carousell letters

PROOF THAT BWEEBO URIE IS A SHADY BASTARD

THERE’S ONE ! IN PANIC! AT THE DISCO
BECAUSE BRENDONS THE ONLY ONE IN THE BAND.
BAND HAS 4 LETTERS.
RYAN AND ROSS EACH HAVE 4 LETTERS
RYAN AND BRENDONS SHIP NAME IS RYDEN.
MELANIE MARTINEZ SAYS RYDEN 3 TIMES IN HER SONG CAROUSEL.
BUT WAIT.
THE FIRST 3 LETTERS IN CAROUSEL IS CAR.
TWENTY ONE PILOTS HAS A SONG CALLED “CAR RADIO” AND “A CAR, A TORCH, A DEATH”
GUESS WHAT ELSE
PANIC RELEASED DEATH OF A BACHELOR ON JANUARY 15TH 2016
16-15= 1
1 BAND MEMBER
BUT ALSO
FALL OUT BOY AND PANIC RELASED ALBUMS IN 2013
GUESS WHAT ELSE HAPPENED IN 2013
MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE WENT BYE-BYE
NOT ONLY THAT
MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE HAS 17 LETTERS IN IT. BRENDON BOYD URIE HAS 15 LETTERS
17•15=255
255/5=51
51- BRENDON URIES FORHEAD IN INCHES=46
46/2=23
BRENDON URIE WAS 23 IN 2011
TWENTY ONE PILOTS ALBUM REGIONAL AT BEST WAS RELASED IN 2011
BRENDON URIE IS FRIENDS WITH JOSH DUN AND TYLER JOSEPH
THEIR WHOLE FANDOM LOOKED LIKE A SATANIC OCCULT WITH SKI MASKS DURING THE VESSEL ERA
VESSEL HAS 6 LETTERS IN IT
666
SATAN IS BAD
BRENDON URIE WAS SATAN IN THE EMPERORS NEW CLOTHES MUSIC VIDEO
ILLUMINATI CONFIRMED

stop.

stop.

stop stop stop stop stop

repeat repeat repeat.

I’m stuck

stuck stuck stuck stuck STUCK

on one word,

like too many marbles in a funnel.

In goes coherent thoughts and compliments and smiles
,
but the mind marbles mash them and stick them

to the sides my funnel skull,

and out come broken words, bits of thoughts, and paranoid fears.

Like a broken record,

round and round and round and round and round

and round and round and round and round and round.

My hands flit like two fluttery leaves,

caught up in winds of anxiety and hair pulling,

extracting my worries with each eyelash.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10,

but only to 10.

10 is safe, it’s multiples are 2 and 5,

pure and lucky,

like angel’s wings and poker chips.

Don’t count to 11, because 1’s are bad,
 which makes 11’s double bad.

Don’t count to 11.

Only 10.

rapid fire spitting of words

guesswhatididlastnightididntdomyhomeworkcanicopyyoursmydog
didthecutestthinghe…

but then the carousel letter remnants,

still stuck to my funnel skull,

gobble up the rest of my thought,

and now my sentence ends with

u h… n e v e r m i n d

and i have to sit,

and flick my knife 2x5 times
(single pure, single lucky)

yes, I organize things sometimes.
When lines are lined up,
it sometimes makes me feel more lined up.
But, more often I make lists
{of everything: wishlists, bucket lists, symptoms, food intake, to do, even this poem is a detailed list, and I can’t sleep until it’s finished and perfect},
do research
{if what I feel has a name, I can’t be a helpless victim, but what happens when I’m a helpless victim to research?},
pull my hair
{yes, I know I have no eyelashes and my eyebrows are thinning, but I’m this disorder’s marionette and anxiety pulls the strings},
and seek validation
{I want to keep things to myself, to have privacy, but my mind thrives off the need to have someone say ‘yeah, you sound sick. something is wrong’}

my mind goes static chaotic,
like a broken television set,
making all my sentences lost in the fast-moving pixels.
brainwave screen snow.
I am a glitch.

—  written in a 3-day haze of panic, stuck thoughts, and paranoia