can't-see-shit

the signs as things my theater professor has actually said in class, part two
  • Aries: "I want to save my bony, pasty white ass from being fired"
  • Taurus: "I once took half an aspirin and basically started drunk texting my friends"
  • Gemini: "Within the first hour of meeting her, she had already told us all about her Russian mafia fight club"
  • Cancer: "I was once almost fired for having porn on my hard drive when I gave said hard drive to a student. she thought it was hilarious"
  • Leo: "I don't want to say I was wearing a jockstrap, or a banana hammock, because I don't like those words, but there wasn't much material there"
  • Virgo: "Fuck professional development! We're serving sundaes all day"
  • Libra: "I was taken off all advertisements for the school for what I said. But I have tenure, so it's chill"
  • Scorpio: "First of all, fuck"
  • Sagittarius: "I love shopping for couches! I could lay on those mofos all day"
  • Capricorn: "Unfortunately, my friend didn't tell me that what I smoked wasn't just weed- there was PCP mixed in as well. I blacked out for an entire day"
  • Aquarius: "I propose we change the school song to just having everyone chant 'smoke dat shit'"
  • Pisces: "What if we had a required class called Marijuana 101?"
2

lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off // panic! at the disco

2

Two very different kind of evil.



A: “You know how you never see birds flying at night?”
B: “Yeah…”
A: “Well, that’s because it’s physically impossible. They literally can’t. And good thing for us, because if they could we wouldn’t be able to see when they’re about to shit on our heads.”

Submitted by: @sir-sierr

you just close your eyes, and count to ten / breath in twice, and open them

you know where to go you have been there before in your heart

rb (me talking under cut)

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i am beyond sick of looking at this so im just gonna….. leave it here….

idk i thought it’d be fun to do a sort of redraw, but use ellie’s new design instead of her old one (spoiler: it wasn’t. it was torture)