canned beef


Maximum Fun Dot Org

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OKAY WOW this took waaay longer than I expected but I’m a lazy bitch so, really, no surprises. I really love the Beyond the Beef quest so I wanted to make Bee the star in a 50s movie poster. I worked super hard on this so I hope yall think its good lmao :’^))

Uh Oh Uh Oh Some Boddy Has Got Into The Vault And Took All My Canned Beef

Gerold Get My Machines I Need To Call The Only One, Who Can Solve This Crime… An Old Friend… If His Even Still Out There…


“I see, I feel, and I would speak, but my mouth is full of Libby, McNeill, & Libby’s Cooked Corned Beef.” We’ve all been there. 

This circa 1900 trade card is from 1992.229, Advertising Card Collection, in Hagley’s Audiovisual Collections.

someone: this is the moment when laurent fell in love with textual references and analysis.

me: oh my god yes this is spot on 100% i agree completely.

someone else: actually i think that THIS is the moment when laurent fell in love with counter analysis.

me: goddamn you’re right 100% i agree completely.

someone else: actually i think that


Know what these pictures bring to mind?

Super mountain man author Derek living in the middle of the woods, keeps to himself because brooding writer stereotypes and also people are the worst. So he’s legit like in the mountains somewhere, a ridiculously long way away from everything and it’s quiet and peaceful, and he can shift and go running without running into campers or people going skiing. He chops wood, he drinks coffee on his porch overlooking the valley, he writes—it’s peaceful and it’s quiet and he loves it.

And then one morning, he’s sitting on his porch, drinking his coffee and minding his own business, and a fucking serial killer wanders out of the woods. Dingy hat with a huge beard, looking like some crazy libertarian nutjob who lives in a tent to avoid the government taking his guns.

He’s a werewolf, but Derek doesn’t mess with serial killers, so he freezes and stares and hopes that if he doesn’t move, the serial killer just won’t see him. The guy looks a little rough around the edges, to say the least. It could happen.

Except the serial killer does eventually notice him, and he also freezes and stares, and seems to be…scared of him? Of the guy wearing flannel and drinking coffee with a book on his own front porch?

Turns out the serial killer is actually Stiles, out in the wilderness looking for his best friend Scott, who went on a camping trip with a couple college friends and hasn’t been heard from since. And Stiles is not actually a serial killer, just a really unequipped college kid roaming the woods, pretty damn lost, with a Tracking for Dummies book jammed in the bottom of his backpack.

And I mean living off trail mix and beef jerky levels of unequipped.

Like, the second this kid heard the rangers even start to suggest that they’d exhausted their resources, he said, “fuck you, I’ll find him myself” and took off into the mountains with his college backpack and the cheapest tent he could find.

So once Derek realizes that the not-serial killer is even more freaked out than he is, all he sees is a really pathetic, sore, and exhausted ball of rage and determination and offers him coffee. And actual food. And a shower because all he can smell is beef jerky.

Stiles is understandably weirded out because this dude offering him food definitely looks like a mountain man serial killer who cut himself off from society so no one would hear his victims’ screams.

There’s a lot of appearance-based assumptions all around.

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Cream-Of-Something Casserole is a *staple* in my house.

1 can Cream Of Something (mushroom is my favorite, but celery, onion, chicken, etc all work)

1 double-fistful of carb. Egg noodles are good, so is rice. Cook it first if you want, or add extra water to the casserole and let it cook longer. 

1 double-fistful of veg. Frozen spinach or broccoli from a bag work well. Also green beans, corn, bell peppers, etc. Leafy greens and veggies with substance work the best.

Add protein. Canned tuna if you’re out of spoons, chopped up chicken or turkey or pork if you’ve got some in leftovers. You could probably use tofu. You could definitely use pre-cooked meat bits from the frozen section, though personally I don’t tend to use ground beef. You can season this part or wait until the end. 

Throw in some cheese if you want.

Add just enough water so it mixes together smoothly. This is the part where the flavor additives go; garlic, onion powder, sage… a pre-mixed spice blend if you have to. Whatever suits you. Top it with Parmesan or breadcrumbs or both. I actually really like sprinkling uncooked stovetop stuffing on top, as it is already seasoned, and the moisture from the casserole softens it up properly and then all the main body of the dish needs is a little garlic.

Pop it in the oven at like… 325ish? Let it heat up until it starts bubbling and is hot all the way through, and the noodles are soft if you didn’t precook them. Just dumping everything in the crock pot also works, but if you do that I’d suggest dumping everything but the carb in, letting it get hot, then stir in the noodles or rice or whatever to cook about twenty minutes (ish? I eyeball it) before you eat.

Freeze the leftovers.

Tah-dah, you now have The Recipe Of Infinite Variety.


I’m all squinty-eyed right now. Anyway, here he is! :D I might go back and add some more stuff to his design and fix some things here and there, definitely need to change those two rooster feathers in his hair because right now they look more like ribbons, but for now I consider this done.

Fun fact: that dagger on his belt is referenced from one in my collection; it’s super old and has genuine battle damage so WHO KNOWS. For all I know it’s a real murder weapon lol. Either way, it’s an awesome dagger. <3

Biography under the cut because it’s a little lengthy. I haven’t really checked for typos other than a quick read-over, and I’ll likely add some things to this as well when I’m less tired.

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Okay so, full admission, in the previous page I wasn’t entirely sure what it was that was intercepting the arrow in mid-air. Part of me thought it might be Mokona, because how awesome would that be, but this. Is even better.

Kurogane throws a rock.

He just.

He sees some random guy pointing a crossbow at Syaoran. And he picks up a ROCK.






Kurogane is not messing around you guys.