cargo shorts jokes

john is ABSOLUTELY the dad friend and i feel like i shouldnt have to even say this like this is practically already canon. wears khaki cargo shorts. makes embarrassing dad jokes. looks after and cares abt the wellbeing of friends in an awkward sort of dadlike way. probably grills too, the bastard. 

compare that to Confirmed Mom Friends roxy and kanaya who probably carry around mini waters and snack pouches of cheezits in their purses. roxy makes u text her when u get home to make sure ur safe. if ur sad, kanaya appears in ur doorway with hot chocolate and says “Knock Knock” quietly out loud instead of actually knocking

jane and jade r grandma friends who knit and bake and wont let u sit in their places of residence for a full 2 minutes without bringing u something to eat. jane wont let u pay for even one goddamn thing in her presence and jade sends u pictures of her vegetables that she grew with cute captions

the striders r brother friends who eat ur food and call u a memeloving fuck and respond with “kill him” every time u vent about a problem with someone