He didn’t recognise you, there was none of the usual light
in his eyes when he stared at you. The teasing twinkle or the love that warmed
you to your toes, it was all gone. Wiped clean away and replaced instead by the
dead coldness of the Winter Soldier. A machine created to do one simple task
and right now that task was to kill you.
“Bucky?” you gasped out as his flesh hand tightened
dangerously around your throat “Bucky please”
Still nothing as his grip continued to tighten, you clutched
at his wrist with one hand and with the other grabbed the only thing in reach,
your cereal bowl from only moments earlier. You smashed it into his head taking
advantage of his momentary break in concentration to raise up your legs and
kick with all your might.
Bucky stumbled back a few steps and dragging in lung full’s
of air you rolled from the table landing on all fours as you scrambled away
Tears were streaming down your face as you made for where
the block of kitchen knives had fallen when Bucky had very first thrown you
across the room.
You’d barely gotten hold of the end of one knife before
Bucky grabbed your ankle pulling you back along the floor. You screamed as he
spun you over slamming his metal fist into your right shoulder. You actually
felt bone shatter and splinter as another scream ripped through you.
Through pain streaked vision you managed to lock eyes with
him once more. “You have to see me Bucky. You have to remember who I am”
There was nothing not even a flicker as his hand came back
up to your throat, the metal one this time. He was serious, he was actually
going to kill you.
“I love you Bucky” you whispered, then with the last of your
remaining strength you stabbed him. Pushed the blade of the chopping knife into
Bucky’s eyes widened in shock at the sudden pain, you had no
idea if it would be enough though because your swimming vision was starting to
blink on and off. Your brain to starved of oxygen to stay awake any longer.
The next thing that filtered into your brain was beeping.
Consistent and unending beeping. You could smell disinfectant and as your eyes
blinked open you realised you were in fact in the med-bay of stark tower. You
were alive because if you’d died you definitely wouldn’t still be in this much
“Hey Y/N, you’re awake”
Managing to focus you found Natasha’s red hair and concerned
face looking over at you from a chair next to your bed. “Nat?” your voice sound
groggy and rough “what happened?”
She frowned “You don’t remember?”
You flinched as you tried to move and your shoulder grated
“Bucky. He tried to kill me”
“Someone activated the Winter Soldier program” Natasha
“Fuck Nat, I stabbed him! Is he ok?”
“He’s fine” she reassured you instantly. “Apart from
reverting back to his usual pathological self-loathing he really is fine. Much
better than you”
“Disabled him enough that you lived” Natasha interrupted “he
doesn’t blame you for that Y/N no one does”
You lapsed back into silence as the pain in your shoulder
intensified, it was clearly well and truly broken. In fact, you were a little
worried that it was broken beyond repair, you could remember quite clearly the
feeling of your bones shattering into dust under the strength of the Winter
Soldiers attack. “My shoulder Nat?” you asked quietly “Will it heal?”
She sighed reaching out and gripping your hand “It will
“But the doctors, they aren’t sure about how much mobility
you’ll get back. The bone was completely shattered, it’s possible that even
with physio and medical attention it might not heal well”
“Does Bucky know?”
Natasha shook her head at you “I’ve just told you that you
might lose mobility in your shoulder and you’re still more worried about him?”
“He’ll blame himself, you know he will, and this wasn’t his
fault. Someone triggered him on purpose. The Winter Soldier attacked me not
Natasha was watching you curiously “he knows” she admitted
eventually. “When he came around you were the only thing he was interested in.
Made the doctors tell him about you before himself”
Something about that sentence was wrong, but what was it?
“Wait, he remembers?”
“The pain, we think when you stabbed him it jolted him
enough to get Bucky back, he managed to reinitiate FRIDAY and call for help”
So he knew, he knew what he had done and he was most likely
blaming himself for everything and destroying himself about it. “I need to see
him” you demanded trying to push yourself up but stopping halfway as the pain
in your shoulder made you want to throw up.
“Easy” Natasha helped lower you back down. “Just take it
Tears were starting to form in your eyes. “Nat you don’t understand;
I have to tell him” you insisted “I have to tell him that it wasn’t his fault”
“Y/N he knows that”
“He won’t, you know he won’t”
“Alright well I’ll tell him ok?” she offered “I’ll tell him
you don’t blame him, but you have to stay here and rest”
“But you’ll tell him Nat, promise me you’ll tell him”
“I swear” Once Natasha gave her word she kept it. It was one
of the best things about her, she didn’t give it out all that often but when
she did she meant it. “Now you have rest”
“Alright” it took you little time at all to let the heavy
pain medication they must be pumping into you take effect and your eyes
fluttered closed once more.
It had been a fortnight and you’d barely seen Bucky. You’d
been out of the med-bay for a week and you knew he was avoiding you. Every time
you entered a room he’d mysteriously just left. Even with training he was never
in the gym at the same time as your physio sessions and he didn’t even eat
meals with the team in case you might be there. It was starting to take guilt
to a whole new level and you really weren’t appreciative of the silent
Eventually you couldn’t handle it anymore, if he wasn’t
going to come to you then you’d just have to go to him. Marching up to the door
of Bucky’s room in the tower you used your good hand to bang on the door. You
knew he was there had it on good authority from Natasha that he rarely left the
“Bucky! Open the door. I know you’re in there” nothing, not
even the sound of footsteps. “James Buchannan Barnes I am not moving until you
open this door!”
Finally, you heard footsteps stopping on the other side of
the door. You could practically feel him stood there staring holes into the
“Please Buck, talk to me. I can’t deal with being ignored
“I’m not ignoring you” the door opened.
“You’re not even looking at me Bucky”
Very slowly he lifted his head, eyes meeting your own. All
you could see was guilt, swimming around in endless circles. His eyes flicked
to you still heavily bandaged shoulder and the instantly went back down to the
floor. “Are you in pain?”
“Not really, I have some wonderful pain killers” you were
trying to joke, trying to lighten the mood but it seemed to fall flat. “can I come
“Of course” Bucky moved out of the doorway so you could come
in, dropping down onto his sofa he came and sat on the other end as far away
from you as he could get.
“Bucky we need to talk about this”
“There’s nothing to say Y/N. I tried to kill you. It’s not
safe for you to be around me”
“You didn’t do this to me” you insisted making his eyes
flick to your own again. “Bucky this wasn’t you, it was the Winter Soldier.
There’s a difference”
“No James” you inched forwards moving so you were sat closer
to him, reaching out you laid a hand on his thigh. “Please don’t cut me out”
“It’s not safe Y/N, this is what this proved. I got out of
control and you had to fucking stab me to stop me. As it is you might not get
full movement back in your shoulder, what if it happens again and we’re not so
lucky? I could actually kill you”
“Alright fine, you might kill me” you agreed “But I might
also go out today and get hit by a bus”
“That’s not exactly a good comparison” Bucky insisted but
your point seemed to have gotten through slightly as he was looking at you
again and not at the floor.
“James surely it gets to be my choice if I want to be around
you or not? It’s my life to risk”
“And my mind” he finally moved turning to frame you face
with his flesh hand “I couldn’t live with myself if I actually hurt you, I’m barely
coping with what I’ve already down to the woman I love”
You froze, he’d never said those words out loud before. “You
He froze as well eyes widening as he realised what he’d
said, apparently he hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but he couldn’t exactly
take it back either and pretend it had never happened.
“Yes” he eventually confessed “Yes I love you”
“I love you too” you smiled at him “we can get through this,
we can get through it together”
He gave you a weak smile but at least it was better than
guilt. “I don’t deserve you” he helped you awkwardly climb onto his lap so you
could rest your head against his chest, his metal hand this time trailing up
and down your back.
So fair enough you’d had to get him to almost kill you to
finally admit that he loved you, which wasn’t the most conventional method but
after all you weren’t the most conventional couple.
This needed to hurry the hell up, why was it that when time
was not on your side the simplest of tasks always seemed to double in length.
You watched the slow crawl of the transfer bar along the
screen as one document after another flew from the computer onto your USB
drive. Yes, it was old technology and Tony had complained loudly at having to
resort to data transfer in this method, but, when the data you were trying to
steal was on an outdated machine you had to resort to outdated methods
The old HYDRA base had apparently been deserted for nearly a
decade, missions recently though however, were never as simple as they had
started out being in the briefing.
When you, Bucky and Sam. Probably the worlds least
appropriate Avengers to be put in a team together, had arrived at the base it
was to find HYDRA agents swarming around the boundaries and carrying some
seriously heavy armament that was definitely not as outdated as their
technology. Sam and Bucky had taken off to secure the guards and you had
managed to slip into the base and the main computer terminal offices to get the
data that was the goal of your mission.
The door of the computer offices blew off the hinges making
you drop to the floor out of instinct. Sliding forward to crouch behind one of
“Check it” a voice snapped out and you heard rapid footsteps
running into the room.
Lifting your hand up to the comm device in your ear you
carefully turned it on to transmit your whisper ‘guys I have guards in the
offices, might need some help’
‘I’m a bit occupied at the minute’ Sam’s voice came through
the receiver, crackling and breaking up. He was gasping slightly and you
guessed he was probably dealing with his own stack of HYDRA guards.
‘Bucky…’ there was no response from the former Winter
Soldier only static silence. Crap. You twisted your head to look up at the
computer that was transferring the data.
58% Transfer Completed
Crawling to the edge of the desk you pulled the twin daggers
from your utility belt, from the noise of the footsteps in the room there were
at least three guards currently scouring the offices. The only way you were
getting out of this without a bullet wound was to separate them and take them
down silently. Hoping that none of them got close enough to realise that the
computer on this side of the room was lit up and working.
Leaning with your back to the desk you took a deep breath
calming your heart down to a level where you were barely breathing, it was a
trick that Steve had taught you in training months ago. It allowed you to look
at things in an almost clinical way, taking you out of your mind so you no
longer thought about what you were doing. What you hadn’t thought was that you’d
have any need to use it so quickly.
Your ears zoned in on the closest pair of footsteps, he was
nearly to the edge of the desk you were crouched behind. One more step.
Your hand lashed out grabbed his ankle and yanked as hard as
you could, before he could even let out a scream of shock you’d launched
yourself over his body pressing a knife into his femoral artery. A stupid
soldier mistake, they wore Kevlar over their chests but never thought to
protect that oh so tempting massive artery in the upper thigh. Your other knife
went to his neck slicing clean across it. No matter if the cut didn’t kill him
he’d bleed out before anyone was any the wiser.
Ignoring his face instead you pull the comm receiver he had
in his ear out and slipped it into your own, you could hear them now. Hear their
orders and where they were.
Leaving his body where he’d fallen you crawled back to your
computer staring at the screen once more.
87% Transfer Complete
‘Guards to the offices! All remaining Guards to the offices!
They’re trying to take the data. Shoot to Kill’
Oh fuck could this get any worse. Taking out the HYDRA receiver
you tuned back into your own. ‘Guys hurry the hell up, I’m about to get a
massive ass welcoming party in these offices’
‘I’m on the way now, you heard from Frosty?’ Sam’s voice
came instantly and was reassuring in its familiarity.
‘No, he isn’t answering his comm channel’
‘He probably broke the fucking thing’ Sam snarked ‘Look hold
tight Y/N I’m nearly there’
You had only a moment to feel relief at Sam’s words when
another guard rounded the corner you were holding out in.
“OVER HERE!” he shouted loudly raising his gun towards you.
Jumping to your feet you were seconds away from a bullet to
the head, instead it grazed your arm ripping a hole in the jumpsuit you were
wearing and tearing a path through the muscle of your upper right arm.
There was no time to contemplate having been shot though
because the guard was already re-aiming his gun. Taking one of your knives in
your left hand you threw it will all the force you could muster. It lodged in
his clavicle and he fell to the ground gasping for breath.
Only one weapon left and a useless right arm. You leant down
and grabbed the gun from the second fallen HYDRA soldier, pointing it at the
third man who was charging towards you. Your aim with a gun however was nowhere
near as precise as with a knife. The balance was wrong for you.
Your first shot hit his arm and the second landed somewhere
over his shoulder. The gun clicked over to empty clearly having been fired
The HYDRA guard smiled evilly “Out of ideas?”
“Hardly” From behind him you saw a flash of blue eyes and
relief flooded your body. The guard hadn’t noticed that death was descending on
him and his time was running out.
Bucky had his arm tightly around the guard’s neck in seconds
snapping it like a twig. He fell to the ground silently leaving Bucky to march
over to you.
“Let me see”
“Not now” you insisted avoiding him reaching for your arm. “the
rest of the guards are on the way here and we still have to get out”
“What other guards?” he asked confused “they’ve all been
“All of them?”
“All of them” he confirmed eyes flicking over to the
“Yeah” reaching over you disconnected the drive and pocketed
the flash drive. Sam arrived in the office not a moment later eyeing the dead
guards and then your bleeding arm. Wisely he didn’t say anything else just
motioned for you both to follow him.
You were back on the jet with Sam in the pilot seat taking
you back to the tower. Bucky had been sending you what he had obviously thought
were discreet glances ever since you’d gotten back into the air. In effect he
wasn’t being all that subtle and you were just waiting for him to build up to
whatever lecture he was gearing up in his head.
It didn’t take much longer for him to get up from his seat
and come over to you taking the seat beside you.
“Let me look at your arm” it wasn’t a question. Obligingly
you twisted slightly so he could lift the emergency dressing and see the wound.
“Just a graze” you reassured him. “barely touched me”
Bucky’s fingers gently pressed on the edges of the bullet
wound that was indeed only a very minor graze, it had looked worse than it was.
He replaced the dressing sticking down the edges carefully. “What happened to
your comms?” you asked him. “I tried to talk to you”
“But you didn’t answer me Buck”
His eyes shot back to your own “no, I came instead. Not
quick enough though”
“You’re not actually going to blame yourself for this are
you?” when he didn’t answer you smiled patting his knee “people get wounded in
fights Bucky, it’s my own fault for not moving quick enough”
Bucky was staring at your hand that was still resting on his
knee. Very carefully he picked it up turning your wrist so your hand laid palm
up on his leg, then he placed his own much bigger hand on your own linking your
“I’ll answer next time” he promised.
Your heart was thudding loudly and no matter how many times
you tried the trick Steve had taught you it didn’t seem to be working anymore. Your
heartbeat wasn’t slowing down.
Bucky had never voluntarily initiated contact with you
before, sure he put up with the fact that you liked to hug him at random
encounters in the kitchen, try to sneak up on him and pull his hair or rest
against his side when the team decided to have some down time and watch movies
or hang around having a drink. All of those times though it was you who moved
first, you who touched him first. Never Bucky.
Lifting your linked hands your managed to get his arm around
your shoulders without breaking his hold and lean your uninjured side into him,
resting your head on his chest. Listening to his own heart beat accelerate at
He looked down at you “don’t get hurt again”
You smiled softly inching a bit closer to him “I’ll do my
He was seemingly content with this answer as he leant back
in his seat taking you with him. You spent the rest of the flight home with
Bucky’s arm tight around your shoulders holding you safely to his body with
your head on his chest listening to the steady thump of his heart.
Warnings: mentions of death, grief, pretty heavy on the angst
A/N: This sequel was inspired by the lyrics of this song (hence why it’s named “Let Me In” so credit to Skinny Living for the inspiration). Hope you all enjoy this fic and seeing where everything goes xx
Two years later
You lean over the kitchen sink, staring out of the dirty window that overlooks the bustling life of Brooklyn. The noise of the city is calming for you although three years earlier, you would be freaking out at the thought of living in such a heavily populated city. You smile sadly at the irony; it truly showed how much you’d changed since Bucky came into your life, the second time.
Your daughter is asleep in the crib that rested in the corner of your bedroom and you smile as you stroke her soft cheek. You see him every day in her dark hair, the icy blue eyes that had somehow been copied perfectly onto her small face. You’d named her Layla when she was born because her dark beauty reminded you of Bucky and the nights you’d spent together, staring up at the night sky. She was perfect but every time you looked at her, you would feel a sharp stab of pain and longing for her father but regardless, you loved her with everything you had.
Warnings: Honestly guys, this chapter is basically just smut. A lot of sexual tension, swearing, dominant Steve, oral (male and female receiving). enjoy sexy Steve xx
Steve’s heart hadn’t stopped racing, even though she’d fallen asleep hours ago. He’d done his best to be all smooth and suave, especially when he’d kissed her for the first time, but to be honest, he was nervous as hell to be around her. He couldn’t believe she felt the same way he did and he was terrified he’d screw this up somehow. He was hopelessly in love with her and despite the fact that she loved him too, he was still afraid she would get hurt somehow, or he’d get stuck in ice again, or any number of things that had happened in the past that kept him from the people he loved. He’d lost so much time with the people he’d cared about and he was afraid he’d lose the short time he’d had with her. Now that he knew what it felt like to have her so close to him, he was terrified he’d lose her.