ARIES is mingling with the ones who seem cool and showing off their new outfit or haircut. The only beverage they consume is a half filled drink because they don’t want to stain that new outfit. By the end of the party, they have already had four arguments/outbursts because someone said something rude or gave them the wrong look and also did something nuts to get talked about.
COME WITH: Themselves, what else do they need? LEAVE WITH: The one they wanted and a bruise/scratch
TAURUS only talks to a few people with an alcoholic beverage in hand (they bought their own bottle) and three plates full of food, looking around occasionally at everyone else when the conversation suddenly stops.
COME WITH: Partner of 5 years, husband or wife, or more and the bottle LEAVE WITH: The partner
GEMINI converses with everyone they see for a good five minutes (or one) and then looks around for more action. They eat but only small bites, setting the plate down a lot to mingle some more. They are shifting in conversations, constantly moving, sometimes taking the time to flirt.
COME WITH: No one LEAVE WITH: Whoever was the most impressed with their ways
CANCER gives everyone a chance but will have the same person by their side the whole time, making sure to follow them or at least keep them in sight. They will have one plate and eat with who ever is not sketchy. They’ll be seen smiling and laughing a lot but will complain to the one they came with about someone or something on the car ride home.
COME WITH: A close life time friend and dish they made themselves LEAVE WITH: The friend and a temper
LEO takes the lead of the party by being unacceptably loud or patronizing. Most don’t mind and find them to be surprisingly fascinating. They barely think of food because they’re too busy getting attention. They’re making everyone laugh by being their usual self.
COME WITH: A confident attitude and shiny hair LEAVE WITH: Anyone they want
VIRGO is at a small filled table talking about themselves and how they have worked so hard the past month. In between their sentences they don’t mind bringing up what others could of cooked or worn better. They also don’t mind talking about their relationships that are not doing so well. Will listen to the others but only for a short time.
COME WITH: No one LEAVE WITH: No one and disgust or annoyance
LIBRA is sure to charm the pants off of a few people, having their way with them. Before that happens, they are flirting just for fun with others and then head for the dessert that looks so irresistible. Might stir up the dynamic of the situation by gossiping or making others feel insecure.
COME WITH: Their beautiful selves LEAVE WITH: The most attractive one they met
SCORPIO doesn’t have to do much and at least two people will come to them because they look as though they have a secret that needs to be unleashed or look like they know what they’re doing. If they hadn’t bought someone with them, they would stand around and stick to one person or a small group as leverage until someone else comes to them. They eat a good amount of food to blend in.
COME WITH: A partner or good friend LEAVE WITH: Who they bought, they can’t lose them
SAGITTARIUS doesn’t care who they end up with, they just talk to anyone for a good time and will be the one to forwardly state their opinions, tell out of the wall stories, and not give it a second thought. One outbreak will occur because of what someone said or did to them. They eat as much as they want and enjoy every bite.
COME WITH: Their spunky attitude LEAVE WITH: Their spunky attitude
CAPRICORN mingles with ones they see as intelligent or giving. They try the food to see if it’s to their liking and if it’s beneficial, they grab one more plate, drinking an alcoholic beverage while discussing buisness and politics with anyone who is interested. COME WITH: No one LEAVE WITH: No one and a job offer
AQUARIUS is keeping a low but noticeable profile, grabbing whatever they want at the buffet table. They talk to anyone who gives them attention first or whenever the time is right and won’t stop talking until the other person leaves. They stay for a good hour, grab dessert to go, and leave with quite a few numbers.
COME WITH: Their never ending thoughts and desire to express them LEAVE WITH: No one but that dessert and those numbers
PISCES keeps to themselves but have a close friend with them. They just go along with what everyone is doing to avoid any friction. They stick around for a while having a couple plates of food with the close friend and mixing in the crowd.
COME WITH: The close friend LEAVE WITH: The close friend
“Wah, this movie has racial stereotypes! Dat’s not allowed!”
“Wah, this lesbian mexican taco is a taco, and taco means lesbian in my head! U can’t call a lesbian a taco! Dat’s not allowed!”
“Hurr durr dis cringey fedora neckbeard atheist made fun of religion, dat’s a fink to mock and laugh at. Duhuhuhuh! He doesn’t know! Dat’s not allowed!”
“This movie mocks the Jews VS Muslims war thingy and suggests they live in the same place instead of fighting, AND mocks their 72 virgin heaven! Dat’s not allowed!”
“This movie contains nazi jokes! Dat’s not allowed!”
“Dis movie has a bottle of firewater and it’s native american! U CAN’T HAVE NATIVE AMERICAN PEOPLE ACT STEREOTYPICALLY! REEEEEEEEEEEE! Also, dat’s not allowed!
"Wah, this movie contains an orgy sequence between food! I’m not emotionally prepared for sex! But food getting chopped up and murdered onscreen is a-ok, I won’t spend more than a sentence or two talking about that unless I’m wanking over how much I dislike violence. Anyway, wah! Food has sex! Dat’s not allowed!”
This movie is satire that mocks religion and how it keeps cultures separate. This movie is satire that mocks religion for what it is, a lie to keep people stupid. This movie doesn’t do things cleverly because it knows the average person isn’t intelligent to understand anything smarter than “Oh hey dat’s a reference to a comic the wiki can explain for me!”.
When Blazing Saddles came out, the scene with farting cowboys was considered shocking. People mocked them for being edgy. Bitches said “Yes, you can make whatever story you want, but I don’t like fart jokes, so it’s a bad film and you should change it! Fart jokes? Dat’s not allowed!”
Despite believing you’re a Precious Smoll Babs™ or Enlightened Egalitarian or whatever stupid label you wrote up and slapped onto your forehead, you are not progressive or norm critical or intelligent, you are on the moral level of scared old women crying because a scene with farting cowboys triggered them. You don’t realize how pathetic you look, and that just makes you look worse. And no, posting “Lol im trash im a potato” doesn’t count, you idiot.
Have you ever heard the old saying, “When a wise man points, a fool looks at the finger”? That’s you. You’re the fool, staring intently at the finger and crying about how unclean it is.
Seth Rogen managed to take a premise that sounded retarded, and he made it into a film about how we should throw religion into the trash where it belongs, love one another, fight back against the “Gods”. Instead of the ham-handed anti-religion stuff you’d expect from the genre, he showed the effects of religion, how even the most clear messages of peace are distorted into “Our race is better than yours, our religion said so” by religion’s infectious stupidity, how the divide between those that find new evidence that disproves their beliefs and recoil like bitches and dig their heels in like mules and those that want to know more can tear relationships apart… Hell, it even threw in a nice little “Simply disproving your beliefs with evidence you don’t want to accept is TOTALLY the mean option, you have to sugarcoat harsh truths so they can be swallowed by even mental toddlers” bonus for you, whether you noticed in your triggered little pseudo-panic attack bitch-seizure or not.
Also, check out the ending. Everyone lives in peace and harmony and sex, throwing away racism and homophobia. You’d think SJWs would love an ending like that, but you’d only think that if you somehow hadn’t yet noticed that SJWs only say they want X or Y, what they actually want is power, validation, something to blame their failings on, and the rush of feeling offended. If that sounds crazy to you, congrats. Now look up the facts BEFORE responding, so you don’t embarass yourself.
To everyone that once filled this site with whiny, impotent, virtue-signalling and utterly pathetic bitching: Congratulations on being too fucking stupid to properly understand a SETH ROGEN STONER COMEDY ABOUT TALKING FUCKING FOOD.
>Inb4 some dumb fuck, in their desperate desire to avoid digesting what I wrote, laughs it off with something along the lines of “Hurr durr this pony ask blog is serving up truth lol what even is 2016”.
>Inb4 some incurably-divorced-from-reality SJW goes “But da movie has racial stereotypes in it! Dat’s not allowed!”.
Spends the evening by close friends, until realizing how much excess alcohol Cancer brought. Starts stepping out of their original social circle with liquid courage!
Picked up Aquarius and Pisces along the way to try to make sure everyone made it to the party, ended up incredibly late because Taurus did not want to stop for directions. Party is almost over.
Showed up early to help Virgo prepare, bet Virgo that Taurus wouldn't show up on time.
Showed up right on time with excess alcohol and snacks, happy to share with anyone. Bet that Taurus wouldn't make it at all.
Just barely made it in time, stays late to help clean up because they feel guilty about almost being late. Eager to join in any conversation or games.
Set up the party on a whim, invited everyone and started making bets that Taurus will show up, but just as everyone's leaving. Happy to see everyone.
Ten minutes late. Finds a comfortable area and spends the majority of the night staying still. Willing to participate in games, provided plenty of movement isn't necessary.
One of the last to arrive. Brings little to no alcohol, but is willing to share it with anyone who expresses any interest in conversation. Rants on positively about conspiracy theories, cars, and drugs to whoever is listening. Smiles nonstop.
Shows up twenty minutes late with a cup of coffee. Pretends to listen to everyone, but is really thinking about what they last read. Laughs at everyone's jokes, but only hears the punchline not the set-up.
Arrives on time, comes up with counter arguments against Scorpios rants despite feeling the same way. Spends a lot of time around the chips and dips. Bet that Taurus wouldn't arrive at all.
Almost misses the whole party because Taurus was the driver and lost the way. Aquarius secretly knew the directions the whole time, but really didn't want to go to the party in the first place and was enjoying the playlist in the car.
Showed up last minute to the party because Taurus was the driver and lost the way, Pisces was very stressed out the whole drive and decided to take a ride with someone else home. Enjoyed the drive, nonetheless.