you know i ran out of hope for what the world can bring me a long time ago, now i expect nothing but the long gruelling life of mental illness and boredom for the rest of my life. seeing as though i can’t kill myself now i have someone important enough to me that just isn’t worth hurting that way. oh bother.

and i can’t kill myself now because there’s no good reason for it. at least at school i was far from home and lonely and unmedicated so it made sense. now i’m just a waste of space in my parents’ house with no real problems except my fucking loneliness, and that’s nobody’s fault except mine, i’m just a shitty friend and no one would want to put up with me even if i was better