cargopantspacman

I’m trying to put into words how anxious I am about waiting to hear if Hawaii-5-0 will be renewed or cancelled. Because each day brings it closer and brings with it more anxiety. And here’s the thing…I know it’s a fictional TV show with fictional characters. I know I get overly invested. But….it’s my safety. I have PTSD with high anxiety and panic attacks. And when I’m panicking or having a flashback or I’m just plain anxious, H50 is the place that I turn too. They’re my safety. Without fail, McDanno will help to calm me down every-time. Whether it’s watching a 5 minute clip on youtube, or reading fanfiction, or looking at gifs here on tumblr. My therapist told me last night to imagine safety for when I have surgery in a few weeks (which is SUPER anxiety provoking) and Steve and Danny were the 1st thing I thought of. It sounds stupid, but for me, they are my safety. They are the thing I hold onto when everything is spinning out of control.

But even beyond that, H50 is the first fandom I’ve ever been involved in. And it’s brought amazing people to my life, people like thebesteverseen and awolfling and cargopantspacman. I found like I’ve found a community here. H50 is the first work of fanfiction I’ve ever completed and published.  And i just…..I really really worried I’m going to lose all that. Because it goes away. It always does. I was obsessed with Burn Notice prior to finding H50, I own all the DVDs and yet I haven’t watched an episode in probably a year. I just don’t want to lose what I have here. I can’t imagine not seeing new gifs of Steve and Danny and Kono and Chin. And not geeking out over the bromance that is so canon close to being actual romance that it’s not even funny. So please CBS. Don’t cancel the show. I’m not prepared for it to end.

I get so sad when people feel the need to pick apart every little aspect of something. Like the baby picture. We have no idea how the episode is gonna play out and just because Steve is holding the baby it doesn’t mean his character is gonna turn into Super-Dad instantly. Let’s have some faith in our show, ok? Please. That’s all I want. I can’t stand the constant negativity. And frankly I’m so happy that H50 will be back next week. So yeah. Also, I think that Danno and Gracie have taught Uncle Steve how to be a daddy. Are we forgetting Lucy? McGarrett was great with Lucy! I just want everyone to be happy and enjoy the show. Please? For me? 

Sigh… Sorry I’ve had a frustrating few days and I don’t mean to take it out on anyone. I just needed to vent. Please don’t hate me.