can you not with the children

And thus YOLO was invented

After failing two con saves after falling into artic temperature water our anthro squirrel bard (Wikket) contracted a mystery plague. It should be noted that he’s a satire bard and the campaign thus far has been filled with puns and sound gags. Here’s some excerpts from his coping…


NPC Witch: Well you can use the children’s room, but it might be a bit of squeeze.

The room has two dwarf sized twin beds and there’s five of us in the party. It should also be noted that our warlock would probably sooner skin the bard than willing come into contact with him, even before he contracted the plague. The bard knows this and likes teasing him anyways.

Artificer ooc: So who’s spooning whom?

Warlock: I’ll take one of the beds.

Bard: Great! We’ll can be bed buddies~!

Bard ooc: He can now scratch off sharing a bed with Thirith (warlock) off his list of Things to Annoy Thirith. He actually takes out a list that you guys can see and checks something off.

Artificer ooc: But wait, wouldn’t sharing the bed put Thirith at risk for contracting the plague?

Bard ooc: Well Wikket’s fine either way. Either Thirith has to share the bed with him which is a win, or he has to give up the bed which is also a win in Wikket’s book. He’s got the both on his list anyways.

Warlock ooc: ….

Warlock: I wrap him in the sheets, like a sack. So I don’t have to touch him.

Dm: It’s a ‘napsack’!

Warlock: …. I meant bindle.

Dm: Too late~ It’s a napsack now.

Bard: Wikket plays his flute inside his new napsack. I use minor illusion to turn the flute music to bagpipe music.

Dm: …. *actually pulls up bagpipe music*

Bard: Come morning you all awaken to see Wikket shaving his tail. He turns to you all and gleefully announces that he’s a plague rat now.

Artificer: Why would you do that? It’s freezing outside. You’ll catch your death of cold!

Bard, without missing a beat: F*ck me, no wait f*ck you I’m already dying! :3

Party ooc: *Dying with laughter* Holy shit that was actually an in character thing! 

Dm: You get double inspiration for that. It’s not a thing but you get it.

Artificer:… But still, why are you shaving your tail?

Bard: Because YOLO, that’s why.

brutally honest descriptions of the mbti types based off my experiences with them via a very sleep deprived infp


-commitment issues? haha i’ve never heard of those :))))

-will literally punch a toddler in the throat if they say they support trump

-so i took the mbti test 7 times and i got infp twice and entp once?? i don’t really know, because i kind of fit into the infj sterotypes more, but if you really think about it i’m kind of an enfj? but i also really relate to isfps, but then again i think i’m too opinionated and logical to be a feeler, so entp isn’t out of the question, but i also feel like the entj cognitive functions really fit m

-genuinely love animals and it’s so pure

-hi sorry for not replying, i was in prison :3 also i moved to norway lol

-actually just the 2007 taco xd random aesthetic irl

-“i just came up with another book plot” texts approximately every 2.3 hours


-hi i’m melissa i’m a 23 year old art school dropout and i abuse prescription pills but it’s okay because i have 200 followers on my grunge aesthetic instagram account. rent me an apartment?

-(talking about veganism to someone at a party) i just don’t understand how anyone could put all of that stuff in their body :/ *bends down to snort a line of cocaine*

-actually really artistically talented but much like the infp they refuse to give themselves any credit for it

-my dream man is someone who goes to coachella with me, helps me align my charkas, takes sad candid pictures of me, is willing to backpack around europe with me and my philosophy class during the summer,

-*googles* why do i share a type with literally every indie musician that has ever breathed lol

-probably fucked your girl in the back of a vape shop


-if you manage to find one never let them go they are some of the best people you’ll ever meet

-huge harry potter nerds

-can manage to get you to spill out your entire life story to them with a concerned glance

-please actually care for yourself for once and a while literally you do everything for everyone else just take some time for yourself god dammit you deserve it


-could be literally the most talented person in the world but would never come close to admitting it

-hi i’m actually just jesus christ irl! nice to meet you :-)


-they know everything

-like seriously everything it’s kind of scary like calm down karl

- allows themselves to recognize exactly one (1) human emotion per year

-can read for hours on end without getting bored and genuinely loves learning

-are generally dicks tbh especially to the people they love the most

-wikipedia articles™

-they actually aren’t actually the emotionless robots tumblr seems to display them as, they are actually extremely emotional in my experience and tend to get offended/upset easily and over small things

-sci-fi, cats, and machines > humans

-superiority complex™

-cute when they aren’t busy throwing tantrums/crushing the souls of their enemies


-hi i’m martha, i’m 32 years young, i like long walks by the beach, yoga, and judging my neighbors for not mowing their lawn :-)  

-tend to be extra™ parents and their kids can either turn out complete emotional wreck assholes because they’ve never been disciplined or the happiest child you’ll ever meet, there is no in between

-they may be complete snakes and have never came up with an original idea in their entire life but boy can they make a killer chicken parmesan

-kind of comforting in a mother-like sense when they aren’t busy being judgmental dicks

-will clean your entire house for you on a whim


-wow i love being an infj :)) top 1% haha :))

-will literally develop a crush on someone because they say they know what tumblr is

-find purpose in writing/creating in general

-ending toxic relationships?? haha what’s that??? :))

-constantly switches between their “you can’t control me it isn’t a phase mom go away >:(( my chemical pilots at the disco saved me xd i will literally punch a baby fuck the system i’m 2cool4school” persona and their “i’m such a smol bean :3 save all the animals <333 i love pretty girls and dogs :))” persona

-“can i txt you back in like 15 mins i’m having an emotional breakdown lol”

-actually genuinely empathetic and creatively gifted but gives themself credit for none of it

-intelligent but fails classes because their teacher said something that went against their morals

-playing the victim? never heard of it! :))

-secretly just meme hoarders

-attention whores tbh i won’t even deny it

-o v e r d r a m a t i c


-hi it’s 6 fucking am and everyone just wants to go back to sleep or die or both but i’m gonna start an argument with the professor over the origin of tangerines for no apparent reason

-*googles* how to permanently get rid of my fe in 5 simple steps

-follow my meme page xd

-so what if i love my dog more than i do myself and my entire family?

-this conversation is boring me i’m gonna go chug a bottle of vodka and binge bill nye the science guy™ peace out

-have low self-esteems but compensate through obscure dark web conspiracy theories at 3 in the morning

-shirley i didn’t call you back because you’re a fake ass bitch not because i didn’t like your lasagna at the block party


-why do i keep physically abusing my crush lol

-and why do i keep yelling i can’t even stop at this point someone please send help

-they love food more than they do themselves


-hi welcome to my prank youtube channel :3

-the type of people to show up to school with 37 puppies and a knife

-i’m not gay but 20 bucks is 20 bucks


-sorry i didn’t show up to school because you’re fucking stupid

-awe infp is so cute <3 i’ll destroy them last

-*on the floor, drunk, talking to their dog* you’re the only motherfucker in this town who can handle me

-what do you mean other people’s opinions/beliefs besides my own are valid lol??

-lowkey have daddy kinks

-what do you mean it’s physically impossible for me to control every aspect of my life??

-i mean if you really think about it voldemort was the victim,

-the type of person who could tell their crush they like them without flinching. terrifying


-wears d.a.r.e shirts ironically

-1990’s grunge aesthetic

-would walk into a burning building for the meme

-playing the hero?? haha never heard of it :))

-ew what the fuck man get those feelings away from me lol

-fuck da police

-following the rules?? that seems excessive lmao no thanks


-i once had one (1) original idea back in the summer of ’67. it was terrifying. i’ll never do it again.

-your scary math teacher that wears black socks everyday expects friday. then they jazz it up a bit with stripes. will mark your grade up if you say you like the same sports team as they do.

-understanding concepts outside of your own experiences? lmao no thanks?

-will make quizlet sets organize your desk for you

-my dream in life is to narrate a crime documentary and complete my george washington memorabilia collection.

-remembers all of their colleagues birthdays. doesn’t say happy birthday.


-fucking get over your ex already he wasn’t that attractive calm down allison

-*googles* why do i relate to regina george from mean girls so much?

-the type of person who tells your boyfriend you have a crush on him

-o v e r d r a m a t i c

-gets your shit together for you. judges you


-dead inside

-if you can manage to find one that actually tolerates you they are some of the most loyal and true people you’ll ever meet

-horrible social skills, compensates through meme hoarding

-sends you links to conspiracy theory videos when you’re sad

-extremely intelligent but they get lost in their own house

-whoops i just remember i haven’t showered in 3 weeks lol

-i would laugh at that joke but i’m 3 hours deep into an existential crisis and i’m 100% convinced you are actually a robot created by bill clinton so not today jeff


-yes homo

-cries over cat videos in public

-facetimes you in a grasshopper fursuit at 3 in the morning

-probably an alcoholic

-has 87 different crushes at once

-you haven’t talked to them in 7 years but they’ll show up at your birthday party and give you dog

-also attention whores

-generally has the personality of someone who just did 10 lines of cocaine


-one sec let me just gather up all of the fake empathy i can muster for this particular situation

-that one kid in class who always has perfect notes

-shudders at the thought of… a… creative… thought….

-falls in love with an estp approximately every 23 seconds

-hi i’m karen, i’m 34, i love my family, cupcake baking, helping people of course until it interferes with my own personal comfort haha, christmas decorations, room layouts,

-probably has a studyblr


-your angry boss

-probably cyberbullies children on the internet 

-has an emotional breakdown when they don’t win classroom jeopardy 

-*googles* who is bernie sanders and why do i want him dead

-organizes your shit for you, regrets it later

-dead inside

Chapter 6: I trust him // Shawn Mendes

Chapter 5:

Chapter 4:

Chapter 3:

Chapter 2:

Chapter 1:

“I get the right to freak out this time, I’m just letting you know.” April says, closing the door behind her as I lay on my double bed staring at the ceiling, contemplating my actions from before.

“Join the club. Its all I’ve been doing since he left.” I sigh, lifting my head to see her curling up in the small sofa I had beside the window that I often sat in to read or do homework.

“So let me get this straight.” April begins the lengthy conversation we’re sure to have. “Last time you told me you just slept in the same bed. That was lunch time.”

I nod solemnly. “Yeah.”

“Now it’s around 2 hours after dinner, which by the way you didn’t attend for the second time in a row.” She scolds gently and I perk up by the mention of food.

“Did you bring me anything?” I ask, and she gives me a ‘are you serious?’ look.

“Of course I did, what kind of best friend would I be if I didn’t provide some food for our little late night chat?” She gets up to hand me a take a way box. I open it and the delicious aroma of fried rice fills the air.

“Thanks April.” I grin, digging into my meal.

“Back to the story. I get a text saying- Shawn came by, we slept together.” She pauses and I don’t meet her eyes. “Y/n when I said I think you should kiss him I didn’t think you would take my advice so literally.” 

“I don’t know what happened.” I groan, running a hand through my hair tiredly.

“I’m going to clarify just to make sure. You meant slept together as in he puts his di-”

“April!” My cheeks heat at her language.

“Hey! You can’t act all innocent now.” She defends herself, smirking at my horrified expression.  

I don’t say anything, instead shoveling more rice into my mouth.

“Y/n, are you okay?” April asks after a moment, her caring side making an appearance.

“I guess.” I trail off, fiddling with the fork I was using to eat. “I mean, Shawn was so nice about it and he wasn’t.. bad.. at it.” I feel my cheeks heat.

“Can I be honest with you for a second?” She asks, tilting her head slightly.

“April… I don’t really expect anything else.” I laugh, raising an eyebrow at her.

“Right, but I just wanted to make sure because I don’t know how you’re feeling and I didn’t want to upset you.” She rambles.

“Just say it.” I shrug, chucking the empty take away bags in the bin beside my bed.

“Are you sure he wasn’t just using you? You’ve only really gotten to know each other for 3 or so days and now you did this? Can you even trust him?” 

I freeze at the word, my stomach twisting. “I trust him.” I murmur, a silence filling the room. “I know that we may have been moving too fast but I don’t believe that Shawn’s a bad guy.”

She nods, moving to sit next to me on my bed.

“Then I think he’s a good guy to. I want you to know that what ever happens next- I will always be your friend, no matter what.” 

 I smile, tucking my legs underneath me. “Thanks April, you’re the best.”

She flips her hair over her shoulder dramatically. “I know I am.”

It was 5 days before I saw Shawn again. I was walking into my Power of the Gods class and as if there was a pull my eyes immediately snap to Shawn. He was sitting in the third row, writing something on a piece of paper. As if feeling my gaze he looks up and his dark hazel eyes catch mine.

I send a small smile before turning away and taking my usual seat in the second row- diagonally across from Shawn.

Slowly the rest of the class begins to trickle in- Peyton grinning at me maliciously as she walks past to take the seat right behind me, the one next to Shawn.

Our teacher was a man in his 30′s who we called Adrian. He was tall with curly blonde hair that was often tied back and he always had a book on him. He was one of the few teachers who was actually interested in teaching a subject that did not involve a sword. 

“Good morning,” he calls out to the class as we fall silent. “Last class we worked on Poseidon and what he controls. We also covered how to fight back should we ever face a child with his abilities in a fight, can anyone tell me some of this powers?” 

Someone raises their hand in the back and I zone out, my gaze stuck on the blackboard where there was some work left from previous classes, perhaps from a first year class. 

We had 3 levels of education at the camp. When we are 16, our parents claim us by sending a signal to the head of camp where we are then brought into camp to learn about the basics of what we are. In the second year we practice more physical skills, our training focused on fighting. In the last year- the year I’m currently in- we tie all our skills together to help us when we are let back into society to live beside humans. 

“Y/n?” I’m drawn out of my trance and I meet Adrian’s eyes shamefully.

“Sorry.” I squeak, feeling many eyes on me. 

“Please try and focus as I think you may find our next Goddess very interesting.” He smiles warmly at me and I feel my heart sink. He wouldn’t have chosen who I think he did, would he?

“We do happen to have a child of Athena in the class, I said this when we covered Apollo and I’m going to say it again. Please no unnecessary treatment of the individuals.” The class murmur in response and I slid down in my chair a bit, my cheeks flaming.

“Can anyone tell me what abilities children of Athena have?” Adrian asks and the class falls silent.

Then a voice speaks. “Intelligence. Reason, wisdom and arts.” Shawn’s says, and there’s a collective shock in the room. Shawn never spoke up in class.

Adrian looks delighted however. “Yes Shawn, correct. Athena’s children can have any one of these talents. Although they may seem harmless they should never be underestimated in a battle. Their quick thinking can be your downfall.”

I can feel Shawn’s gaze on me and when I turn my head to look, he’s smirking at me. I gulp, turning around to face the front again.

“Children of Athena do not make rash decisions, they think everything out thoroughly and almost always know what to do to get out of any situation.”

The blush never fades from my face throughout the rest of the lesson. When the bell finally rings for lunch, the day divided into two sections of morning and afternoon classes, I bolt. 

I feel embarrassed. Regret fills me as I hurry towards the girls bathroom, tears slipping out my eyes before I could stop them. I can’t work out why I’m crying except for maybe I made the wrong decision. 

For someone whose supposed to be intelligent and wise I was feeling pretty stupid.

Originally posted by thugshawn


Okay yeah okay yeah okay 


I can’t even pretend it’s anything else XD

so normally I’m like very chill and open-minded about this kind of thing; like okay people give the *probably* hard-working movie-studio a chance, you haven’t even seen the movie yet, let’s not go bashing something before it’s arrived okay.

and I never want to make a big deal out of “not approving of” something, that’s just not my style, nor do I enjoy planting seeds of negativity in a world that’s got enough of that already holy crap XD


I’m sorry

you done hit a nerve, Sony. And that’s just me taking it personally, which I don’t have a right to do… but damn it, Sony, you’ve made it kind of difficult with this one. 

As you can probably imagine, I’m a fan of Beatrix Potter’s work; which, fyi, appeared in the early 1900′s as illustrated children’s stories featuring Peter Rabbit and many of the animals seen in this trailer. Needless to say, these stories mean a lot to me… I would go so far as to say they’ve shaped me as a human being, and as an artist; Ms. Potter remains one of my personal patron saints. 

This trailer (at the risk of sounding like a prude) offends me, not because it strays from the classic material (God knows, the written word is no more sacred these days than a hand-me-down sweater), but because it shits on it. It takes the world Ms. Potter created, gives you a glimpse of what it looked like, then slaps you in the face for smiling fondly at the sight of a familiar, jacket-wearing bunny, and proceeds to (very loudly and crudely) inform you of how outdated, useless, babyish, and uncool the old stories are. “But don’t worry, Sony’s here to make them cool again, with CGI party animals, pop culture references, a creepy sexual undertone, and tried-and-true sight gags like ‘naked’ animals and two guys screaming at each other for five minutes!”

In honesty, I wouldn’t have been thrilled, but I could have stomached a “modern times” version of Peter Rabbit. If it had treated the original stories with a semblance of respect, I could have dealt with it. I can deal with the stupid Nick Jr. cartoon that’s been airing (though make no mistake, I’m still bitter about the American accents and significantly, badly altered character designs). At least you can tell it has some respect for Ms. Potter’s Lake District world. 

Unless this trailer is lying to me, it doesn’t appear that this movie has anything resembling respect for its source material, and that is what offends me. Not the dumb gags, the adult angle, or the cultural appropriation (though, c’mon, that’s all bad). It’s the lack of respect for a classic that has been a part of so many people’s growing up, that has changed the face of children’s publishing over the more than 100 years since its genesis. In the trailer, mischievous adventurer Peter is a stereotypical charismatic party animal… he sorta strikes me as a much less well-meaning Ferris Beuller. And Mr. Tod, one of (in my humble opinion) literature’s darkest, most calculatingly evil, and frightening villains is reduced to a bad-tempered tagalong. I could go on, but I’m exhausted already. 

I just


While we’re crapping on modernizing children’s classics, why don’t we just remake Ted and replace the main characters with Winnie the Pooh and Christopher Robin? 


I drew Spike because I wanted to show how he looked in this AU, and I wanted to show the difference between an Orphan and a regular child.

Orphans have much paler and darker colors than a normal child does and their eyes are usually either sickly glowing green or blue with white pupils, side-effects of being injected with the Tantabus. They’re unfazed by the likes of blood and guts and are actually prone to consuming it if their hunger for alicorn is great enough. While not impervious to damage they heal very fast and are more resilient than normal, so scars are common.

What Spike’s holding is the device they use to siphon alicorn from the bodies of dead Addicts. It looks a lot like a water gun that’s been modified (which it basically is) and that pink stuff you see in the container is blood-contaminated alicorn. They gather as many of these vials as they can before returning to their Sanctuary, where the vials will be taken to be cleansed and separate the alicorn from the blood before it’s used. The children at the Sanctuary will also be drawn from before they’re sent back out to look for more recyclable alicorn.

The crystal Spike’s holding is one that can sometimes be seen on a heavy alicorn user; sometimes their blood begins to crystallize in specific pockets of their bodies (typically the arms, shoulder, and belly) and painfully grow through and out of their skin; these crystals still house some blood in them that has yet to harden, so if broken they could potentially leak. They aren’t very valuable since they’re a bit difficult to extract alicorn from, but Spike has found a rather tasty snack in them.

stainedglassthreads  asked:

Do you have any tips or advice on creating and writing god, goddesses, and deities? Particularly original ones not inspired by any specific pantheon?

Congrats, @stainedglassthreads! Your ask has been chosen to be answered in the form of one of my Long Posts™, albeit I’ll be talking about deities from pantheons as well as original deities.

Tips on How to Write Gods, Goddesses, and other Deities

Ever since Rick Riordan’s Percy Jackson and the Olympians and Marvel’s Thor became popular, entertainment industries have pounced on ancient pantheons. From the movie industry to the television industry to even literature, people have been dishing out all kinds of movies, TV shows, and books that center around gods and goddesses, whether they be original or borrowed from pre-existing pantheons.

Like with winged characters, shape-shifters, zombies, and characters with tails, the influx of people writing about gods and goddesses makes room for more errors that occur, so that’s why I’m giving you guys these tips on how to write your own deities.

1. You have to make them unique

Like I said before, the media has pounced on gods and goddesses, so that means there are a whole lot of them out there.

This tip mostly applies to people who are borrowing from a pre-existing pantheon, and all I have to say is that it’s gonna be tough. Zeus and Aphrodite and Thor and Ra and all those other people have been reimagined and copied so many times across film, tv, and literature, so you have to make sure that your version of a pre-existing deity stands out.

There are four pantheons (two of them are practically identical, but I’m still counting them) that are the most commonly used: Greek, Roman, Norse, and Egyptian.

Now, I’m not saying that you should avoid using these pantheons, I’m just saying that it’s going to be harder to make your version of these deities unique because there have been so many adaptations of them already.

In order to make your Thor stand apart from all of the other Thors out there, you’re going to have to change him up a bit and step away from the common tropes that are normally associated with Thor.

Here are a few ways to change up your deity:

-  Genderswap (down with cis gods/goddesses!)

-  Sexuality swap (down with straight gods/goddesses!)

-  Racebend

-  Change personality they normally have (AKA make Aphrodite casual instead of a wily seductress/ make Zeus chill instead of uptight and “I am a thunder god you will bow”)

-  Change their powers up

And there’s also the option to change up the pantheons altogether. There are more gods out there than just Greek, Roman, Norse, and Egyptian!

**Just a note to be careful when it comes to deities that aren’t a part of your culture. Do extensive research and ask people of that culture about their religion. You can’t write about gods you know nothing about!**

Now, for the people writing about unique gods, I have a few questions for you to answer and further develop your original deities:

-  What are their powers? Do the powers have limits?

-  Are they immortal? Is there a way that they can be killed?

-  What aspect of nature/the universe/people/etc etc do they rule over? How does that affect their character?

-  What’s their personality?

-   Who worships them and why?

-   How is the culture of the people that worship them? How does their worship of this particular deity affect their day-to-day lives?

-   Where do they live? On Heaven? On Earth?

-   Do they have family? A husband/wife? Children?

2. They Have to Have Personality

You guys will not believe how many gods/goddesses I have seen that have absolutely no character to them whatsoever. They’re simply cardboard cutouts that have positions of power and are the Leaders™ . They have the same stagnant emotion and never develop as characters. In fact, sometimes they can hardly pass as characters at all!

If your god/goddess is going to be successful with readers, they need to be well-developed and well-rounded characters. Just because they’re deities doesn’t mean you can suddenly throw all of the rules about writing characters out the window!

I’m calling for a revolution against one-dimensional deity characters!

3. You have to decide which kind of deity they’re going to be: All-powerful or Limited

Different gods from different cultures have a whole host of powers at their disposal, but the question is if a line is ever drawn.

Is your god/goddess like the capital ‘G’ God in Christianity, Judaism, and Islam? Are they all-knowing and all-powerful like He is?

Or, are they like the Greek and Roman pantheons? Where the gods have limits?

Stories are more focused on limited gods, and for good reason. If you have an all-powerful god as one of your main protagonists that can solve any problem and do anything without breaking a sweat, then your story is going to be pretty boring.

If you want to write an all-powerful deity, then I personally would suggest that you not make them one of the main protagonists. Otherwise, you’re going to have a very short and, quite frankly, unexciting story. However, if you find a way to incorporate this all-powerful god character and still have problems that have to be faced (for instance, an all-powerful god vs an all-powerful god) feel free to add how you did it!

I’m sorry there weren’t cool gifs on this one, Tumblr wouldn’t let me post it with the gifs in! Hope this helped!

Since there doesn’t seem to be anything saying that Guardians can’t have children

Can you imagine you’re at a family gathering, it’s someone’s birthday or it’s some other get together and you see this One Fucker

That One Dude is always fuckin there but like only a handful of people know who they are. You ask your cousins, they don’t know, you ask your parents and they say “oh they’re family sweetie, don’t you recognize them?”. They’re real nice, always brings some nice stuff to gatherings and sometimes they bring friends. But who they are and what they do? You ain’t got the faintest idea

So you dig through family albums and records to figure out Who The Fuck this asshole is

and it turns out that person in your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandparent and keeps showing up to family events and hasn’t died yet because they’re a fucking Guardian.

We were at the bank getting ready for Pagan Pride Day and there’s a long line. I decide to sit down and knit while my girlfriend gets her banking done. I’m not really sure what I’m trying to knit, but at the moment it’s kind of like a sleeve. Really, I’m just trying to get a handle on it since I don’t do this much. But that’s beside the point. 

So I’m working on my sleeve/bag/armsock and this little kid like maybe six years old comes up to me, pokes me in the arm and says:

“Hey I like that. What is it?”

“Well, it’s like a sock.”

“Cool! Can I touch it?”

“Uh… sure?”

He sticks his arm straight through it. “Wow! It Works! Can I show you some words that start with V?”

“Uhhh….” Okay, so the entire lobby is looking at us. I’m trying to find this kid’s mom like… is this okay? Are you okay with this kid talking to strangers? But since everyone is waiting to see how I respond to this, I have not fucking clue which one of these adults belongs to this very small human. “Ummm… sure.”

“Valentine, valley, vanilla, and village!”

“Very good!”

“Can I show you some words that start with W?”

“Um… yeah.”

“Walrus, waffle, and walk!”

“Cool! Can you do X?”

“Xylophone…. uhhh.. Y NOW! Yellow, yard, yarn, and yawn!”

“Good job!”

“Can I show you some words that start with Z?”

I am really looking around to see if there’s an adult that’s in charge of this tiny human and that they didn’t just drop them off with a stranger for unknown reasons. The kid finishes Z, jumps back up to K, and starts again from there. Gets stopped at M and starts singing a song about a coconut tree. 

The mom finally calls him over and he leaves, but attracting small, precocious children is a sure sign of being a wizard so I guess that’s cool?

  • Child: Hi, I'm selling tickets for......
  • Me: *Aw. What a cute kid. Great sales approach! They're a real go-getter. The world needs more people like this. So eloquent and poised. I hope any kid I have is like this. No, they won't be able to look people in the eye because I barely can. My kid is probably never even going to know my eye color. What color are my eyes? Why are there diff- Shit! They're wrapping up.*
  • Child: ... So how many tickets?
  • Me: Twenty dollars worth.
  • Child: Great! Here you are. We'll call you if you won!
  • Me: Great! Thanks!
  • ...........
  • Me: Wtf did I just buy tickets for?

fleecal  asked:

More about the King of FNAF?

-the king of fnaf, or the guard, has Mark’s autonomophobia cranked up to ninety
-hums when he’s nervous and sings when he’s happy
-very jumpy and erratic, especially at night
-massive insomniac, whenever he can sleep it’s all nightmares
-is very weapons savy, you better believe he still has that flamethrower
-isn’t very keen on contact and tends to flinch away from touch
-can’t stand to look at children’s drawings
-often mumble sings when he’s concentrating on something
-likes collecting little nick nacks
-keeps a weapon on him at all time

I haven’t posted any of the birds in a while, but here’s Leslie, a little diva who was ADAMANT about not wanting cuddles, but instead chose to creep right up to my ear and yell “HAAAALLLLP!!” in her little five-year-old’s voice when she saw me petting someone else.

Sorry for the crappy video– the lighting sucked and she usually clams up when she knows she’s being recorded.

(Also, she’s blind in one eye, which is why one of them looks weird.)

@incubeebirb @han-pan

Okay maybe we need to talk about ‘gay monsters.’ Because there is a line when it comes to them that I’m not sure some people are getting.

Lots of minority people relate to monsters. Hell, the person who may have created modern monsters as we know them, Mary Shelly, related to Frankenstein because she lived in a time where educated women were a minority compared to educated men and the intelligence of women was considered monstrous. Disabled people relate to monsters because they are framed as having ‘wrong bodies’ or ‘wrong minds.’ Nonwhite people, especially black people in the USA, relate to monsters as a reclaiming of how white supremacy demonizes them and a way to express how they may feel hunted by those who consistently and unfairly frame them as sinister in turn. LGBT+ people relate to monsters for how a straight, cis, patriarchal majority frames their lives as disgusting and marginal and their desires (or lack of the ‘correct’ heterosexual desire!) as predatory or aberrant.

And media reflects this! Many monsters, villains, and other types of “bad” characters are queercoded to accentuate how not-wholesome they are. Sometimes they are designed to invoke feelings in the audience that may even be kind of gay, under the assumption that people don’t want to relate to that but instead reaching LGBT+ people in that audience. But I don’t see the people struggling with this concept in particular, because it’s fun to find appeal in fictional characters, especially when you don’t have many of your ‘own.’ On some level, many of us are horny, lonely, have fixations, are hormonal, whatever and that will always lend to more enthusiasm for this half of analysis than other, less ‘fun’ parts.

The truth is that some monsters and villains don’t make good gay icons. They don’t stand up well to being reclaimed. Many of them were designed to purposely depict violence and atrocity against minority demographics. Some of them are actually made by minority creators to depict forces that oppress them. Others are like, totalitarian dictators, expies of real-life serial killers, and may be developed enough such that you can’t take them as ‘fantasy drama’ or ‘epic/mythic conflict.’ Even if there are fantastic or fictionalized elements in their stories, the stories that they tell are too similar to real cases of a fascist state or a manifesto-wielding reactionary, etc.

And this is from me– I love reclaiming villains because I often see the flaws in how they and their factions are written and those flaws reveal how the creators aren’t willing to depict real evil, or fundamentally misunderstand what real evil is. They depict downtrodden, ridiculed slave armies when they mean to depict a menacing war machine. They make fairy-tale ‘they’re bad because I say so’ caricatures without giving villains personal motivations. They substitute queercoding for major characterization and ask us to buy it. They ignore real factions that more resemble harmful elements in our real world, or even glorify them or allow you to sympathize with them.

But please. Even I know that Pennywise isn’t LGBT+. He is a well-developed, explicit enough example of evil that thrives specifically off homophobia and childrens’ nightmares that you absolutely don’t want to be associated with. There are enough cases of mistaken identity that you can make-do with any other cryptid, or villain, or monster you like. Go wild with someone who didn’t literally eat a gay man who was murdered in front of his partner, okay?

Yuuri Katsuki Fanclub Meeting

@d2diamond and I were randomly talking about this concept of a Yuuri Katsuki fanclub ran by Founder and President Phichit Chulanont, and Vice President Yuri Plisetsky.

“Welcome everyone to today’s meeting of the Yuuri Katsuki fanclub. Before we start, I like to congratulate everyone for a fantastic season so far, especially Victor and mini Yuri, for clenching gold at Skate Canada and Cup of China respectively. You’re going down in Rostelecom… but that’s neither here nor there.” Phichit said leaning back into his chair. “First order of business, we have a new member, welcome Minami.”

On his screen, the small blonde skater waved furiously before giving them all a little bow. “Thank you for accepting my application to join. Please take care of me.”

Everyone nodded and gave the young skater a friendly wave. Phicht cracked his knuckles and leaned forward a little so the camera caught more of his expression. “Now Minami, the remember first rule of the Yuuri Katsuki fanclub is simple, and breaking it would lead to a suspension and possible expulsion depending on the nature of the insult because we don’t want Yuuri associating the rest of us with such slander. Insulting Victor risks the chance of him shunning us for God knows how long. The record so far is three months. And we never want to experience that again.”

Aye aye mister president.” Minami chirped with a salute.

“So the first rule of the Yuuri Katsuki fanclub is, under no circumstances do we ever, and I mean ever insult Victor Nikiforov. Don’t do it.”

Okay, but why would anyone want to insult Victor Nikiforov?”

“You don’t understand young one.” Phichit said gravely. “Insinuating that any skater is better than Victor constitutes as an insult.”

But…” Minami started, pausing when Phichit gave him a warning stare. “Yuuri is the greatest-

“No.” Phichit interrupted.


“No Minami.  We don’t care that you think Yuuri’s a better skater than Victor. We all know that already. Victor is a five time consecutive world champion, and we will always acknowledge and respect that fact.  Until our Yuuri wins at least five golds, we cannot insinuate that he is better than Victor, even though we all know that to be fact.”

Oh okay. But I mean don’t you think that maybe in the later seasons Victor’s scores were-

NO!” Everyone screamed at the same time, except for Victor, who contemplatively tapped his finger on his chin.

“NO MINAMI DON’T YOU DARE SAY HIS SCORES WERE INFLATED IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE!“ Phichit screamed, slamming his hands down onto the table.

Phichit watched nervously as he enlarged the frame of Victor and Yurio’s stream, making sure that Yuuri was still absorbed in his game and wasn’t actually going to get up and engage them because, no. This was not what this meeting was going to be about.

You know Phichit…” Victor drawled, drawing everyone’s attention and a glare from mini Yuri who was sitting next to him.

“Don’t you dare, Nikiforov. I will end you.”

Wait,” Minami asked, confusion written on his face. “We can’t insult Victor but threatening his life is permissible?

“Look Minami.” Phichit said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Threatening Victor’s life has nothing to do with insulting him.  And it definitely has nothing to do with insulting his skating which is the highest level insult.  Insult his skating, get kicked out, threaten his life, get a high five from me or mini Yuri.”

What? That doesn’t even make sense!

But seriously Phichit,” Victor said, interrupting them, “it is a possibility that I was over-”

“Finish that sentence and you’re banned from next week’s meeting.”

But Phichit!~” Victor whined, collapsing on to mini Yuri. “The 2014 pole theater competition is on the agenda for next week’s meeting.

“Yes, and if you finish that sentence you are banned.”

But I am Victor Nikiforov, so it wouldn’t be insulting myself if thought that-

“No Victor, I don’t give a shit.  If you start going around saying your scores were inflated we’re going to end up with a fifteen hour lecture breaking down every single one of your programs and exactly where you deserved every point you earned. This is a Yuuri Katsuki fanclub meeting, we don’t want to spend fifteen hours watching videos of you skate.”

Why would we end up with a lecture on Victor’s programs?” Minami questioned, earning an exasperated sigh from everyone present.

“Because young one, if Yuuri hears Victor spout that nonsense, he’s going to march on over and start schooling all of us.”

But I mean, why can’t we just log-off?”  A collective gasp ensued as Minami posed the world’s most ridiculous question.

“ONE DOES NOT JUST LOG-OFF WHEN YUURI KATSUKI IS TALKING!” Phichit yelled.  “Rule number two of the Yuuri Katsuki fanclub.  Logging-off during a Yuuri rant leads to immediate expulsion.”

These rules make no sense.”

“You know I can just revoke your acceptance.” Phichit said examining his nails.

No, I’m sorry.” Minami said bowing his head.

Can we just get on with this meeting already?” Yurio asked with a huff, gesturing behind him where Yuuri had looked up from his game and was looking over in their direction in annoyance.  “We’re this close to having him come over here and go off on a rant about this idiot.”

“Yes, yes.” Phichit said as he shared his screen with the group.  “Today’s agenda, Yuuri’s unfathomable stamina.  And before you ask, no Victor, you cannot talk about last night, there are children present.”

anonymous asked:

also to add to Touka running away, it's not just her baby. Right now Touka is leading the children of Goat. She can't abandon children that can't fight to save an adult that can.

ayy that’s another point too, especially because I personally think Hina was both talking about Touken foetus and the ghouls children too here:

I think though if Touka hadn’t been pregnant, and it was only her life on the line, the decision to leave would have been much harder to carry through with. I imagine she would have tried to tell Hinami to leave while she stayed behind instead o)-)

cue Touka and Hinami going back and forth “no you leave” “no YOU leave” while their combatants watch on in confusion

The history of Western civilization is the history of the attempt to replace Judaism – and it has not worked
Christianity tried to replace Judaism. There is a reason why Jews don’t like the term “Old Testament.” It is a Christian term. It implies that Judaism is like your one year old IPhone – or like your operating system, which waiting for you to download as your special Rosh Ha Shanah gift to yourself.
Judaism needed an upgrade – or, so Christian theology thought.
The apostle Paul said:
The mitzvot are gone. All you have to do is to believe in the risen Christ, who died for your sins.
The Church believed that God had abandoned the divine promise to the Jewish people. The Church believed that it was the new Israel, the new people of God.
Islam tried to replace Judaism. Islam taught that Mohammed was the final prophet, the greatest prophet.
Islam tried to re-write Jewish history. Why do you think that Palestinian leaders say that the ancient Temple did not really exist?
They are saying: your claim to the Land of Israel is a false claim.
Communism tried to replace Judaism.
Why was Communism so attractive to Jews?
Communism took the idea of tikkun olam, and it perverted that idea into a radical and negation of society. Communism wanted to create heaven on earth – and it succeeded in creating a hell.
Some Jews have also wanted to replace Judaism.
When people say “I’m not religious, but I am spiritual,” they are trying to replace Judaism, as a religion — with inward feeling – at the expense of everything else. That replacement for Judaism is unsustainable. It cannot last.
When people say “I’m not religious, but I am a cultural Jew,” they are trying to replace Judaism, as a religion – with vague ethnic memories, humor, attitude, and a ritualized viewing of Seinfeld re-runs. This, too, is unsustainable. It cannot last.
I worry about anti-Semitism. I worry about anti-Semitism—both from the Right, and from the left, where it tries to masquerade itself as anti-Zionism and anti-Israelism.
But, we have to be more than anti-anti-Semites.
We have to be pro-Judaism.
What is the Judaism that I want you to affirm?

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Jonerys Appreciation Week Day 2.

2nd part of 7-day storyline

I decided to make one cohesive 7-part storyline for Jonerys appreciation week. This part is taking place right after New Hoped, New Beginning (1st part) ends. Once I get my AO3 account, I will post all my works there. 

This is at Winterfell. Dany is with child, lying next to wounded Jon..

Dany got out of Jon’s bed and went to close the windows. It was well after midnight. The cold of the winter still hadn’t gone out fully. She was shivering. The fireplace was lit by the servants. She sat next to it on an armchair, bare feet in her long sleeved night gown. For once in her life she felt happy. She had life growing inside of her. She thought about her dragons, but life had given her a new baby by taking her children away from her. She didn’t know how to explain this situation to everyone. There was still the war to be fought with Cersei. Her child was going to be a bastard if they won’t wed soon. But how were they going to explain this? Jon was sick. When will he feel sooner?

 He was sleeping heavily, as she turned to him. 

She went to check on him. He was lying on his back, she covered him with more furs, and caressed his hair. She then lied next to him under the warm covers. While watching him she thought of the days that Bran and Sam had told everyone that he was a Targaryen, in fact he’s her brother’s son….Dany remembered all of it in a state of a dream like flashback..

Flashback to the time before the war: Winterfell;

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Ignis x Raine
We Intertwined soulmate AU
Word Count: 3,432

I blame disheveled Iggy. Also! I’ve decided there will be a part two to this at some point, because why not. This one has a semi-public quickie, light oral, wall sex, all that fun stuff. Enjoy!

Tagging friends! @cupnoodle-queen @thefriendlytonberry @hypaalicious @louisvuittontrashbags

Raine checked the time on the wall clock in the living room. It was getting late, and she huffed out a sigh, barely audible over the chatter of all the children currently occupying her house. Cam and Gladio had stopped by for a visit at Raine’s invitation with their twin girls, Violet and Daisy, bouncing in tow.

Daisy and Aurora had pieces of paper sprawled out on the floor, the four year-olds laid out on their bellies as they scribbled out images to a made-up story they’d made up ten minutes prior. Violet was sitting cross-legged, her spine pin-straight as Lucas sat behind her, braiding her hair into a complicated plait that he’d practiced on his little sister many times before.

“Where’s Iggy?” Gladio asked from his position on the couch, an arm draped over his wife’s shoulders. Cam leaned into his embrace, resting her weight against Gladio’s chest as she craned her neck to glance at the clock.

“It’s getting late,” she agreed. “I thought you said he’d be back by now.”

Raine’s arms were crossed, and she tapped her index finger against her bicep anxiously. “He went to go train at the grounds by the power plant,” she said as she let out a worried sigh. “He said he wouldn’t be long, but maybe he lost track of time.”

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Early October, Gotham City

Early October. Sunday morning.

It happens a few times a year, mostly in the summer and fall. He’ll send Clark out to patrol in his place and go to bed early so he can wake up in the morning, ready to go.

“You’ve taken in a baseball team,” Barry once commented, years ago. “I don’t know why you don’t take advantage of that.”

So he started to.

He doesn’t bother showering. He pulls on a pair of faded blue jeans and a t-shirt, and the black hoodie Damian had given him as a birthday gift that year.

“This is for days off, Father,” his son had ordered. “Do not take this undercover.”

Sometimes Bruce listens to his children.


Amongst the dozens of pairs of shoes in his closet, amidst the soft leather and suede, are a pair of old cleats. He grabs them and pulls them on,

“Good morning, Master Bruce,” Alfred says as he steps into the room. “Up already, I see.”

Bruce grins. “It’s baseball day.”

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(Thiam as Nolan’s Parent's -Part 4 )

(This one is more Nolan and Theo.)

 Theo: *From all the scenarios that went through his mind, he wasn’t expecting THIS reaction from their son when he accidentally saw him shift.*

 Nolan: Just for a little bit? *His big eyes light up in excitement.* …Please?

Theo: *He would argue but seeing as he’s fully shifted into a coyote, whining appears to be his best defense to his son asking him to play (fetch) catch.*

 Nolan: *A nervous smile forms on his small, freckled face as he gently pets the head of the whining coyote, still holding the ball in the other hand.*  And maybe I can bring you to show-and-tell…sometime? 

 Theo:  *Tail drops from the mere thought of a bunch of random children petting him like he was some kind of animal. (Because how rude.)* 

 Nolan: *Seems to understand the body language and kneels down, he drops the ball and takes the coyotes head into his small, unsure hands.* It’s okay… I get scared too. *His previously happy expression falls into a sad but reassuring smile.* 

 Theo: *His eyes shoot up to Nolan’s in shock at his sudden confession. It was the first time this kid really opened up to anyone other than Liam since adopting him about a year ago.*

Nolan: I’ll protect you, okay? *Gives his father his best attempt at a confident smile.* 

 Theo: “That’s my line, kid.” * He reflects as he nuzzles his nose into his son’s face, expressing his pride.* “Bond with our son, you say, I’d like to see you try one up-ing this man’s best-friend, shit.” *Tail begins to wag at the thought of seeing his husbands face right now.*  

 Nolan: *Bursts in giggles at the face full of fur that’s currently tickling face.* I can even get you a collar and everything! 

 Theo: *Backs outta there pretty fast after that comment.* -“OKAY and we’re done here.” *Decides he better leave before his son gets him a doggie bowl.*