can't-explain-my-feelings

Noiz BE was the first I experienced, it wasn’t intentional so I felt really bad like I cried for two hours straight.  To see Noiz happy to feel pain but at the same time frustrated because he knew what he was doing to Aoba and he couldn’t help it. They are unite even in pain, even in death. Their BE has a really powerful meaning, I love it so much UGHHH WELP

It was a pain to even start the sketch for this, but the OVA is arrived…ヽ(;▽;)ノ

We believe drunk kisses are meaningless. Yes, some will fade out with the night, but some will chase you throught the sober mornings and nights forever.
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“I am not the ocean. I am a sunken ship that has drowned in everyone who touched me.”

“Of all of the things that she’s ever said-”

“-she goes and says something that just knocks me dead…”

you know, trees is more than just a song to me.

it’s a cleansing ritual.

when i listen to it fully, when i really need to hear the desperation in tyler’s voice and unleash the silent scream in my chest? those are the moments i remember.

i can allow myself to cry, but i have a huge smile. i feel like my face is going to split in half. my cheeks burn and stretch into a genuine expression of happiness.

i feel every cell in my body vibrating. i’m choking and shaking. but i am alive.  

trees is my catharsis. it is my release. it is my alternative to pain. it is the thing that lets me feel like i deserve to occupy space on this planet. it makes me believe in something much bigger than myself. it makes me want to keep going. 

it makes me happy to be alive.

are we really surprised that Connor came out before Jude though? The Judicorn made it clear from the beginning that he didn’t like labels, and he was fair more comfortable discussing his sexuality than Connor was. I do think it’s because he had the support of his family, but it also might be a personality trait (because we know he hadn’t always have it easy), Jude is strong enough that he doesn’t care about what people think, at the point that he doesn’t like Callie’s little speech about ‘living low key’ in season one. 

Connor, on the other hand, has been raised by a homophobic father had him fearing to even utter the word 'gay’. As a gay person, it must have been a nightmare to be forced to negate his own identity, to be taught how to ‘act straight’ since before he even knew what it meant . When Connor met Jude, he was well aware of the difference between ‘acting gay’ and ‘straight’ and i’m sure that he was very endeared by the boy who could go to school wearing blue nail polish and stand up to the bullies without blinking an eye.

The point is, Connor didn’t have the privilege of discovering his sexuality in a healthy environment, and in a perfect world we would all act like the Judicorn, not using labels, not judging and never caring about what people think. Nevertheless, the world portrayed in the show is very much the real world and Connor has experienced a side of it that we all know too well. Labels are important to him because they are to his father, and as much as i wish this wasn’t the case, that same label that his father made him fear is the only instrument that he has to stand up to him.

I noticed that people tend to misunderstand Connor’s actions with ‘confusion’ and ‘playing’, and so many times Jude has been portrayed like the pining gay boy with a crush on his straight friend. In reality, Connor’s situation has been clear for a long time. Yes, Connor was questioning himself, yes, he probably wasn’t sure of his identity when he first met Jude, but for a boy raised in a homophobic environment, he’s taken pretty big steps and i’m impressed on the beautiful development that the writers have made him go through. I don’t blame Connor for having kept dating Daria, I don’t blame him for having wanted to keep his and Jude’s relationship a secret, and I am certainly not surprised that he came out before Jude. Connor needed to make it clear, to his father and to himself, that no matter what he’s been taught, no matter how much of his identity has been negated before it could fully develop, he can’t hide who he is, and who he is can be defined with a specific label that does matter a lot.

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