cant show my face because ugly

the great thing about growing up and leaving high school is that you start to not care what people think of you

i havent owned a pair of shorts in 10 years because i thought my legs were disgusting and huge, so in 90 degree weather i would be miserable wearing jeans because i was so self conscious. its been 2 years since high school and i finally bought a pair, and now i feel ridiculous for caring in the first place.

i always wore my hair in my face because i thought my face was ugly, and with whatever face was showing i had pounds of makeup on. although its okay to wear as much or as little makeup as you want, i felt like it was a necessity and without it i was ugly. the first week of college and every since ive had no problem wearing my hair in a bun and minimal to no makeup.

needless to say im a bigger girl, and there are certain things that i have been told that big girls cant wear: yoga pants, leggings, shorts, tanks, any tight clothing

FUCK that. yoga pants and leggings are comfy af, if you have a problem with what i wear you can look the other way. i dont even think about how people will think i look when i walk out because i finally had the mentality that im wearing this for myself and not for others. and quite frankly, i look cute af.

non-body perspective stuff: 

i stopped being ‘afraid’ to like popular artists and whatnot. i rock the fuck out to one direction and taylor swift, and i even bought their perfumes. why? because i fucking can. for some reason its viewed as awful to like an artist that you hear on the radio and i dont get why. its catchy, so imma listen to it. dont like their music? cool, but i do.

i was never ashamed of my sexuality, however i found it extremely hard to come out to my friends. they never asked, so i never told them. eventually its like ive known them for so long that i dont even know when to bring it into conversation. im still working on it, but im finding it easier to bring up that im pansexual to people. theres so much pressure to be as perfect as you can be in high school, so we never embrace our differences.

the reason why im even writing this post is because i know i have a lot of young followers on here and i want to tell you guys and gals and everything in between(or neither) that things get better after high school. not just with bullying and depression, but also with self image. you start to find out that nobody cares about what you wear, who you’re attracted to, what stuff you like, etc. and the people that do care, dont matter. 

however if you feel more comfortable doing what youre doing, then go for it. i understand that it can be really hard to step out of your comfort zone, but when you are ready, just know that youll feel so happy and liberated that you wont even remember why you thought it was such a big deal to begin with.

so to everyone reading this: rock those shorts that youve had an eye on but are afraid of people making fun of you(because 99% chance they wont even care), jam out to that new taylor song, go to homecoming and any other dance and dance your heart out no matter how stupid you might look because youll enjoy yourself(i never danced at any of my school events besides prom for the last 30 minutes and i regret not doing so earlier), and stop letting the fear of what people think hold you back from doing what you want to do.

A condensed prediction post for Faking It season 2B (the important parts aka Karma and Amy’s storylines): 

  • Karma is going to get a job as a cater waiter to make extra money to help out her family. She’s going to cater a Skwerkel event with Reagan and make up with her or something. They’re gonna be frenemies or something idk. Point is she’s gonna see Liam there and he’s going to disappoint her again, probably by hooking up with Zita. Liam being a fuckface is gonna say “hurr durr we were just friends with benefits, this is all ur fault!!!” She’s finally going to realize she deserves better than a piece of human garbage and dump him for realsies (hopefully, I can dream right?).
  • Reagan is going to overhear Amy and Karma talking about how Amy slept with Liam. Reagan, being terrified of bisexuals, immediately flees the scene. They break up because of this. Maybe. They could possibly break up because Amy and Lauren stalked her in a car (if I recall that BTS correctly). Maybe Amy thought she was cheating on her? She prob wasn’t tho. Reamy is done about midway through the season.
  • Amy is sad about the breakup and Karma comforts her. Amy falls asleep in her arms, and Karma has another romantic/sexual dream about Amy but Liam Booker will probably make a guest appearance because Carter can’t let us have anything without that fucKING FUCKBOY showing his ugly thumb looking face every two seconds. She wakes up like “aw shit, why do I keep fingering Amy in my dreams??? i’m so straight i dont understand” and represses her feelings again.
  • They go to that rodeo dance thingy and pretend to be a couple again probably to please Karma’s mom who is the PFLAG leader. Amy catches the feels again. Karma probably does too but she represses them because she likes dudes she cant be gay what is bisexuality??? Anyways Amy probably gets sad that she’s in love with Karma again and calls Reagan for comfort. Reagan prob wants to get back together but Amy’s like “sorry karmy endgame” and Reagan’s like “tru” and they kiss all sad and then they replace her with that white dude that looks like a piece of toast.
  • Amy asks toast boy aka Felix to prom for fuck knows what reason. They avoid using the word bisexual. Again. Apparently people with peanut allergies are more common than bisexuals and MTV thought that was more relatable. She wears a suit bc Carter decided to be kind to us. She kisses Felix probably after Karma does something to make her upset and realizes toast boy can never replace her one tru love. Oh I think Karma goes to prom w/ that boy with the glasses I think his name is Wade and he’s played by actual angel Cameron Moulene and he’s bisexual and that’s why there’s that threesome with Karma/Shane/Wade. Idk when the threesome is but I’m not a fan.
  • Anyways I think the party where the karmy kiss happens is after prom but I’m not too sure about the storyline. I’m pretty sure it’s towards the end of the season because getting a karmy kiss this early seems way too kind. Actually this is probably what the storyline is: Prom (where Karma does something upsetting like hooks up with Wade and Amy sees it and is sad maybe) -> Amy telling Karma she has feelings again and makes the speech about the track going through her heart -> the party where Karma gets way too drunk and ends up kissing Amy in the pool. Idk what her reaction will be when she’s sober though. They probably won’t give us romantic karmy this early in the series tho so don’t get ur hopes up kids.

This is probably the gist of what’s going to happen but the storyline might be a tad off.