career points

2

Playing hard to get when your crush asks if you want to take a photo with him is a surefire way to get him to pay attention to you.

jaromir jagr literally kept playing to see how far he could go and he’s basically reached his last possible milestone as far as points and like he was playing years past his prime just to see if he could even compare to messier. and he PASSED HIM. he passed one of the best hockey players of all time just by putting in decades of work in the NHL. not to mention he left the NHL because he thought his career was over and then CAME BACk to break these records. Jagr probably dreamed about this point, the point that would take him to the peak of his NHL career, the point that would establish him as possibly the second best player in the NHL ever. 



and he scored it with his butt.

4

I started out when I was nine with the girls of Destiny’s Child and our first album came out when I was fifteen. I was a child. But now I’m in my thirties and those children that grew up listening to me have grown up…I’ve done so many things in my life and my career that at this point I feel like I’ve earned the right to be and to express any and every side of myself.

Six new year’s resolutions

1. I resolve to go to the Jim every day. To stand around near the Jim, semi-unobtrusively in my mask and warm winter gloves, until the Jim asks me to go away. Then to move on to the next Jim. No Jim shall be fully comfortable in 2017. If I run out of Jims, I shall move on to Jacks, or possibly Joes.

2. I resolve to walk under the career ladder at a point when a career farce is being filmed, leading to a pot of career paint landing on my head. I will dodge the two gentlemen crossing the street with the big glass ceiling by swinging on the career rope helpfully provided, which will hoist me straight up to the career roof with minimal effort when the career piano is knocked from the window by that chap on the career third floor with the glass of champagne.

3. I resolve to save money. I will save it from whoever is mistreating it, by force if necessary. I will stalk the night, ever alert to the siren call of misapplied currency, in my mask and warm winter gloves. When I have saved enough money, I will let it loose in the woods where it can frolic with the little squirrels in peace.

4. I will lose weights. Not my own weights, because I need those in my kitchen for when I cook for the little squirrels. No. I will lose your weights. I will go into your lifting-palaces and roll your heavy-items into handily adjacent rivers. Soon, the guns of the muscled will be no more.

5. To get into shape. The shape will be a triangle. I will be sleeping in a special mould to achieve this resolution.

6. To meet new people. This one is easy. I will be meeting lots of new people. Most of them will be called Jim.

8

UPDMélanie Tran (French actress) | Sophie Wu  (British actress) |  Maï Anh Le (French actress) | Sonoya Mizuno (British actress) | Eleanor Matsuura (British actress) | Haruka Abe (British actress) | Jing Lusi (British actress) Jessica Henwick  (British actress) | Christina Chong  (British actress) | Yangzom Brauen (Swiss actress) | Chipo Chung  (British actress) | Mylène Jampanoï (French actress) | Naomi Christie (British actress)

Jay Beagle
  • married his high school sweetheart
  • said if he could buy anything with a million dollars, he would buy a farm
  • doesn’t know what an emoji is
  • probably owns a flip phone
  • once jokingly said that his 2-year-old’s skating “wasn’t good enough, son”
  • also once jokingly claimed that he could grow a pretty good mustache, enough to rival Alzner’s
  • one time did pull-ups immediately after a game, was told he was ridiculous, and then flexed
  • is andre’s step-dad
  • got an opponent’s entire stick stuck in his visor in the playoffs last year
  • is a faceoff king
  • went to college in alaska
  • went undrafted
  • creams central division opponents
  • is currently breaking his career high in points
  • is one of the most important players on the best team in the nhl
Protect the Chicken

I was at a convention playing Dungeon Crawl Classics (which is very similar to 1e DnD) and we were doing a game where you get four characters, randomly generated, who are just terrible characters. Very low stats for the most part, very mundane careers. The whole point is to weed out your bad characters (because they die) and at the end you get to play as the character who survived in the campaign!

But this was a con game, so none of that really mattered. We were just playing for the fun of it.

Well one of my characters had a chicken in her inventory. So I kept saying that she was nervously stroking her chicken, and how she loved her chicken. The DM was going with it, so that was really awesome.

The girl was a farmer. I had another character who was a more rouge-ish character and I got the idea in my head that he was in love with her and had been working for her father and only came on this mission to protect her.

Well somehow, the girl died. She was killed in a monster fight. The chicken, however, survived. The guy was heartbroken, so he attacked the monster that had killed her. As did the chicken.

I rolled to attack the monster and I got a critical fail. So the GM said, “You stab at the monster and you hit him, but the chicken got in your way. So you stab through the chicken to stab the monster, effectively killing both.”

I was heartbroken, as was everyone else at the table. The guy also made it through the mission, however, he was still upset that he couldn’t protect his love and her chicken.