember what half of them were. He was sure she couldn’t either. He wasn’t taking any of the crap though, he was making her lay in the old bed. He was watching over her, to make sure she was okay. He promised her that much.

(Y/N) kept her eyes on the mysteriously nice boy that had saved her. She couldn’t, and wouldn’t, trust him though. She wouldn’t allow herself to. She had come across people, bad people that the world had turned rotten. She watched people come and go, and she was sure he would leave her as soon as he got the chance.

“You’re ridiculous.” She told him, turning in the bed. She was highly uncomfortable. She had hurt her leg and she could feel it becoming numb now that she wasn’t on it. She groaned softly though, seeing as she was getting a head ache. She pulled a pillow over her head.

“I’m only trying to help you.” Carl told her, pulling the chair he was sitting in closer to the bed. “I told you I wasn’t going to let anyone or anything hurt you, and so I’m going to keep that promise.”

“I don’t need your help.” She said, her throat becoming sore. She knew that feeling, how it got sore when you wanted to cry. She wiped her tears into the pillow and huffed into it. “I’m completely fine.” Though her voice defied her.

“No you aren’t.” Carl said, transitioning from the chair onto the bed. She peeked from under that pillow and Carl could see that her eyes were beginning to overflow with tears. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, despite her reluctant expression.

“I told you, I’m fine.” She said, trying to push him away. She was too weak to do so though. She stopped trying when it became obvious that she wasn’t going to win. She looked up at him, narrowing her eyes at him. “I hate you.”

“You’re just saying that.” Carl said and rubbed her back gently. It was soothing. So soothing, (Y/N) found herself laying her head onto his shoulder. She let the tears slip down her cheeks, soaking into his shirt when they fell from her face. She wiped her eyes, closing them.

“You’re the first person that’s been nice to me in so long.” She admitted, though it probably wasn’t that hard to figure out. She felt herself begin to fall into sleep. She leaned into him a little more, sniffling. “Thank you.”

Carl stayed silent, not wanting to wake her up as she was just getting to sleep. He continued to hold her, laying back on the bed with her. He would be lying if he told himself that he wasn’t tired. He forced himself to stay away as long as he could though, because this girl he was holding needed him.


so @thepessimisticasshole​ agreed to write a fic with me but as we’re in different timezones and both have no ideas on how to start fics, we decided to write parallels, sort of. it’s like a compilation two sides of a “what if” - jacie has chapters 1-4 (x) of her side up, and this is chapter 1 of mine. we came up with the title simple monochrome for this and maybe this will turn into an actual merged fic next time, but for now, it’s just these - “au where baz was kept with the numpties- and this time they didn’t ignore him.” (jacie) and mine is simon not recovering as well after the mage and i am oddly excited and i am going to stop talking now

the first time it happens, it’s two in the morning and penny wakes up to the muffled sounds of porcelain clinking together in the kitchen. she cautiously plods down the stairs, carefully flicking on the lights as she goes. simon is in the kitchen, sitting at their kitchen counter, all the lights off, stacking three teacups over and over again. she flicks on the light and he blinks a second late, lifts his head like it’s a hundred pounds.

his eyes aren’t quite right and it’s like he doesn’t see her.


he looks lost, confused, like a little child, the teacups stacked haphazardly in front of him.

“simon?” baz is standing in the doorway, now, hair ruffled from sleep, looking worried, and he slowly approaches simon, palms up, like he’s surrendering.

“you okay, love?”

simon’s hand jerks and it’s like his eyes suddenly refocus for a second, refocuses on baz, and then he’s trembling all over and his hand jerks again and he hits the stack of teacups and they go flying and a hundred pieces of white soar towards simon, spinning in the air like comets, and some of them slice across his face and arms and legs but it’s like he doesn’t see anything, doesn’t feel anything-

“-simon, simon, it’s okay, you’re okay-”

-he backs against the wall, curling in on himself-

“-we’re here, we’re here-”

-he nearly trips over but it’s like he doesn’t notice and baz sounds like his heart is breaking and penny’s heart is racing and cracking in half all at the same time-

-and they can hear what simon is muttering, now, and he’s repeating the same thing over and over, “i killed him i killed him i killed him i killed him” and tears are leaking out of baz’s eyes and she feels numb, feels like she’s been struck dumb as baz grabs simon’s wrists desperately-

“-keep calm and carry on,” she can’t stand it any more, and it’s an automatic reflex to use magic, and her voice sounds clearly throughout the kitchen-

it’s like something in simon’s eyes shatters, too, and the pieces lie broken in the glimmering blue as he slides down against the wall.

“i’ll take him up, go back to sleep,” baz says softly, and his voice is shaking and she doesn’t trust herself to say anything so she just nods.

simon allows himself to be led from the kitchen, and penny murmurs a soft “clean up after yourself!”. the porcelain pieces disappear and reappear in a neat pile in the dustbin, and she tiredly turns the light off.

baz doesn’t come back down, or maybe she falls asleep before he does.

my response to tumblr user ben-c

DISCLAIMER: I am not posting this to hate on tumblr user ben-c. I simply disagree with much of her philosophy and want to respond to some points she’s made against Johnlock. Fair warning.

Her comments are in italics.

  •  But how can you POSSIBLY try to use “john only got married after sherlock left!!” as some sort of argument for johnlock when that’s a HUGE indicator of the manipulation and abuse in their dynamic? like…..if it takes someone completely and (supposedly) permanently leaving your life in order for you to develop a relationship with someone else, that’s not “cute,” that’s unhealthy as fuck

John had plenty of relationships with other people through the first two series of Sherlock, i.e., Sarah, Jeanette, etc. You’re assuming that his not getting married before Sherlock left had something to do with being “under Sherlock’s thumb” when in reality, who would he have even wanted to marry? Yes, John had casual relationships with women, so we know he was satisfied on a superficial/sexual level, but none of them were outstanding enough for him to consider a serious commitment. This is completely normal. Stop acting like Sherlock was some kind of abusive pimp who kept John from meaning relationships with people outside of himself. He didn’t.

As John said to his counselor after Sherlock faked his death, “My best friend is dead.”

This is huge. As someone with a best friend whom I love dearly, I would be shattered if I was in John’s place. This was not just an acquaintance or fairly good friend, this was a best friend, and best friends are different. They occupy a much larger residence in the heart and mind, and in John’s case, this was a best friend whom he had feelings for, and that takes an even longer time to recover from. John is a man mourning the loss of the person he had begun to fall in love with, not a man mourning the loss of his abuser. Sherlock’s death was not cathartic in any way. It did not free John. It caged him. Sherlock’s effect was positive, not negative, and it was his absence that reopened John’s wounds.

Then he meets Mary, and he’s so lonely and wrecked in the aftermath that he allows her to insert herself into his life, thinking that perhaps she will be his healing. But in the end, Mary lies about her identity as an assasin, shoots Sherlock, tries to get him to keep it a secret from John, is defensive and cold when John speaks to her (forgives her) at Christmas, and exacerbates all the old trust issues he carries. Now that’s unhealthy as fuck.

  • “why do you watch sherlock if you think john and sherlock’s friendship is abusive!!!!!!” well why do you watch hannibal if you dont believe will and hannibal have a beautiful perfectly healthy friendship. why do you watch orange is the new black if you don’t think piper and larry’s engagement was great. why do you watch supernatural if you dont think john winchester was a perfect loving father?

Obviously characters don’t have to have perfect relationships for them to be acceptable for public consumption. Dysfunction is entertaining, etc., etc. But there’s a substantial difference between watching two characters who don’t have the most wonderful relationship and watching two characters engage in emotional or physical abuse. I would put up with the former, but I would never waste time with the latter. I have no respect for relationships, fictional or otherwise, that are seriously harmful. That is, if they actually are harmful. Johnlock, as I have elucidated in this post, is no such relationship. I am a pigheadedly moral person and anyone who knows me in real life can attest to that. I detest abuse, manipulation, codependency, and the works, and I’m very good at spotting it, calling it out, and cutting it from my life. I am many things, but a hypocrite is not one of them. If the hate for Johnlock was authentic and founded in anything other than subtle (and not so subtle) homophobia, bitter complaining, and ignorance, I would agree. But it isn’t, therefore I don’t.

However, the issue here is that ben-c is saying she’s perfectly okay with spending time, money and thought on a show that, in her eyes, perpetuates abuse. This is problematic. Whether in reality something is or is not abusive, if you believe it is, why on earth would you continue watching and supporting it? Why not devote time to something more positive?

  • john only has canon relationships with women and has expressed no attraction to men and uses “im not gay” as an explanation for not being with a man so maybe hes not actually bisexual crazy huh?

One word: Jolto.

Remember what Mary said to Sherlock at the wedding while the two of them watched John and Major Sholto catch up? “Neither of us was the first, you know.”

Which is great, because she herself includes Sherlock in the scope of John’s previous romantic partners.

John totally had a crush on James Sholto and he totally had/has a crush on Sherlock. This is basically canon.

His constant claim of “I’m not gay,” does not mean “I am straight.” There is a middle ground—bisexuality—and no, I’m not abusing it for the sake of my ship. Plenty of closeted bi people have said “I’m not gay,” when confronted over the fact that they seem to have feelings for someone of the same gender. Because they’re not gay. But they’re not straight either. And for some people it’s much easier to play up their heterosexuality, especially in the largely homophobic climate we live in.

I myself am not gay, and don’t experience sexual attraction toward other women, but I do experience romantic attraction toward them on many occasions and when I was younger I would often bewilderedly think “but I’m not gay,” because I also had crushes on boys. Technically I wasn’t gay. I just didn’t understand romantic orientation at the time, nor did I know it was even a thing. John Watson may be in a similar boat. He may not have fully explored the option of being bisexual or biromantic. Or maybe he has, but isn’t comfortable coming out just yet.

But using “I’m not gay” as proof John isn’t bi is an extremely limited take on the subject and propagates the bisexual erasure so many of us dislike.

  • god that “john cant sleep peacefully without sherlock” post is hardcore buggin me because like john couldn’t sleep before sherlock, and it was because of his ptsd……the whole point of him not being able to sleep after the fall was that sherlock hardcore triggered his ptsd and set back his recovery…..idk why u tryna make that some romantic shit that’s unhealthy as fuck man

I agree with the fact that Sherlock’s death triggered John’s PTSD and ruined a great deal of the progress John had made, but on the other hand Sherlock gave John an incredible sense of normality, stability, friendship, and security during their time together at 221B and the loss of that was, I believe, equally traumatizing.

  • y’all romanticize the fact that when sherlock is deducing the jack the ripper he ~hears john’s voice~ but like to conveniently ignore the fact that john’s voice was telling him he was a show-off and criticizing him and insulting him so……..

Even if a voice in your head sounds like someone else’s, it isn’t. It is our own voice masquerading as theirs and our subconscious supplies the dialogue. What we truly think about ourselves is what we hear in our heads. John doesn’t loathe Sherlock; he’s simply hurt and shocked. Sherlock loathes Sherlock, and he’s quite raw over the fact that John hasn’t forgiven him. Raw and guilty and ashamed. In reality, we know John says things to Sherlock like, “Brilliant, fantastic, marvelous.” He’s extremely kind and complimentary. But because Sherlock is feeling so disgusted with himself, his psyche manipulates John’s voice into a critical, malignant one that taunts and disapproves. Sherlock is projecting his own self-hate onto his best friend.

  • johnlockers saying that sherlolly is a bad ship because it’s abusive is literally the most hilariously hypocritical thing on the planet and will never fail to make me laugh heartily

Who said it was abusive? The only reason I don’t ship it is because Molly will never be a priority to Sherlock over John—and I believe she deserves full priority in whatever relationship she lands in—that plus the fact that Moffat has stated Sherlock has no attraction to women, so…yeah. There is that.

  •  TJLCers can make a tag for hating on mary and wishing her dead but we cant have a tag for posting about why johnlock isnt canon because that’s too offensive……….ok

Remind me again who jumped into the fire to save John?

Mary Morstan, or, as we should more accurately address her, A.G.R.A., kills people for a living. Let that sink in. She kills people for a living. Would you be okay if your spouse turned out to be assassin? If so, I am concerned.

She’s a liar. She’s a killer for hire. She’s callous and blank and apathetic. She used John. She used Sherlock. She killed Sherlock. What brought him back? The thought of John being in danger.

What A.G.R.A. did is so beyond the realm of okay. It was horrific. It was abusive. It was done to two men who have already been psychologically traumatized. If you think Sherlock’s death triggered some major PTSD in John, well get ready, because this is going to be cataclysmically worse.

The argument that she shot Sherlock to save his life is nothing short of goddamn stupid. I can think of some better ways to save his life. For example, not shooting him.


As the popular text post said, Mary’s pressure point is Mary. She’s the definition of selfish and it appalls me that anyone would ignore this, but sit around whining about how Sherlock and John abuse each other. Like, get out of my face.  Sherlock made a vow to both John and his wife, and he kept it. He was there. Always. Just as he said he would be. He kept his vows; Mary did not.

I can’t believe there are people out there who want to debate this. I literally cannot believe it.

  • if johnlock not gameender, how come look at each other? Check mate!! #RealIsTJLC

Bruh. You complain about us mocking you but you turn around and do the same thing. Please stop being so infantile.

  • ok but like if your otp has abusive aspects and you don’t recognize them and/or refuse to admit them how can you possibly try degrading someone else’s ship, Christ

Yes, why don’t you ask yourself that, Miss Sheriarty-is-not-abusive-even-though-Jim-tried-to-kill-Sherlock’s-best-friend-and-ruin-Sherlock’s-reputation-and-make-him-feel-small-and-worthless? And yet you degrade Johnlock every day.

Again, don’t be a hypocrite. It’s extremely unbecoming.

  • tjlc is abusive and fetishized trash, plus johnlockers are already obsessed with taking everything for themselves, why can’t we take something back???

You seem upset.

Poison Brings out the Best in Me: Chapter 4

Title: Poison Brings Out the Best in Me
Summary: When Sakura is poisoned far out of the reach of any help, Sasuke is forced to question what he holds dearest to him.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Naruto. If I did, there would be MORE baby Uchihas running around, and a happy Uchiha family.
Rating: M
Words: 6,454
Warning(s): Violent situations
Author’s Note(s):So, I’m a terrible human being who has left everyone following this hanging for….ever. Enjoy some light hearted fun, angst, and sexual tension at the expense of our two favorite characters. Also, I feel like Sasuke’s character might be slipping out of my grasp. Let me know if I’m giving anyone whiplash

|Chapter 1|Chapter 2|Chapter 3|Chapter 4Chapter 5Chapter 6Chapter 7Chapter 8| Chapter 9Chapter 10|

“Wait—what are we waiting for? Why do we have to wait?” Naruto exclaimed, having recovered from his moment of shock. Sasuke was still searching for the right words to express the raging turmoil in his head. They didn’t have time to wait!

“Well, we have to wait for the tests to finish. They’re not instantaneous, Naruto,” Sakura answered, tightly wrapping a piece of cloth around her thumb. Normally such small wounds would be healed without a thought, but it seemed Sakura either didn’t have any chakra left or was saving it the best she could.

“But whyyy?” the whiskered boy whined, slumping into a chair next to Sakura. She patted his leg comfortingly, and he dropped his head to rest on her shoulder.

Pink and blonde strands of hair mingled as Sakura placed her temple against Naruto’s forehead. The pair looked completely content, and Sasuke was once again reminded of how close they had become in his absence. They still went out of their way to include him in every mundane task they did, but it was small moments like this that made him feel horribly excluded. Part of him wanted to join their ridiculous heap, but in the end he clenched his hand and looked away.

He didn’t need to be coddled.

“Basically, I just started a chemical reaction with my blood,” the medic-tone in Sakura’s voice rang clear, and Sasuke knew he was about to get an answer as to why they had just dropped her blood in about a million different seals. He took the last seat, careful to put himself out of the reach his teammates. The last thing he needed was impromptu physical affection.

Viridian eyes raked over his distant seating arrangement with a knowing look, and she slowly withdrew from Naruto’s embrace before she continued speaking.

“The first scroll I unrolled contained our every known antidote sealed within it. If the poison I’ve contracted can be eliminated by something in there, then I just pop it out of my other scroll and I’m healed. The end. It’s colorimetric, so we’ll know that if the seal turns green the antidote will work. If the antidote didn’t work, then the seal will slowly fade to gray. That’s why we have to give at least three hours for the antidote to have a chance to work-k,” she choked on the last syllable and had to clear her throat several times before she went on, “The second scroll contains nearly all known ingredients in poisons. If I can figure out what the poison is made with, I should be able to backtrack and create an antidote.”

It took several moments for what Sakura has just explained to sink in. Realization hit his stomach with a bolt of dread.

“You don’t think you have an antidote for this poison.” His voice was rougher than he intended it to be.

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The Coming Storm

I swear I started writing this last Sunday right after watching 6.05, fully intending it to be fluff about a quiet CS moment sharing hot buttered rum and Chinese food in front of a fire. This angst-fest is what came out of my brain instead. In my defense, Colin O'Donoghue is such a wonderful actor that it’s kind of hard to write fluff when he’s doing all sorts of glorious brooding on my TV screen. *shrug* Also in my defense, I haven’t slept more than 5.5 hours a night for the last 6 days (and I’m too old to get away with that), so I’m a bit addled right now. Thanks for indulging me. Comments are welcome as always.

Find it on AO3.

Summary: Killian contemplates Emma’s decision to give up the shears after he betrays her trust in order to try to save her from her ominous fate. (Captain Swan one-shot.  Angst & Romance.  Rated G.)

Thunder rolls ominously through the thick night air, the wind starting to stir his hair and send stray leaves swirling and skittering across pavement.  Killian’s steps are heavy as he trudges back to the house – back home, he reminds himself.  He gets to call it home now.  At any other time, the thought would have hastened his steps and lightened his tread, but not tonight.  The guilt of his deception hangs on his shoulders like a yoke.  It has since the moment he decided, two seconds after Emma entrusted him with the shears, that there was no way he could go along with her plan and sacrifice the only artifact that might save her life, the artifact that burns a hole in the pocket over his heart now.  

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