can you tell i like this horse

i really like the advice “write marginalized characters but don’t write about marginalization unless you experience it” 

absolutely i think cis people should expand their horizons and write trans characters, but they shouldn’t write stories about being trans. likewise i think allistic / NT authors should write about autistic characters! but not stories about being autistic. 

represent us. absolutely. but don’t tell our stories. let us do that.

The Things We Give Welsh Learners: y Babi Sinsir

So I was going through our bookshelf yesterday, because we’re fast approaching the point where we need a clear-out, and I came across one of my all-time favourite creations ever, probably even beating shit like the wheel and penicillin. Years back, before leaving The Man to pursue his dreams of being a sort of professional clown-thing, my husband used to be a translator for Neath Port Talbot Council; as is often the way with Welsh councils, though, owing to a lack of money and also everywhere is really close to each other (this country is 150 miles wide at its widest point, and about 47 miles at the thin bit. Ver ver small), NPT Council’s translating department was shared by Swansea Council. Thus it was that, in the halcyon days of circa 2009, the two decided to team up and produce a new Welsh language book for learners between them, and thus it got sent through to Steffan to proof read it.

A Thing You May Not Know: Welsh is one of ten indigenous languages to Britain, arguably the oldest, and has been viciously oppressed over the last millennium and a half as part of England’s big If You Destroy Their Culture They’ll Be Glad To Be Ruled By You policy. These days, it’s nonetheless still spoken by approximately a fifth of the Welsh population; a hell of a feat, considering, but the suppression of it continues to this day (just in cleverer, sneakier ways now than whipping people’s children if they’re heard.) But it is classified as Endangered. Thanks to Welsh-language schools now being a thing (though supply is much lower than demand), transmission rates to the younger generation are pretty good; but, Welsh is peculiarly dependent on adult learners.

This means that learner books might have to appeal to both children and adults while using very simple language, which I explain in case it in some way justifies the bewildering weirdness of what I’m about to show you; because at first glance, this book is simply for children. But it’s… Well. 

Well.

I present to you, with translations in bold and commentary by me, Y Babi Sinsir.

Literally, “the Ginger Baby”, but they mean ‘ginger’ as in ‘gingerbread’. Literal ginger. Not the colour.

This is Mr Jones. This is Mrs Jones.

What’s wrong, Mrs Jones? I want a baby.

Note: there will be some confusion in this book about whether the narrator is speaking, or anyone else. It might seem cut and dried here, but there are no speech marks around “Dw i eisiau babi”, whereas later speech marks are used, and also in two pages’ time the narrator will actively pass a value judgement using first person, so… Well.

But, so far so good.

Mrs Jones is making a Babi Sinsir.

… okay, so I like this page because of the capitalisation of Babi Sinsir and the lack of definite article. She’s just making a Babi Sinsir. You know, a Babi Sinsir? Magical baby made of gingerbread that you make if you can’t conceive but can’t afford IVF? Yeah. A Babi Sinsir. That’s right.

Let it be known that this is Not A Thing in Welsh folklore or mythology. What the fuck. How does this work. Where does the magic come from? Do you need a faerie ingredient? Will the next page tell us?

This is the Babi Sinsir. I like the Babi Sinsir.

Nope.

But it is apparently shit-capable and needs a nappy. It’s good that the narrator likes it anyway.

The Babi Sinsir is bad. He’s running.

Uh oh.

“Come back, Babi Sinsir.”

Look how Worried the Joneses are. Funny how they don’t seem to be calling that enthusiastically, though. I’d have expected an exclamation mark at least. Did Mrs Jones always have a massive left arm? I can’t remember.

“Run, run, catch me. I’m the Babi Sinsir.”

Yeah, okay, so that’s the Welsh for “Run! Run! As fast as you can! You can’t catch me, I’m the gingerbread man!”, but once again, I’m going to have to draw attention to the lack of expressive punctuation here. It really feels like this naughty Babi Sinsir’s heart is just not in this.

“Come and help, Mr Horse.” “Run, run, catch me. I’m the Babi Sinsir.”

Cool, look, a floating horse has come to help.

The pen there, incidentally, was an attempt by the translators to work out who was talking. I can’t imagine why. This dialogue is on fire, everyone can tell.

“Come and help, Mrs Cow.” “Run, run, catch me. I’m the Babi Sinsir.”

Now they have been joined in their high-speed zombie shuffle by a married floating cow who is, if I’m not much mistaken, high as shit.

“Come and help, Mr Goat.”  “Run, run, catch me. I’m the Babi Sinsir.”

I’m starting to suspect the artist only knew how to draw the legs on animals in one way.

“Come and help, Mr Dog.”  “Run, run, Catch me. I’m the Babi Sinsir.”

Yes, that dog is definitely here to ‘help’. Also… the Babi Sinsir is literally within reach of Mrs Jones’ massive left arm now. Why is she not just picking him up?

“Come and help, Miss Cat.” “Run, run, Catch me. I’m the Babi Sinsir.”

You may be wondering at this point if this is just… the whole book. An ever-increasing flock of floating zombie creatures shuffling after a naughty gingerbread baby in a nappy who is committing the cardinal sin of running. I mean… where can they go from here, amirite? A sheep? A squirrel? A chicken? We can hit a hundred pages this way, easy. The concern is the artist, whom I think was stretched a bit beyond their means on this project anyway.

BUT WORRY NOT! Shit’s about to go down, guys.

Oh no! Here comes Mr Wolf. Mr Wolf runs and catches the Babi Sinsir.

THAT IS A FOX

THAT IS A GODDAMN FOX YOU HEATHEN FUCK

WHAT THE FUCK

AND WHY THE FUCK IS IT WEARING CLOTHES WHEN NONE OF THE OTHER ANIMALS WERE

WHY IS IT DRESSED IN DUNGAREES LIKE A LAZY FARMHAND ON AN AMERICAN RANCH IN THE 1800S

This doesn’t bode well for the -

Half of the Babi Sinsir is left.

WHAT THE

Quarter of the Babi Sinsir is left.

WHY DOES IT STILL LOOK SAD AND HORRIFIED WHY IS IT STILL ALIVE OH MY GOD

The Babi Sinsir has gone! There’s tasty.

What the

Wha

It

I realise this is not the main point to make here, but two pages ago it had eaten half of that nappy, and now it’s whole again and delicately discarded to one side, I just want

I mean

It’s okay, right? This happens in fairytales? Little Red Riding Hood? Someone will eviscerate the fox and out will come the Babi Sinsir…’s pieces, and they can be baked back together…?

No one cares!

Mrs Jones is making another Babi Sinsir.

The new Babi Sinsir loves Mrs Jones.

… 

…okay, so there’s a lot for us all to take in right now, and we’re all going to get through it at different speeds. But I’m just going to draw attention to the fact that Mr Jones is now merely depicted as a picture on the wall, and the new Babi Sinsir apparently only loves Mrs Jones, and…

Okay so they just lost their beloved baby gingerbread son because he got eaten alive by a fox in dungarees calling itself a wolf, right? Mrs Jones apparently couldn’t give less of a fuck if she tried, as long as she has some flour and ginger left over to make another. This one she made to love her.

Mr Jones, I presume, had a total mental breakdown and drank himself to death. At the very least, he’s left her, look. All she has left is the photo.

But does dim ots! Mae’r Babi Sinsir newydd yn caru Mrs Jones.

And that is the story of Y Babi Sinsir, aka the greatest work of literature ever written.

Diana isn’t just Wonder Woman, she’s also a wonderful woman in general

I mean, she’s so positive and selfless it’s amazing

*there’s a war* I WANNA GO HELP
*there’s a baby* OMG!! BABY!!! B A B YYY
*there’s ice cream* THAT IS DELICIOUS OMG YOU CAN BE PROUD
*there’s horse in difficulty* WANNA HELP THE HORSE!!
*there’s a hurt soldier* GOTTA HELP THE POOR SOLDIER!!
*there’s someone singing* YOU’RE TALENTED WILL YOU SING FOR US???
*there’s anyone* HI I’M HAPPY TO MEET YOU LEMME TELL YOU IN ANY OF THE 100 LANGUAGES I KNOW

like she’s so full of life and tender i love her so much

MBTI types as Night Vale proverbs

istj: “There’s a difference between your, you’re, and yarn. Yarn isn’t even pronounced the same way. It’s a completely different word.”

isfj: “Knock, knock. Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say your mother’s in the hospital? I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do? Listen, I’ll drive you over there. We’ll leave right now. Grab a coat, it’s a little cold out. I’m so sorry.”

infj: “You won’t sleep when you’re dead, either.”

intj: “At your smallest components, you are indistinguishable from a forest fire.”

istp: “You can’t get blood from a turnip. Listen you need some blood? I can totally get you some blood. Set that turnip down and follow me to the blood. There’s a lot of blood.”

isfp: “Ignore all the haters telling you that everything isn’t a sandwich. Everything is a sandwich.”

infp: "Feeling lost? Like you have no goal in life? Like you’re covered in dirt and wet leaves? Like you’re an earthworm? Are you an earthworm? Kinda sounds like you’re an earthworm, actually.“

intp: "Soccer is also commonly known as football, Canadian baseball, American football, violent jogging, and World War II.”

estp: “You can lead a horse to water, and you can lead a horse into water, and you can swim around with the horse and have fun.”

esfp: “On this day in history: mundanity, and terror, and food, and love, and trees.”

enfp: “If you love something, set it free. If it starts flying around and chirping, it was probably a bird.”

entp: “Everything that happens, happens for a reason. Except ostriches. What the hell, man?”

estj:  “Please keep all arms and legs inside the car at all times. Also, you are under arrest. Why is your car full of limbs? Whose are these?”

esfj:  “Listen, I’m not a hero. The real heroes are the people that point out to us when protesters have smart phones, thus invalidating all concerns.”

enfj: “Thank you for your interest in a life free of pain. We are not accepting applications at this time. Please try again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again…”

entj: “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single command from a satellite-activated mind control chip.”

anonymous asked:

Would you ever do a simple tutorial of how you draw horses? I want to make centaur OCs but lord horses are difficult creatures to doodle 😭

Mmmm there are so many guides that cover what I do, and I really don’t do anything more than those. Still use the whole blocks and sticks and form building and whatnot. And a buttload of references. Anything I could say different would kinda step beyond the stage of simplicity?

To offer something though I would like, suggest tweaking the use of circles when it comes to drawing horses. Or anything, really. Circles are great and highly accessible for fast, general drawing, but few natural things are perfectly round. Look at a horse from the front or back - it’s square and flat and meaty and saggy too, depending on your angle.

So like, I dunno, if you wanna step it up a notch, try changing your use of building-circles into something like this

And especially practice being able to see these shapes in dimension

And then piece them together. The triangle will really help guide the line up. Highly recommend.

Honestly I just follow the same gist of Hubedihubbe’s quick tut (please check it out, very good points made, much cleaner, actually labelled) so I kind of feel like I’m parroting here but.. I break down the rest in lines and diamonds.

As a personal preference, I like marking in the shoulder blade to elbow and the hip to knee, as they create pretty important shapes towards horse recognition. If something keeps looking off, check your leg length. A super rough way to get a close idea of what you need can be found in using most of the shoulder block for a landmark? It’s not perfect maths, it’s a rough tell. The hind legs are then worked out via the red line, setting the hocks above the intersection across the knees 

And uh, it goes on from there. You gotta look at pictures, do the study, and learn the meats. No real other way around that part.

There’s a horse bod.

But the reason of learning how to see those shapes in dimension is so that you can push your poses further! Try piecing it together with your front-view knowledge. And look at references, always! 

Shoulders are pretty narrow compared to the belly and hindquarters, unless you start looking into the draft breeds - then both ends more or less square up together. But moving on, more leggies are slapped on that thing

And fleshed out with all that meat knowledge :P (I know I haven’t gone into heads but this was about centaurs anyway. This guy just felt like he needed one)

And when it comes to practice and learning, don’t be afraid to simply draw these shapes directly over an image. It will help familiarise you with how these base forms interact with one another, how far they can squash and stretch and look at a whole variety of angles. It’s just practice!

Doing that helps to gain a solid concept of the subject, so that when you do set out on your own you can find that convincing territory.


So hey, this has been a very long and terrible not-tutorial. More like insight or something, and would only be helpful if you’re somewhat familiar with horses and already got the fundamentals of drawing down pat, since I skipped over a lot

Haven’t drawn a horse before though? I recommend you the Shrimp method

Anyway, hope all this was kinda interesting

The Road to El Dorado fits well with Rick Riordan's characters

Jason: Oh, you fight like my sister!

Percy: I… fought your sister - that’s a compliment!
…………………………………………………………………

Percy: You said it yourself it was possible, and it is! It really is! The map to EL DORADO!

Annabeth: …You drank the seawater, didn’t you?
………………………………………………………………….
Meg: I want in.

Apollo: In?

Meg: On your quest.

Apollo: (nervous laugh) Wha-there’s no quest, why would you think there’s a… Why?
………………………………………………………………….
Magnus: On the one hand: GOLD. On the other hand: (points to a tapestry of a man getting his heart ripped out) “‘PAINFUL AGONIZING FAILURE!
………………………………………………………………….

Piper: Jason, did you ever imagine it would end like this?

Jason: (Looking at Tempest) The horse is a surprise…
………………………………………………………………….

Carter: We’ll follow that trail!

Sadie: What trail?

Carter: [chopping at vines with sword] The trail that we blaze!

[the vines fall down revealing a solid wall of rock; long pause]

Carter: [pointing] THAT trail that we blaze…
…………………………………………………………………

Sam: Magnus, you know that little voice people have that tells them to quit when they’re ahead? YOU DON’T HAVE ONE!

okeedokees  asked:

I've just discovered you and I love your work! Would you mind sharing your approach to composition and thought process on it? Are there any artists you reference? Thank you!

Hey! you found me! Thanks!  

 I reference from photos for stuff I can’t visualize on my own, and artists like bouguereau, rockwell, leyendecker, mucha for mind fuel

Composition: 

Whenever I do a piece, the objective I have in mind is to not get bored, because once I lose interest, I lose the piece.

So for me, the composition has to be distinct enough to avoid echoing an early piece, and to immediately be recognized due to its layout. It’s gotta be new for me, and new things are fun and exciting, right? (yes they are) 

I think about the subject, the action, the actual format (whether it’s allegorical, objective, subjective, i.e. is it a symbolization, a certain scene, would you find it in real life? I tend to avoid the latter, because I find it dull and uninteresting and I hhhhhhhate that) I place priority on the human form, it’s versatile and expressive more than anything else, in my opinion. 

Here’s an example. Normally I don’t post my sketches since they’re just glorified chicken scratch, but this is the best example I could think of at the moment. It’s St. George (for my series sanctus), and normally, you’d see him like this 

(Saint George and the Dragon by gustave moreau, 1889-1890 )

or

(Saint George and the Dragon by raphael, 1504-1506) 

this.

It’s a pretty common depiction, since it goes back to medieval times. The similarities are that he’s on a horse, he has a spear/lance, there’s a dragon, and he’s attacking it.

The big picture (haha pun) is that I wanted to also have my subject be st george (side note, it’s kind of the theme of the series), but different enough from past artworks where I’d know it wasn’t enormously reminiscent of the traditional depiction. So I aim to keep the basic idea, and see what goes on from there. 

This is the first sketch I did, it was okay, I knew I’d never drawn anything like that, which is good, but composition was lacking. I wasn’t so hot about this, so I dropped it. I kinda like it so I might revisit it .  Additionally, though, it strayed a little too far from the main idea. 

Above was the second sketch, after I’d finished roughing it out, I knew immediately it wouldn’t do. I was satisfied for about 2 seconds, then I got disappointed and stayed that way.. If I put it side by side with the other million or so paintings of st george, I doubt I could tell it was mine. It was practically the same: horse, lance, dragon. The action was too similar to other portrayals.  

Definitely….nah

It’s not as similar as the previous one was, but I didn’t like it. That’s a good indicator too, whether you like it or not. I’d tried to fuse the first and second sketch because I did like the first one somewhat, but it didn’t really work for me. It’s just so awkward … 

So I left the piece for a while, and came back and did this. It was different, simpler (which can improve a piece more often than not), and I liked it. After I did most of the sketch, I said great job u idiot it only took you a week to come up with a sketch the hell is wrong with u, went to bed, and woke up happy, and normally it doesn’t take me 3 actual sketches or something to come up with a good piece, and I was getting pretty fed up before the last sketch, but good thing I didn’t give up (this time. hah) This is basically how I go about my pieces for now.

tl;dr Don’t give up! (haha I lied, go back and read)

Dating Diana Prince Would Include...

Anonymous requested:  Dating Diana prince would include, please? Thank you!

  • You being the first human she was ever attracted to
  • Finding her strange and mysterious, and doing everything you can to learn more about her
  • Diana awkwardly asking you out on a date, because in Themyscira people didn’t go on dates
  • “Would you… like to go on an outing with me? To get food?” “Are you asking me out on a date?” “Yes, I believe so.”
  • An amazing first date planned by Diana - which included horses, picnics, and a beautiful view
  • Diana expecting you to be surprised when she told you she was Wonder Woman, but you had a hunch she was Wonder Woman from the start.
  • Her letting you try on her armor
  • And thinking you look totally hot in it
  • Slow, gentle kisses
  • But hot, passionate sex
  • Diana teaching you how to defend yourself 
  • Constantly worrying about each other
  • Freaking out when she tells you about the Justice League
  • “You’re working with Batman! And the Flash! Oh my god, can I meet them?” “You sound like Barry.”
  • Diana doesn’t like to admit it, but she loves cuddling
  • Lots of late night talks
  • Her telling you stories about Themyscira
  • Not being afraid of PDA
  • And, if any homophobes gave you any nasty looks or dirty comments, Diana wouldn’t let them get away without a lecture
  • “Where I’m from, women only date women! Get your head out of your ass!”
  • Thinking her accent is adorable
  • Braiding each other’s hair
  • Diana being afraid to save “I love you” for the first time, but once she says it, she can’t go an hour without telling you
  • Just an all around loving, trusting relationship

anonymous asked:

is it me, or does Goetia's Buer sound like a good guy? or at least a true neutral at that, this descriptions make him look like a intellectual in philosophy, a tea aficionado and a skilled medic. so what if he is a polite daemon? MAYBE he lacks true morality but from what i can tell from this descriptions, he seems like at least a cultured (possibly) polite dude.

You know, there’s a lot of them that sound like they wouldn’t want to immediately rip your throat out. That’s why I was waiting to answer this one; I wanted to go through all 72 and pick out the Goetia Goodies (O) and the Goetia Goons (X). Let’s see, in order…

  1. BAEL: Hoarse voice, spider legs, fussy. Sounds like a royal pain! (X)
  2. AGARES: I doubt he can always rein in that croc. (X)
  3. VASSAGO: One of many to tell the past and future, he can also help you find things you’ve lost. Just so long as you keep it clean, I guess. (O)
  4. GAMIGIN: A horse with a hoarse voice. That’s unethical. (X)
  5. MARBAS: Can cure diseases, but also cause them. Surely in league with Big Pharma! (X)
  6. VALEFOR: Tempts people to steal! (X)
  7. AMON: Spits fire, but cures controversies between friends. Can also cause feuds? But I have a soft spot for Amon, so… (O)
  8. BARBATOS: Lets you understand birds and dogs, opens magical chests. What a pal! (O) 
  9. PAIMON: The most obedient to Lucifer, definitely a Bad Boy. (X) 
  10. BUER: And here we are at the gentle Dr. Buer. (O) 
  11. GUSION: Depending on what a “Xenopilus” is, he’s otherwise all about friendships. (O)
  12. SITRI: One of those who makes people horny. Armed and dangerous. (X) 
  13. BELETH: He’s got all those trumpeters. Very annoying! (X)
  14. LERAJE: The belligerent demon Robin Hood. (X) 
  15. ELIGOR: Knows all about wars, but doesn’t seem to be all about fighting them. Still, will err on the side of caution here. (X) 
  16. ZEPAR: Can make people infertile! What a dickweed. (X) 
  17. BOTIS: Future-telling, reconciliation, but never trust a viper with a sword. (X) 
  18. BATHIN: The first of those who can teleport people. Neat, but rife for abuse (and Star Trek-style transporter accidents). (X) 
  19. SALLOS: Another croc-rider, but specifically saying he’s peaceful. Well, I’m sold. (O) 
  20. PURSON: Rides a bear. Despite that, the Kings are probably not to be trusted. (X)
  21. MORAX: The bull-man who just want to make the world a smarter place. (O)
  22. IPOS: The Ugliest Demon, but he makes people witty. A Cyrano in our midst? (O)
  23. AIM: A pyromaniac. (X)
  24. NABERIUS: Another teacher! (O)
  25. GLASYA-LABOLAS: “An author of Bloodshed and Manslaughter.” (X)
  26. BUNE: Dispenses money. Commie! (X)
  27. RONOVE: The monster man who nonetheless is a rhetoric expert. (O)
  28. BERITH: He is the Philosopher’s Stone in demon form. All that gold will crash the markets! (X)
  29. ASTAROTH: One of the nastiest. Plus he has bad breath! (X)
  30. FORNEUS: More rhetoric and friend-making. (O)
  31. FORAS: Can make people invisible. Lead us not into temptation! (X)
  32. ASMODEUS: Need I say more? (X)
  33. GAAP: Makes people ignorant. (X)
  34. FURFUR: Another fickle one about summoning, can also cause thunderous storms. (X)
  35. MARCHOSIAS: Vomits fire, but really wants to be an angel again, so perhaps would still be on his best behavior. (O)
  36. STOLAS: All about that astronomy and those herbs and precious stones. No bias here! (O)
  37. PHENEX: A sweet singer and poet. Another who wishes to be an angel once more. (O)
  38. HALPHAS: Probably nice, but is also the bad kind of gun nut. (X)
  39. MALPHAS: Can read the minds of your enemies. As if you don’t already know from their passive-aggressive tweets and comments. (X)
  40. RAUM: Another dirty thief (but of rich kings, so maybe it’s OK), but also destroys cities. Oh. (X)
  41. FOCALOR: Kills and drowns people. Right to the point! Or to the bottom? (X)
  42. VEPAR: Guides warships, but also putrefies sores and causes worms to breed in them. Gross! (X)
  43. SABNOCK: Like Halphas, only for armor, but shares Vepar’s vile worm-breeding-in-sores power. (X)
  44. SHAX: The stealer of senses! (X)
  45. VINE: Discovers wizards and witches (!), but causes rough storms on waters. Also a King. (X)
  46. BIFRONS: Doesn’t seem so bad, but hangs out with the dead so he’s probably fetid. (X)
  47. UVALL: Another Goetia PUA. (X)
  48. HAAGENTI: More alchemy. These demons need some new hobbies! (X)
  49. CROCELL: Can discover baths and warm them up real nice, but also creates noises that sound like rushing torrents, like some weirdo. Consider it ambiance, I guess. (O)
  50. FURCAS: This Knight is a “cruel old man” who teaches pyromancy. We live in the universe where pyromancy is OP, so… (X)
  51. BALAM: Invisibility, King, Bear. Not a good enough ratio. (X)
  52. ALLOCES: NO MORE WARRIORS ON HORSES, PLEASE (X)
  53. CAIM: The bird-man, he lends understanding of animals and the waters (!), and things to come. He answers in hot coals, so as long as he’s not summoned near flammable objects Caim probably won’t give you any trouble. (O)
  54. MURMUR: A PERFECT philosophy teacher and mediator to the dead. Just wear earplugs for his trumpeting cohorts. (O)
  55. OROBAS: Tells of the past, present, future, and of divinity and the creation of the world. Said to be “very faithful” to the summoner. What’s not to love? (O)
  56. GREMORY: Future-telling, but another that messes with the hearts of women, if commanded. Come on occultist, just use a dating app like everyone else! (X)
  57. OSE: Ose can transform the summoner into “any Shape.” Keep your fetishes to yourself. (X)
  58. AMY: The flaming liberal science teacher. Like Caim, practice fire safety and you should be cool. (O)
  59. ORIAS: An astrologer, but can also magically promote people through ranks, presumably those undeserving of it. (X)
  60. VAPULA: A winged, lion-headed professor of “all handicrafts and professions.” (O)  
  61. ZAGAN: The bull King, can transmute blood into wine. Sounds a hair more effective than a wine festival. (X)
  62. VOLAC: Tells where hidden treasures are and where serpents may be seen. Needs a friend, badly. (O)
  63. ANDRAS: If you treat him as a joke, Andras will straight up kill you; suppose he’s tired of being laughed at for being an owl-headed man riding a wolf. (X)
  64. FLAUROS: Another particular demon; will lie if things aren’t just right, but can also burn people to death. (X)
  65. ANDREALPHUS: Who wouldn’t want to learn geometry from a peacock? (O)
  66. KIMARIS: The last horseback warrior. Logic, rhetoric, rules spirits of Africa, etc. (O)
  67. AMDUSIAS: The musician of Hell, Amdusias can also bend trees to the summoner’s will. That’s so weirdly specific I think I have to give it a pass. (O)
  68. BELIAL: The King Belial seems to be another fickle with the summoning process, requiring gifts and sacrifices, but is written to have a better demeanor than many others. Still, play with fire… (X)
  69. DECARABIA: The original star man and ornithologist, he just wants you to understand birds! (O)
  70. SEERE: He’s like a demonic U-Haul truck, carrying things to and fro as demanded. Tells of thievery, but doesn’t seem to condone it explicitly. (O)
  71. DANTALION: The last great teacher of the 72, but can control people’s minds. (X)
  72. ANDROMALIUS: Perhaps the most just of all the demons, Andromalius is said to catch and punish thieves and “discover all wickedness.” There must be a lot of internal conflict in Hell’s hierarchies, eh? (O)

So out of the 72, I have determined that 27 of them would be kind of nice. That’s not bad! But aside from the many teachers among them, Buer probably ends up with one of the best professions and demeanors, if not the best.

Of course, all of these demons still have command over X number of demon legions, Buer with 50, so it’s probably all relative, anyway.

Truly a graceful beast, the flying butter horse is known for it’s soft hooved landings.

Tried some new stuff with this one, think it turned out pretty good! I think you can probably tell I put a little bit of extra care into her. This flooter will be a sticker design for upcoming conventions so if you like her, she’ll be available.

4

Tangled!AU Cast Extras I actually wasn’t planning on doing but anywaYS HERE THEY ARE and now with captions!

Yurio and Yakov are the most disturbing thing I’ve drawn in a long time. Also: Phichit as the Hook guy who wants to be a concert pianist, and Chris as Gunther, who wants to be a interior designer.

Part 0 - Part 1 - Part 2 - AU Tag - DO NOT repost anywhere!

A History of Violence

Alpha!Werewolf!Sam x Omega!Werewolf!Reader - A/B/O

(part one of two)

Summary: You and Sam are a bonded pair with four children. You’re both interrogated by the police who are convinced that Sam and Dean are running a criminal enterprise.

This falls into the same AU as The Brown Bottle, Moonlight and The Derby

Warnings: Language, violence, murder, dom/sub overtones. mentions of: knotting, breeding, claiming, giving birth

Words: 3800+

Beta: The always wonderful @saxxxology

Your name: submit What is this?



The Raid

It’s just after one in the afternoon and you’re cutting the crust from a peanut butter sandwich. “Liam, you want jelly on yours?”

You son looks up from up his sea of building blocks with a grimace on his face. “No!”

“Alright, no jelly,” you confirm. His cheeks are pink, hair stuck to his forehead. The air conditioning broke two days ago and Sam promised to have one of his guys come by to look at it by tonight. “You look hot buddy, why don’t you come in here.”

Keep reading

Roses Are Red

Pairing: Loki x F!Reader

Requested by @earinafae

Yay your requests are open! Could you do one where the reader is like the parent of the group, is besties with Wade and has just started dating Loki? I’m also in love with your blog 💚  (a/n awwwwww <3 <3 <3)


Wade has created a chatroom.

Wade has added Loki.

Wade: Hello, you beautiful snowman.

Wade: Do you know what time it is?

Loki: Ah, Wade. I was wondering what had befallen you. You’re late for your weekly threats.

Wade: You won’t believe the traffic on the highway.

Loki: You have a car now?

Wade: No.

Loki: That explains the news.  Now, on with the threats. I’ve grown fond of them.

Wade: That defeats the purpose of them, you monster! Now I have to throw away my list and redo them.

Wade: I will KILL YOU.

Wade: With love if you love and support my Y/N.

Keep reading

Someone: So, what do you like? B-

Me: Pizza! And fruit smoothies. Cats are amazing. Horses too. And bagpipes are my favorite instrument. Oh, and I really want this-

Someone: I meant people. Who do you love?

Me: Oh. I love my friends of course.

Someone: That’s still not what I’m talking about. Who do you want to be with?

Me: With my friends? 

Someone: On a date?

Me: I’ll hang out with my friends on any date. I’d give them lots of hugs, tell them they look great, because they always do. And I’d love to have a sleepover sometime. We can stay up talking or watching movies, and then hopefully not having to fight over the blankets in our sleep. And in the morning someone can make breakfast.

Someone: That’s the stuff you do when you’re in a relationship with someone, not with friends.

My aroace ass: Friendships are relationships! No kind of relationship is more important than any other!

Someone: *sigh* I really just wanted to know if you like boys or girls.

Me: You forgot the non-binary people. Also, I like pizza.

Someone: But-

Me: P. I. Z. Z. A.

Suggestion for some of y'all

I keep saying stop policing how QWOC accept representation so now I’ll give an example.


- I’m black so I’m overjoyed at Kat’s existence. I talk about what it means for us, how it speaks to the things black women face etc. I can comment on the role Kat’s race plays, in5 how she navigates the world and her sexuality because that’s my reality.


- I love Adena, I love that this representation exists for Muslim wlw. On the other hand, I’m not Muslim so I do not comment on the way Adena’ s faith is portrayed. I don’t get on a high horse and tell Muslim women they have to like this representation, because I don’t know how accurate the portrayal is. I’m not gonna police they’re opinion of this because I don’t live those experiences.


So to white wlw, you want to criticize the relationship, then fine go right ahead, but if you feel the need to tell QWOC that this is not good representation, try reading this post and understand that you don’t live this reality, you don’t know what it’s like so you don’t get to tell us what opinion to have about it .If you see us enjoying our ship and feel the need to comment otherwise, by all means sit down and STFU your opinion isn’t wanted. We deal with enough suffering in the real world, POC shouldn’t have to suffer in fiction to assuage your white guilt.


“I’m not black but Kat’s race…..”

Nope, you don’t get to comment on that


Originally posted by desingyouruniverse


“I’m not Muslim but Adena’s hijab..”


Nahhhh…

Originally posted by desingyouruniverse

somewhat of a MASTERLIST

5sos ✨
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/134175351321/glad-you-had-fun-ashton-irwin
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/134205604061/pregnancy-cravings
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/134314882951/you-deserve-a-man-who-will-bring-you-food
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/134832251206/go-back-to-school-guys-send-me-some-requests
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/134939839816/i-just-seen-the-sexiest-picture-on-instagram
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/135095027496/you-were-such-a-cute-blonde-new-text-cause-im
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/133691345116/calum-not-my-pics
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/133891033386/i-just-got-over-protective-ashton
ONE DIRECTION ✨
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/133692905276/you-send-him-pictures-of-your-kids-because-you
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/133976614666/happy-thanksgiving-in-honor-of-thanksgiving
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/134152697821/you-dyed-your-hair-niall-horan
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/134893271766/anything-for-youprincess-fake-text-for
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/134962526891/maybe-i-will-be-there
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/135068122411/we-are-having-a-baby-text-for-bvbkali11
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/139016054266/im-with-it-requested
JUSTIN BIEBER ✨
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/134030835296/happy-thanksgiving
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/134302542336/you-ask-him-for-lunch
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/134675287616/put-on-proper-clothes
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/134815077716/thats-real-fucking-cute
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/134875916236/sitting-in-class-like-im-in-school-right-now-and
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/135151743316/choose-my-mom-over-me-huh
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/135233537156/bitch-that-aint-me
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/135277680976/part-2-of-bitch-that-aint-me-if-yall-want-i
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/135335138531/part-3-of-bitch-that-aint-me-because-i-got-out
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/135406882181/are-you-mad-over-some-food
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/135478836071/i-wanted-to-hang-out-with-you
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/135520614456/some-mother-i-am
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/135544677081/you-dont-trust-me-another-text-for-the-day-bc
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/135591941306/so-you-wanted-her-to-grow-up-without-a-dad-bc
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/135621619621/why-tf-is-she-holding-my-baby
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/135659588956/part-2-imagine-for-why-tf-is-she-holding-my-baby
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/135686207506/new-phone-who-dis
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/135723897366/never-did-one-of-these-soooo-justin-gets
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/135747294551/no-pressure-guys-request-something-im-bored
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/135790032971/delete-that-picture-now-your-mad-at-justin-so
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/135821831806/i-helped-make-them-too-a-fan-tells-you-your-kids
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/135859424546/shes-acting-just-like-you-as-you-can-see-i
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/135894562231/merry-christmas-merry-christmas-to-you-all
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/135957308951/where-can-i-find-me-a-jb-this-is-actually-so
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/135987138531/cant-wait-to-come-home-justin-is-out-on-tour
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/136008394471/oops-to-late-i-really-want-to-make-this-into
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/136015525671/you-asked-for-you-got-it-part-2-of-oops-to
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/136053616066/you-got-me-a-horse-omg-requested-justin
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/136055224526/part-3-to-oops-its-to-late-selena-gets-the
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/136085022606/part-4-of-oops-its-to-late-last-part-enjoy
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/136134418101/thats-not-nice-justin-being-mean-on-instagram
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/136152212286/wonderfuckingful-its-your-anniversary-and
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/136238574621/bring-that-ass-here-girl-i-feel-like-my
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/136298640711/i-wasnt-leaving-anyway-lmao-requested-i
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/136353114331/thats-my-bestfriend-i-wanna-be-sels
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/136993259666/happy-birthday-to-the-missus-p-its-my-birthday
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/137052083096/omg-i-just-realized-you-used-my-lyrics-smooth
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/137138549546/do-this-one-favor-for-me-based-off-the-song
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/137889601646/i-just-need-a-rest-requested
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/138124865746/fuck-you-requested-im-getting-backed-out-on
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/138506383551/21-today-requested-i-use-kylie-jenner-a
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/138568851696/vacation-i-dont-like-hailey-so-i-didnt-add
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/140181550221/babygirl
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/141075644456/text-au-thick-and-different-race-appreciation
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/141225173326/text-au-purpose-tour
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/141328074936/text-au-kendall-kylie
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/141397990896/text-au-3-it-hurts-to-know-your-sleeping-next
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/141675167326/text-au-justin-32-have-you-been-drinking
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/141977359411/text-au-buying-justin-gifts
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/142092695036/text-au-justin-buying-you-gifts
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/144221105341/instagram-au-you-justin-showing-eachother-off
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/144726528306/text-au-making-fun-of-you
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/145162876256/textinstagram-au-single-mom-this-shit-sucks-so
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/145524098731/instagramtwitter-au-fight-with-hailey-baldwin
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/145720057116/instagram-au-cute-offguards
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/145867140456/instagram-au-bae-watch
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/145967757251/instagram-au-on-the-purpose-tour-with-justin
SKATE MALOLEY ✨
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/137034487456/mind-ya-business-hun-the-twins-are-back-a
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/137421110446/you-werent-that-busy-its-soppose-to-say
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/138176959246/vegas-requested
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/138756291696/highschool-to-college-going-through
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/138876919416/la-nate-skate-maloley
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/139149292096/anniversary-posting-these-old-imagines-and
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/139255237321/cant-do-this-anymore-requested
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/139309660236/instagram-au-your-boyfriend-misses-you
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/139873759176/black-history-month-so-to-all-my-beautiful
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/140606707761/birthday-babe
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/140920845226/text-skate-gets-all-lovey-and-shit-requested
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/141054166816/stay-here-forever-requested
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/141213957556/youll-never-have-someone-asked-me-to-do
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/141448723441/text-au-36-nate-never-talk-about-her-like-that
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/141727317046/text-au-you-and-nate-always-posting-about
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/142369702161/instagram-au-dating-nate
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/142588053846/instagram-au-prom-w-nate-requested
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/142809921946/instagram-au-your-nates-girlfriend-and-youre
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/143699179956/vacation-skate-maloley
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/144312931756/text-au-respeck-my-name
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/145323726191/instatext-au-babydaddy-drama
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/145363231746/twitter-au-your-girlfriend-is-a-thot-from-my
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/139769517886/married-all-this-stuff-going-on-lets-just-all
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/140238849866/whyd-you-post-this-i-made-this-to-basically
*

SAMMY WILK ✨
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/137180960361/home-sweet-home-i-used-texas-because-thats
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/137384775526/college-time
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/139507993126/i-love-you-and-everything-about-you-even-when
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/140101472226/ill-never-leave-you-i-cried-while-making-this
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/141383525101/instagram-au-relationship-with-sammy
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/141506318581/instagram-kids-with-sammy
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/142702507351/instagram-au-your-a-singer-sammy-has-a-crush-on
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/142758565381/text-au-grillz
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/146069244666/twitter-au-sammys-ex-tries-to-come-for-you

JOHN SWIFT ✨
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/137315892491/well-played-my-dear
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/139994069321/bryson-tiller-wouldnt-treat-me-like-this-i
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/140352471896/lol-chill-your-ass-i-made-this-imagine-to
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/140416400231/part-2-to-lol-chill-you-ass-the-reason-swazz
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/140942750846/text-au-your-on-your-period-and-you-start
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/140998716731/why-would-i
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/141038591501/text-request-can-i-have-a-text-au-where-swazz-is
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/141873298281/text-au-part-2-to-go-fuck-one-of-your-skanks
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/142422225926/text-au-on-your-period-im-on-my-period-i
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/142658575956/text-au-kids-with-swazz
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/142715445791/text-au-you-go-out-for-starbucks-and-swazz-texts
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/144264738181/text-au-compliments
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/145221258121/instagram-au-married-w-swazz
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/141038591501/text-request-can-i-have-a-text-au-where-swazz-is

DEREK LUH/ KDL ✨
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/139092916566/am-i-that-boring-made-this-lil-quick-imagine
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/139197654831/daddy-derek
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/139329385216/instagram-you-and-delany-luh-are-bestfriends-2
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/139392490421/thats-what-i-thought-i-didnt-post-today-so
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/139578130476/text-au-nates-ex-girlfriend-text-his-phone-and
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/139624542421/text-au-cute-ig-au-w-luh-gilinsky-requested
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/139670206851/lucky-requested
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/139810148981/never-thought-id-cuff-first-kdl-imagine-this
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/139936914976/requested-could-you-maybe-do-a-post-with-kdl-but
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/140649174186/trapsoul-requested
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/140717043916/best-friend-you-and-delany-luh-are-bestfriends
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/140771900861/the-hat
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/140882726551/twitter-you-perform-with-bryson-tiller-and-derek
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/140979731311/instagram-you-and-dereks-relationship
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/141149951166/daddy-requested
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/141290692431/text-au-derek-cheats-requested
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/141336849776/text-pregnant-with-twins-requested
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/141392594421/text-au-38-your-hot-when-your-jealous
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/141397990896/text-au-3-it-hurts-to-know-your-sleeping-next
* (anyone) http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/141460970981/text-au-shade-maggie-lindemann
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/141565054656/islands-requested
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/141692559181/text-au-yall-argue-over-drugs-and-you-walk-out
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/141918500026/instagram-your-a-model-and-dereks-girlfriend
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/142129550876/text-au-funny-moments-with-your-boyfriend-derek
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/142381915586/text-au-youve-done-enough-to-please-leave
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/142912493026/instagram-relationship-with-derek-requested
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/146023552571/instagram-au-relationship-with-derek

JACK AND JACK ✨
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/140052782526/distance-requested
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/140468949756/front-row-requested
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/141630945536/instagram-au-you-are-a-famous-singer-and-johnson
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/142046020706/text-au-reupload-cs-tumblr-deleted-my-shit-but
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/142312389886/text-au-home-requested
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/144014781961/instagram-family-this-is-a-very-old-imagine-but
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/142256971371/text-au-jacks-pick-you-over-madison-requested
* http://kylizzllmynizzle.tumblr.com/post/139624542421/text-au-cute-ig-au-w-luh-gilinsky-requested
*

Horse Body Language for Writers

Hello! Because I see a lot of bunk weird-ass body language used in fantasy novels, I thought I’d drop some knowledge on actual horse body language, as opposed to that you’ll see in corny movies. You cannot trust movies, okay? They add horse sound effects in every scene with horses when in reality horses are very quiet. Movies lie.

ANYWAY.

Here’s some basic facial expressions:

Interested (and sometimes fearful). Horses with their heads way up in the air and ears forward can be stressed and looking for a friend. But they can also just be listening or interested in something in front of them.


Bored/Tired(only one hind foot taking the weight is common; horses tend to lean on only one foot when they’re sleepy/bored/comfortable). Their heads are lowered, their eyes and ears may be droopy, and they’ll be sighing a lot. What’s most hilarious is when their mouth hangs open as such:

If you’re like me, you then play with that lip and go LIP LIP LIP LIP because you are about six years old.


Aggressive/fearful
Notice that the ears are PINNED back, not just facing backward. A horse moves their ears based on what they are listening to. It’s possible that their ears are just facing backward to listen to something behind them. But if the horse looks tense, their ears are pinned to their neck, and they look prepared to bite, they are angry or afraid.


Listening (when ears move forward and backward)
One key thing to look for in a horse that’s listening to you is that they are a) moving their ears back and forth b) lowering their head and c) smacking their lips. This is horse talk for “I’m paying attention to you.”


Being weird

Sometimes your horse is just weird and does this lip thing. We had one horse who would do it when you gave him wormer. He did not like the taste of wormer. So he did this. It’s hilarious every single time, no matter how long you’ve had horses.


Yawning
As terrifying as horse yawns look, they are not being aggressive. They are just sleepy babies with nasty teeth.


Some things horses WILL do:

  • Come when called (they must be trained to do so with many treats; it does not come as naturally to horses as it does dogs)
  • Tricks, such as bowing or rearing
  • Throw you off and not look back (if they’re a dick)
  • Throw you off and stop after a bit and wait for you (if they’re not a dick)
  • Bite people/buck people off they may not like.
  • Run under low branches to knock a rider off. Horses! They’re dicks!
  • Enjoy running up hills more than they enjoy running down hills (don’t ask me, horses are weird)
  • Change their personalities depending on who is handling them. This is not a drastic change, usually, but horses may become gentler or more stubborn depending on whether or not they sense their handler is confident
  • Go lame (lame=limping) at the most inopportune moments
  • Roll over with a rider still on them (aka bucking for the lazy, passive-aggressive horse)
  • Kick you if you stand behind it. I mean, most horses don’t do this, but it only takes one.
  • Paw at water. Think of horses as giant toddlers who like splashing puddles.
  • Eat things/poop while they walk and run (don’t anyone tell you that humans are the only multi-taskers)
  • Poop on you and fart in your face. A pastime horses enjoy.
  • Pick things up in their mouths and toss them around.
  • Lie down (some horses do lie down to rest, but they only do so when someone else in the herd is standing up. Think of it as guard duty. Horses can sleep standing up, and they most likely will not lie down if they’re in the open country and if they are the only horse)
  • Lie down like this:
NO WHY ARE YOU LYING DOWN LIKE THAT I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD JESUS.

Some things horses WILL NOT do:

  • Fight wolves to protect you (sorry; every man for himself)
  • Jump over their own paddock fence to come when called (I mean, maybe? IDK, teaching a horse to jump out of their pen sounds like an awful idea)
  • Jump random objects in their way when they’ve never jumped anything before, especially ravines (take it from me— horses do not leap over ditches if they’ve never done it before. I found that one out the hard way)
  • Put their lives at explicit risk for you (they’re not dogs. Again.)
  • Snort constantly like they do in movies, unless they’re sick
  • Talk to you via snorting/shaking their head. Horses do not understand English. (They can be trained to do this stuff to signals, like a dog. But they don’t understand what you’re saying.)
  • Charge into battle without regard to what they’re charging into (war horses are a thing, but I see a lot of CGI movies in which horses just fucking RAM into the other side, and I’m pretty sure this doesn’t happen. Horses can be taught to tolerate gunshots and canon fire and all kinds of stuff, but they generally enjoy not being stabbed and running straight into other horses)
  • Become exhausted from a relentless desert marathon, lay down to die, and then get back up when the rider gets in touch with his indigenous ancestors (thanks, Hidalgo!)
  • Start liking you just because you gave it an apple, even though you’re a wild Mustang and don’t like people. (thanks, Flicka!)
  • Pull a plow Day 1 with zero training because you decided it was a good idea to buy a Thoroughbred with the money your papa gave you a for a plow horse (thanks, War Horse!)
  • Run as an Arabian in a race meant for Thoroughbreds with an 8-year-old jockey or whatever (thanks, Black Stallion!)
  • Do magic (to my knowledge!)

Some things that are very rare for a horse to do:

  • Charge at you. A horse who did this would be considered very dangerous. Humans being able to handle a horse is entirely dependent upon the horse’s assumption that you can kick its ass. Once it realizes it can kill you, you have a predator animal on your hands, and dealing with a 2,000 lb predator with hooves and teeth is NOT a horse you want to have around.
  • Rear, just cuz. Horses rear when they are playing or fighting, and when a horse rears with a rider on, it usually means they’re being a dick, not just cuz they feel great and the sunset is behind you and you’re a cowboy. A horse can be taught to rear on command, as they do in movies. But they don’t just do it unless they’re mad at you.
  • Enjoy its head being hugged. Horses love hugs (or at least are neutral to them), but generally resist head hugging. I mean, what if a strange person came up to you and just clutched your head to their chest? Like, BOUNDARIES, okay?
  • Act like a dog in any shape or form.
  • HORSES ARE NOT DOGS. OH MY GOD. THEY ARE NOT.

3llenography  asked:

hey, whats the best story you have about a wild animal?

so something that you have to understand about my mom is that she loves animals. like you know that girl in your middle school that was like I FCUKIN LOVE HORSES *___*!!!! and always interrupted every conversation with some Cat Facts? that’s my mom. my mom feeds wild deer, which—as anyone who lives in the country will tell you—is a TERRIBLE IDEA, BECAUSE DEER, WHILE BEAUTIFUL, ARE ESSENTIALLY TALL RODENTS. my mother feeds geese. i shit you not, we have a pack of geese that live on our farm.

as like. pets.

when my parents went away for christmas, i stayed home to look after things, and my stepdad was like, DON’T FORGET TO FEED THE GEESE! he wrote it down. so i wouldn’t forget.

“geese are wild animals,” i said.

“THEY’LL STARVE, THOSE LITTLE ANGELS.”

“they won’t. they’re wild geese.”

“IF WE COME BACK AND ELVIS IS DEAD, SO HELP ME GOD.”

  • elvis is the goose whose all white except for a strip of black on the crown of his head.
  • get it? get it? elvis?
  • life on the farm is weird and has gone a long way toward preparing me for the weirdness that is adult life.

ANYWAY, the point of all this is that the year i lived abroad, my parents had no one in the country who could talk sense into them, saying things like, “domestic animals are for cuddling, and wild animals aren’t pets because they are wild animals,” so my mother adopted a wild boar.

here are some fun facts about wild boar:

They can smell people. “We are predators. We smell like a predator in the food chain,” Loftus said. That doesn’t mean they won’t turn and fight, especially to protect piglets.

“They’re mean. They’re aggressive. They’ll charge you. They’ll cut you or stab you with their teeth. They have big tusks, or cutters, as we call them,” Loftus said.

Wild pigs can rip open the femoral artery in a person’s leg, causing massive bleeding. (x)

  • in wild boars’ defense, i would also probably attack something that i viewed as a threat to me & mine. in my defense, this is my home?? it’s like you broke into my home and then killed me for being in it because you feel you should have the right to sit on the couch whenever, even though i don’t even know you and didn’t invite you here???

we literally had like “wild boar drills” on the farm where my mom would shout BOAR! WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE A BOAR? and i would snap to attention and shout CLIMB A TREE! CLIMB A FENCE! BOARS CAN OUTRUN YOU BUT THEY CAN’T CLIMB BECAUSE OF THEIR HOOVES, A-HA!! NOT TODAY, BOAR!!

  • i have this vague but uncomfirmed memory of my mother telling me that once she was out in the paddock with some of the horses and saw a boar and got scared so she climbed a tree but then the boar didn’t go anywhere so she had to call my stepdad to come get her in the tractor.

if you’re like “why the SHIT would your mom adopt a wild boar” after reading all that, you are asking the RIGHT QUESTIONS!

the answer is: my mom’s old, retired curmudgeonly showhorse, herb, who loves nothing and no one in this WHOLE WORLD, found a wild piglet while he was turned out one day. and when my mother went to bring him back to the barn he looked at her and said with his sad horse eyes, “this is my pig. i found it. it’s good. it’s little, and ugly, but still good.”

  • my mom: herbie, no. 
  • herbie: listen lady, i carried u on my back 4 like a smooth half-decade, and you are going to deny me this??? this baby is my new best friend and i love nothing in this world except this baby.
  • my mom: ……A BABY?? YOU DIDN’T SAY IT WAS A BABY???? I AM GOING TO CARE FOR THIS BABY LIKE IT IS MY OWN CHILD. NOTHING ELSE MATTERS NOW.

“HEY GUYS!!!!!!!!!! I AM GOING TO EAT FUCKIN EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!”

they named the pig charlotte, nickname “yum yum” (we are not subtle people) because she was a fuckin’ lady. lookit that snout. lookit those eyes. she’s unimpressed by your outfit and thinks you chose the wrong perfume for the ~mood of the occasion. 

charlotte slept in the stall with herbie, ate with herbie, and generally made a nuisance of herself:

"omg guys i came out to have a good time and i am feeling SO paparazzi’d right now.”

“you know what i wanna do right now?”

what?

“STRUT.”

“excuse u did i say u could touch me, paltry human?”

anyway, it was all a big happy family until charlotte grew up a little and started having ~sexual urges~ and becoming territorial (wild boar live in a matriarchal society where the females are the aggressive ones because wild boars think males are garbage) and disappearing for days at a time.

then one day my mom and stepdad were cleaning stalls and charlotte decided that she’d had just about eNOUGH of being a SECOND-CLASS CITIZEN in this unjust patriarchal human society, and started charging them, so they had to hide in the stalls while she patrolled the barn. it took them like… four hours before they could escape.

  • literally nobody was surprised at this turn of events.
  • “i mean i guess we should have seen this coming,” said my stepdad.

    “she is, after all, a wild boar,” agreed my mom.

    “DID I SAY THE PRISONERS COULD SPEAK???” shouted Prison Guard Charlotte, snuffling and shaking her snout at them. “SEVEN POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR.”

the thrilling conclusion of this story is: DOMESTIC ANIMALS ARE FOR CUDDLING, AND WILD ANIMALS AREN’T PETS BECAUSE THEY ARE WILD ANIMALS.

also, GOD, MOM, CHARLOTTE IS THE NAME OF THE SPIDER NOT THE PIG.

Percy Jackson Series Starter Sentences #1

  • “Don’t feel bad, I’m usually about to die.”
  • “I’m incognito. Call me Fred.”
  • “You’re not getting away from me. Never again.”
  • “Don’t I get a kiss for luck? It’s kind of a tradition, right?”
  • "You’re cute when you’re worried. Your eyebrows get all scrunched together.”
  • “Now, come over here so I can pat you down.“
  • "I declare that this is stupid.”
  • "The god’s chosen beverage. Tremble before the horror of Diet Coke!”
  • “Every time I’m around you, some monsters attack us. What’s to be nervous about?”
  • “They asked me a lot of questions about you. I played dumb.“ 
  • “Remind me again-why do you hate me so much?”
  • “You weren’t able to talk sense into him?“
  • “Nothing like watching your relatives fight, I always say.”
  • “We need music, how’s your singing?”
  • “We’ve learned that your plans really, really bite!”
  • “There is always a way out for those clever enough to find it.”
  • “Lots of death, huh? Personally, I’m trying to avoid lots of death, but you guys have fun!” 
  • “It was an accident. We were talking, and we fell asleep.”
  • “Yeah, well,not giving people a second thought…that can be dangerous.”
  • “What did you want to tell me earlier?”
  • “Just take the compliment. I swear, is it so hard?”
  • “Can’t this thing go any faster?”
  • “You’re planning something. You’ve got that I’m-planning-something look.” 
  • “ You smell like you’ve been run over by an electric horse.” 
  • “Don’t change the subject.”
  • “Sugar and caffeine. My willpower crumbled.”
  • “Are you trying to tempt me?”