it is okay to not be good at something the first time, even if the expectation is that you will be. it is also okay to not be good at something even if you were good at it at first.
we have this idea of success where if you show the slightest ability in something, particularly academics, they push you. they push you hard. “what do you mean you don’t understand this next unit of math? you were doing so good the first semester!” “if you just practiced more, you’d be better, you started so strong…”
any love you have for your talent dries up like this. worse is when you already love your talent and have to face the dry spells with no voice but your own saying: “why can’t you draw?” “why can’t you write?” this is what is supposed to be your future, after all. this is what they’re all proud of you for.
but it is okay to be bad at something you were once good at. i know they will act as if you poisoned them, and i know you will internalize that voice and play it loudly while you’re trying to sleep. but it isn’t true. sometimes we are blank, and that is hard enough to get through without wondering why we aren’t good for anything.
i spend hours staring at a blank page because i’ve always been so good at writing. i have to hold up every work to my last “best piece”. if i don’t get an A on every essay, is there even anything good about me?
it is okay to fuck up it is okay to fuck up hard it is okay to fuck up hilariously. it is okay to forget your negative signs and only get a B, to write poetry that’s basically a joke, to start typing a story and somehow end up with exactly 2 lines before you realize you’ve got nothing to say. it’s okay to be bad, to be awful, to not understand.
we are all learning. we are all growing. we will have a good day again. i don’t care what your parents say or your teachers or really anybody. i care what you think about yourself and that’s about it.
yeah, you drew a picture of a snake that looks like a limp noodle - but you kept going and honestly? that’s bravery.