sometimes I start thinking “jesus christ, fandom, shut the fuck up about Bucky Barnes, I don’t care about Bucky Barnes, I care about Steve Rogers nobly getting punched in the face,” except that is not true

I give not one single fuck about shippy domestic curtainfic or Bucky Barnes the sad, helpless, traumatized woobie who must be cared for at all times and never leaves Steve’s apartment

I give a lot of fucks about Bucky Barnes, ex-Winter Soldier, freelance fucker-up of bad guys’ shit, semi-feral solitary paranoiac, trying to re-learn this whole “being a person” thing while in survival mode as a notorious international fugitive, haunted by the things he’s done and groping in the dark towards some kind of redemption

like, don’t get me wrong, the dude is traumatized to hell and back, but what I’m invested in is the version where his primal instinct after seventy years under Hydra’s thumb is: don’t depend on anybody, don’t let anybody control you, fight tooth and nail to be competent and self-sufficient and unassailable, figure it out on your own terms, and never ever let any son of a bitch manipulate you ever again

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A Guarded Heart  Part 10

Summary: You work alone. You live alone. You are alone. And you liked it that way, or did you?  A planned, yet potentially reckless decision, changes your life forever. A story about a funny, loving, yet guarded woman, learning about friendship, love and forgiveness.

Part 9 is here

Pairing: Bucky x Reader featuring The Avengers

Word Count: 2,400

Warnings: Angst… I’m sorry guys… I’ll make up for it, I promise! Mentions of blood... Slight swearing

*Containment Module: made from polytechnic materials by Fitz and Simmons in Agents of Shield. It’s used to contain enhanced individuals

*Tony’s nickname for you is a reference to the movie of the same name

*I.C.E.R: if you haven’t watched Agents of Shield it was made by Fitz and Simmons. It stands for Incapacitating Cartridge Emitting Railgun used to tranquilize instead of kill.

“I truly believe that everything that we do and everyone that we meet is put in our path for a purpose. There are no accidents; we’re all teachers – if we’re willing to pay attention to the lessons we learn, trust our positive instincts and not be afraid to take risks or wait for some miracle to come knocking at our door.”

You looked into his eyes, tears nearly spilling over. “But really and truly, I am so ridiculously in love with you.” 

Bucky looked right back at you but he didn’t say anything. Instead he released his hands from yours and took a step backwards. You could feel your stomach drop and your mouth had suddenly become overwhelmingly dry. He was rubbing the back of his neck, “Y/N…” he started and you mentally braced yourself for what might come next. You hadn’t even realised you were crying. “Y/N…,” Bucky began again, “I…I can’t do this anymore.” His face was full of pain; it hurt him as much as it hurt you. He wanted to tell you how he felt but he had to do what he thought was right.

You felt your heart break into a million pieces and scatter all over the floor. But what else did you expect, what with the way you treated him? You were wiping your tears away with your sleeves. You really didn’t want to cry in front of him, but they just wouldn’t stop falling. 

Bucky hated seeing you like this and it secretly broke him inside. He started to speak again, “I’ve had too many people pull out my mind and mess it up. I can’t go through that again…” The tears were falling freely down your face and you objected, “But… but I don’t want to mess with-“ “Please let me finish,” Bucky interrupted, “we can’t… this can’t… us, we can’t happen.” You suddenly felt like you were gasping for air but you tried to pretend that you were okay. “I know you’ve had a difficult life, but I don’t deserve to be treated the way you treated me…” Bucky added.  He was damn right. You had been so mean, regardless whether you meant to or not.

Bucky was trying to fight back tears, he didn’t want to make this harder than it already was. “I’m just getting my head back together, trying to settle back into life, trying to move on from my past… and…I…I just can’t do that with you messing with my feelings,” he explained and you could hear the pain in his voice.

You didn’t know what to say. You thought you deserved every bit of this pain. It was too late to apologize. You had waited too long. You had lost him. Could this even be happening? Would you have to live with this for the rest of your life? You loved him so, so much, that you felt like your heart would explode, but the last thing you wanted was to cause him anymore pain. You didn’t want to add to his distress - he had been through enough - you just wanted him to be at peace. He deserved that at the least. 

Your mind was spinning, with all the ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ and ‘hows’. You didn’t want to lose him completely. “Can…can we still be friends?” You managed to say between the tears.

A little smile appeared on his face, “In time, of course.” He didn’t want to lose you, just as much as you didn’t want to lose him. No matter how much you hated it, you had to respect his decision. Who were you to question that after everything? 

Looking in to his eyes, noticing his tears nearly spilling over, you realised what love truly meant; love was selfless, it was walking through fire for that person, it was respecting their choices and sticking by them no matter what. You had never felt this way about anybody before, but here you were: Bucky had your heart, whether he took it or not.

You smiled back at him and through your tears, you whispered, “I understand Bucky and I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too. And I’m sorry that you’re crying. I didn’t want to make you cry…” he said.

“What? These?” You pointed to your tears, “These aren’t tears! My eyes are just… leaking. I should probably get that seen by a doctor,” and you both laughed through the hurt. Of course, you would make a joke at a time like this. You both stood there and smiled and then you went to leave. “Goodnight, Bucky,” you said to him with a smile. “Goodnight, Y/N,” and he placed a kiss on your forehead.

*If you want to cry some more, there’s a song here for you too…. :’(

It had been a six weeks since that conversation with Bucky, and though it had taken a couple of weeks for the dust to settle, you two were now comfortable around each other again. Your wit came back and you made him laugh, like you used to. He started to like fighting alongside you again. The most important thing to come from it though, was that he seemed at peace and that is all you could ever ask for. He seemed that he was getting his life back together after Steve found him. When you met him, he was still that dark man hiding in the shadows and out to get you. But now, you saw how at home he was with himself and despite everything you two had been through, that would be more than enough for you.

The day of the next mission had come and it was time to gear up. Zipping up your suit, you felt the adrenaline starting to rise in your body; you still loved a good fight. With another quick briefing, you all headed to the jet. You had laughed with Bucky and Wanda on the way there; the three of you had placed a bet to see how long it would take Steve to say “language” to someone cursing. Steve had looked back at you with suspicious eyes, wondering what you guys were planning, but he had a smile on his face; he was happy to see you and Bucky getting along again. And you were both happy with it too. Your feelings were still as strong as they were when you told him that you loved him, but having Bucky in your life in any way was more important. Besides, you, Bucky and Wanda had formed a great friendship with each other. 

Natasha and Clint landed the jet, and with one last check that your comms were working, you all stepped out. The other teams were arriving and Steve gave them a nod. Approaching the base, you and The Avengers stormed the building. Once inside, it was far too quiet for your liking. The building was damp and dreary and you could hear the sound of water pipes dripping. Splitting up, you and Clint took the third corridor and the rest of the team took the other corridors. Clint had his bow and arrow at the ready and you were armed with your I.C.E.R. Turning the corner, two hostiles appeared and started shooting at you both. “Shit my I.C.E.R’s jammed”, you cursed so you used your powers to move the bullets out of your direction, whilst Clint shot them with some arrows. “Fuck, my trusty I.C.E.R failed me for the first time in my life!” “LANGUAGE,” everyone heard Steve say over the comms. “I knew it! I win! Steve you just made me 50 bucks,” you laughed and you did a little dance, as you could hear several of the team chuckling through the comms.

“Okay. Funny guys. Haha,” Steve said over the comms, with a smile on his face. “Corridors are clear here, but they certainly know we’re here,” he continued. You all met back up in another room at the end of the halls and that was empty too. “Right, let’s move up to the second floor and—“ but before Steve could finish, nearly a dozen hostiles came charging into the room, armed and ready to shoot. In position, Thor threw his hammer at several of them, before Mjolnir returned back to him. Clint was shooting arrows through the air, hitting several hostiles in the legs, whilst Natasha was effortlessly fighting with some of them, using her wrist blasters to stun them in the process. Tony was up high and Wanda was using her red energy to pick up some hostiles and make them crash to the ground. You had iced quite a lot too, using your powers alongside your weapon. 

You glimpsed to your left and saw the way Bucky moved when he fought; it was effortless, as his strong body knocked down several hostiles. You looked away,  but from the corner of your eye, you saw a man pull the trigger on his gun, with the bullet heading straight for Bucky’s head.

NO,” you screamed and as if everything was in slow motion, you put your hand out in front of Bucky. A shield of fiery light rose up in front of him and the bullets from the hostile’s gun hit the light and disintegrated. You hadn’t planned it, but the shield you had vowed never to use again, had protected him. Bucky had immediately covered his face with his metal arm, upon seeing the man pull the trigger, but felt no impact of the bullets. He looked up and saw your hand outstretched towards him, holding up the shield. 

You looked back at him and knowing he was safe, you removed your hand and the shield went down. You turned to the man, with your faced screwed up with anger. Your eyes lit up like fire and you reached out your arm, walking towards him, as if possessed. You raised your hand and his feet started to lift off of the ground. He started grabbing onto his neck, as he felt the force of your powers tighten. It was as if your hand was wrapped around his throat. He was in the air, choking and struggling for breath. This man would never get to your Bucky. You stood there, with your arm raised, fire in your eyes, with a smirk on your face and then you slammed him onto the floor. Bucky ran towards you and another two hostiles came hurtling towards you both. Bucky took on one and you took on the other. You two were so in sync with each other, to an outsider, it would seem like you had been working together for years. 

With one final punch from Bucky’s metal arm, the hostile went flying and then you gave one last kick to the man you were fighting, and he fell to the ground. The Avengers had taken out the rest of the hostiles in the room and once you had stopped, the fire started to fade from your eyes. As you turned around to make sure everyone was okay, the team just stood there, mouths agape, just staring, with Bucky at your side.

“What guys? Okay, I know you haven’t seen that before because I don’t use the shield anymore. Nothing special, okay? I don’t want to talk about it, so don’t ask. Kapeesh?” you warned them.

“Y/N, don’t move,” demanded Steve. You suddenly felt a pain and looked down. In your stomach, you could make out the handle of a knife, sticking out of your body. “Oh… well that doesn’t look good!” you joked. Without thinking, you went to tug out the knife and the whole team shouted, “No, Y/N,” but it was too late. Having pulled out the knife, blood started pouring out of the wound. You looked back up at the team. “Ok, guys, I really don’t know why I did that,” you said as your knees buckled and Bucky caught your head before it hit the ground.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y tell headquarters to prep surgery,” Tony spoke, panicked, through the ear piece. Bucky put his hand on the wound to add pressure but the blood wasn’t stopping. “Seriously guys, I’m fine! It’s just a little cut!” you tried to say. Steve ran over, “Buck, go and get the first aid set up in the jet and Natasha get the jet started. I’ll be right behind you. Tony, you got us covered?” “Yep, I’m on it.” Bucky and Natasha followed Steve’s instructions, with the others providing cover. Steve picked you up and ran, carrying you in his arms.

Back at the jet, Bucky was in the pilot seat with Natasha. Bucky was covered in your blood and he wanted to come back there with you, but he needed to get this jet out of here and fast. Wanda made it to the jet and she bent down to you, fear in her eyes. “Can you stop looking at me like that? You’re being a weirdo,” you laughed to her. “Y/N, you’ve just been stabbed and you’re still making jokes!” and she took your hand. You tried to keep your spirits up, reassure the team that you were okay but you suddenly coughed up some blood. Wanda wiped it away with some muslin bandages she found in the first aid kit. The panic was rising in Bucky’s throat as he turned to look back at you, but he tried to stay focused. Your skin was turning pale and even though the entire team was panicking around you, you weren’t scared. You just looked up at the ceiling, not even feeling the pain from the knife anymore. Maybe you would see your parents again and with that, you closed your eyes and smiled.

A/N: Last chapter coming tomorrow! Stay tuned! I can’t wait to share it with you :D 

Tags: @namastay-in-bed-2002 @abigrumple @writemeatale @dracodormiensnunquamtitillandush

I Trust You {Part Seventeen}

A/N: Any feedback is appreciated as always ^^

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Warnings: swearing, nothing else I think so but if you found something please tell me

Words: 2171


With discomfort you followed the man. He walked to the door and punched against it so that someone could opened it from the outside. He stood in the door frame and turned around to you. He smiled at you and you felt sick again.

“Come on. Follow me. You wanted to know where you are? I will show it to you and something else.”

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The One Where Bucky's Broken (And That's Okay)

read it on the AO3 at

by sgtbuckaroobarnes

Bucky can’t stop his nightmares, Sam doesn’t really mind them all that much.

Words: 315, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 7 of SamBucky Drabbles

read it on the AO3 at