We were such a small moment in time you and I; Like a freeze-frame in a life sequence or a snapshot of a perfect happy moment frozen within a painting. And when all you have is that painting… that single unchanging image of the past, you look at it over and over again imposing different things on it every time.
For me – that painting was everything. It was as if being with you was the whole reason for my existence… like loving you was the one thing I was always meant to do. It was my one single perfect creation… the one thing I ever did right. And I’m so obsessed with it I keep repainting it, over and over again – every day. Just that same picture of you and me in the past, over and over just with different emotional filters imposing different meanings on it each time depending on how I’m feeling.
When I’m happy I feel like it all meant something. I’m grateful for the experience and I wish you nothing but happiness… When I’m sad I feel like I’m being punished for something I did wrong… like I wasn’t good enough and I just want to go back and set things right… When I’m angry I feel like it was all a lie and you never cared about me at all. I feel like I was used and abused and then thrown away like a toy you didn’t want anymore.
But – like it or not – we are in the past now… So it is always the same unchanging picture… it’s just the way I’m looking at it at the time that changes how I see it…
And though I tell myself to move on… to paint another picture without you in it like you are undoubtedly doing with me… I can’t help but wonder how often you look back at what we used to be… and just what light you see it in…….
You have been gone for so long
and most days you are but a distant memory.
A tragic story to tell people
about why trust is not a part of my vocabulary.
Maybe it’s true that there’s never a day that goes by
where I do not think about you,
but when I do,
I do not dwell.
You are merely a passing thought,
a single line in my life’s song.
Most days I can convince myself I have moved on.
But sometimes there are still the days
when you become the chorus again.
You reverberate through my ears
and the pounding rhythms of my heart
tear open the hole
that used to permanently reside inside me.
I can feel it in the pit of my stomach
and I can feel it in my bones.
It was a chasm that you could never fill,
but sometimes there are still the days
where I hope that someday you will.
INFJs have a hard time letting go of people. Letting go in general is hard for us because of our laser focus (Ni) but letting go of the ones we love is especially difficult. One of the hardest lessons that INFJs struggle with is the fact that people we love come and go in this life. Friendships fade. Lovers leave. People drift apart. It’s a fact of life. The people you bared your soul to at one point in life may not even be in your life at all a few years down the line. There will be new soulmates and new friendships who fill the space but never replace what was once there. It doesn’t mean you won’t ever be happy again without them, no, that’s not the part that upsets us. The part that upsets us is that we can be happy without them. We feel guilty about not being able to share our best moments with them anymore.
But INFJs need to remember that our lost loved ones can be happy without us too. If we learn to focus on the fact that they are happy living their wonderful lives they have now as well then it reminds us that no one needs to feel guilty. It is okay to treasure the people you have while you have them AND get to enjoy life’s changes. Think of how many people you get to love! The more people you get to love the more you get to grow and develop as a human being! As long as we let relationships end with grace and catch up every once and a while, letting go doesn’t have to be a tragedy. It’s okay to be upset about losing others but letting go is a part of living. We may not be good at it, but it is possible.