cara cartoon

So this is a drawing that symbolizes something very important to me, so I hope you will all take the time to read this. And I hate that I even have to ask, but please don’t repost this without permission, or at least without an explanation. I really don’t want this drawing taken out of context.

I saw a drawing similar to this from another fandom last night (credit to urltima & lumpyspacelion for the concept) and I related to it so much that I had to do one of my own.

Some of you who have been in this fandom for a long time already know my story, but I don’t tell it much any more or express it as often because it makes me feel somewhat vulnerable. Which is why I was hesitant to even post this in the first place, but here it goes.

I was in a really bad place at the beginning of my second semester of college. My roommate and our friends were cold and judgemental towards me because I didn’t share the same strong religious beliefs as them. It got to the point where I could feel the awkwardness when I went to dinner or to do homework with them. I could just tell they didn’t want me around. This began to build up on other personal issues I was having with my Dad. My other best friend was there for me as much as he could, but he had lots of other things on his plate and I missed him a lot. I felt really alone and I started to slip into depression. I didn’t want to get out of my bed. I would cry all the time, and I eventually got to the point where I couldn’t even cry. I would just lay there. I couldn’t even make myself get up to go to class some days. I think my roommate just saw it as laziness. That, and she wasn’t the type of person who would say anything even if she knew something was wrong.

It got to the point where I was having suicidal thoughts, and I would sometimes cut myself with scissors. Still, nobody noticed and I wasn’t able to talk about it.

One night when I went over to our friend’s room, simply because I needed her notes from class, my roommate asked me if I had seen the video of “those twins from Just Dance 2” dancing in a shoe store. I told her I hadn’t and we sat down and searched for it. The WOD San Diego video popped up.

I watched the video with them, and later that night I hid under my covers while my roommate was sleeping and I looked up more videos of them. I stayed up all night watching them, and for those few hours I forgot I was sad. I forgot I didn’t have anyone and that I felt alone. Because for those few hours I didn’t feel alone.

It was like they took me in their arms and comforted me. They gave me something to care about. Something to look forward to. All dramatics aside, they gave me a reason to keep going.

It obviously didn’t all happen over night, but I eventually started getting out of bed. Getting dressed, and doing my make up. I started to make new friends who were considerate and cared about my well being. And I reconnected with some old ones who had always been there in the past. I came to terms with the fact that something was wrong with me, and I built up the strength to talk to someone. I grew more confident and even my social anxiety started to fade.

I eventually got involved in the fandom and made some of the best friends I’ll ever have. And in September I got to spend a weekend with my best friends and these two amazing dancers.

These two have done so much for me, even though they’ll never realize it. There’s no way I can ever repay them other than to love and support them. To not judge them, no matter what rumors float around. To accept them no matter what. I’ve only ever doubted them once. And right after, I was graced with being able to meet them. The kindness and appreciation they treated me with is something I will never forget.

They’re the reason I’m still here. They’re the reason I have these amazing friends. They’re the reason I’m able to just brush it off when people call me ugly, fat, or stupid. It’s the reason I don’t care when my friends and family think my “obsession” is strange. Because Larry and Laurent and all of you were there for me when they weren’t. It’s the reason I’m so invested in this fandom and that I care so much. They saved me. You saved me. And for that I will be eternally grateful.

“Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better? But because I knew you, I have been changed for good.”