cant show my face because ugly

the great thing about growing up and leaving high school is that you start to not care what people think of you

i havent owned a pair of shorts in 10 years because i thought my legs were disgusting and huge, so in 90 degree weather i would be miserable wearing jeans because i was so self conscious. its been 2 years since high school and i finally bought a pair, and now i feel ridiculous for caring in the first place.

i always wore my hair in my face because i thought my face was ugly, and with whatever face was showing i had pounds of makeup on. although its okay to wear as much or as little makeup as you want, i felt like it was a necessity and without it i was ugly. the first week of college and every since ive had no problem wearing my hair in a bun and minimal to no makeup.

needless to say im a bigger girl, and there are certain things that i have been told that big girls cant wear: yoga pants, leggings, shorts, tanks, any tight clothing

FUCK that. yoga pants and leggings are comfy af, if you have a problem with what i wear you can look the other way. i dont even think about how people will think i look when i walk out because i finally had the mentality that im wearing this for myself and not for others. and quite frankly, i look cute af.

non-body perspective stuff: 

i stopped being ‘afraid’ to like popular artists and whatnot. i rock the fuck out to one direction and taylor swift, and i even bought their perfumes. why? because i fucking can. for some reason its viewed as awful to like an artist that you hear on the radio and i dont get why. its catchy, so imma listen to it. dont like their music? cool, but i do.

i was never ashamed of my sexuality, however i found it extremely hard to come out to my friends. they never asked, so i never told them. eventually its like ive known them for so long that i dont even know when to bring it into conversation. im still working on it, but im finding it easier to bring up that im pansexual to people. theres so much pressure to be as perfect as you can be in high school, so we never embrace our differences.

the reason why im even writing this post is because i know i have a lot of young followers on here and i want to tell you guys and gals and everything in between(or neither) that things get better after high school. not just with bullying and depression, but also with self image. you start to find out that nobody cares about what you wear, who you’re attracted to, what stuff you like, etc. and the people that do care, dont matter. 

however if you feel more comfortable doing what youre doing, then go for it. i understand that it can be really hard to step out of your comfort zone, but when you are ready, just know that youll feel so happy and liberated that you wont even remember why you thought it was such a big deal to begin with.


so to everyone reading this: rock those shorts that youve had an eye on but are afraid of people making fun of you(because 99% chance they wont even care), jam out to that new taylor song, go to homecoming and any other dance and dance your heart out no matter how stupid you might look because youll enjoy yourself(i never danced at any of my school events besides prom for the last 30 minutes and i regret not doing so earlier), and stop letting the fear of what people think hold you back from doing what you want to do.