can't get that woman off my mind

taylor2444  asked:

You are THEEE most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Ive been following you on tumblr the last few weeks and I can't get you off my mind. I made this account just to ask you this question. I'm 30 and live in San Diego. I am very well off in terms of money with a high scale job and a 8 figure trust fund. If you are interested in would LOVE to spoil you with a flight out here, dinner, and some appropriate gifts. If interested, please stay in touch!

just send me money lmao

Nice Days At The Park
  • Young Woman: *pleasantly reading a book in the park* What a peaceful day.
  • Old Man Who Smells of Soot and Oats: You, lady! Stop reading that book this instance!
  • Young Woman: Excuse me?
  • OMWSoSaO: *snatches the book away from the young woman and rips it into pieces* It's Faulkner! Absolute garbage! Forbidden Garbage!
  • Young Woman: My book! What is your issue, you strange old man!?
  • OMWSoSaO: I was a contemporary of Faulkner's. The hack stole all of his greatest works from me. As I Lay Dying was based on the events that lead me to become a homeless old man in this very park at the vulnerable age of twelve. And look at me now, I'm a complete mess!
  • Young Woman: As I Lay Dying is based on your life? Interesting. That'd make a very good documentary. A groundbreaking documentary even. Hmm...
  • OMWSoSaO: I was the mom who died at the beginning.
  • Young Woman: I hardly believe that's true. But, it's of no matter. No one makes it big in the world of film by telling the truth. We'll doll you up, make up some stories about how Faulkner treated you awfully as a child, and pay some people to pretend to know you. Then daddy Cannes has a nice Palme d'Or waiting for me. Come with me, old man.
  • OMWSoSaO: *fist pumps* Wooooo! I'm gonna be a movie star!
  • *at the young woman's mansion*
  • OMWSoSaO: Do you really live here, lady? This house is ridiculous.
  • Young Woman: Of course I do. You see, I'm quite important in the art world. You may have heard of me. I'm Demoiselle Analise.
  • OMWSoSaO: Listen lady, the only art I've interacted with in the last sixty years of my life is the macaroni art that the elementary school sometimes throws out. And that's only when I'm hungry.
  • Young Woman: Whatever, you'll get to know me much more as I groom you to be my perfect documentary specimen. Now please, follow me into my abode. *struts elegantly into her mansion*
  • OMWSoSaO: *waits outside of the mansion, eyes wide*
  • Young Woman: What are you doing, old man? Chop chop!
  • OMWSoSaO: Are you sure I'm allowed inside?
  • Young Woman: Of course, you're allowed inside. It's my house!
  • OMWSoSaO: I don't know about that. Looking at it from the outside, it gives off this mood. A bad mood. A mood that says it doesn't want someone like me inside of it.
  • Young Woman: What nonsense. *grabs old man's arm and leads him into the mansion*
  • Original Rembrandt: *flies off of the wall and straight towards the old man and young woman*
  • Young Woman: *narrowly dodges the painting* GOODNESS, MY REMBRANDT!
  • Original Rembrandt: *hits the old man in the head, snapping his neck, and instantly killing him*
  • Young: GOODNESS! What is this!? Witchcraft!? Alchemy!? Freemasonry!?
  • Shadowy Spirit: *manifests* It is I.
  • Young Woman: Who are you?
  • Shadowy Spirit: I am avarice made manifest by your life of excess. I am a reflection of your inner darkness and I've taken your house as my residence. I control each part of it as if it were my own body, and I refuse to let anyone as lowly as that man into my home.
  • Young Woman: This would make a great documentary!
  • Shadowy Spirit: What?
  • Young Woman: You're sleeping on an artistic goldmine, spirit. We could take the film world by storm!
  • Shadowy Spirit: Yeah, but aren't you disturbed by my existence at all? I'm not exactly a good thing. Or a rational thing at that.
  • Young Woman: Disturbed? Why would I be? You're but a reflection of myself, and I love myself more than anything. Not to mention, you're a walking Palme d'Or! Can't you picture it. An epic documentary chronicling my descent into greed starting from my childhood, and ending at the creation of a dark supernatural entity that took the life of an innocent, if disturbed, old man. All because of the uncaring monster that lives within the minds of all humans, avarice!
  • OMWSoSaO: *gets up off the ground and cracks neck back into place* Jesus Christ! If I weren't so resilient your dumb painting would've killed me!
  • Young Woman: You're alive!?
  • OMWSoSaO: Of course I'm alive. I've had my neck fatally snapped more than once. I've been around the block more than once. And I mean that both figuratively and literally. My ex-wife lives around here and she's got a restraining order. I'd rather not get thrown in jail again, and I don't want to be involved with your dumb documentary anymore. I'm taking painting, though. It'll make a good dinner.
  • Young Woman: Fine, I don't care, you stinky old man. I don't need you or the painting. I've got a much better documentary on my hands thanks to the darkness from deep within my broken soul.
  • OMWSoSaO: Bah! *walks off with the original rembrandt tucked under his arm*
  • Young Woman: We're going to become international superstars! Just you and me, spirit! Our faces will be on IMDB lists for years to come!
  • Shadowy Spirit: I don't want to be involved with this.
  • Young Woman: Nonsense, you're me. I know what you want to be involved with more than anyone! We've got a bright future ahead of us.
  • *the documentary went on to be a critical and commercial failure*
7057) Sometimes curious kids will ask my gender. I don't mind that. Kids are blunt and when they see something they can't comprehend, they'll ask about it. I'm willing to tell them I'm a woman without getting offended. But what I can't stand is the fact that their parents will often answer for me, saying I'm a "weird man". Where the fuck do you get off thinking you know my own gender better than me? Goddamn!