Turn Away|| Barry Allen || Cancer series 1
Pairing: Barry Allen x Sick!Reader
Word Count: 3290 sorry its so long
Summary: You have cancer and are currently going through chemo therapy. You are currently seeing forensic scientist, Barry Allen, but he doesn’t know yet.
Warnings: Serious illness, Cancer, Sorta sad not really, minor swear words
Note: this is based off Cancer by MCR covered by TØP. I kinda want to make this a series, but let’s see how this one goes first.
You sat in your large cushioned chair watching chemicals drip from a pump through the port into your body. The constant rhythm of the dripping chemo had you in a nulled state. It was boring to watch, but you had nothing else to do.
You were there alone for your second session in your chemo therapy cycle. It was a Tuesday, and everyone who knew about your condition was at work. Your whole family was there for your surgery when the doctors removed a cardiac tumor. Your mother and aunt Marie waited by your bed for 5 days while you were in the hospital. Sadly, your mother had to return to Star City for work leaving you with your aunt Marie who had insisted you move in so she could take care of you. She came with you to your first appointment, but she wasn’t able to take off any more work leaving you to sit in the dingy room all alone.
You didn’t mind much, and besides you weren’t completely alone. There were two other people getting treatment today. One was a woman who looked to be a soccer mom in her late 40s who you had seen here last week. She was reading a book that you couldn’t make out from here. The other was an older man who you guessed to be in his 70s. He was snoring rather loudly which brought a smile to your face. He reminded you of your own grandfather who fell asleep anytime he was sitting still.
You had wanted to fall asleep, but you knew that if you fell asleep now you wouldn’t wake up anytime soon. You were constantly tired as a side effect of the drugs that were being pumped into your system.
You had brought a book to read, but you now you were really regretting your choice of title. You thought it would be funny to read The Fault in Our Stars while you were going through your chemo. Now you just thought it was damn depressing. When the book first came out, you ate it up, but now you were not too keen on the idea of it. These kids had their life taken away from. They would never go to college. They would never get married or have kids. There were so many experiences they would never get to have. It reminded you that there were experiences that you were never going to get to have, and that was something you really didn’t want to think about. You didn’t want to think about the fact that you might be dying because you didn’t want it to be real.
You took a deep breath and set your book on the table that was beside your chair. Your blanket that was slipping off your legs, but it was kind of nice to feel the cold air against your legs. It was only about an hour into your session, and you were already uncomfortable. No matter how you sat, with your limited positions because of the port, it didn’t get better. You were just doomed to sit uncomfortably. After about ten minutes, you found what you decided to be the most comfortable position you were going to find.
You heard your phone buzz from underneath your book on the table. In frustration, you threw your head back lightly hitting it against the back of the large chair. Taking a deep breath, you moved to grab your phone to check the message or notification that had arrived not long ago and snuggled back into your chair.
SAVE ME FROM Dr. HIGH HAT -Barry
You laughed at the message you had just gotten. Though you had only known Barry for a little over three months, the two of you had become very close. Part of being so close to him involved him texting you at all hours of the day and night to tell you about his day which often included complaining about his boss or telling you all about what his friend, Cisco, had done that day. Today was no different.
Is he really that bad? -Y/N
After sending the text, you set your phone on your lap and looked to the clock. You knew that no time had really passed, but you were antsy to get out of here. Almost instantly, your phone buzzed. You grunted loudly at Barry. Your communications were really great at times when you wanted to text, but now you were just annoyed more than anything. You hadn’t told him about your condition, and for now you wanted to keep it that way.
You had meet Barry right after you had found out you had a tumor at CC Jitters. It was around that time that everyone you knew found out. They were all so sympathetic that it was almost toxic. You could no longer have a conversation with any of them without talking purely about your cancer. With Barry, you didn’t have to worry about it. You thought back to the day you met him.
It was a rainy day in Central City which you had found was rather unusual. There had only been about ten or eleven of them since you had moved here almost three years ago. You had moved most of your things into a storage unit this morning and you were moving the rest of the things from your apartment into your aunt’s house this afternoon. You had gotten up early to finish quickly, but that left you in dire need of coffee that lead you to your favorite coffee shop in town, CC Jitters.
You stood in line waiting to order. You usually order a small iced tea, but you needed the caffeine so you were planning on getting something stronger today. The person in front of you finished his order and move aside to let you order.
“What can I get for you today?” the barista asked. He was in his early 20s dressed in a sweater and a beanie similarly to you. Though you were trying to do everything possible with your hair while you still had, it you had rushed out the door. The barista was smiling at the rain outside over your shoulder.
“Can I get a medium Café mocha for here?” You said. Though it was a simple order, you were nervous. Your voice shock unsteadily, but you took a deep breath to calm your nerves.
“That will be $4.15,” The barista said. Silently, you handed him a $5 bill and waited for your change which you put into the tip jar. You step aside to let the person behind you order as you watched your drink being made.
After it was served to you, you found a table and settled in with your book, To Kill a Mockingbird. You liked to read while you had your coffee. You saw it as a nice break from the world for a while. This was prime reading time as Jitters was mostly empty.
“Hi, I couldn’t help but notice your reading a To Kill a Mockingbird,” A voice said. You looked up from your book to see a man leaning on the edge of your table across from where you sat. He was a very attractive tall, lanky man with brown hair and green eyes. He had smile on his face that made your heart flutter slightly.
“Oh, yeah it’s one of my favorite books,” You said offering him a smile. “I’ve read it too many times to count now.”
“I can tell,” he said gesturing to your worn copy whose binding was in need of repair. You smiled down at your book putting your bookmark in it and setting it to the side slightly. You gestured to the seat in front of you.
“Would you like to join me?” You offered. To which he quickly pulled put the chair and sat down.
The two of you talked for over an hour before you both had to go. You exchanged numbers and promised to meet up soon.
You did meet up with Barry not long after that you went on a date with him the following week. Not long after that you got together with him one more time that month. Despite not having seen him since before your surgery, you two had grown close, both romantically and otherwise.
You finally looked at the message from Barry.
He truly is. He took me off another case because of “metahuman involvement”- Barry
You had to admit it was pretty funny that this kept happening. There were very few cases now days that didn’t have some sort of metahuman involvement meaning Barry had a very light case work that got smaller every day. He didn’t really get why he wasn’t allowed to work on the metahuman cases, so he always hashed it up to his boss being mean to him. It really got Barry worked up.
Well, there’s always another case -Y/N
You responded more quickly this time and didn’t bother putting your phone away knowing that Barry would respond right away again.
True. I’m about to get lunch. Want to go with me? -Barry
Your heart broke a little. Barry had been asking you to do things with him since your last date, but you were worried about him finding out about your illness so you always turned him down. Every time you did, your heart broke more. You really liked Barry and under normal circumstances you could see yourself having a future with him.
I can’t. I’m kinda busy right now. -Y/N
You used the same line a million times and usually Barry was understanding, but sometimes he would get frustrated. Part of you hoped that this wasn’t one of these times.
I can do it later if that works better for you -Barry
Barry didn’t hesitate to send you another message right after that.
It’s been two months, and I’d really love to see your beautiful face again -Barry
Unsure of what to do, you step your phone down and looked around the room. In that moment, you made eye contact with the woman across the room. The joy in her eyes disappeared as was replaced with concern. It hadn’t occurred to you that your emotions were probably written all over your face.
“Are you okay sweetie?” Her voice was smooth like honey even though she looked paper thin.
“Not really you,” You answered honestly. After you found out you were sick, part of you decided that you try to be honest when people asked if you were okay. You thought life was too short to lie about and hide emotions. “I’m sorta seeing this guy, but I haven’t told him I’m sick.”
She nodded thoughtfully and took a moment to think. You watched her mull things over in her head. After a few breaths, you looked down at the message that was still on your phone screen.
“I’m not going to tell you what to do, but let me tell you a story,” The women started. “This isn’t my first time going through this. About ten years ago, the doctors found a lump on my breast. At the time, I was married to my first husband of nearly 20 and it was really devastating to both of us. Our kids were 14 and 12, and we weren’t sure what we were going to do. We did everything there was and I went into remission. I got better, but my marriage was broken from that. My husband kept saying that this was not what he signed up for and it caused us to separate.
“After about a year, we got a divorce. I was really devastated at first, but I went to a support group for people with cancer, and things got easier. I met Gary there and the two of us got along really well. Eventually our friendship turned into more and we were married a little over three years ago. When I relapsed, Gary was there. He has been here every step of the way. He knew exactly the risks when going into this marriage and it made us stronger whereas before it tore my marriage apart.
“I don’t want you to have to go through what I did. You have the opportunity to let this boy know before you get to close and it breaks you completely when he leaves. The sooner you let him know the sooner you find out what kind of person he is. Just think about it.”
You looked to your phone again really thinking about what she said. Taking a deep breath, you typed your message.
My thing finished in about an hour and a half. Do you want to meet at Big Belly Burger afterwards? -Y/N
“Thank you,” You said quietly to the woman who just smiled and went back to her book.
Can’t wait. I’ll see you there -Barry
You watched as the woman got up with the help of a nurse was prepared to leave. On her way out, she placed her hand on your shoulder and looked you in the eyes.
“If he doesn’t want to be with you after this then you know before you get your heart broken to badly. I’ll be here next week, and I expect a full report on what happened,” She offered a warm smile and squeezed your shoulder before leaving. The room returned to the soft sounds of the old man snoring. You looked out the window by your chair at the pale gray sky of Central City.
After wrapping up your chemo for the day, you did your best to get to Big Belly Burger in time. You didn’t want Barry to have to wait for too long. As you walked into the small restaurant, you saw Barry seated in a booth with food already in front of him. He looked up at the sound of the door opening and saw you walk in. His smile stretched from ear to ear.
He stood as you got closer to envelope you in a hug. His arms were warm and comforting which differed from the chilly November air outside.
“I like what you did to your hair,” He said as the two of you sat down across from one another. You hand instinctively went to your hair that was cut very short. You had cut after your surgery in preparation for losing it during chemo.
“Oh, yeah I just needed a change you know,” You said.
“I hope you don’t mind I ordered for you. A cheese burger and a medium lemonade, right?” he said gesturing to the food that was placed in front of you. You smiled and nodded. There was a certain pride you had over the fact that he knew your order. You had come here once with him and you brought him lunch to have together once, but those were both two months ago. The fact he remembered meant a lot to you.
You sat together eating. Barry told you a story about his best friend, Iris, who had gone on a really bad date recently. Barry talked to you about Iris a lot. At first, you thought he liked her, but after getting to know him better, you discovered that though he used to like her, he no longer did. You listened intently adding your input when necessary. His smile grew when you tried.
“So, what is new with you?” He asked laying his hand on top of yours. “It’s been too long since we got together.”
“I actually have something really important to talk to you about,” you said. You looked down at his hand on yours. The pressure had decreased between your hands.
“Are you seeing someone else?” He said quietly. “I mean we never really said that we were together, but I thought that you saw us as going somewhere like I did. I understand though. I can be distant-”
“Barry, I’m not seeing anyone else,” you interrupted him. A part of you was sad that he thought you would do that to him. “Far from it, actually I’ve been hoping that you weren’t thinking of seeing anyone else. That’s not what I needed to talk about though.”
“Wait so you are telling me you don’t want to be with anyone else, but me,” Barry smiled this goofy smile to which you returned. You squeezed his hand.
“Right, but Barry, please I really need to talk to you about this,” Your eyebrows creased and you could feel your head throb slightly.
The fatigue from earlier today was really kicking it up a notch, and you felt a little sick to your stomach. The nausea was worse than it had been ever been. You pulled your hand away from you him and let it rest over your mouth. You slowly got up and headed in the direction of the bathroom. Barry jumped up to follow you. When you finally pushed your way into the one-person bathroom, you leaned over the toilet and emptied your stomach. You felt a warm hand rubbing warm circles on your back.
You wiped your mouth on your sleeve and made a note to change when you got home. You leaned back into Barry’s chest.
“Barry, I’m sick,” you said quietly as you two sat there on the floor. You felt his chest move as you felt him chuckle.
“Y/N, I got that,” He said as he ran his hand over your forehead and through your hair. You sighed.
“Barry, it’s more serious than that,” you pulled away to look at him. He his smile fell slowly. He looked at you with compassion. He was urging you to go on, but you needed a moment to figure out exactly what to say. You stood up off the ground and went to the sink. After turning the faucet on, you splashed cold water on your face. You saw Barry stand up from off the floor and came to wrap his arms around your waist.
“I have cancer,” you let out a deep breath as you closed your eyes.
Barry let go of your waist and stepped back. It seemed that your confession had stolen all the words from his mouth. After a moment, he looked between you and the floor desperately.
“You… I can’t- I don’t. Y/N. Are you okay? Are you going to be okay? Is it treatable?” Barry looked worried. I smiled at him and looked him in the eye.
“I am going to be okay.”
He wrapped his arms around you and buried his face in your neck. He was warm, and it calmed you. You felt tears on your shoulder. As a way to calm him you rubbed your back. You felt tears in the corner of your eyes. In that moment, you realized you were both still in the bathroom. You pulled away from him.
“Barry, we are in a big belly burger bathroom,” you said laughing. He looked you in the eye joining you in laughter.
“Let’s get out of here. Are you tired?” He asked, and you nodded. “I’ll call into work and tell Albert that I’m taking the rest of the day off. We can go back to my place and watch Netflix.”
“That sounds perfect to me,” you smiled and wrapped your hand around his waist. You walked out of the bathroom together.
With him by your side, all the awful feelings you had about your chemo feel away. You had Barry by your side and that was enough. You looked at the tall lanky man walking alongside you, and smiled.
“Thank you,” You said. Barry just looked down at you with a small smile and pressed his lips to your temple.
You had a feeling that everything just might work out.