carred cedar

✨Squad Goals Season 3 Episode 3: Damn✨


“Ow, ow, ow, ow, OW!” My fists clench as Kylie tries to clean one of my many wounds with some type of antiseptic that burns like hell.

“You asked me to do this!”

“I didn’t ask you to hurt me!” I argue and it’s a terrible mistake because then she presses the gauze harder to my shoulder, the stinging becoming borderline unbearable.

“If my hands weren’t sprained I’d choke you” I bite out and I hear the rip and tear of a new bandag.

“That’s your kink not mine” Kylie quips and my mouth drops open. I look over at Selena who turns her head slowly away from my television set.

“Really Sel?!” She shrugs with a mouthful of popcorn and gives me an apologetic look,

“it slipped out” she insists and I shake my head in mild disappointment.

“There,” Kylie says with a light pat to my shoulder,

“you’re all cleaned up” I lay against my pillows and take in a deep breath of air.

“This is torture” I say aloud and the two girls give hums of agreement.

“That’s how I felt when I had to get chemo for my lupus” Selena says and I sit up (which takes a serious amount of effort) and look at her.


“Chemo?” Kylie asks her eyes shining with curiosity Selena waves off the subject like it’s something miniscule.

“I don’t like to talk about really” she says before laughing at an old episode of America's  Next Top Model.

“So are you excited? They’re waking up Justin today!” Selena gets off of the floor and takes a seat on my bed, forcing Kylie to scoot over.

“I’m anxious” I admit and it was true. I’d been out of the hospital for two weeks and for those last two weeks I’d watched Justin live in a damn near vegetative state.

“When he wakes up I’m going to have to tell him about the baby” Kylie and Selena give downcast expressions. It didn’t feel right to tell a sleeping Justin that our first child hadn’t made it, and it didn’t feel right to tell him of the fucking tragic dream I’d had of ’ Drew Kylie Bieber’.

-Two Hours Later-

“This really isn’t necessary boys. We have an elevator you know” Harry Styles and Zayn Malik each hold one end of my body, their hands and arms tip toeing around the bruised portions and wounded areas.

“Where’s the fun in that love?” Zayn asks as he maneuvers down the hallway, he’s got my legs. The bandages and casting had been taken off but I still needed crutches to get around.

“You’re light as a bloody feather, dare I say lighter than C-” A loud ‘thump’ echoes off of his man bun decorated head and Cara appears,

“You’re sleeping on the couch again Styles”

“maybe I like the bloody couch It’s b-” another 'thump’ sounds and Kendall shows up in tow.

“Stop digging yourself a deeper hole” she instructs and Zayn catches my eye and we share a quick burst of laughter.

“Alright easy does it…” Harry stresses as we try to tackle the feat of putting me into a large black SUV. When I’m settled in the car the two men high five and then climb I themselves.

“That took centuries” Selena says from the very back seat and I think that we’re all startled at first.

“How long have you been in here?” Harry asks she shrugs and pulls a chocolate bar out of her purse.

“A while”

“Ah.” Zayn nods,

“Ah.” Harry mimics,

“Ah.” I finalize and then watch as Kendall, Cara, Gigi, and Kylie race to the car.

VIP Ward Cedars Sinai Hospital

“Alright Justin we’re going to take the tubes out very slowly and when I tell you to I need you to cough” the doctors had woken Justin up thirty minutes ago and after explaining his current state and situation to him they’d made quick work of some of his breathing apparatuses.

“It will be very uncomfortable at first and for that I apologize” Justin blinks his weary brown eyes and holds my hand in a weak grip. Pattie and Jeremy sit on the opposite side of the room holding hands and trying to peak over the doctor’s broad shoulders.

“Okay on the count of three” Justin blinks again and it’s only then that I notice the dark blue circles under his eyes.

“One” the doctor places a hand on the tube and Justin’s hand flexes in mine.

“Two” Pattie inhales a deep breath and I rub soothing circles onto the back of his hand.

“Three… cough!” The tube is pulled out quickly and Justin coughs like his life depends on it and in this case, it does. He coughs so hard that blood and mucus lands onto his hospital gown  and the sheets and the doctor pats  him heartily on the back. He’s let go of my hand to clutch at his neck, but then stops when he feels the stitches.

“Justin focus on breathing okay?” The doctor says calmly, but Justin gasps and chokes, struggling to fill his lungs with air.

“Give him an oxygen mask!” Jeremy shouts but the doctor shakes his head and thumps him on the back harder.

“He has to get the fluid build up out or else he’ll essentially drown in it” so Justin wheezes and coughs until finally he stops and takes a huge breath of air.

“How are you feeling Justin?” The doctor asks with a raised brow trying to offer him a glass of water, but Justin ignores him all together and embraces me in an awkward hug. My side hurts too much for me to lean closer but I place several kisses to his cheek and when his tears start to fall  I lose it.

“I love you” I whisper and he clutches me tighter, his fingers tugging at my hair. After a few he pulls away and takes the offered drink, wincing each time he has to swallow a drop.

“Are you okay honey?” Pattie asks standing up and walking to his side. Justin nods and hands her the water so she can put it back on his bedside table. He opens his mouth to speak but croaking sounds come out and he looks dismayed. Pattie, Jeremy, and I share a look.

“Don’t strain yourself son. It’ll take awhile but we’ll get your voice back. Scooter has already-” Justin shakes his head slowly and holds up a shaking hand.

“D-” I’m relieved when a syllable leaves his lips and even the doctor seems shocked.

“Babe. Don’t stress okay?” He shakes his head. The stubborn ass. I’m about to scold him when I see him trying to form the word until he takes a deep breath and let’s out a barely decipherable,



Drunk Driver/Killer Whales - Car Seat Headrest at Cedar Culture Center  

Will Toledo is a Talking Heads fan, right?


Crescent House, Andrew Burns Architect, (2012)

‘Crescent House’ is the first in an annual series of temporary pavilions to be installed at Sherman Contemporary Art Foundation in Paddington, Sydney. The aim of this 'Fugitive Structures’ program is to engage a wide audience with architectural thought.

Two arcs are set within an apparently simple rectilinear form. The arcs bisect, creating a pair of infinitely sharp points and a threshold to the space beyond. This combination of fragility and robustness seeks to charge the conversations within the space with a particular quality.

The structure has an ambiguous presence; between architecture and art object. Through framing, it transforms an ordinary rose apple hedge into a landscape of beauty. The pavilion responds to elemental themes; darkness and light, the wonder offered by the night sky and the burnt quality of yaki-sugi (charred cedar) recalling the presence of bushfires on this continent.