Can… Can someone tell me what are they doinh here? COOL PXE said he was on observation mission but this is the fifth car with Autobot insignia I saw today. Not to mention a yellow Decepticon who cut me off on traffic this morning. Sure I’m glad they visited but I thought their bases are located on America?? What are they doing on this tropical country, vacation???
So we always have the same two cooks along on these mission trips. Their names are Cindy and Tyler. I had this straight from Cindy’s daughter, Elyse, who was my small group leader while we were on this particular trip. Furthermore, I was one of only a handful of people to know about it before we were in the bus on the way home, because our youth minister didn’t want to freak anyone out. Thanks, Elyse, for spilling the dirt here.
Anyhow, Cindy and Tyler often get very familiar with the local Walmart over the course of our stay in whatever little town we happen to be in this time. This is largely because 50-75 people eat a shitton. One day while the rest of us were gadding about Harper’s Ferry doing Charitable Deeds Cindy and Tyler hop into their van, fire up the GPS, and head for the local Walmart.
Now, when they get to a certain point the GPS always tells them to turn left when Cindy, who’s been here before once or twice, knows that they have to go straight to get to the Walmart. But today they decide, hey, to heck with it, we’ve got all day, we’re feeling adventurous, let’s follow the GPS’s instructions and see where this left turn takes us, because it’s sure not going to be the Walmart!
So they do.
They follow this terribly confused GPS all the way out of the town, out of the suburbs, and…onto a single-track dirt road, which dead-ends decisively in the middle of a cornfield.
“Haha, well,” says Tyler, as Cindy stops the car and they both look around. “Probably corn on the cob for dinner tonight, am I right?”
“Haha,” Cindy agrees, and goes to back the car up, except – in the rear view mirror is a cop car. Both of them jump, since neither of them heard it coming or anything.
“Oh shit, we’re trespassing, aren’t we,” Cindy says, and puts the car in park and rolls down her window.
The cop gets out of his car. He’s wearing shades and he looks grumpy. He comes up to the window and says: “What are you doing here?”
Cindy starts explaining the whole thing. Most of the dialogue in this story is approximated, since I wasn’t there, but I have it on good authority that about halfway through this story Tyler lost his nerve and blurted, “We’re from Ohio!” Which was true, but not terribly helpful. The cop just listens to the whole thing, stone-faced, as Cindy winds her tale up.
Then he says, again, “What are you doing here?”
“We’re very sorry,” Cindy says, “we’ll get out of your way and go find the Walmart now.”
The cop doesn’t say anything else but he leaves their window and gets back into his car. No ticket or anything. I don’t remember if he even asked for Cindy’s license or anything. So Cindy and Tyler breathe a sigh of relief and get ready to back up. Cindy checks her rearview mirror again. The cop car is gone.
“Hey,” says Tyler. “Did that guy’s car have the county insignia on it?”
No, it did not.
The lane in the cornfield goes straight back out to the main road, but it’s a long way out. There’s no way the cop got all the way back out there in the thirty seconds it took Cindy and Tyler to let their hair down after their close encounter (ha). There was nowhere for it to turn around, nowhere for it to drive in a different direction into the cornfield. There was no sound when it arrived, and none when it left. When Cindy and Tyler got out and looked at the road, there was only one set of tire tracks there: the van’s.
They reverse, reverse, cha-cha real smooth the hell out of that cornfield and book it for the Walmart. The next day the GPS straightens out its act and doesn’t ask them to turn left instead of going straight. Neither of them try to find the place again.