car dice

"I'm Bored!"

…and after the 50th time my little cousin said that at today’s family get-together, I went to the car and got the dice.  Three small children between the ages of 6 and 10 got to play (a very loose, impromptu, anything-goes version of) D&D for the first time ever.  I titled it, “Save the Princess.”

My niece played a wizard, while the bored cousin played a fighter, who gradually evolved into the equivalent of a rogue/eldritch knight, and the other cousin played a cleric. These are the ensuing things my young players said.

DM: You are all staying at an inn tonight.  It’s like a hotel.
Wizard: Is there a pool?!
DM: … why not.
Wizard: I’ll get my bathing suit!

DM: The man who was reading the book in the lobby last night comes up to you guys.
NPC-Druid: I’m going to get to the dragon first, turn into a bear, and kill him! 
Fighter: There’s going to be bear traps!
DM: Roll to persuade him there’s going to be traps.
NPC rolls a 3, and the Fighter rolls a 7.
DM: The guy with the book starts crying and goes back to his room.

DM: A pony is 20 dollars, a horse is 50 dollars, and an invisible horse is 70 dollars.
Wizard: Ooooo! Let’s buy a pony!
Cleric: YEAH!
Wizard: It’s white with polka dots, okay!
Cleric: YEAH!


Fighter: I want to put a bottomless hole under the wolf! (rolls too low).
DM: You put a hole next to the wolf.
Cleric: I want to put the wolf to sleep. (rolls high enough).
DM: Alright, he’s asleep now.
Wizard: I’m going to push the wolf into the bottomless hole. 


Wizard: I want to cast a spell to put bugs in his shirt… Is the dragon wearing a shirt?

The saddest part about the campaign was that the dragon didn’t get one hit off on the players.  The wizard, however: poisoned it, burned it, summoned a rock that fell on its head, summoned a swarm of insects that got in its scales and bit it a lot, and the fighter made it incapable of breathing fire.  This is how the dice fell, and this is how the dragon died.

up10tion as drivers

Jinhoo: listens to the news and classical music when driving. has lots of trouble making u-turns and always forgets to turn on his turn signal

Kuhn: drives rly well, has never gotten a single ticket in his life. a law-abiding citizen

Kogyeol: cussing out every driver he encounters, has p bad road rage. his car probably has those dice hanging from the window and he constantly glares at it every day 

Wei: always drumming along on the wheel to music, starts daydreaming while hes driving by accident and almost gets himself killed in the process

Bitto: gets so into the music he’s playing that he turns it up all the way and gets turnt in the middle of a stoplight. has become the topic of many passing cars’ conversations

Wooshin: can fuckin floor it and wind through all the cars. never gets caught in traffic bc hes so good at getting through it. he drives too fast honestly

Sunyoul: follows all the rules n shit but drives wayy too slow tbh everybody hates him on the road

Gyujin: drives the nicest fuckin car on the road but he sucks at it. cant parallel park and always accidentally cuts o ff ppl all the time

Hwanhee: apologizing profusely to everybody he passes, freaking out like xiao and brakes too damn hard. nobody can tell when he’s gonna stop

Xiao: sweating aggresively , hands constantly gripping the steering wheel and almost crashes at every turn. always runs red lights

Out of the Water Tank, Into the Race
  • Griffin: This time the crack that you put into the glass ball begins to splinter out around every sort of side of the ball and suddenly this ball shatters and Merle and the octopus are gonna need to -- grab onto this car as the deluge of water sort of splashes them off of the side. -- [Merle gets] another hand on... you are basically hanging right next to Magnus.
  • Magnus: *delighted* Hey!
  • Griffin: So the two of you are now hanging off of the side of the gumball octopus wagon although the tank on top is shattered and then the octopus also slips off the side of the car and *rolls dice* he CRITS his dexterity saving throw so right next to Merle this octopus gets two tentacles on the top of the car and is now also hanging off the side of the car. This is the most adorable scene I've ever imagined. The octopus has a very worried look in its eyes.
baby, it's cold outside

title: baby, it’s cold outside
summary: AU. the snow isn’t the only thing that’s cold as sakura returns home for winter break.
pairing: sasusaku
characters: fugaku and sakura
dedication: because it finally is, in fact, cold outside here.



In a fit of frustration, Sakura punches her steering wheel, earning her a loud, blaring honk. She sighs in despair and rests her forehead against the same steering wheel she just assaulted.

Half a day into winter break and already it’s a disaster.

She is a full time pre-med student at Suna University, and her final exams ended earlier that afternoon, nearly making her miss her flight back to Konoha. Then, they decided to delay the flight due to bad weather conditions in Konoha, but only after the plane had already rolled out into the tarmac.

After a two hour delay and a three hour flight, she finally made it back to Fire Country. She thought she was lucky in scoring the last car from the rental place, but she may as well be better of walking home than driving this highly questionable old, beat up clunker.

Unfortunately, her misgivings turned out to be accurate as the breaks went out just as she hit a patch of ice on the road, and now here she sits half buried in a snow bank at eleven o'clock at night with no other cars in sight. She’s called a towing company, but they won’t come out for the car until the roads are clear, and so Sakura is left to figure out how to manage the remaining hundred miles home without a car.


Sakura’s fingers are numb as she opens her dying phone again and dials a number that’s as familiar to her as her birth date. Outside the car, snow is falling in droves and the temperture, already freezing, is steadily dropping further.

She prays to herself under her breath as the phone rings continuously, agitation and anxiety growing with every ring. Her friends are all back in Suna where it’s nice and warm, and her parents are off on a holiday cruise. So her boyfriend had better answer his damn phone, because he’s the only person within six hundred miles who can come rescue her.

Just as she’s about to click the phone off and dial again (7% battery left!), the call is picked up and a sleepy voice answers, “‘lo?”

Sakura breathes a heavy sigh of relief. “Sasuke-kun, you have to come get me, I’m-”

A groan comes through the other end of the line. “Ugh, Sak'ra, I’m not going anywhere. I have the flu, I can’t even move my body.”

“Are you kidding me?!” She screeches into the phone. “I crashed into a snowbank off the highway with no hope of rescue for probably three days! You have to come get me!”

Panic starts to rise in her chest, threatening to overwhelm her. Her hand grips the phone tightly, nearly bending it. “The engine’s dead, I have no heat, I’ll freeze!”

Hot tears spill down her face as she starts to hyperventilate. Sasuke sighs in her ear, and she can picture him pinching the bridge of his nose. “Sakura, it’ll be okay. Look, my dad’s flying home from a business conference in Ame tonight, his plane’s probably already landed. He can pick you up on his way home, he’ll be going the same route anyway.”

This calms Sakura somewhat, but also brings on a whole new set of anxieties. Sasuke’s dad is scary. Not scary as in horror movie scary, but he’s super intimidating. She and Sasuke have been dating since high school, so she’s met the man a few times, but she’s never been in his presence for more than a few minutes at a time. As a high profile businessman, he’s often busy and away from home.

Interrupting her thoughts, Sasuke continues, “Let me call him and tell him wha’s going on and then I’ll call you back.'Kay?”

He DOES sound pretty congested and she probably doesn’t want him driving on whatever he’s knocked back to help himself sleep, so she agrees. The line goes dead and she’s left with nothing but the falling snow for company.


A text from Sasuke has confirmed the imminent arrival of his father and his agreement to give her a ride, and an hour passes as she anxiously waits.

Eventually, a black 4x4 SUV pulls up on the side of the road near her totalled vehicle. The brand new, top-of-the-line expensive model suggests that it couldn’t be anyone other than Uchiha Fugaku. A tall figure emerges from the driver’s side, and Sakura would recognize that scowl anywhere; his son wears the same one all the time.

Nearly crying again with relief, she tugs on the door handle and throws her while body weight against the door. No dice. Her car has driven into the snow so far that the weight of it is pressed against the doors, trapping her inside.

Seeing her predicament, Fugaku pulls a shovel from the back of his SUV (his father is prepared for every situation, Sasuke once told her wryly), and within minutes she is free. Her suitcase is liberated from the back seat, and within minutes she’s enjoying the comforts of heated leather seats.

“Thank you,” she squeaks as her boyfriend’s father slides into the driver'a seat and shifts the car into drive. He nods gruffly, and a tense, awkward silence follows. Sakura has never been alone with him without Sasuke present beside her, but she knows that all the Uchiha men are mostly silent and stoic. This suits her fine right right now, since she has no idea what to say.

But after a few minutes, Fugaku clears his throat awkwardly and speaks. “So you and my son…”

Oh god. This is it. Every girlfriend’s worst nightmare: being asked about her sex life with their son. It might even include a lecture on protection or how she should keep her hands off of him because their baby boy is being saved for marriage.

And Sakura, with her big mouth, dreads accidentally telling him about their healthy sexting life, or their exhibitions on video chat, or the summer after high school graduation and every subsequent fall, winter, spring, and summer break since. She and Sasuke may attend separate universities, but they go at it like rabbits whenever they can, by whatever means possible.

Sakura swallows hard and snaps her attention to Fugaku’s words.

“Am I correct in assuming that your relationship is serious? You have been seeing each other for quite some time.”

Nervously, Sakura nods in affirmation. “Yes. We’ve been dating for four years.” Since junior year of high school.

Fugaku is silent for a few moments as he concentrates on driving. Finally, “What are your intentions with my son?”

Sakura’s mind blanks.

“You have a long distance relationship at present, and that can put a strain on both people. And you are pre-med, yes? You’re looking at several years of medical school after graduation and Sasuke has law school to think about. That is an incredibly difficult situation for a couple, and inevitably either your grades or your relationship will suffer.”

Her throat constricts painfully. These are all things she is aware of, but to hear them put so bluntly by him puts her heart in the grip of an iron vice. He’s probably going to demand that she break up with Sasuke for his own good, so that he can focus on his studies. Shitshitshit, she is not going to cry in front of Fugaku.

“Sir,” she swallows hard, “I love Sasuke very much. And while maybe we started out as a fling in high school, our relationship is so much more than that now. We support each other and help each other get through the hard days, even from far away. There is nothing that cheers me up over a difficult bio exam than a text from him, and I always wish him luck before debates. And if he wanted to break up because he felt his school performance was suffering, I would absolutely respect that and walk away. And I know he’d do the same. But until he makes that decision on his own, I am going to do whatever I can from wherever I am to love and support him, even if it’s hard.”

Sakura sinks back into her seat after this declaration and quietly catches her breath. Her face is flushed bright cherry red from embarrasment and the force of her emotion. Tentatively, she sneaks a peak at the Uchiha patriarch’s face, looking for some kind of reaction.

To her surprise, he’s glancing at her out of the corner of his eye, and is that a smirk he’s wearing? It’s the closest she’s ever seen him come to smiling in all the years that she’s known him.

A low chuckle escapes him. “I think I see why my son loves you. My wife too.”

Seeing her stunned face, he laughs again. “You have nothing to worry about, Sakura. I just wanted to see how serious you were about my son. In any case, he’s too much in love with you to tolerate any interference from me.”

A warm glow fills her from head to her toes for the remainder of the ride home, and hee offers her their guest room on the condition that she make her mother’s special recipe tomato soup for the ailing Sasuke. His eyes crinkle as he asks, and Sakura laughingly agrees.

Suddenly the world doesn’t feel quite so cold.

the signs as *rolls dice* car parts!

aries: brakes
taurus: transmission
gemini: brake fluid
cancer: windshield wipers
leo: blinker/turn signal
virgo: speedometer 
libra: headlights
scorpio: gas pedal
sagittarius: navigation system
capricorn: engine
aquarius: hubcaps 
pisces: antifreeze


Lunchbox Love

Tortle Monopoly, Part 2
(Part 1 here)

Game on for the tortles! Lunchbox was very attached to his car, and Kirby tried some uh, unorthodox tactics.