February: The fall starts easy. I took baby aspirin, and a rusty spoon to my head, and smoked the stale weed my brother left in a broken vase before he left for college. Night comes fast, and tells the creation story. I ignore her this time. I don’t give a fuck about how I was made anymore tell me how I fall apart.
March: Nobody can ever find the raw spot on their leg until they start itching. I remember 6th grade when the mosquito bit my calf. Larvae and laps on the soccer field in early spring. He is oozing into my shoes with the mud.
April: My mother buried my rusty spoon, and took my brown hands. the clothesline was dripping carbonated orange soda sun, the wind was soft, the mice were sleeping warm beneath the floorboards; she spread my tarot on the floor with the forever broken and gnarled thumb she stuck in a blender when she was 5. That spring I walked home alone some nights, the heatwaves followed me like the labored breath of drunk men who don’t take no for an answer, I turned over The Devil and someone dropped a wine glass next door, she gasped, white eyes, the mice began to scrape and scream, the heatwave killed their children like it split my shoulders open and ate the youth inside.
May: The month of falling out of trees, junior high was gonna shipwreck any day now. There is a fast food place where the milkshakes taste like cough syrup and the skater kids cheat death on 3 feet of concrete stairs. There is a crack in the sidewalk in front of it, and he kick flips on it to break the back of the mother who left him at 13, he breeds violence between his fraying vans and then something in his ankle snaps, my oxygen goes tar black. He bleeds, he. Makes this sound. Like a dog when you step on its foot. I want to hold him, put a butterfly on his cheek, give him a band aid, something, God, something. He looks like he’s in pain. I want to. I don’t know. Help.
I walk away trembling and put my head between my knees behind a dumpster full of shitty milkshakes.
June: The neighbors fuck like rabbits while I’m trying to cry to joy division. I pray for a lightning strike. This type of poetry is for pretty girls, anyway.
July: my birthday flies into the glass of my bedroom window and breaks its neck. mom said the only things you can grow in summer that won’t die are grapefruit and hair, and I made a garden, I cut my chest open for Demeter each full moon. These locks were watered with gulf stream sea spray. I fed them bludgeoned daydreams. I threw my head against church doors trying to send Jesus some red flowers for his funeral, or maybe his birthday, doesn’t really matter, we celebrate both.
August: I got kicked out of high school knocking myself out on my desk. People carved hearts into the enamel, I carved my heart out of my chest and turned it in for my midterm. I slam dunked my skull into the bleachers on game day, and when the bleachers fell, into my history textbook, and when the book was mushy with blood, into the track field. I’m grinning ugly, dancing to the 80’s synth in an empty gym after homecoming, with a nosebleed dripping love songs down my yellow teeth, like words on old gravestones: here lies a moontoothed lover who will never rest in peace, every night she claws her grave and hears the call of western waves.
September: I’m high on concussion flavored car races in a stolen low rider, bluebirds fly in circles around my head after we crash, I wrote a song on a 5 dollar bill called blunt force trauma and it is about skater boys with broken noses, snarls of shaggy Jew fro his friends make fun of, and hands. that graze los angeles highways while he rides asphalt waves, slam his locker, and give the finger to the education system he keeps tripping over like untied shoelaces. he pricks those hands sewing together the lackluster parties private school kids throw. he puts his dewy rose bud lips to the jack daniels bottle, and kicks the drum kit over, gives it mouth to mouth, pump his fists into someone’s chest, gives it a pulse again. hands big enough to steal grapefruit with, the size of my swollen heart. I didn’t know it could get that big but he bumped into me, buzzing like a light saber, sky walking out of the grocery store with a grapefruit. with my heart.
October: do you have a girl do you? have a lover? Jupiter is orbiting around whatever this emotion is called, the rollercoaster one. when you look at me. We spend Halloween turning into werewolves at the library, you were moshing in the kids section, bleaching your hair in punk rock, I was banging my bruised and knuckleheaded love poems into a paperback copy of Romeo and Juliet, brushing my hair with broken glass. That was the first day the blood on our hands was not our own, she shushed us and we laughed. High on Shakespeare and Jupiter gas, we dug our fangs into the dewy decimal system. You ask me my name, I tell you, you smile. We had matching bruises and I floated home.
November: You make me. Feel. You make me feel like I can speak to snakes. You make me feel like my hips have a purpose besides balancing bins of laundry, and bowls of fruit. You make 17 stop feeling like a suicide note no one will read. you make me banshee scream and lick like fire against young pines, when you. dance. when you. kiss her, let her ride your double dutch hips, and your skateboard. She is a new coin, tangy on his numb tongue, and he tucks her in his pocket, his lucky penny. I’m the bubblegum he scrapes off his sneakers and throws into a storm drain.
December: I still cower into my pillow and smile a crooked smile, and go red at the cheeks, you. You put the red in my cheeks. I’m here, I’m exploding, why can’t you see me? Just put the bottle down, take your hand from your eyes, I won’t ask you what happened to your face, or how you got that scar, I will just like you and like you. we can buy angels wings in Hollywood, make an apartment out of crumpled homework pages at the bottoms of our dirty backpacks, we can drop out of high school, I will like you and dissect your sadness like frogs in freshman biology I am used to the rotting smell in your ribcage, I reek of it too. I will like you. until I know how to love you.
January: I switch schools, I cut my hair, bleach what little is left. It makes my mother unhappy, she thinks my spirit world is severing ties, she thinks my planets are discordant. I ask somebody back home about him, she says he dropped out and started working on cars.
I come down. Softly.
February (again, again, again): He was born to a rabbi and a beauty queen. I was born to a chemist, and a witch. Ammonia, bleach. Don’t mix them unless you want someone to die. Blood, adolescence, summer saltwater. Don’t mix them unless you want to make somebody wish they were dead.
uncommon soft drinks are like my passion when i see like a weird pomegranate soda or carbonated birch juice or elderberry fanta i’m so happy. one time i managed to get my hands on
and that was HEAVEN and i honestly live for the day i can have another.
Experiments Show Titan Lakes May Fizz with Nitrogen
A recent NASA-funded study has shown how the hydrocarbon lakes and seas of Saturn’s moon Titan might occasionally erupt with dramatic patches of bubbles.
For the study, researchers at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, California, simulated the frigid surface conditions on Titan, finding that significant amounts of nitrogen can be dissolved in the extremely cold liquid methane that rains from the skies and collects in rivers, lakes and seas. They demonstrated that slight changes in temperature, air pressure or composition can cause the nitrogen to rapidly separate out of solution, like the fizz that results when opening a bottle of carbonated soda.
NASA’s Cassini spacecraft has found that the composition of Titan’s lakes and seas varies from place to place, with some reservoirs being richer in ethane than methane. “Our experiments showed that when methane-rich liquids mix with ethane-rich ones – for example from a heavy rain, or when runoff from a methane river mixes into an ethane-rich lake – the nitrogen is less able to stay in solution,” said Michael Malaska of JPL, who led the study.
The result is bubbles. Lots of bubbles.
The release of nitrogen, known as exsolution, can also occur when methane seas warm slightly during the changing seasons on Titan. A fizzy liquid could also cause problems, potentially, for a future robotic probe sent to float on or swim through Titan’s seas. Excess heat emanating from a probe might cause bubbles to form around its structures – for example, propellers used for propulsion – making it difficult to steer or keep the probe stable.
Magic Island Mechanism?
The notion of nitrogen bubbles creating fizzy patches on Titan’s lakes and seas is relevant to one of the more enchanting unsolved mysteries Cassini has investigated during its time exploring Titan: the so-called “magic islands.” During several flybys, Cassini’s radar has revealed small areas on the seas that appeared and disappeared, and then (in at least one case) reappeared. Researchers proposed several potential explanations for what could be creating these seemingly island-like features, including the idea of fields of bubbles. The new study provides details about the mechanism that could be forming such bubbles, if they are indeed the culprit.
“Thanks to this work on nitrogen’s solubility, we’re now confident that bubbles could indeed form in the seas, and in fact may be more abundant than we’d expected,” said Jason Hofgartner of JPL, who serves as a co-investigator on Cassini’s radar team and was a co-author of the study.
Freezing Fizz and Breathing Lakes
In characterizing how nitrogen moves between Titan’s liquid reservoirs and its atmosphere, the researchers also coaxed nitrogen out of a simulated ethane-rich solution as the ethane froze to the bottom of their tiny, simulated Titan lake. Unlike water, which is less dense in its solid form than its liquid form, ethane ice would form on the bottom of Titan’s frigid pools. As the ethane crystalizes into ice, there’s no room for the dissolved nitrogen gas, and it comes fizzing out.
While the thought of hydrocarbon lakes bubbling with nitrogen on an alien moon is dramatic, Malaska points out that the movement of nitrogen on Titan doesn’t just move in one direction. Clearly, it has to get into the methane and ethane before it can get out.
“In effect, it’s as though the lakes of Titan breathe nitrogen,” Malaska said. “As they cool, they can absorb more of the gas, ‘inhaling.’ And as they warm, the liquid’s capacity is reduced, so they 'exhale.’”
A similar phenomenon occurs on Earth with carbon dioxide absorption by our planet’s oceans.
Results of the study were published online in February by the journal Icarus.
Final Titan Flyby Nears
Cassini will make its final close flyby of Titan – its 127th targeted encounter – on April 22. During the flyby, Cassini will sweep its radar beam over Titan’s northern seas one final time. The radar team designed the upcoming observation so that, if magic island features are present this time, their brightness may be useful for distinguishing between bubbles, waves and floating or suspended solids.
The flyby also will bend the spacecraft’s course to begin its final series of 22 plunges through the gap between Saturn and its innermost rings, known as Cassini’s Grand Finale. The 20-year mission will conclude with a dive into Saturn’s atmosphere on Sept. 15.
The Cassini-Huygens mission is a cooperative project of NASA, ESA (European Space Agency) and the Italian Space Agency. NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory, a division of Caltech in Pasadena, manages the mission for NASA’s Science Mission Directorate, Washington. JPL designed, developed and assembled the Cassini orbiter.
TOP IMAGE…These images from the Radar instrument aboard NASA’s Cassini spacecraft show the evolution of a transient feature in the large hydrocarbon sea named Ligeia Mare on Saturn’s moon Titan.
Analysis by Cassini scientists indicates that the bright features, informally known as the “magic island,” are a phenomenon that changes over time. They conclude that the brightening is due to either waves, solids at or beneath the surface or bubbles, with waves thought to be the most likely explanation. They think tides, sea level and seafloor changes are unlikely to be responsible for the brightening.
The images in the column at left show the same region of Ligeia Mare as seen by Cassini’s radar during flybys in (from top to bottom) 2007, 2013, 2014 and 2015.
The bottom image was acquired by Cassini on Jan. 11, 2015, and adds another snapshot in time as Cassini continues to monitor the ephemeral feature (previously highlighted in PIA18430). The feature is apparent in the images from 2013 and 2014, but it is not present in other images of the region.
Cassini has observed similar transient features elsewhere in Ligeia Mare, and also in Kraken Mare (see PIA19047). These features are the first instances of active processes in Titan’s lakes and seas to be confirmed by multiple detections. Their changing nature demonstrates that Titan’s seas are not stagnant, but rather, dynamic environments.
The Cassini radar team plans to re-observe this particular region of Ligeia Mare one more time during Cassini’s final close flyby of Titan in April 2017. The results may further illuminate the phenomenon responsible for the appearance of the transient features.
The large image panel shows Ligeia Mare in its entirety. Ligeia is Titan’s second-largest liquid hydrocarbon sea, and has a total area of about 50,000 square miles (130,000 square kilometers), making it 50 percent larger than Lake Superior on Earth. This panel is a mosaic of five synthetic aperture radar images acquired by Cassini between 2007 and 2014. It shows a region approximately 330 by 305 miles (530 by 490 kilometers) in area.
An earlier version of the mosaic was released as PIA17031; the new version includes new data to fill in some gaps in coverage and to improve the quality of coverage in some of the previously imaged areas.
The images have been colorized and processed for aesthetic appeal. Labeled and monochrome versions of this image are also available.
The Cassini-Huygens mission is a cooperative project of NASA, the European Space Agency and the Italian Space Agency. NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory, a division of the California Institute of Technology in Pasadena,
manages the mission for NASA’s Science Mission Directorate, Washington, DC.
The Cassini orbiter was designed, developed and assembled at JPL. The radar instrument was built by JPL and the Italian Space Agency, working with team members from the United States and several European countries.
LOWER IMAGE…As it sped away from a relatively distant encounter with Titan on Feb. 17, 2017, NASA’s Cassini spacecraft captured this mosaic view of the moon’s northern lakes and seas.
Cassini’s viewing angle over Kraken Mare and Ligeia Mare was better during this flyby than previous encounters, providing increased contrast for viewing these seas. Because the spacecraft is peering through less of Titan’s haze toward Kraken and Ligeia, more details on their shorelines are visible, compared to earlier maps (see PIA19657).
This was one of several “non-targeted” Cassini Titan flybys in 2017 that allow the mission to image the moon’s north polar region and track clouds there. (“Non-targeted” means Cassini did not have to use any rocket-thruster firings to steer itself toward the flyby.)
Several prominent cloud streaks are visible at mid-latitudes between 45 and 55 degrees north latitude, on the right side of the image. Smaller bright clouds are seen just above the sea called Punga Mare (roughly at center). Scientists are seeing increasing cloud activity in Titan’s north polar region as the seasons continue to change from spring to summer there, though not as much as predicted by models of Titan’s atmosphere.
The images in this mosaic were taken with the Cassini spacecraft narrow-angle camera using a spectral filter sensitive to wavelengths of near-infrared light centered at 938 nanometers.
The view was obtained at a distance of approximately 150,700 miles (242,500 kilometers) from Titan. Image scale is about 1.6 miles (2.6 kilometers) per pixel. The view is an orthographic projection centered on 68 degrees north latitude, 225 degrees west longitude. An orthographic view is most like the view seen by a distant observer looking through a telescope.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU CAUSED A DISCOURSE. WHAT THE FUCK JAn? IDEK WHAT IT'S ABOUT ANYMORE?? SODA??? LEMONADE?????? CARBONATED DRINK???? FLAVORED BUBBLE WATER???? (i look away from ur blog and this happens. i'm crying)
OMG I NEED TO BE MONITORED HELP
I CANT RUN THIS BLOG BY MYSELF IT ALL GOES TO HELL
Cinnamon, you are somehow sweet yet spicy, sort of comforting but also a very specific flavor, some people love it and others can't stand it.
Cucumber melon, like a sweet carbonated soda, but mild and not over the top, maybe slightly bland but also one of those flavors that is pretty much always a good choice.
Grape, super flavorful, there is no hiding from this flavor, it is a big punch, a classic.
Bubblegum, sort of sweet but this weird undertone too it, kind of... sour? It's a satisfying and comforting taste.
Grapefruit, this flavor always reminds me of mornings, it's got a sharp but vibrant flavor just like you.
Lavender, this one is an odd taste, you put it in brownies and cupcakes and other things it tastes sort of sweet but also kind of clean, it's peculiar and one of those flavors that is hard to like but also hard to dislike.
Strawberry milk, over the top sweet, always reminds you of childhood, a lovely sweet flavor, sometimes overbearing, but also so so good you just want to keep drinking it.
Black licorice, this is a hard flavor, not everyone likes it, it's a very overpowering tangy taste, it's uniquely it's own.
Peanut butter, a funky chunky creamy flavor, it's got tang it's got sweet it's everything in one, a little too rich in taste, but it goes well with almost anything.
Chocolate, creamy sweet tasty, a powerful flavor, it's one of those flavors you just can't get enough of.
Red Velvet cake, it takes like chocolate cake but the fact that it's red adds a whole other element too it, it's warm and unique, loved and classic.
Sea salt, salty goodness, sea salt caramels, potato chips, loved with pretty much everything.
“The main component of carbonation sensation is the pain,” said Paul Wise, a scientist at Monell Chemical Senses Center in Philadelphia. Scientists like Wise have studied the interplay of gas and bubbles on the human taste system.
The slightly painful quality of the drink — its bite — is thanks to a receptor found on our tongues. This receptor, called TRPA1, detects sour tastes, among other things. The degree to which this receptor is stimulated may determine whether the signal is interpreted as pleasure or pain.