i told my dad i think i might have adhd like idk, a month or 2 ago, and today we got my report cards nd i got like, decent grades ig (im failing one class but ive been failing it all year so he doesnt care, everything else is a’s and b’s) and basically he was like ‘ok see u got good grades theres no way u have adhd, u just thought u had adhd but u dont” and like, idk, he doesnt understand. he told me that i made it up and that all thetime i spent looking up symptoms and stuff made me trick myself into thinking i have it and just,,,,,ugh.
you kept still on the ground as it hurt too much to move. more and more blood poured out from your wounds and you vision got a little darker with every passing second. tyler really did a number on you this time.
you dont know how long you were there as time seemed to stop in you last seconds. you were going to die alone and you were scared and wanted to cry, yet at the same time..you accepted your fate and kept stoic.
you pushed the flashbacks you were having away and focused on keeping your self calm. you didnt want to think of the what ifs and could have beens. you just wanted to die. you didnt want to think of jason, nor dick or any of the wayne family that had done so much for you. you didnt want to think of jasons glowing eyes his smile that made your knees weak. you didnt want to think of the butterflies you got when ever he was near you or touched you. no, you couldnt think of that. not now.
you started coughing. with every cough that raked through your body you could feel your self getting weaker and weaker. the inevitable darkness was coming faster. your pulse got slower and slower untill eventually it stopped. but just before the darkness took over completely, one memory popped up. one of just the other day. the reason youre where you are right now.
it was just another day to you. you went home, tyler beat you a bit then thew you out. what was wrong about it was the fact that at the exact time you were thrown out, jason was coming over to see you. of course you forgot about that until you stood up and saw him with tears in his eye. tears of anger.
“how long has this been going on?”
“jason its no-” you didnt have time to finish before he spoke again.
“how long has this been going on, y/n?”
tears filled your eyes as you looked down in shame. you could hardly manage a whisper. “the whole time…”
he came and picked you up and quickly ran back to his bike, some how managing to safely drive back to the manor in record breaking time all while holding you in his arms. you dont really remember what happened net. you just remember being placed in a bed and hearing lots of yelling.
then there was just silence. as if every one walked off the face of the earth. so you just stayed put in the bed which you figured was jasons old one. you huddled in the fetal position and cried. you just cried till you could no more. you cried for the pain you were in, you cried for the other because you never wanted to drag anyone into this mess. you scared and had no idea what was going to come next. you cried yourself to sleep.
when you woke up, jason was sitting on the edge of the bed, holding your hand. he didnt notice that you opened your eyes as he spoke.
“i cant believe i let this happen to you…i cant believe i left you alone with that monster for 2 years. i cant believe i never noticed how every time some one raises their voice you flinch…or how skinny youve gotten. ive failed you. youre my one true love and i let you down…”
“its not your fault…” your small fragile voice scared him. “do you really love me tho” you could feel your tears well in your eyes as you spoke.
“more than anything.” with that you sat up and brought your lips to his and kissed him with every bit of love in your body. and he kissed you right back.
as the memory faded from your mind…you faded from this world and were consumed by total darkness.
I feel like Im going to throw up. Not because Im physically sick. I dont have a fever or anything. I feel like Im going to throw up. Because I’ve lost everyone in the past week. I broke up with my boyfriend, because he deserves better. I lot my best friend, she told me I have been hurting her this whole time. And everyone went with them. I learned that one of my friends actually hates me and has for 2 years. I feel liked Im going to throw up. When I think about Bo Burnham because that was my boyfriends favorite. I cant eat at dennys because my group of friends would always eat there. I cant even say certain things anymore because it hurts. When i think about these things the feeling of throw up is worse. I am rude, and reckless, and a terrible person. And no one fucking believes me. But my world is shattered. And every time I try to pick up the pieces I get told that someone else hates me, or someone else is leaving. I am no longer trying to pick up the pieces anymore. I understand how horrible I am not denying it anymore. Im just going to sit here. And always feel that pain in my chest. Always going to feel like I am going to throw up.
You woke up in a bed that you did not remember. In the arms of a man you never have seen before. And the only thing you could do was to scream. Really loud. Which alarmed the sleeping man. He jumped of the bed and looked ready to fight. After he realised nothing was going to attack him he turned to me and asked “Hey you alright something happend?” But you just could not speak. You were to shocked. It seems that he knew exactly who you were. You tried to remembere where you were yesterday. If you were out with friends. But that still would not explain why you were here. Your friends would never have let you go with a stranger. With the time passing the handsome man just grew more worried and tried to came closer to you but you just moved back. You could have sworn you saw some hurt in his eyes but it was gone to fast to be sure. “Who are you?”, you finally asked. “Hahah thats funny Y/N. You scared me. I thought something happend to you.” “I am not joking. Who ARE you? And why do you know me?” “Y/N you KNOW me too. We are togehter since 2 years. We live togehter. And you predenting not to know me is not funny.” “But I am not pretending. I do not know you. And I am sure I have never seen you in my life before. I want to call my friends so they can pick me up. I can not believe I went with a stranger.” “But I am not a stranger. And your friends can not pick you up that easily. Because we are in Hawaii and your friends are still in New York. They were here last week to visit you. You should know.” “What should I do in Hawaii. I hate hot weather and everything that has to do with it.” “Okay I have enough of this. Put some clothes on. We are going to the hosptial. When you acctually can not remembere a thing about me. There needs to be something with your brain and we need to get that fixed.” He was clearly frustraded with me but I cant believe he just made me seem insane. “Are you calling me mad? You really think I should believe you that I was in a 2 year relationship with you and cannot remembere a thing? Just like that? It seems highly impossible. But FINE I am going to proof to you that everything is fine with me. And that you are the one with brain issues.” With that I stood up from the bed and tried to find my clothes. They guy must have noticed my irritation and pointed to a door. “Thats the bathroom. Your clothes are inside.” Quiet ashamed I walked over and said “Thank you…. ahmm what was your name again?” “My name was Steve. Steve McGarrett.” “Ah yes right …. Steve. Thanks Steve.” “You´re welcome.”
Just half a hour later we were sitting in the waiting room of the Hawaiin hospital. I still could not believe that I was really in Hawaii. The last thing I remembere I was in New York with my friends and told them about my visit back to Germany and how my family has been. I need to call them. I need to know what has happend in the last two years. I just could not deny that is was infact 2017 and not 2015. I mean the papers and the TV AND the radio would not lie.
Hey *wave* I hope you liked Part 1. To know if I should contiune writing a like would be kind. Until my next imagine or Part 2 of this Goodbye :) <3
aelin : party animal. lost her clothes halfway through the night and started to strut around in rowan’s shirt. rowan had to follow her and snarl every time fenrys gawked at aelin’s bare legs. bare goddess™ legs. will dance to any music or no music at all. drunk™ my g od she is so drunk™ 3…2…1 “hAPPY NEW YEARS MY BUZZIE BUZZARD” giving rowan the sloppiest kiss ever, then goes back to dancing on the table.
rowan : sighing, sighing, sighing. babysitter™ everyone is drunk™, but he has to keep following aelin around. snarls every time fenrys stares at her backside. really testing his luck, that one. go d he thought christmas was bad, he hates new years more. and believe me, he hated christmas. 3…2..1 “happy new years, fireheart”
aedion : created the bump and grind. showing his bi™ side. “stop dancing with my cadre, aedion!” “live a little, aelin!” mr. twerk fest. even did a bit of belly dancing and body shots™ cant wait for this year to end. he’s waited long enough. 3…2…1 “lysANDR-” “oh there you are. gimme kissy”
lysandra : playing board games with evangeline. keeping her away from the booze. spiked her apple juice. smiling and watching everyone making a fool of themselves. took them to church when she danced that one time and left them all speechless. 3….2…1 “aedion i’m right here” . “happy new years, you drunk rat”
dorian : dirty dancing™ with aelin. aye, aye, aye, back it up, two shots now y’all. one thrust this time, two thrusts this time, twerk-twerk real slow. somewhere between his fifth shot and his twentieth shot, dorian ended up being the stripper. “girl i love it how you move it like dis” aye, aye, ayeee. dorian got turnt. 3…2…1 “manny!”
manon : halfway between glaring at dorian and ripping aelin to shreds, but also just shaking her head. sighing and watching dorian. low key she was kind of enjoying the show. but you cant prove anything. not a thing. 3…2…1 “don’t call me manny”
chaol : “AELIN! DORIAN! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? Nesryn, wonderful to see you dear. Bed EMPTY! No NOTES! Booze and clothes gone! You could have died! You could have been seen! Of course, I don’t blame you, Nesryn dear” furiously rubbing his temples. he’s so embarrassed that he knows these two. “killjoy!” “yOU’RE IN YOUR BRA” 3…2..1… “where is nesryn?”
nesryn : “y'all some white trash”™ “this is so embarrassing” “calm your white self down im laughing” “i have so many white frens™ bye” “cant one of you just be normal?” @11:59 “Y'all im out bye ha” 3…2…1 [cricket noises].
fenrys : fabulous fenrys™ aka magic mike 2.0. break it down. literally. he broke the table because he was dancing on it. taught elide how to twerk. “fenrys, stop it!” “my body too bootylicious for you, babe!” did belly dancing with aedion. 3…2…1 “WILDTHING!” falls and breaks table.
asterin : she’s been ignoring fenrys since the whole “ho ho ho” fiasco on christmas. this is no different. fenrys had no warning label and everyone let her walk right into a trap. drink™ more™ talk™ less™ 3…2…1… “i’m not picking him up”
lorcan : new phone, who dis? new year, who dis? lol i know none of you™ bye™ couldnt wait to get away™ see you never losers™ tried to make his great escape but elide caught him. was perfectly content with elide testing out her new twerking skills. on him, of course. 3…2…1 “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH ELIDE”
elide : at about 11:55 a drunk fenrys had the perfect plan. he dragged elide into aelin and lysandra’s closets and dressed her up in glittering silver clothes, making her look like a ball. elide was the new year’s ball™ she looked amazing™ ball-tactic™ 3…2…1… “hIIII LORRCAAAN”. lorcan caught her of course. and gave a Hellas worthy snarl and glare to fenrys.
connall : wearing sunglasses in doors. too cool™ for these people and their straightness™. his petty side is coMING OUt. just like he did. he came out the closet™. cuddling with his gay boyfriend, vaughan. sipping champagne. 3…2…1 [curls finger] “come here, vaughan-vaughan” slightly drunk™
vaughan : “I AM STILL PRAYING FOR YOU HEATHENS!” says the fae who is cuddling with his gay boy™friend. finally got a squirt bottle full of holy water. started spraying it on everyone, hissing “let the lord reign true, glory to god in the highest, you are amazing lord”. 3…2…1 [throws squirt bottle and kisses his gay™ boy™friend on the mouth™].
gavriel : “im seriously disowning all of you” dad™ daddy™ has had enough! so tired of these hoeligans. ate all the food. might be judging™ you. 3…2…1 “gavy gimme a kiss kiss” “go away aelin” “but uncle kitty caaaaat”
bonus, evangeline : honestly just happy she has a family to spend new years with. saw their true™ colors and loved them even more. full of giggles. blushed every time the twins smothered her faces, her scars, with kisses. 3…2…1. rowan gave her a sweet kiss on her cheek and evangeline frowned “when you get a little older”
rhys : wearing those 2017 glasses where the glasses part is the 0. wearing a 2017 shirt. wearing tight black pants. did the conga line with himself, dragged azriel and cassian too. dirty danced with feyre. lied down on the bar and made cassian pour booze down his throat. 3…2…1 “feyre daarrrlinnngggg” idiot™ drunk™.
feyre : dancing with her sisters and mor. secretly thankful everyone is here to be able to do stupid stuff like that. just a bunch of smiling and laughing, and making sure rhys didn’t try to fly while drunk. wearing a crown bc boss™ 3…2…1 “hello, rhysand archeron”
cassian : too cool™ for this™ … sIKE MOVE™ OUT THE WAY™ SUCKAS™ was a real smoothie. danced with everyone. ‘accidentally’ lost his shirt somehow. no one minds. them sinnamon rolls was looking real nice™ lick™ lick™ 3…2…1 “nes-” “no”
nesta : elegantly sipping a glass of wine. eating cheese and crackers. just plain classy. watching everyone else make fools of themselves. somehow got dragged into dancing once. knew how to bump™ and grind™ like no one was watching. 3…2…1 “nes-” “no”
azriel : disappeared in his shadows on christmas day and he decided to come back. is like that guy in the gif where he comes back to a burning apartment, holding pizza. yea™. thats him. disappeared back into his shadows. 3…2..1… nope he gone™
mor : dRUNK™ kEE P T HE B o oZ e aWA Y fR Om mo R™ work it queen, work it. knows how to get a party started and keep it going. work mama work. got that tight dress on, i see™ you. 3….2….1..ended up making out with a wall, thinking it was azriel.
lucien : no, no, no, no, did i mention…nO! “ugh fine, one dance elain, ONE DANCE” one dance turned into many dances. sure knows how too woo a woman via™ the flick of his hips™. 3…2…1 [longest yeah boi ever]
elain : had one sip of alcohol and somehow?? end?? up?? drunk??™ no one knows. almost lost her shirt, but lucien to the rescue. a lot of giggles and sweet dances with her mate. 3…2….1 “hAPPY NEW YE-” yeah boi™
amren : couples. couples everywhere. rolling her eyes but secretly™ happy for them. takes a shot every time someone does something stupid. somehow didn’t die™ of alcohol poisoning™ magic, true magic. 3…2…1. takes another shot
@anon: i believe cherrys url is baebsaes or something
@ anon from yesterday!
how do you feel when ppl go through your blog to like 2-3 years ago? someone is doing it to mine and like yeah i cant really say anything lol but it makes me etxremly uncomfortable…. i dont like it one bit… i dont like them just stalking my blog purposely like that ..
sometimes people are looking for a specific thing??? i don’t really check the online user script on my blog often so ;;; i don’t really know what to say since it’s kinda out of our control? sorry that it makes you feel uncomfortable like that :-( but blogs are mainly for archival purposes so they’re probably looking for something rather than purposely stalking through your blog? ah idk i’m sorry!
jk is so GOOD LOOKING
his black hair… i’m crying…
ur fucking jeongguk and yugyeom tweet i had whiplash because i thought it was one person lmao
dsakjfnasd they’re matching HAHA they looked so similar in those pics so i was like WA I T
did you join any new go’s? just curious!
i joined the go for cheese bang’s stickers!!
you gif so fast o.o
not really? LOL i just happened to be on at the time so… yeah…
I am the happiest I’ve ever been. 25 years is a long time to wait for the love of your life, but now I’ve got her. The problem is.. now what?
I’ve been on this earth 25 years; I’ve lived in 8 states, 16 different apartments, 17 houses, I’ve had 5 different roommates and even lived in my car for a time all with a smile on my face. Years being homeless, physically abused, 3 dislocations and 2 broken bones by “father figures”.
And now… I am the happiest I’ve ever been. With a woman that I can’t believe loves me in return, I cant believe it so much that I feel like I’m going to destroy it, not on purpose.. But just because I’m trying to find holes that aren’t there..
So, now what?
I suppose I stay happy, buy a house, be a husband, and be the father I never had. All these things seem so alien to me that I can’t help but feel like I’ll ruin it all. That this all is gonna come crumbling down.. next year? 10 years? 50? How long can I be the thing I never knew I wanted? How long can she love me?
Tell me!! How can i even watch Pitch Perfect 2 without a canon bechloe when i just spent the last 2 years believing that they are by reading fluffy smutty angsty and all kinds of fanfics of them together!?!?!