cant get out if bed

hi, my name is jess and i have a mental illness. this is how i feel i have to introduce myself to people at this point in my life. I’m 20 years old, living with massive depressive disorder, PTSD, and an anxiety disorder. i go to therapy, i take medication but i can get sad, really really sad sometimes, and i can get angry, really really angry sometimes. and sometimes I’m not even me. sometimes i cant get out of bed in the morning, i cant brush my teeth, my hair, go to class, or practice. one minute I’m laughing and the next I’m crying. but i am fighting. sometimes i am happy, unconditionally so, stable, loving, and healthy. ill go to class, ill score the game winning goal, and ill end up with a 4.0 GPA for the semester, sometimes you cant even tell I'm living with this dark cloud inside of me. i cannot guarantee you that i will always wake up with a smile on my face, but i promise you this, i love unconditionally, hard, and whole heartedly. i give my all in everything that i do. i work hard. i have more determination inside of me than most people ive met. ive been to hell and back in my almost 21 years, but ive made it back every time. no matter how sad i get, no matter how shitty i get, i will come back from it, i always do and i always will. so try not to give up on me, because one day ill be back, ill be me again.
—  living with a mental illness in your 20′s
this is just a remindre

if you fucked up today, thats okyy, youre still smart, and good, and people still love you

if youre in a dark place today, thats okyy.
even if you feel like you cant get out of bed, and all you can do is breathe, thats okyy. you breathe, take the time you need, and we’ll be here when youre ready

evrey'day is a battle. on some, you demolish on whatevre’s ahead of you. on othre’s, you just have to hang on for dear life. eithre way, youre a fightre, strong person, dont forget it.

power rangers feel good headcanons

yeeee im back guys

-they power cuddle all the time

-alpha joins in

-jason is THAT dude

-you know the one, doesnt care about school, is actually a real softie, doesnt do homework but still learns the subjects

-they all know who they real them are

-they all know that zack is actually really hard working

-that kim is a super nerd

-trini LOVES to cuddle

-billy has some real good pick up lines

-whenever one of them has a problem they usually go to jason because jason is the best listener and problem solver EVER

-zack and trini are who you go to when u want revenge on someone 

-kim is who you go to when you want to not think about your problem through fun

-billy is who you go to when u actually want to SOLVE your problem

-they are uber supportive of each other because they know how each other feels on an empathetic level

-they are always playing pranks on each other

-thats a given they are teenagers

-(i wonder how old they are and what will happen when they go away to college or something)

-movie night all the time

-paintball game trips

-whenever zacks anxiety gets bad trini helps out the best

-whenever kims depression gets bad billy’s great with helping

-and when billy has sensory overloads jason is hella helpful

-when jason doesnt want (i dont want to say want more like cant since its like a depression thing) to get out of bed zack is at his window to help him out

-of course kims the neede when trini has an anxiety attack

-(is anyone gonna talk about the repurcussions of being a power ranger on a mentally ill teenagers mind cuuz im ready slide into my muthafucken dms babe)

-they are always the loudest table at lunch

-but they dont care because guess what theyre fucking superheroes so suck that

-(if anyone is into all the other versions of power rangers slide into my messages baby i jus wanna talk lmao i actually do want to discuss all the previous versions of power rangers because no one i ever meet is into them)

-you already know that two of the group can be found making out at any time beware

-one time two of them were caught making out in a megazord…….a MEGAZORD

-thats kinky

-donut dates!

-subway saturday

-taco tuesday

-alliteration alliteration

-lol but they are that group that has the alliteration days where they go off campus (because i think they are juniors) and eAT AND BE OBNOXIOUS

-what if billy watched all those power ranger shows and thats why he was so extra when he figured out he was a power ranger

to the theme of spiderman song

-billy cran billy cranston does whatever the blue ranger can

-kimberly kimberly does reckless shit all the time

jason scott jason scott is a martyr all the time

-trini kwan trini kwan shes the cutest and will cut you with a knife

-zack tay  zack taylor does whatever the fuck  he wants to do


love y’all ;)

onyxthree-two  asked:

I've been eagerly waiting for your requests to be open! Could you do something with the differences between Gabe and Reaper? Like how each of his personas react to their s/o holding his hand, hugging them, cuddles, saying "I love you", kisses, and maybe sex? If you're up to it?

A/N: I feel like reaper and gabe are like two different people even though they’re not? Just with the way they act from what we’ve seen is a big difference. Like gabe’s a lil shit and knows it whereas reaper is tired and just wants to get things done.

Gabriel Reyes

Reyes is a cocky lover. He loves to tease you, throwing innuendos and comments as you speak or pass by him. However, he knows when to be profession but whether he chooses to be depends on him. He loves you with all his being and everyone who has seen you two together knows it. 

  • Holding Hands: He does it no matter where. At a meeting? He’s sneakily holding your hands under the table. Lunch? He’s holding it as he listens to you talk about your day. Even walking through the halls of Blackwatch, his hands are in yours while he briefs you on what needs to be done.
  • Hugs: He’s stuck to you like glue. Whispering in your ear as you try and shift out of this grasp in a mess of blushes or laughter. If he’s feeling rambunctious, he’ll lift you off your feet and carry you off for a break.
  • Cuddles: He likes holding you in his arms whilst his hands linger over your hips and your butt. Your head tucked in the bend of his neck as he plants kisses on the top of your head. He traps your leg in both of his, laughing when you cant get out bed because of it.
  • “I love you.”: “I love you too.” He replies with no hesitation. Gabes planting a kiss on you for good measure. He tells you on the daily, before and after missions, at the start of the day, at night before you both turn in or even when you do small tasks for him.
  • Sex: Sex with Reyes is sensual or quick. He’s admiring you in every way possible, milking every second of it. Or, its fast and wild, like he has a meeting in 10 minutes but he wants this more “so we got to be quick, cariño.” He leaves hickeys every where he can get his lips on.

Reaper

Reaper is more distant yet clingy. He loves you enough to know that he can’t always be with you, not when he works for Talon. Though, when its just the two of you, no Talon business or work, he’s so into you that you can’t get him off.  

  • Holding Hands: He won’t do it in public, its too risky for him. Alone, though, he likes having your hands in his. Loving the difference between your small hands in his large scarred ones. 
  • Hugs: He likes to hug you from behind while you to the most mundane tasks.Squeezing you tight till you chuckle playfully for him to let go. He doesn’t though and you don’t mind, patting his hands at your front reassuringly.
  • Cuddles: He latches on to you and now your stuck in his grasp until he decides to let go. He likes for you to hold him. His head snuggles on your chest while he hugs your waist. Loving when you brush your fingers through his unruly hair comfortingly.
  • “I love you.”: It surprises him all the time, no matter how many times you say it. You’re usually met with silence since he’s a bit thunderstruck but you know he loves you too. 
  • Sex: Sex with Reaper is rough, long and wanting. He likes to build you up, learning the curves and kinks of your body, before taking you as his. He wants to hear you moan and whine begging him for more before flipping the dial and having you scream for him. He doesn’t care how long it takes just as long as he’s with you.
2

I’ve spent my whole day in bed today. But I actually got dressed and didn’t wanna waste my outfit.

Storms (Chapter Four)

A few ups and down in this chapter. Depression/PTSD is something with good and bad days and Tony really struggles. Thor tries to help and messes up, because sometimes that’s what people even if they don’t mean to. But healing is happening. Even if it’s slowly. Bear with me, I promise it starts turning around soon!

ADDITIONAL CHAPTERS HERE

Tissues, sweethearts!

****************************

“You don’t work in your laboratory anymore?” Thor asked over lunch a few days later, and Tony shook his head.

“Why would I?”

“You always enjoyed…”

“Not anymore.” Tony took a sip of his water and the barest nibble of a bite of chicken. “Nope. No team to make gear for. No reason to just waste time in there.”

“You used to just…” Thor searched for the right word. “Tinker. With your robots.”

“No.” Tony pushed his plate away. “I don’t–don’t want to build anything anymore.”

“That’s too bad.” Thor watched him pick at his food for a few more minutes. “Anthony, would you please just–” he got up and walked around the table to sit right next to Tony, spearing a piece of chicken and propping it up in front of his mouth. “Open.”

“You’re not going to feed me like a child.” Tony protested.

Open.” Thor demanded, his voice going deep, and Tony’s eyes widened, his jaw dropping open automatically to take the bite off Thor’s fork.

“Better.” Thor got another piece ready. “Again.”

“Are we really going to–”

Again.” Thor demanded and Tony swallowed hastily, taking another bite. “Better.” Thor’s tone softened as he scooped even more onto the fork this time, and Tony didn’t try to argue, just opened his mouth and ate each forkful that Thor put in front of him.

Thor smiled and made encouraging noises as Tony ate, until was only a few bites of food left in the bowl.

“Thank you.” He said then and handed Tony a bottle of water. “Thank you for eating for me.”

Keep reading

okay so. as someone who runs one of the very, very few ocpd-centric blogs on tumblr (not this one, i mean @thatocpdfeel ), its actually so upsetting how little people know abt ocpd, even here on tumblr amongst other mental health bloggers. not to say anything bad abt those bloggers!!! its just not spoken abt much. maybe thats because its not as common as, like, bpd or avpd, but its also because SO many ocpd symptoms are ENCOURAGED by society. i get so many tags on my posts saying “thats an ocpd thing???” or “thats not normal???” or “im not supposed to do that???” like so much of what is killing us from the inside are things parents, teachers, and guardians all think are positive attributes to have, but we internalize those things in such a twisted and intense way that we suffer and yet are idealized for our suffering.
ive had so many people with other illnesses, like depression, tell me how ocpd has its upsides because i can be productive and get stuff done when they cant even get out of bed. thats not how it works.
ocpd is not being perfect.
ocpd is NEEDING to be perfect because even the tiniest mistake means you are the scum of the earth and deserve to die.
ocpd is not double checking your work to make sure you got everyting right because you want a good score.
ocpd is perfecting the wording of a single sentence because if it doesnt imply the exact thought you are trying to get across then it means you have failed and even if it is still technically right and no points are taken off, inside you know that it was wrong and it COULD have been better and your personal standards are ten times higher than the official standards because you know that the goals you need to reach to be successful are leaps and bounds above what the average person needs, not because you are better than them but because you must strive to become better than them at all cost because second best is still a loser.
ocpd is not orangizing your work station before starting a new project.
ocpd is crying and screaming while you trash 42 different versions of the same attempted project and shoving everything off your desk and wanting to pull out your hair or bang your head on a wall because you messed it up so many times already and if you dont get it right this time you will never get it and you will be marked as a failure for the rest of your life, unable to accomplish literally anything and youre so terrified of that thought you take six hours to scrub at your desk and mop the floor and take a razor to that bit of wax thats been stuck on the leg of your chair for a week and half and meticulously organize everything into boxes, counting every ration you put in to make sure they all even out, and listing everything thats there and labeling the boxes then straight up leaving the work area and not thinking about the project for another month.
ocpd is not having a folder of all your important documents because you know you will need them some time.
ocpd is having six folders, each containing vastly different documents, some of which are important, some of which are just old receipts to mcdonalds, some are keepsakes from friends, some of which are just a scap of paper with scribbles that you dont remember what they mean but maybe one day you will, and the rest are just any paper youve ever come across in your life. theyre all just as important as everything else though because the thought of prioritising them is nearly incomprehensible because they are all important and you need them all for equally important things so when you need, like, that paper for your auto insurance you first must sift through six hundred pages of notes your friends passed back and forth in middle school over five years ago and you dont even talk to them anymore but you absolutely cannot get rid of them. its all so important.
ocpd is not being productive.
ocpd is waking up and remembering that you are an inherently flawed and imperfect being, but also that your worth in this world is defined by what you put into it, so even if you cant be perfect, if you make enough perfect stuff or do enough stuff perfectly, it will all give the illusion to others as well as yourself that you are perfect. so you push yourself to do whatever it is you do. regardless of your other illnesses, you work and and try to be as productive as you possibly can because thats your only chance. you go into work sick. you push yourself past your limits, past what you know you are physically/mentally able to do, and you suffer for breaching those limits but all that pain is WORTH it because you are temporarily overcome with a sense of accomplishement and SOMEONE is finally proud of you. you did something right FOR ONCE. so even if you go completely nonverbal, or lay in bed for the next week in pain, or end up in the ER, or seventeen other things didnt get done, there was the most brief sense of absolute euphoria even if its almost immidiately replaced by a sense of overwhelming anxiety about what you messed up, forgot, did wrong, or ignored to achieve that feeling and the cycle of fixing, fixing, fixing repeats itself.
ocpd is not being bossy, egotistical, or controlling.
ocpd is a deeply psychological understanding that even the most insignificant mistake will reflect back on you in the most exaggerated and horrendous way possible. its knowing that if you ask your friend to go get you a red pen, but they bring you a blue one, and you dont know they got blue instead, so if you write even the smallest mark in that blue ink, even if its technically okay to write in red or blue, you specified red, so the fact that its blue makes it wrong and unnacceptable so in your mind its better to drop what your doing and get the correct red pen yourself even if its right beside your friend and you are already focusing on something else. the concept of asking others to do something, not even something in a manner of helping you but just to divide up jobs evenly, its absolutely impossible. because if they do something wrong, it will reflect on you, then you did something wrong and we both know that doing something wrong is completely out of the question. you would rather multitask four things at once, but the sight of someone else just twiddling their thumbs while you bust your ass is so infuriating! why cant they do what you are doing? why cant they just read your mind and know exactly what you need, when you need it, and be helpful? thats what you would do if they were in your situation! if they were working like you, you would hand them everything. you would also probably go ahead and just put that back for them. well, you could also handle that too. and before you know it, their job is your job and there they are twiddling their thumbs and looking at you for a job to do. its the phrase “if you want something done right, do it yourself” taken to a whole other level.
ocpd is so much more than what people think. were more than just a “type a personality” or “perfectionists” and its not just “mild ocd” either. ocpd is painful. please remember that.

im so pissed teru and shou dont interact in canon more bc i just KNOWWW they would have such a great dynamic

  • zoe and connor developed a kind of morse code through their bedroom walls so they can communicate even if theyre grounded, or if larry and cynthia are fighting, or if they just cant sleep and want to talk
  • connor reads a lot of poetry and draws all around the words on the pages. hes thought about being an illustrator before
  • zoe uses a lot of calming scent diffusers in her room; everything is light and airy and clean, but she still has an all time low poster on her closet door from middle school
  • zoe likes to collect flowers on her walks with evan and she presses them and uses them to decorate her room
  • connor sometimes finds pressed flowers in his poetry books from zoe, and he keeps them in a special place in his desk drawer
  • connor takes the longest showers in the world and it drives zoe up the wall bc by the time she gets in all the hot water is GONE
  • when larry is being too tough on connor, zoe is not afraid to speak up. shes blunt and she tells it like it is. with both connor and larry
  • zoe likes to pluck at her guitar on summer evenings outside when she thinks no one is paying attention. connor opens the window in his room and just lays and stares at the ceiling and listens, bc he just cant find the strength to get out of bed that day
  • connor is not usually good at showing zoe that he cares about her..but when she failed her driving test he took her to get ice cream and sat w her all night while they watched her favorite movies

i can’t do this anymore i’m sorry i’m sorry it’s too much it’s all too much i fucking cant it hurts i can’t handle this i can’t get out of bed anymore i can’t i can’t kill me kill me please i’m begging you kill me before i have to kill myself please fuck i can’t do this anymore i’m sorry i’m sorry forgive me

when u cant get out of bed and its almost 4pm and youve been in bed since you woke up and its almost 4pm and u dont anticipate getting out of bed any time soon and its almost 4pm and ur just like uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh spungus?