Japan is an island by the sea filled with volcanoes and it’s ♪♫ beautiful ♫♪.
In the year negative a billion, Japan might not have been here. In the year negative forty thousand, it was here, and you could walk to it, and some people walked to it. Then it got warmer, some icebergs melted, it became an island, and now there’s lots of ♫ trees ♫. Because it’s warmer.
So now there’s people on the island; they’re basically sort of hanging out in between the mountains eating nuts off trees and using the latest technology. Like stones, and bowls.
Ding dong, it’s the outside world, and they have technology from the future. Like really good metal, and ♪ crazy rice farms ♪. Now you can make a lot of rice really really quickly. That means if you own the farm, then you own a lot of food, which is something everybody needs to survvvvive. So that makes you king.
Rice farming and rice kingdoms spread all across the land, all the way to here. The most important kingdoms were here (Hi), here (Chikushi), here (Izumo), here (Kibi), here (Yamato), here (Koshi), and here (Kenu). But this one (Yamato) was the most most important, ruled by a heavenly superperson, or emperor for short.
Knock knock, get the door, it’s religion. The new prince wants everyone to try this hot new religion 🎺🎺🎺 (Buddhism) from Baekje.
“Please try this religion,” he said.
“No,” said everybody.
“Try iiiiit,” he said.
“no,” said everybody again, quieter this time.
And so the religion was put into place and all the rules that came with it.
Then, the government was taken over by another clique (Taika). And they made some reforms , like making the government govern more, and making the government more like China’s government, which is a government that governs more.
“Hi China,” they said.
“Hi dipshit (wa, dwarf),” said China.
“Can you call us something else, other than dipshit?” said Japan.
“Like what?” said China.
♫♪"How about sunrise laaand?“♪♫ said Japan.
And they stole China’s alphabet and wrote a book. About themselves! And then they made lots of poetry and art and another book about themselves.
Then they stopped moving the capital every time the emperor died and kept it in one place for a while, right here (Kyoto, Heian Palace). And they conquered the north finally, get that squared away.
A rich hipster named Kūkai is bored with modern Buddhism and visits China, learns a better version which is more ♫♪ spiritual ♪♫, comes back, reinvents the alphabet, and causes art and literature to be ♫♪ great ♪♫ for a long time. And the royal palace turned into such a dreamworld of art that they really didn’t give a shit about running the country.
So if you live outside the palace, how are you supposed to protect your shit, from criminals? ♫♪ Hire a samurai. ♪♫ Everyone started hiring samurai. Rich important people hired samurai. Poor people who could not afford to hire samurai did not hire samurai. The samurai became organized and powerful, more powerful than the government. So they made their own military government, right here. They let the emperor still be emperor, but the shogun was actually in control.
Breaking news, the Mongols have invaded China.
"W̛e҉’ve i͟nv̕aded ̵Chi͠na̸,” said the Mongols, “Pl͘e̶a̷se̵ ͝res͢p̛ȩc̷t u͢s҉,͜ or͜ el̕se w͞e ͟m̛igh͟t ͠i͝nvade͡ ̕y͜o̕u̕ ͡a͡s̕ ̡well̀.̢”
“Okay,” said Japan.
So the Mongols came over, ready for war, and died in a tornadotyphoon. But they tried again, and had a nice time fighting with the Japanese, but then died in a tornadotyphoon.
Then the emperor overthrows the shogunate, then the shogunate overthrows him back and moves to Kyoto, and makes a new shogunate. And the emperor can still dress like an emperor if he wants, that’s fine.
♫♪ Now there’s more art. ♪♫
Like painting with less colors, collaborative poetry, plays, monkey fun, tea parties, gardening, architecture, flowers.
It’s time for who’s going to be the next shogun. Usually it’s the shogun’s kid, but the shogun doesn’t have a kid. So he tries to get his brother to quit being a monk and be the next shogun. He says okay. But then the shogun has a kid. So now who’s it gonna be? Vote now on your phones. And everyone voted so hard that the palace caught on fire and burned down. The shogun actually didn’t care, he was off somewhere doing poetry. And the whole country broke into pieces. Everyone is fighting with each other for local power, and it’s anybody’s game.
Knock knock, it’s Europe. No, they’re not here to take over, they just wanna sell some shit. Like clocks, and guns, and ♫♪ Jesus ♪♫. So that’s cool. But everyone’s still fighting each other for control. Now with guns! And wouldn’t it be nice to control the capital, which right now is puppets, with no one controlling them? This clan (Imagawa) is ready to make a run for it, but first they have to trample this smaller clan (Oda) which is in the way. Surprise, smaller clan wins! And the leader of that clan (Oda Nobunaga) steals the idea of invading the capital, and invades the capital. And it goes very well.
He’s about halfway through conquering Japan when someone who works for him kills him, then someone else who works for him (Toyotomi Hideyoshi) kills them, and that guy finishes conquering Japan. And then he confiscated everybody’s swords. And he made some rules.
“Ąnd͟ n͟ow I'̛m̶ goińg̡ to ͘inva͞d̨e ͝Kor͟e͡a,̵ an͝d͢ ̶the̴n h͜op̷ef̕ull͏y ̵Chin͢a̛,” he said, and failed, and also died.
But before he died, he told these five guys to take care of his five year old son until he’s old enough to be the next ruler of Japan. And the five guys said yeah right, it’s not gonna be this kid, it’s gonna be one of us. ‘Cause we’re grownups. And it’s probably gonna be this guy (Tokugawa Ieyasu) who happens to be way more rich and powerful than the others.
A lot of people support him, but a lot of people (Ishida Mitsunari) support not supporting him. They have a fight, and he wins. And starts a new government, right here. ♫♪ Edo ♫♪ And he still lets the emperor dress like an emperor, and have very nice things. But don’t get confused, this (Tokugawa family) is the new government. And they are very strict, so strict they close the country. No one can leave, and no one can come in. Except for the Dutch, if they wanna buy and sell shit, but they have to do it right here (Dejima).
Now that the entire country was not at war with itself, the population increased a lot. Business increased, schools were built, roads were built, everyone learned to read, books were published. There was poetry (haiku), plays (kabuki), sexytimes, puppet shows (bunraku), and Dutch studies. People started to study European science from books they bought from the Dutch. We’re talking geography, skeletons, physics, chemistry, astronomy, and maybe even electricity.
Over time, the economic and cultural prosperity began to gradually slow do-
*impending doom music*
Knock knock. It’s the United States. With huge boats. With guns. Gunboats.
“O͜pe͡ņ,̨ t͡he͏ ͘c̷o̷ưntry. ͠S̛t͜o̡p̛,̵ ҉ha͠v̀in͜g̷ i͝t̀ ͝be̴ ́clo͞sed.̢” said the United States.
There was really nothing they could do, so they signed a contract that lets United States, Britain, and Russia visit Japan anytime they want.
Chōshu and Satsuma hated this. “That sucks!” they said. “This sucks!!!”
And with almost very little outside help, (from Britain) they overthrew the shogunate. And somehow made the emperor the emperor again, and moved him to Edo, which they renamed eastern capital (Tokyo). They made a new government, which was a lot more Western. And they made a new constitution, which was.. pretty Western. And a military that was… pretty Western (large).
And do you know what else is Western? That’s right, it’s conquering stuff. So what can we conquer? Korea! They conquer Korea, taking it from its previous owner, China, and then go a little bit further (Liaodong Peninsula).
And Russia rushes in out of nowhere and says, “Stop no you can’t do that we were gonna build a railroad through here to try to get some warm water.” And Russia builds their railroad, supervised by a shitton of soldiers. Then, when the railroad was done, they downgraded to a fuckton. Did I say downgrade? I meant upgrade.
And Japan says, “Can you maybe chill?”
And Russia says, “How 'bout maybe you chill?”
Japan is kind of scared of Russia. You’ll never guess who's alsokind of scared of Russia. Great Britain! So Japan and Great Britain make an alliance together so they can be a little less scared of Russia. Feeling confident, Japan goes to war against Russia, but just for a moment, and then they both get tired and stop.
♫♪ It’s time for World War I ♪♫
The world is about to have a war. Because it’s the 1900s, and weapons are getting crazy, and all these empires are excited to try them out on each other. Meanwhile, Japan has been enjoying conquering stuff and wants m̵͡͝͝o͏̨̨̢͢o͏͏̵̧̕ơ̢̢͜͜o͠͏͢ó͘o̶̢̧ó̷͝͠o͝͡o̧͘r̨̢̕ȩ̸ and the next thing on their list is this part of China (Qingdao) and lots of tiny islands.
All that stuff belongs to Germany, which just had war declared on by Britain, because Britain was friends with Belgium, who was being trespassed by Germany in order to get to France to kick France’s ass because France was friends with Russia who was getting ready to kick Austria’s ass because Austria was getting ready to kick Serbia’s ass because someone from Serbia shot the leader of Austria’s ass. Err, actually, he shot him in the head. And Britain is currently friends with Japan. So you know what that means, duhhh.
♫♪ Japan should take the islands. ♪♫ Which they wanted to do anyway. So they sort of called Britain on the tele(gram) to sort of let them know, and then they did it! And they also helped Britain here and there with some errands and stuff. *bell rings*
Now the war is over, and congratulations Japan, you technically fought in the war which means you get to sit at the negotiating table (Paris Peace Conference), with the big dudes, where they decided who owns what. And yes, Japan gets to keep all that shit they stole from Germany. And you also get to join the post-war mega alliance ♫♪ the League of Nations ♪♫ whose mission statement is to try not to take over the world.
The Great Depression is bad, and Japan’s economy is now crappy. But the military is doing just fine, and it invades Manchuria. And the League of Nations is like ♪"No don’t do that if you’re in the League of Nations you’re not supposed to try to take over the world.“♪
And Japan said, ♫♪ How bout I do, anyway? ♪♫ And Japan invaded more and more and more of China, and was planning to invade the entire East.
You’ve got mail.
It’s from Germany, the new leader of Germany, he has a cool mustache and is trying to take over the world and needs friends. This also got forwarded to Italy. They all decided to be friends because they had so much in common.
♫♪ It’s time for World War II ♪♫
Germany is invading the neighbors, then they invade the neighbors’ neighbors, then, the neighbor’s neighbors’ neighbors, who happen to be Britain, said "Holy shiiit” and the United States started helping Britain because they are ♫♪ good friends ♪♫ and started not helping Japan because ♫♪" Their friends and our friends are not friends. Plus they’re planning on invaaading the entire ocean.“♪♫
The United States is also working on a large, very huge bomb. Bigger than any other bomb, ever. Just in case (Germany). But they still haven’t joined the war, war looks bad on TV, and the United States is really starting to care about their image.
But then Japan spits on them, in Hawai'i, and challenges them to war. And they say yes! And then Germany, as a symbol of friendship, declares war on the United States also. And they help the gang chase Germany back into Germany. And they also chase Japan back into Japan. And they haven’t used the bomb yet, and are curious to see if it works, so they drop it on Japan.
They actually drop two.
The United States installed a new government, inspired by the United States government, with just the right ingredients for a ♫♪ post-war economic miracle ♪♫ and Japan starts making TVs, VCRs, automobiles, and camcorders as fast as they can. And also better than everybody else. They get rich, and the economy goes wild. But then the miracle wears off, but everything’s still pretty cool I guess. ♪♫ Bye. ♫♪
Rice is a dietary staple for many cultures across the globe, but it is useful for so much more than just eating. Rice is also a powerful magickal ingredient, and fermented rice water even more so.
What the heck is fermented rice water?!?
Well, fermented rice water is just regular old rice water (you guessed it) fermented. Rice Water is made by soaking rice in water for several hours until all of its nutrients seep out into the water, leaving you with a product great for using on hair, nails, and even skin. When you ferment the water, you make it easier for these nutrients to permeate the skin and hair.
How to make fermented rice water:
You will need:
½ cup of any kind of rice
3 cups of water
First, rinse your rice thoroughly.“But Thyme! Won’t that rinse out some of the nutrients? I’m rinsing it and the water is turning cloudy and white!“ Actually, that’s totally okay. You haven’t been soaking the rice for long enough for nutrients to seep out. What you are seeing is dust and other impurities. Throw this water out.
Next, place your rice in a large bowl and add the three cups of water. You can leave this mixture to soak for as little as 30 minutes if you are in a rush, but I usually do it for a couple of hours. Strain out any rice when your water is a nice cloudy white and very fragrant. Congrats, you have made rice water! You can stop here if you like but if you want to ferment your rice water for added benefits, keep reading.
All you have to do now is let your rice water sit covered in a room temperature location for 24-48 hours. The warmer the room the faster it will ferment. It will smell pretty… interesting once it is done fermenting.
You can boil the fermented rice water if you wish but I don’t (because I ain’t afeared a germs) but if it freaks you out, boil it afterwards.
The fermented rice water may be too potent, so you will have to dilute it with some warm water to use directly on skin or just pour it straight into your bath.
You can store your fermented rice water for up to 7 days in a closed container in your fridge. Just watch out for mold and throw it out if it smells too funky.
Magickal Uses and Properties of Fermented Rice Water:
Fermented rice water has similar magickal properties to rice itself with some quirks. Here are some of my associations for fermented rice water:
blessings of abundance when used topically
money, plentiful riches when used topically
spiritual wealth or prosperity when used topically
fertility of crops and animals when used topically or released into the air
protection from skin conditions when used topically
bringing healing rain to the earth, can be used topically or sprayed into the air
keeping evil spirits at bay, can be sprayed like sage water or used topically
a feeling of security, like the warm embrace of a mother when used topically
beauty, to be used in glamours when used topically (on hair and skin)
Rice water is a very useful addition to any witch’s closet of goodies and is especially useful in glamours, money spells, and fertility spells. Happy casting, lovelies!
*Disclaimer: Please test your rice water on a small patch of skin before using to ensure that you will not have an allergic reaction. Rice water is considered safe for administering topically but check first. And I can’t believe I have to say this but for the love of god
don’t drink the stuff.
(Found on Facebook)
Oh man where do I even start.
Well first of all, grapes/raspberries are one of the most expensive fruit in the produce section. I don’t even buy them unless they’re on sale. You gotta go for things like bananas, frozen berries, and check to see what fruits are in season. Maybe pineapple wasn’t in season. Check online to see which fruits and veggies will be the least expensive.
Buy veggies and fruits NOT in a package. If you pick them out of the pile yourself and use your own bag they are less expensive.
Don’t get soda. The credibility of this post being “healthy food” was immediately shot down when I saw a friggin Sprite. Soda is not healthy. Soda is not cheap. Soda is a privilege. Soda is a once in a while special occasion.
And the nuts, you can get a box of oats for less than a dollar.
Considering none of what’s pictures above can make an actual meal, I gave suggestions of what can. Like mentioned, the bananas, frozen berries, and oats can make you awesome oatmeal all week for under $10.
If you want lunch and dinner, consider canned beans, tofu, potatoes, rice, frozen veggies, and kale (not from a package). You can make a good combination of stuff for, oh look, around $15.
Eating healthy doesn’t mean buying the most expensive thing in the store. You have to walk around and see what is best for your wallet, or google tips beforehand because yeah it’s easy to make dumb decisions. The person in this post obviously doesn’t grocery shop often. I grocery shop every other week, I NEVER break the bank and I always get a lot of stuff. You wanna buy junk food and McDonald’s and give your body unnecessary problems instead of eating healthy because you’re so fixated on the lie that you can’t afford it? Whatever. But don’t go around spreading this false rhetoric, because IT IS possible to eat healthy on a budget and you’re just hurting everyone around you by trying convincing them they can’t.
This is a dish for everyone to enjoy, it’s gluten free and I offer vegan alternatives. It servers six typically. This pudding is best when the rice is still warm but honestly it’s yummy cold too, so any leftover can be kept for a day or two. You can experiment with whatever soft fruits you have on hand if you want, raspberries, blueberries, apricots, have all been tried and are tasty! Enjoy.
Ingredients For The Strawberry Layer
200 g./7 oz. of wild strawberries, store bought works too!
2 handfuls of rose petals or 2 tbsp of rose water.
Please don’t use store bought rose water most are essential oils(not the 100% grade) mixed with water, or do your research first! Use fresh rose petals if using roses and make sure they weren’t grown in polluted areas or covered in pesticides!
3 tbsp confectioners sugar
A large sprig of mint
Ingredients For The Rice Pudding
2 tsp vanilla extract(tbh just do it to taste I usually do 3)
125 g./4.5 oz. pudding rice
short grain white rice is what I typically use but if you can splurge and buy pudding rice it’s delicious
800 ml./27 oz. whole milk
I would recommend almond milk as the vegan replacement or rice milk but whatever you have on hand should work
250 ml./8.5 oz. heavy cream
This is a bit more difficult to substitute, you can use coconut cream or make your own by letting full fat coconut milk settle at room temperature and skimming the cream once it rises to the top. You can also use blended silken tofu as well, medium and firm varieties work best!
50 g./2 oz. caster(regular) sugar
If you’re using store bough strawberries, slice any large ones in half and keep the smaller ones whole. For wild strawberries, gently rinse and drain.
Place the strawberries into a bowl with the rose petals or rosewater, the confectioners sugar, and the sprig of mint torn up into smaller pieces. Let it settle for around a half an hour to forty-five minutes for the flavors to combine.
In a pan, mix the rice, cream, milk, vanilla, and sugar together.
Place the pan on a medium heat and bring to a simmer, do not let it boil. Stir gently for approximately 30. minutes, until the rice is soft and tender and has absorbed most of the liquid. The pudding should be fairly liquid in texture, but it will thicken as it cools. Add a little more milk if it starts to look too thick before the rice is sufficiently cooked.
Remove the mint from the strawberry mixture and stir to combine the flavors.
Serve in a glass or bowl layering the strawberries and rice pudding to make a pretty parfait! Garnish with a few wild strawberries, fresh rose petals, and a small mint leaf. Or don’t garnish and just shove it in your face like I do!
I once had this at a Thai restaurant and the taste haunted me in the best way. I had to learn how to make it at home, and it’s good if you have some prep time on your hands! It’s become a go-to dessert for me, and while it says ‘with mango’ (and admittedly mango is the superior fruit) I’m certain it’d go good with other fruit too. Experiment!
If you don’t have a rice-cooker, you can always cook the rice in a saucepan. I admittedly don’t have much experience with stovetop rice cooking, so this set of instructions will assume you’re using a rice-cooker.
*1 ½ Cups Sushi Rice (you can typically buy a bag of it in the international aisle at walmart or something; a bag’ll last you a surprising while) *2 Cups Water *1 Can Coconut Milk *½ cup sugar (if this makes it too sweet for your taste, I think 1/3 cup should be okay too) *Pinch of salt (optional? Still experimenting with this)
*A mango (or whatever fruit you think might go with this)
*A sauce pan *A rice cooker
Take the rice and water and plunk it in your rice-cooker. Set it to the correct setting (if you have a cheapo one, don’t fret; mine only has ‘cook’ and 'warm’ and it came out all right). While the rice is going, take the coconut milk and pour it in the saucepan; add the sugar and the salt and stir until it’s dissolved and it starts to thicken up, about 5-10 minutes. You can either do this ahead of time or closer to later; doesn’t matter until your rice is done. When the rice is finished, take the coconut milk mixture and pour it over the still-hot rice (I typically like to put my rice in a plastic container before I do this, but that’s because I’m lazy). Let this sit for about an hour so that the rice absorbs all that yummy coconut milk. Serve some of the rice with generous slices of mango.
The nice thing about this is that it makes quite a bit of sticky rice, so you can even save some for another day, or another fruit! I find it’s a great comfort food when you’re feeling sad and just want something sweet to make the day a little better.
do you have a recipe for this garlic rice? cos that sounds tasty
yep yep! here goes:
1. Cook some white rice. It can be jasmine rice, basmati rice…personally, i use kokuho rose Japanese rice. I have a rice cooker, which is a kitchen appliance blessed upon me by the food gods. -If you have a rice cooker, use ½ cup of rice per person you’re making the rice for, and two times as much water (for example, i made some for three people, so i used 1.5 cups of rice and 3 cups water). -If you don’t have a rice cooker, you can make it in a saucepan with the same rice-water ratio and cooking it 10-15 minutes on low heat covered with a lid.
2. Finely chop 1.5 tablespoons of garlic clove. Like, get as close to mincing it as you can with a knife.
3. Add 2 tablespoons of vegetable oil to a skillet pan. Put the stove on medium-low heat.
4. Add the chopped garlic when you can smell the oil cooking. Cook the garlic until it’s a golden-brown color. Don’t cook it any longer or it will turn bitter.
5. Add the cooked white rice and stir for about 3 minutes until the garlic is mixed nicely with the rice.
6. Put that shit in a bowl and eat the hell out of it. have fun
While it still tastes delicious by itself, it’s also fantastic with a few other things. I always add: -Chopped parsley -Chopped scallion (green onion…same thing) -Finely-ground black pepper -Red chili flakes -A sunny-side-up egg -Some kind of chopped meat (bacon is actually really good with it lol. although chicken, pork, and ham are also really good. if you can’t eat meat or don’t like meat, you can just leave it out)
Also here’s a photo of it to give you an idea of what it looks like:
By the way, this dish is called “sinangag” and is a common Filipino breakfast dish! my father taught me to make it after his travels in southeast Asia.
poor spoonie vegan tip: burritos made with a can of beans and microwave rice (with your favorite toppings like chipotle Just Mayo, guacamole, salsa, red sauce, taco seasoning, tomatoes, etc) is always a quick, delicious, budget friendly nutritious vegan meal!!!