Here is what we CAN tell you so far...
As I already mentioned, the past week has been the most intense emotional roller coaster of my life. Again, I went from believing my best friend’s death was imminent to finding out that she wasn’t even sick to learning she has lied to me about EVERYTHING in our friendship for 4 years…
I have spent the last several days uncovering lie after lie after lie after lie…I don’t think there is a single thing in my entire friendship with Cara that she has been truthful with me about. She isn’t sick–not physically at least. But she is seriously, seriously mentally disturbed.
My mother has had doubts about Cara for years, but never expressed them. On Tuesday afternoon, she was finally pushed over the edge by the claim that Cara’s mother took a cat into the ICU to see Cara. My mother called me to confront me with a laundry list of details and suspicions that have piled up over the past year…I was furious at first by my mom’s accusations, but when I sat alone and thought about it, I began to realize all of the things over the past few years that haven’t really made sense to me either–and my own doubts that I have ignored over and over because I loved Cara and didn’t want to believe that she would do something so horrific.
Everyone who has followed this blog or mine know how intensely I have loved Cara, how much I have sacrificed and given up for her, how much I have grieved and hurt over her. If there was any reason to believe she was telling me the truth, I would find it.
But there are too many things that aren’t adding up. Cara posted awhile back that she was in an accident and totaled her car. I never questioned that. But my mother went over to Cara’s house to feed the dogs on Monday, and the car was in the driveway. I hadn’t looked closely at it really, so I hadn’t noticed this. But there was no evidence the car had ever been in an accident. And no evidence that any repairs had been done to it. It was in the same condition is was the last time my mom had seen it. That really unnerved my mother.
When my mom started asking me questions on Tuesday, I realized I had never seen a single anti-retroviral pill or bottle in the four years we have been best friends. I have seen antidepressants and multivitamins and the like, but I have never seen an ARV in her house. Once I asked her why she had antidepressants on her bedside table, but no ARVs. She said her mom “kept all the ARVs in her room.” I accepted that lie because I didn’t want to see what was really going on. When I was with her most recently (two weeks ago), I went through Cara’s pill box while she was asleep. No ARVs. Nothing at all used to treat any medical condition she claimed to have had. Nothing.
There are details Cara has told me that make no sense that I have just dismissed over the years. I kept telling myself I am not her doctor, that I just don’t understand the process of what is happening to her, whatever…But as someone who wants to specialize in HIV and communicable diseases for a career, I should have listened to my gut. I should have asked questions. There were so many things in her treatment pattern for her supposed HIV that made no sense. But I convinced myself she had a rare strain that required different methods of treatment–ones I wouldn’t be so familiar with. Again, I willed myself to ignore the inconsistencies and that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when the doubt and questions would start coming back up.
Last year Cara told me they were starting her on HAART (Highly Active Anti-Retroviral Treatment) to try to address an infection. I now know that if she had HIV, she would have been on HAART from the beginning of her diagnosis, because it is standard treatment. She knew the right lingo but not always how to use it. For years I either didn’t know enough to doubt her or (once I knew better) assumed she wasn’t sure how to explain these things to me. There are plenty of patients who don’t really understand their treatment course. But it seems now that maybe she was bullshitting the whole thing…which terrifies and angers and devastates me.
Fast forward to Cara’s claims about cancer…Cara’s chemo treatment pattern made no sense…her claims about radiation, in hindsight, made no sense. Speaking with a number of actual cancer patients has confirmed that everything Cara said about her supposed treatment was made up. It never happened. For example, radiation leaves painful marks on the skin (it literally causes burning) and Cara had none. She claimed she was “losing her hair” from the radiation, which I didn’t question. But upon doing my own research and speaking with actual cancer patients, I realized people usually only lose hair in the area of treatment, which would not have been her head.
Cara was never in the hospital. Not for cancer, not for HIV/AIDS, not for surgery or complications. She was never in a coma. That has been confirmed beyond a shadow of a doubt. The photos she posted of herself “in the hospital” show nothing but her face against a white pillow. They reveal no evidence of her being in the hospital. The oxygen mask and cannula can easily be bought or rented from a medical supply store. The same goes for the “feeding tube”–they can be bought for $10 on Amazon. She went to extreme lengths to concoct this elaborate story and to convince people she was really ill. But it is all a lie.
She was never listed at ANY of the hospitals in the Houston area that she claimed to have been admitted to. I called all of them on Tuesday when this story started coming out (and while she was still claiming to be hospitalized for a coma)…My mother asked to see Cara in the ICU Tuesday night, and Cara (who was pretending to be her mom using a fake e-mail account and a fake phone number) made excuses for 6 hours as to why that wasn’t possible. When I confronted Cara (pretending to be her mother) Tuesday night, I was met with attacks and lies. When I finally said that I needed my mom to be able to go to the hospital and see Cara in the ICU first hand, otherwise I was walking away, I was met with personal attacks and a refusal to answer my request or questions. The level of evasion, aggression, and general bizarre responses I received Tuesday sent me over the edge. I started questioning everything.
Cara/her mother/whoever I was talking to refused to give me proof that she was in the ICU. Thinking back, I realized that none of my friends had ever visited Cara in the hospital in all these years, except after one particular incident last year that had nothing to do with cancer or HIV. That is the only time I can remember anyone I know seeing her in the hospital. These crises always happen when I am not there–never when I am with her. It makes no sense when I sit and think about it.
And the list of evidence against Cara continues:
Cara has never lost a large amount of weight in this process. Ever. I mean…if she was really this sick, she would be wasting away, regardless of tube feeding. Wasting is a symptom that isn’t directly related to level of nutrition, and anyone with advanced AIDS would be experiencing wasting at this point. Anyone with advanced cancer would be too. My brother pointed this out to me. I have been willfully blind to that for awhile now.
Cara has also lied about her history of rape/abuse. There are countless stories floating around that she has told different people. In the past few days, I have reached out to about 30 people individually to inform them of what is going on. Every single one of them had a different variation of what Cara told them. Some of her stories are so wildly different and inconsistent that I don’t even know how to reconcile them. There are specific details regarding her claims that I am not going to post on here because she didn’t make reference to them publicly. But if you spoke to Cara one and one and have a specific question, I will do my best to answer you privately.
There are many other lies and half-truths and disturbing deceptions that are coming to light right now. Truly, I am just overwhelmed by all of this.
I sobbed uncontrollably on the phone with my mom Tuesday night for over an hour. I couldn’t even speak. I just cried and sobbed. And Wednesday night I cried and yelled and sobbed for over an hour with two of my friends and called my mom and cried and sobbed some more. I have had multiple panic attacks over this situation this past week–something I haven’t struggled with in over 2 years. That alone makes me angry. I have sacrificed enormous parts of my health, sanity, and well-being for this girl. For 4 years. And in the last year especially, I have turned my life upside to accommodate her, to care for her, to love her. I have dropped out of classes to have more time to be with her. I have missed important events in my life and my college career so I could rush home to be with her as soon as possible with every new crisis that came up.
So much of the past 4 years of my life have centered around Cara and her needs. I have been the very best friend I could possibly be to her…and I have suffered so intensely. I can’t even get my mind around how someone could do this. How Cara and her mother could watch me suffer so intensely and do nothing to stop this (and her mother has absolutely been involved in some way, though I don’t know how long or to what extent. I do know she had to be aware of at least part of what was happening and chose to do nothing to stop it). I can’t…it’s overwhelming. At this point I am angry. Infuriated. She has stolen so much from me and so many people I love.
I don’t know what to do. I am so angry and heartbroken and dismayed. There is so much more that I don’t have the energy to write out. Not now, at least. I just want everyone to know how incredibly sorry I am. I wish I could change all of this.
ps. Since this has been asked repeatedly–Cara no longer has access to this blog. When the truth started coming out, I logged into the account and changed all of the login information to prevent her from deleting the blog. She has deleted both of her Facebook accounts, but I am maintaining access to the blog for the purpose of posting these updates and for potential criminal charges against Cara for what she has done.