FUCK MY ENTIRE LIFE YALL. I am a hollow void.
you know what kills me?
quite a lot of things kill me in this scene actually, but what really fucking kills me about raven here specifically is that she opening up like she has never before. and when i say like never before i really do mean like never before, because she is not denying herself a single thing here. she is fucking past that. this time she is all about the truth, because consider this: this is not a moment in which doctor abby griffin asks her patient how she is doing after getting her carried from the drop ship back to camp jaha in order to treat her. this is not a moment in which said patient raven reyes responds with a simple “awesome” to her own pain. this is not a moment in which raven’s boyfriend finn collins speaks up about how she is lying. no. this is a moment in which raven reyes straight up tells john murphy how it really is - she is in pain every single day.
this is a start to an interaction in which she digs deep into herself and tells the truth (the things she’s come to terms with and the things she still fights for - hence: spacewalks/choosing death). the kind of conversation in which she reveals her passion and her fears. the sort of revelation in which she is literally sharing something with someone who once caused her pain.
like, i know that raven has always been tied close to her own heart and did things for the people she loves. but for the first time she looks beyond everything else and focuses on herself, standing eye to eye with one problem (her brain damage) and a new friend. so, this fucking moment is all about raven’s humanity and her forgiveness, and it makes me wanna scream.