I know that it may not be important but i thought i would share. While I’m in the hospital my mom is usually gone because shes stressed and doesn’t want me to see so basically I’m alone. I cant get out of bed without a nurse to help me because I’m a fall risk…but i don’t feel alone here. I have so many good people keeping me company over the *scandalous* internet, ( @// im-angel-of-the-lord @ //elizadora @// thedarklord-rory @// lili-isyourqueen @// theskeletonmeme-lord and others on different apps )
While im waiting to have seizures and or just… figure out what is wrong im talking to them and watching my favorite youtubers. markiplier and jack mostly . It makes me feel like im home.. and i just wanted everyone to know how much they mean to me, near or far ill always be thankful of your existance.
It’s fucked up how suicidal my period makes me, like it’s cruel. Here I was feeling sooo good, so happy and then all of a sudden I’m drowning in anxiety and depression and I cant get out of bed, I can’t cope and I’m asking myself what the fuck is wrong with me?
IM GETTING MY FUCKING PERIOD, THATS WHAT.
Nothing is actually fucking wrong, you’re completely fine, the depths of hell are just coming alive in my uterus right now.
if you fucked up today, thats okyy, youre still smart, and good, and people still love you
if youre in a dark place today, thats okyy.
even if you feel like you cant get out of bed, and all you can do is breathe, thats okyy. you breathe, take the time you need, and we’ll be here when youre ready
evrey'day is a battle. on some, you demolish on whatevre’s ahead of you. on othre’s, you just have to hang on for dear life. eithre way, youre a fightre, strong person, dont forget it.
the conversation isak has with eva in the last ep of s3 is important because it isnt just isak talking about even-it’s showing that mentally ill people can-and will-be loved regardless of their illness. people are going to love us through relapses and episodes and on the days we cant get out of bed. isak being there for even on his good days and his bad gives hope to mentally ill people, and makes us believe we’re deserving of love and that we’re capable of having a functioning/healthy relationship, just like even.
Taehyung wanted to be brave. That’s all. He wanted to be brave for Yoongi who let himself get buried in guilt and too many contradicting feelings, for Hobi who, for once, didn’t know how to coax the vampire out of this state, for Jungkookie who still cries over Jimin, even though so much time has passed. He wanted to be, this time, the one to offer comfort.
But to do that, he’d have to face his own source of fear.
“I want to go to my old house. Where my pack used to live. Up in the mountain.”
Namjoon choked on his tea, going into a fit of coughs. Jin just started patting on his back, red eyes glued to the child in front of them. “Why?"
"Because I want to."
"Taehyungie…” Jin starts, and it’s that gentle and careful tone the demon always uses when Taehyung asks for things he, apparently, shouldn’t. “I need you to think this through. What you remember of that place is not what it is now. Nothing there is. And your memories, the bad ones, might be triggered worse then ever before. Are you willing to go through all that again?"
Taehyung knows he’s young, by anyone’s standards. He’s a puppy for werewolves and a child for humans, but his mother always said he was way brighter than the rest for his age. He’s considered what seeing his old home will be like, but he has to go. "How can you join the future if you’re always stuck in the past?"
And that’s all Jin needs to hear before agreeing to assist the werewolf in his little journey.
It doesn’t take them long to reach the mountain. The forest is as thick as Taehyung remembers. The closer they get to the little settlement, the faster his heart beats. He can see the scratches on the threes, where all the kids would sharpen their claws. He can see the many broken branches, way up, when the teens were practicing their jumping skills, much to the awe of the pups, watching from behind bushes (as if no one knew they were there).
The first time he feels hesitant is when the smell hits him. Old wood, decay… It’s an appalling odor and even more so for his sensitive nose. He wrinkles his nose and moves onwards, heart beating ten times faster.
It’s a mess.
There are three houses still standing, the rest broken down, burnt to ashes or simply smashed to pieces, the fountain that used to sit in the middle of their little town is just a pile of rocks, the flowers Ms. Halley would tend to with utmost care every morning were dead, swallowed by weeds and rubble, the big tree in Mr. Hunter’s garden that they would all decorate every Christmas was resting on top of what used to be the old werewolf’s house, the playground where all the pups would play at before they were old enough to be allowed into the woods was a mountain of rubbish, Ms. Lee’s house, where they would go to get cookies every weekend was a pile of ash and boulders. His house, where he spent so many years in was now one beaten up wall surrounded by derby. His grandfather’s house was nothing but smashed stone and growing weeds.
And right at the end of the town, before the forest started, were at least seventy baby trees, still growing, almost half of Taehyung’s height.
"Did Yoongi…?” The werewolf whispered, voice not completely working for him at the moment, a hand gently running through the small green leaves.
“He did.” Namjoon offered with a confiding smile, even though the kid wasn’t looking at him. “He said that considering how close werewolves are with nature, and how much they care for it, it would make sense for even their graves to give something to the forest."
Taehyung can only smile, imagining the vampire wasting an entire day making sure every tree was planted up nicely and properly and suddenly, he can’t hold back his tears anymore "He w-was right…"
When Taehyung returns to the mansion, he wastes no time in running up the stairs and into Yoongi’s arms and bawling his eyes out, much to the worry and confusion of the vampire.
i have a little solar-powered lucky cat on my windowsill and i can hear when its paw goes and up down which is usually the Most Annoying Noise Ever but right now it matches the beat of the song im listening to perfectly and this is like, the best auditory stim
i know i say this a lot but i really fucking wish people took adhd more seriously
depression, anxiety and bpd get a lot of attention here on tumblr but i have to follow specific blogs to find any mention of adhd,
my suffering did not begin with my depression and anxiety. in fact, my depression and anxiety came about BECAUSE of adhd.
adhd has made my life a living hell since i was old enough to think. i can tell you plenty of things about stuff that happened 10 years ago that really had no impact on anything ever, but ask me where I put something five minutes ago and i’ll have no clue. people get angry with me and then i start to cry because all of my emotion is solely concentrated into anxiety and i have no other way of expressing my own frustration.
adhd makes it so i have to read sentences over and over and over again in order to understand what they’re even saying. i can’t get out of bed in the morning, i cant fall asleep at night. i cant think of information when i need it, i cant concentrate with any sort of sound going on. im called lazy, stupid, useless, and i feel worthless: all because of adhd.
ive ruined my relationships with people around me because im shit at reading the atmosphere and tend to blurt out the first thing that comes to my mind. (that’s why i prefer talking to people online: it’s a hell of a lot easier when i dont have to pay attention to expressions and body language.)
so heres to everyone else with adhd, whose suffering has gone on in silence, whose struggles have been trivialized by those who claim it cant be that bad, or that its fake and a ploy by the pharmaceutical companies to get more money.
heres to those of you whose parents dont understand, who have gone through similar struggles but still remain strong.
so……. how am i capable of having THREE good weeks in a row, feeling like i have things under control, and then i suddenly wake up and my brain is like “haha enough of that i guess. remember this long list of things that are wrong?” and then i cant get out of bed