captain goofball

anonymous asked:

drunk chris headcanons please

Drunk Chris Evans would include

  • Loud boy!!!!
  • Like he’d be super loud but no one could really get mad because he’d just be laughing and talking about sports
  • extra giggly Chris
  • he’d forget how tall/big he is like he’d be a big baby
  • His face would get super flushed and he wouldn’t be able to keep his eyes open 
  • funny af facial expressions
  • he’d be extra affectionate,like he’s going to hug everyone
  • no personal space at all, Chris is gunna be all up in your face 
  • he’d tell really dumb jokes and laugh super hard at them
  • he’d want to play drinking games
  • he’d be the person who sends drunk texts but they would be really sweet
  • he’d be so easily distracted like he could be talking to someone and a song would come on and he’d completely forget about the conversation
  • so many bad dance moves!!!!
  • so many silly pictures!!!!
  • Drunk Chris™ is stubborn as hell
  • honestly he’d be the best drunk it would be all laughs and hugs 

Imagine being a police officer, and coming home one night to see someone trying to climb through your window. If it wasn’t happening to you, it’d honestly be funny - some guy only fit halfway through the window, and got stuck wiggling his butt in the air. You pull out your taser and order him to get down. As soon as he yells, “I’m stuck, babe!” you recognize that booty. It’s your goofy boyfriend, Chris. He was trying to surprise you with a romantic evening of candles and roses, but forgot his key at home.

9

 ”I always say that if you were on a road trip, you’d definitely want Scarlett [Johansson] in your car. She’s kind of always laughing, even when she’s in a bad mood.” -Chris Evans

4

“Dollar Bill was originally a star college athlete from Kansas who was hired by a major department store when they realized that having their own super hero was a… uh, interesting publicity prospect.”

Meanwhile the Booster Gold of the Watchmen universe later goes and gets shot

anonymous asked:

Ok but ................... RIDING CHRIS EVANS MUSCULAR ASS THIGH

ok but….this would happen a lot with Chris. Like before he met you he wouldn’t really know what thigh riding was but the first time you straddled his thigh he wouldn’t be able to get enough. he’d honestly want you to ride his thigh all the time,he’d pull you onto his lap all the time and swing your legs around his thigh and he’d just sit back and watch you go to work, he’d be such a tease as well,like as you were rocking your hips back and forward he’d rub your nipples with his thumbs and tense his thigh under you. he’d love to see you come undone and honestly he’d be so cocky that he could get you off with just his thigh and minimal effort 

Chris Evans, What an Adorable Dork

This Man

Is literally

The biggest

Dork.

Look at him

He’s not even wearing socks

what is this?

What does he think he’s doing?

Acting all shy

when really he’s a giggly person

Look at that laugh

He even tries to hide it 

but he gets all blushy

just let it out

there we go

finally letting his true colors show

just peaking out

now lets talk about that fedora

what are you doing, Chris?

I don’t think he knows

definitely not

what is up with that face?

or this one

try explaining that one

he’s just a giant goof

trapped in a man’s body

look at that face

what a goober

Hey!

sorry

but it’s true

what?

okay, yeah I am

there we go :)