can this actually happen please please please

Fanon Lotor be like

i am not even sorry just take this

sentence starters: misc. romantic tension !

  • ❝ I just think you’re really special. You deserve special things in your life. ❞
  • ❝ I mean, anyone would be lucky to date you. ❞
  • ❝ Thief, I can tell you’ve been using my soap. You smell just like it. ❞
  • ❝ So… How do I look? Like if we were about to go on a date, what would you think? ❞
  • ❝ This is a little weird, but… Would you kiss me and see how this chapstick tastes? ❞
  • ❝ All I’m saying is, I’d prioritize your orgasm over mine. ❞
  • ❝ I covered your bed in rose petals for science. Take a look and tell me if it’s too much. ❞
  • ❝ I’m kinda scared my kissing skills suck. Would you… Y’know. Practice with me? ❞
  • ❝ How weird is it that our heights make our crotches match up perfectly? ❞
  • ❝ Pull my hair again and this is gonna get real awkward real fast. ❞
  • ❝ Sorry I, uh… Walked in on your alone-time. I swear I didn’t see much. ❞
  • ❝ Dinner’s on me if you please, please rub my back. ❞
  • ❝ Your morning wood poked me, it happens. Doesn’t have to be weird or anything. ❞
  • ❝ I sorta had a bad day. Just cuddle up with me for a little while, please? ❞
  • ❝ You deserve so much better than this. If you were mine, I’d… ❞
  • ❝ I almost feel like you belong to me, like you’re my own personal person. ❞
  • ❝ Is it weird that I always miss you more than I miss my actual girlfriend/boyfriend? ❞
  • ❝ I can tell you’re pissed off. Just lie back, I’ll dish out my famous shoulder massage. ❞
  • ❝ Can we kiss? I just really need to be kissed right now. ❞
  • ❝ You’re welcome to stay, but remind me why I’m the little spoon in my own bed? ❞
  • ❝ I wish I could bottle the way you smell and sell it for a fortune. Nothing compares. ❞
  • ❝ What happened to your hair? Hold still, I’ll just… Fix it for you. ❞

cobains-apologies  asked:

What is an Iwaizumi Hajime?

He is an actual angel!

@amalasdraws agrees and illustrated this perfectly for me with this drawing of hers, thank you!!! <3

anonymous asked:

Hey! Just read your Baker!Derek fic and... IT'S AMAZING! PLEASE, PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE could you give us more? I'm dying of curiosity with what will happen and I just loved Derek's interaction with the sheriff, haha. Anyway, thanks for writing bc it's already awesome!

since i actually got a few requests to finish it here’s a part two. you can find part 1 here and part 3 here

That night, out of nowhere, Derek decided to cook homemade lasagna. Unfortunately, he didn’t have time to make his own noodles because things at the bakery took longer than he wanted, but store bought is fine. He finds it comforting to go through the methods of cooking this dish. Stirring together the ricotta and mozzarella. Making homemade sauce and chopping up garlic to go into it. Then he focuses on lining the pan with noodles and then layering the ingredients together. It really quiets his mind and prevents him from freaking about Stiles.

Of course, as soon as it’s in the oven and Derek is done cleaning up, all he has is time to freak the fuck out. He is kind of pretty sure he has a thing for Stiles, and Stiles might have a thing for him, which is even scarier. But it’s too soon to tell, Derek is sure of it. And really, they just barely met, so why is he freaking out?

Probably because it’s been so long since he has ever dated. He hasn’t had time lately, so it’s kind of been on the back burner, but now Stiles is right there and well…he doesn’t want to say no to this.

Keep reading

Arkham Asylum Survival Tips.

This is from my decaying Quotev account. I wrote this so long ago now, but I thought it might be fun to put it up here.

Arkham Asylum survival tips.
As you know there are do’s and do nots to incarceration at Arkham here are some for a slight chance of survival.

Do not think singing the Batman theme song is going to result in any thing other than a painful expierance.

Touch Dr Crane’s books at your own risk.

Asking Edward Nygma if he wants to talk about his ‘daddy issues’ isn’t smart he will kill you.

Telling Deathstroke that Deadpool would totally kick his ass is grounds for immediate medication for talking about fictional characters again.

Flirting with Joker is a new level of stupid but be prepared for a blonde crazed Brooklyn women to try and kill you.

If you should escape and get access to the rogue’s confiscated weapons unless you hundred percent know what your doing don’t touch them and even then it’s likely they will hunt you down and kill you for the inconvenience.

Asking Bane who his dealer is isn’t going to get you any venom.

Please stop asking Copperhead if she can teach you swear words in Spanish, we do have Spanish speaking inmates and doctors it’s not a secret way to insult people.

Yes, Dr Crane is not the strongest person here this isn’t a go ahead to try and dominate him if he doesn’t get you back straight away then I’d suggest sleeping with one eye open for the foreseeable future.

If Edward Nygma should take a disliking to you giving him some puzzle books on the side isn’t entirely a bad idea.

Threatening ivy with weed killer doesn’t scare her, her ‘babies’ are quite capable of looking after their selves.

Trying to persuade Selina Kyle to curl up in your lap like a kitten is your own funeral.

Shouting 'CROWS’ around Jonathan Crane just to try and scare him is going to result in a frightening death.

Asking Victor Zsasz to cut your food up for you is inviting trouble.

Asking Waylon Jones where captain hook is, will most likely end up with you missing body parts.

Touch Osito and you risk being broken.

Singing twisted fire starter at firefly may seem funny to you but God help you if he starts one.

Asking Edward Nygma what’s green, purple and black and regularly gets his ass handed to him by Batman is seriously stupid.

Telling Edward Nygma that he can use his Cain on you anytime he wants doesn’t sound sexual he will take you literally.

Asking if Crane wants a new test subject doesn’t sound sexual either he’ll gladly take you up on the offer.

Playing music aloud is permitted as one of your recreational activities but please be mindful of what you play as the last time someone played Justin Bieber aloud a fire broke out, a bomb went off, Bane smashed through two walls and Jarvis tried to initiate a flash mob.

Telling Harley you want to joke and fool around with her is in affect volunteering your head for a game of croquette.

Telling Jonathan crane that he is the grim reaper is only going to give him an ego boost.

Singing I’ve got a brand new combine harvester around Pamela isn’t wise.

If your not afraid of bombs then by all means scream capitalism on the top of your voice around Anarchy.

If you should be unlucky enough to draw the attentions of Jarvis Tetch then it is best advised to inform a doctor or guard and not to tell him your the reincarnation of the red queen or the jabberwocky he’ll take this just as seriously.

Asking any of the female prisoners for nudes may be asking for your phone to explode.

Telling Harley Quinn that vampires aren’t as good as werewolves will put you into a no exit lifelong debate.

Trying to flirt with any of the doctors and asking them if they want to start a 'mad love’ will mean that your doctors may have to be switched to the same gender as you and if you still persist then we will be forced to only use video connection to speak with you.

Asking Batman to bite you so you can join his legion of the undead is going to result in a neck brace.

Shouting to the Batmobile might end up with you being chucked under it.

If there is a break out it is advised to stay in your cell for your own safety and not to try to form teams of your favourite rogues.

Don’t think it’s funny calling Penguin happy feet or Mary Poppins.

Neither is calling officer Boyles Scarface.

Starting sleeve fights with your straight jacket is not their intended purpose.

Cash’s hook is not a kitchen utensil.

Although movies are permitted in recreational time there are some rules to when certain films can be shown as different inmates are effected by different things.

Neither of the Silent hill movies are allowed when Dr. Crane is present.
Silence of the lambs is not permitted when Waylon Jones is present.
Stephen King’s It isn’t allowed around Joker.

The Saw franchise isn’t allowed around Edward Nygma, he doesn’t need encouragement.

Tim Burton’s Alice in wonderland isn’t allowed when Jarvis Tetch is around, this should be common sense.

Most violence filled movies aren’t permitted around Zsasz, you don’t really need anything to trigger him.

If you find that Dr. Crane is taking a frequent interest in your personal fears and phobias you should immediately tell a guard or doctor and not tell him stupid made up fears and phobias as if he finds out that your lying he’ll make it his personal mission to make you frightened of your own lies.

It’s best to humour Joker when he asks if you want to know how he got his scars?.

Bragging about animal abuse is not only grounds for time being taken away from your recreational time but you may incur abuse from some of the animal loving inmates.

Instigating wheelchair races is not the purpose of the wheelchairs and is strictly prohibited.

Telling Jarvis that the ghost of Arkham is watching him sleep will earn you solitary confinement.

Writing riddles on the walls and then trying to blame Edward isn’t clever, because he will pick so many holes in your argument and ridicule you so savagely that your likely to end up developing a self inferiority complex.

Trying to steal Osito to sleep with at night isn’t going to end well. For anyone.

Please refrain from stealing medication as we regret to inform you that we believe some of them may have been tampered with, if you begin to laugh uncontrollably, start to feel that Jarvis is making sense or ten foot cockroaches are stampeding through the halls please tell a doctor or guard.

Asking two face to flip a coin for every mundane decision you make is eventually going to end up with your life being determined by a fifty fifty probability.

Telling Jarvis that the Grudge is looking for him is again not acceptable.

There are some patients that suffer from insomnia and stress induced sleep deprivation, if said patients happen to fall asleep then leave them alone it isn’t your place to be as loud as you possibly can to try and wake them up, it’s not just really annoying but it could result in them taking it out on the first person to wake them up, so just make sure it’s not you.

We would appreciate it if everyone who frequents the gym to stop trying to get Bane and Waylon to lift increasingly heavy weights, it always ends in competitions turning into fights.

Male inmates who try to sneak into the female showers please keep in mind that the last time this happened his remains was recovered from the drainage system.

And in relation any female inmates who try to sneak into the male showers…are actually non existent, seriously no one wants to go in there. O_O

Please check your personal toiletries before using them, apparently Joker and Harley has an ongoing bet to see which one of them can dye the most people’s hair.

Trying to play whack a mole on the other patient with Harley’s hammer is strictly prohibited.

Please refrain from laughing at Riddler’s green hair, it is being resolved. :?

The rumours aren’t true there isn’t going to be a 'trick or treating crazies field trip’ please try to remember your here for your own rehabilitation.

Hair dryers are very welcome but trying to thaw out Mr. Freeze with them is not.

Please remember that giving medication forms into the doctors that have been signed by either Harleen Quinzel, Jonathan Crane or Hugo Strange are not valid they are patients their selves, there are reasons to why they can no longer practice.

Trying to show Jarvis Alice madness returns the game is strongly discouraged.

please do not touch Nightmare or Craw.

No, you can not have your straight jackets in sparkly pink.

Upon apprehension some patients may have their own personal work on their person, trying to plagiarise or copy their life’s work is going to end up you experiencing the product of their work firsthand.

Please use the doors and not make new exits.

Your sinking to a new level if you ask Mr. Freeze 'is your wife giving you the cold shoulder?’.

Deprive people of caffeine at your own risk.

Music Meister will not sing for you, why would you even want him to?

Killer moth isn’t going to follow laser pointers, he only dresses like a moth.

Touch Harley’s J necklace at your own cost.

The spinach in the canteen is not part kryptonite, and if your stupid enough to try and throw it at superman as a deterrent then on your head be it.

Detective J'onn johnz is not an alien.

No, Vicky vale doesn’t want an exclusive interview with you.

Jack Ryder might have published a paper on his triumph over Floyd Lawton but Deadshot says otherwise.

No you can’t phone Amanda Weller with your phone privileges and ask her to 'sign me up for the suicide squad!“.

Robin doesn’t have to sign in as a minor, stop insisting he does.

Bruce Wayne will not adopt you.

Music Meister will not serenade you, he might perforate your eardrums but he won’t serenade you.

Joker really doesn’t like cream pies in the face, who knew?

No you can’t use Zsasz as a living tally chart board when your playing pool, he might return the favour.

Deathstroke will not teach you some 'really cool Army shit!’ He could possibly demonstrate some 'really cool Army shit!’ On you but he won’t teach you.

The last person to sing Miley Cyrus’s wreaking ball actually ended up squashed by one, I have no idea how they pulled it off but they did, really creatively too.

Yes security levels at Wal-Mart are better, we all know.

Ichobod is not Jonathan’s real name.

Green arrow isn’t looking for maid Marian.

And no he’s not from the legend of Zelda either.

It’s quite easy to swipe Boles’s burbon. Just don’t tell him I told you.

Trying to lift Catwoman up like the lion king isn’t going to work.

Oswald isn’t pingu.

No you can’t redecorate your cell, it’s not meant to be homely.

Bribing the staff isn’t advised but we all know you could probably get away with it.

Batman isn’t into BDSM.

Ra’s al ghul isn’t going to die if you throw salt at him, you might though.

please be kind, I know it’s not the best written piece in the world. I’m resitting my English and maths and trying to improve by writing the subjects I like.

spencespin  asked:

Hey, so is there a misha birthday plan for this year that I haven't heard about? Cause I want there to be a sharing of stories about how he helped us that makes him cry. And/or charitable donations in his name.

Hi there, what a good question.
But sadly I’m completely ignorant about any plan specifically for his birthday.
But no worries, I did some research and there is a way to get to his birthday with a gift we can built from today till the 20th, our official holiday celebrating the arriving of Our Hot Over Lord.
I’m no official organizer, just a general follower of this majestic human being, but I propose let’s all use the hash tag:

#ThanksMisha

Originally posted by cas-you-assbutt-dean-needs-you

It´s good to know he is aware of this and we can express how wonderful he is for us and how much we love him.

Ooooookay so last night happened. Please don’t let me stay up 24+ hours again. Please.

But, I’m actually kinda pleased with what came out of it. Biracial!Lance, like even if this isn’t canon and can never be canon, I really love this idea of Lance being biracial.

Mainly because that would explain a lot about his character, never really knowing exactly which side of his family he belonged too, never really being fully… himself. And the treatment of his peers wouldn’t help, considering that biracial people aren’t always treated nicely. But like;

-biracial Lance that grew up speaking both of his parents native languages because both of his parents taught him it

-biracial Lance that has dark skin, while some of his siblings have lighter skin, always wondered when he was younger why they got weird looks when he held his sisters hand and walked down the street

-biracial Lance that wants to prove himself, that wants to prove he is enough and good enough, and that he has a place in this universe

-biracial Lance who’s parents are Cuban and [enter ethnicity besides white] because everyone seems to think of biracial as white and another ethnicity.

-biracial Lance, guys.

datgayjo-deactivated20170913  asked:

Have any pirate AUs?

sure i do!

  • “wait. so you’re telling me that you’re the most feared pirate in the world, but you can’t swim and you want me to teach you how to swim??”
  • i thought pirates were meant to be intimidating and mean with no manners. you are literally the poshest, nicest and most polite pirate that i’ve ever met.
  • you told me you were a pirate and i didn’t believe you, you got angry and stormed off somewhere. yeah, i know i offended you but iS THAT ANY REASON TO KIDNAP ME AND PUT ME ON YOUR SHIP JUST TO PROVE YOUR POINT???
  • i’m your significant other and i only see you once every few weeks because you go off pirating somewhere and you let me come aboard the ship for the first time and what do you mean your crew didn’t know who i was?? 
  • that’s such a realistic pirate costume! you look exactly like (insert name of potential evil overlord of the seven seas or an intimidating pirate here)! wait, that’s so cool! that gun looks so realistic haha! man you do a great impression of a pirate, it’s almost like you’re really threatening me!!
  • (additionally) hOW STUPID CAN YOU BE I’M AN ACTUAL PIRATE, NO STOP TRYING TO TAKE A PICTURE WITH ME WHAT IS THIS
  • you’ve taken me hostage on your pirate ship, i thought it would be awful but you’re all treating me so nicely and i have my own room and everything. oh my god this food is delicious??? thank you so much?? (can i stay here forever please i love it here)
  • i’ve heard rumours about mermaids/mermen who seduce pirates into coming overboard with them, and never being seen from again. hah! no way am i gonna fall for tha—! shit, you’re so hot.
  • we’re two rival pirates & we both hate each other’s guts, but another pirate came aboard and stole all my loot and killed a majority of my crew. i managed to escape, and you had heard what happened so you offered for me to take refuge on your ship. yeah right, you’re probably just lulling me into a full sense of security so you can ruin my life even mor- wait. you want me to join your crew??? co-captain???? what happened to you??
  • listen, i know it’s the middle of the night and i know i look completely untrustworthy (what with my ripped clothes and bleeding arm) but i’m being hunted by a pack of pirates, please, please, PLEASE LET ME HIDE IN YOUR HOUSE
  • (additionally) so i now am hiding a fugitive from a pack of angry pirates, honestly this is the craziest thing i’ve ever done but actually listening to your stories from your pirate life is the most fascinating thing i’ve ever heard
  • can you stop quoting jack sparrow for one second, pLEASE
  • you’re desperate to join my crew. whenever me and my crew arrive on the dock of your small town you’re always the first there, and always bugging me to try and prove you’re pirate worthy. honestly, you act like a little kid this is adorable. 
  • (additionally) “if you had told us BEFORE you joined my crew that you got sea-sick, that would have helped a lo- I JUST STEPPED IN IT WHAT THE FU-”
Jack: in 3 parts

I thought I’d type up my Jack theory in a nutshell. So here it is, peeps!

By way of introduction to this topic: I have felt from very early on that this baby, more powerful than even Cas can imagine, could be born with the capacity and the power to unite and, more than anything else, to bring balance between Heaven, Hell and Earth.

Recently I had a Eureka! moment with regards to how all of these things fit together, especially the “paradise” that baby Nephi showed Cas, and I thought I’d outline my ideas here, summarising a much longer post that can be read here.

Let’s take a look at the 3 parts that make up Jack’s personality, and my deeper reasons for feeling Jack as a Miracle Worker rather than Destroyer of Worlds would benefit the narrative itself:

Originally posted by nanzse

Heaven - represented in the innocence of the Unborn Baby Nephi

  • The baby that rejected the evil of Dagon, who wanted to raise him to bring only suffering to the world
  • The baby that chose Castiel “almost human” Angel of the Lord as it’s Protector
  • The baby that (in my recent theorising) could very well have sent Cas a vision of Paradise on Earth, a place in exact opposition to what Dagon/Lucifer desired, because baby Nephi’s innocence and Heavenly ties informed its own perception of what Paradise should be.
  • Meaning: the baby acted on pure angelic instinct, not knowing anything about the concept of Free Will, or how this version of Paradise would take away the very essence of faith itself: i.e. choosing to believe
  • However, baby Nephi connected with Cas’ humanity - this tells us that the baby is not opposing humanity, merely lacking in education, lacking the guidance that Dean (and, yes, Sam) has represented for Cas
  • And the baby is not opposing guidance, because he showed recognition at Cas’ questioning Kelly on who would be strong enough to keep the baby from evil influences. I would hope that this bodes well for the future

But getting to that future is a different matter…

Hell - represented in Newborn Jack, he of the glow-y daddy Devil eyes.

  • I sincerely hope - and want to believe - that this Newborn Jack will be an echo - if not a proper reflection - of Jesse (the not yet grown antichrist of 5x06 - a Dabb episode), meaning Newborn Jack will not be “evil” but rather volatile, unpredictable and, yes, dangerous, but not irredeemable 
  • Possibly he’s high on power
  • Possibly he’ll reflect Dean’s “Just because you can do what you want, doesn’t mean you get to do whatever you want” speech to Cas in 6x20
  • This is Jack’s darkest side, after all. This is the side that needs to be talked down, the side that - more than any - needs the guidance of TFW, because if this powerful being is ever to learn self-control, and learn it through a real sense of compassion, honesty and love, it has to connect to the third part of Jack

The tools for learning and for connecting were left to Jack by his mother…

Humanity - given to us visually by this mural painted on the nursery wall.

  • We end S12 on a rather ominous image: the mural is in darkness and crouched by it, with that pretty scary smile on his mouth, is Newborn Jack. But I hope (and want) the mural to be visually showing us exactly what is happening in the narrative at this point and what to expect for the start of S13, which is that Newborn Jack is a threat - and what fun would it be if he wasn’t?
  • This visual of the mural in darkness also tells us what we should want for the narrative to strive towards: that mural bathed in light 
  • Because the mural does not represent the “paradise” that baby Nephi showed Cas - it represents Kelly’s HOPE and LOVE and FAITH in her child possessing the ability to “be good for this world”: the mural is a visual representation of Jack’s Humanity
  • Jack’s Humanity needs to be brought to the forefront if he is to find balance within himself, but he can’t possibly find balance while his humanity is in shadow
  • The reason his humanity is in shadow is this: the two parts to this powerful being that we’ve so far experienced - baby Nephi (Heaven) and Newborn Jack (Hell) - have no understanding of Humanity, so far these two parts to Jack only possess the capacity to understand it, and so Jack will need guidance by someone strong enough to raise this miracle worker right
  • Jack finding balance within himself is the key to him restoring the balance between Heaven and Hell, which will lead to balance on Earth and, furthermore, to cosmic balance throughout the universe

Of course, the mere possibility of the number 3 in relation to Jack is what makes my brain crackle, as it’s been so prevalent all of S12, and because of how it’s so tied to TFW, and how Jack - by extension - represents everything TFW needs to go through themselves to finally become a unit that will be unstoppable. 

Once these three men find balance within themselves and let go of all the emotional baggage, all the self-doubt, all the need for control, the codependency, the lack of open communication - once they begin to be completely honest with themselves, then they can begin to completely honest with each other, and once that happens, once we reach that point, there will be rainbows, and sunlight, and the tree of life rooting itself into the Good in Jack. 

Man, would I just rejoice if these musings land at least in the ballpark of where we’re actually heading with this narrative on this amazing, exhilarating, beautiful TV show! I want my freaking rainbows, guys! I want them real bad!

Verbs
  • Jin : *Running into his room screaming*
  • Yoongi : What happened??? You okay???
  • Jin : Noooo help me Tae and Jiminie are trying to tea bag me!
  • Yoongi : They WHAT?!!!! ISTG IM GONNA KILL THOSE KIDS WHERE ARE THEY?!!!!
  • Namjoon : Yoongi hyung calm down!!!
  • Yoongi : HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO CALM DOWN?! I'M GONNA MURDER THOSE KIDS!
  • Namjoon : Wait, please- Jin hyung didn't I tell you stop using nouns as verbs?
  • Namjoon : Please tell Yoongi hyung what actually happened.
  • Jin : What's wrong with that?! They are trying to throw tea bags at me!!
  • Jin : They were tea bagging me!!!
  • Namjoon : Please stop saying that...
  • Yoongi :
  • Namjoon :
  • Jin :
  • Yoongi :
  • Namjoon : So can we all calm down now?
  • Yoongi :
  • Yoongi : NO! How DARE they trying to throw stuff at Jin hyung?!
  • Jin : Exactly!!!
  • Yoongi : And, Hyung Istg if you don't use words properly I'll personally teach you what tea bagging is tonight!
  • Namjoon : *Sigh* I'm so done with this family.
  • *If you don't know what tea bagging is, urban dictionary is your friend. Though I don't suggest you to look it up*
I don’t want Infinity War to happen please?

The funny thing is, I was pretty emotionally stable after watching Civil War for the first time. I was even very pleased. Because going into this movie, I was anxious about Tony being the bad guy - considering it’s called Civil war and pitches Cap against Tony and it is literally called Captain America 3, so surely they wouldn’t turn Cap into the bad guy.

I was very pleased that they did and my precious Tony was actually the more innocent party in this. So I drowned myself in Stony and Stuckony hurt/comfort stories where Steve (and Bucky) had to work reeeaaal hard to make up for the bs they pulled.

Then I rewatched the movie.

And I grew more bitter. In fact, my level of bitter has been growing rather steadily for the past months and it has been more than half a year since I last could bring myself to even touch a Stony fic. He just doesn’t deserve Tony.

These days, I’m drowning myself in T’Challa/Tony, Loki/Tony, Quill/Tony, Strange/Tony. In everything that keeps Team Cap locked up in Wakanda and gives Tony a new and better team and a lover who, I don’t know, doesn’t try to decapitate him with the fucking symbol of freedom and liberty.

I’m literally looking through the “Not a fix-it“ tag because by now THAT has become my interpretation of a fix-it. That bullshit that’s trying to mend things and bring the Ex-Avengers back just hurts and Infinity War is going to do exactly that. So what I need are fics that fix that, that keep the Ex-Avengers locked away as the internationally wanted criminals they are.

I don’t know if I’ll be emotionally ready or physically able to watch a movie where I know they’ll just get a fucking free pass so they can help save the universe…

It is also utterly frustrating because Stony used to be my OTP, the one OTP I could always jump to for fuzzy feelings… Still trying to figure out what my new Marvel OTP is…

Carousel - Part 1

For mischief-with-sandra. Your prompt was so much fun. :)

A/N: This takes place somewhere in the middle of season two. I have not written fanfiction in many years. I’m also fairly new to the Lucifer fandom. Please forgive me if there are mistakes, but please also feel free to point them out.


Carousel - Part 1

The buzzing of her phone stirs Chloe from a restless sleep and she squints her eyes at the sunlight filtering in through the window. She reaches to grab her cell phone from the bedside table, blinks the sleep from her eyes and then groans at what she reads. It’s a text from Dan, her ex-husband. He’s canceling their plans for later this evening with their daughter.

No surprise there.

Every year Chloe and Dan, regardless of their separation, take Trixie to a traveling carnival together. It looks like it will just be Chloe and her daughter this year. So much for family time.

Jerk.

She throws the covers back and rolls out of bed. It’s a Saturday, her day off, but there is no way she’s going back to sleep now.

Grabbing a gray t-shirt off the floor and a pair of jeans she wore a few days ago she makes her way to the bathroom.

After stripping her nightclothes off Chloe does a sniff test on the shirt. It passes and she tugs it on.

Chloe’s in the middle of pulling her jeans up when Maze suddenly pushes past her, almost bowling her over, to get into the bathroom.

“Morning Decker!” Her roommate greets as she starts turning the knobs on for the shower.

“What are you doing Maze? This room is currently occupied.” The blonde detective turns her head to avoid watching Mazikeen as she strips off her undergarments.

“Showering, duh. It’s not like you were getting one.”

“I might be.” Chole snaps and yanks up her jeans.

“I doubt that.” Maze retorts and pulls the shower curtain closed. “Although, you’re welcome to join me!”

Chole’s face turns red, “Absolutely not!” she huffs and slams the bathroom door on her way out. She hears Maze laughing wickedly at her response.

Damn roommates! No privacy what-so-ever!

She didn’t even get to brush her teeth.

This morning is off to a real fine start.

Living with Maze was just as bad as working with Lucifer when it comes to sexual innuendos and daily disruptions.

The blonde detective makes her way downstairs to find Trixie stirring awake.

“Hey, Monkey, what do you want for breakfast?” She leans on the bedroom’s doorway as her daughter rubs the sleep out of her eyes.

“Mmm, french toast and bacon.” Trixie mumbles.

“You got it.” Chloe turns toward the kitchen and then jumps back in surprise. She reaches for her gun only to find it missing.

Damn it all.

Her body relaxes and she glares at Lucifer who is standing at the stove making something that smells absolutely divine.

“This apartment does not have an open-door policy, Lucifer. Could you knock on the door like a normal person? I’d rather not accidentally-on-purpose shoot you.”

“Come now Detective, Maze let me in.” He motions for her to take a seat at the counter.

Thanks for letting me know Mazikeen!  She playfully rolls her eyes at Lucifer. “What are you making?”

“Omelets, so I hope you’re famished.” He smiles at her as she takes a seat at the kitchen island.

“Absolutely starved.” She can’t help the grin on her face as she watches him flip the omelet with ease.

“You seem a little unhinged detective.”

“After everything that has happened in the past month, I’m a bit overtaxed. This is my first day off in three weeks.” She admits.

“I hope you have something planned for today that does not involve work, sleep and then more work.”

“Actually, we were going to…” Chloe doesn’t get to finish as her daughter bounds into the room excitedly.

“Lucifer!” Trixie exclaims and runs toward him for a hug.

“Morning Spawn, be careful now.” He grimaces when Trixie grabs a fist full of his suit jacket.

“Can you come! Can you! Please! Please! Please!” The young child is jumping up and down eagerly.

Lucifer looks up at Chloe for help.

“Lucifer is busy, Monkey. He has to work. You and I are going to have a mother-daughter night.”

Trixie looks like a kicked puppy at that. Her grip on Lucifer’s suit loosens and with relief he steps back. “So, Daddy’s not coming either?”

“No Monkey. I’m sorry.” Chloe frowns. She’s so furious at Dan for doing this to their daughter constantly.

“Will you pllleeeaaase come with us.” Trixie turns her pouting face toward Lucifer again and he feels himself being pulled into her miserable brown eyes.

He glances curiously at Chloe. “Where exactly?” He inquires as he places a plate full of omelet in front of the detective.

“The Carnival of course!” Trixie beams up at him eagerly.

“Very well, I can free my schedule this evening, on the condition you won’t grab my Armani without my permission.”

“Promise!” Trixie bounces on her feet with joy over to the stole next to Chloe.

The detective’s eyes widen. “Wait. You’re going to go?”

“It’s hard to say no to your spawn Detective.” He doesn’t look at all disappointed which is unusual for Lucifer.

Lucifer makes breakfast for all of them, even Maze. The morning is rather pleasant and they share a light conversation.  Trixie invites Maze and Amenadiel to go along to the Carnival with them, then happily babbles on about all the things she wants to do later that evening.

Chloe is more than glad for the extra company. She’s secretly delighted to spend time with Lucifer outside of work. She would never admit that to him though.

The detective shoots daggers at Mazikeen just as the demon-ninja is about to drop her entire plate, fork and all, into the trash can. Maze hesitates when she glances up at Chloe then slowly, with a sly grin, places her plate by the sink.

Lucifer and Trixie clear the table while Chloe wipes down the counter and loads the dishwasher. Maze, of course, is nowhere to be found.

The devil made me breakfast. Chloe smiles to herself at how peculiar her life has become after meeting Lucifer. For someone who claims to be the King of Hell he’s oddly domesticated. It’s a shame his supposed demon sidekick didn’t have the same disposition. Chloe chalks it up to Maze never having to clean up after herself in the penthouse.

As Lucifer is about ready to leave Chloe grabs his arm. “Hey, umm, you never told me why you stopped by?”

He’s brushing the wrinkles out of his suit when his warm brown eyes meet hers.  “I needed to discuss business with Maze.”

“Oh.” Chloe feels disappointed. It’s obvious to her that this will occur occasionally as she does live with his ninja-ex-bartender, but she can’t shake the slight feeling of jealousy that rises in her chest. Lucifer has been hiding things from her, she can sense it. It hurts if she were to be honest. She trusts him completely, has opened up to him about the unpleasant parts of her life, but he does not trust her enough. Chloe only hopes that one day he will share his burdens with her because that’s what friends do for each other.

Lucifer notices her frown and wants to say something else, but for once he doesn’t know what is wrong. “Well I’m off, I’ll see you later Detective.” He gives Chloe a small smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

Dan Espinoza sat at his work desk feeling terribly guilty. He chose work over his daughter again and he can only imagine Chloe’s reaction to his text earlier.

He really felt he didn’t have a choice. He got permission to question a new lead to a high priority case and he now had to go meet with an out-of-state witness before they got on a plane the next morning. He needed to prove himself if he ever wanted to be promoted to a lead detective again.

He was hoping to finish up quickly so he could still make it in time to go to the Carnival with his family.

He still loved Chloe. He always would, but they had decided to get a divorce and remain friends for Trixie’s sake. It had crushed what little hope he secretly had to reconcile with his ex-wife and keep their family together.

His phone buzzed.

It was a text from Chloe.

Lucifer is going with us.

She had even added a devil emoticon.

What the…that…that does it.

Dan was going tonight if he had to give up his witness. No way was he going to allow the precinct weirdo, that was Lucifer Morningstar, move in on his family.

I need to bring someone or this is going to be awkward. I refuse to be a third wheel.

Just as the thought crossed his mind he saw Ella walking toward the lab. They had become more equated with each other so why not? The worse she could say was no. It was worth a shot.

The entrance was swarming with people all waiting to enter the largest carnival of the year. The lines were horribly long and Chloe dreaded the wait. She was grateful for the gentle breeze that made the California heat a little more tolerable. The air was still stale though, with the unpleasant smell of sweat, cigarettes and the food vendors that were outside of the carnival perimeter.

Chloe feels Lucifer tug her arm and when she glances at him he’s gesturing them toward an area away from the ticket lines were a few security guards are surveying the crowd.

“Already taken care of Detective.” He smirks and reaches inside his blue Armani suit and pulls out his business card.

“Let me guess, someone owes you a favor?” Chloe asks even though she already knows the answer.

“Of course, Detective!” Lucifer cheekily grins at her.

Chloe really can’t complain. She’s also not surprised he showed up in a suit, but she’s concerned at the leather jackets that Mazikeen and Amenadiel are sporting. They must be insane to wear that in this weather. Chloe thinks as she stares at the back of Amenadiel’s head, the red beanie he’s wearing doesn’t seem to faze him in this heat. To each their own, I suppose.

All five of them make their way over to the closed-off entrance and when they get near enough the tallest of the three security guards takes a step forward and nods at them in greeting.

Lucifer flashes his business card at the dark-haired man.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Morningstar.” The guard greets Lucifer as he starts to filter them through the entrance. Once they are inside the carnival grounds the security guard passes out wristbands to all of them.

Maze holds out her wrist toward Amenadiel and swears he’s blushing as he fumbles to put the band on her. When he is finished she seizes his wrist and with a naughty grin puts Amenadiel’s on leisurely, letting her fingernails drag slowly across his pause point.

Ignoring the weirdness that is her roommate Chloe kneels to put on Trixie’s wristband. When she stands back up Lucifer takes her hand in his gently and wraps the band around her wrist. The tender pressure sends a pleasant tingle up her spine as he rubs the ends of the band together.

“Thank you, Lucifer.” Chloe smiles softly, praying he can’t see the blush spreading across her face.

“You are quite welcome, Detective.” He returns her smile, still holding her hand between both of his. The moment is quickly broken when Trixie tugs on Lucifer’s left arm and demands to put his band on. Chloe coughs nervously and focuses on watching one of the rides sway back and forth as her face cools down.

He’s a notorious playboy. Remember that. He’s been spending too much time with Ella all week. You are setting yourself up to get hurt

“Remember we had a deal.” The devil reminds the detective’s offspring.

“Sorry, Lucifer!” She beams up at him as she releases his arm to grab his hand, not looking at all apologetic.

As they all walk together through the passing crowds, in the direction of the rides, Trixie seizes Lucifer’s hand again and much to his horror latches on like a magnet.

“I’m not touching your suit.” She reminds him. He tries to discreetly pull away, but her grip gives him no leeway and he doesn’t want to anger her mother by wrenching his arm from the child so he eventually gives up. The little spawn always seems to best him.

The “Entry of the Gladiators” is playing loudly from a nearby carousel. It’s chaos the closer they get to the amusements; the shouts and screams of small children, the bright lights and loud music mixing together.

“Sounds like Hell, but with little miscreants running amuck.” Lucifer looks less than thrilled. “Where are all the half-naked dancers and the booths of various alcohol.”

“Not that kind of carnival Lucifer,” Chloe replies sternly. She hopes he’s not serious.

“I feel swindled.” He pouts.

“Are not all carnivals the same?” Amenadiel asks.

“Oh no brother,” Lucifer tilts his head, an impish smirk on his face, his hands in his pants pockets as he replies, “There are all kinds of carnivals. My personal favorite is the kind that sport two or more half-naked women wrestling each other in the mud. Good stuff. Let’s not forget the…”

Amenadiel looks embarrassed and Chloe’s hand flies up to her forehead and she shakes her head in disbelief.

“This is mostly for families, so it’s family friendly, but I appreciate all of you coming along.” Chloe tries to interrupt Lucifer’s retelling of his grand adventures at the L.A Brazilian Carnival.

I swear I’m the only adult here. I’ve volunteered myself to babysit three extra children.

“So, what do you want to do first, Monkey?” Chloe looks at her excited daughter and ignores Lucifer’s absurd descriptions.

“Those over there!” Trixie points at the spinning tea cups, “but I want to ride with Maze.”

Chloe feels a tug of disappointment that she’s not her daughter’s first choice, but also relief that Trixie can trust and has made friends with their roommate.

Maze practically preens at being chosen and happily agrees. She declares she’ll try everything at least once. “I’m awesome like that.” The demon declares.

The line is not long and once the ride starts it doesn’t take long for Maze to figure out how to spin the giant teacup and much to Chloe’s horror and Trixie’s delight she’s spinning it faster than Chloe thought was possible.

The ride conductor even looks concerned but doesn’t say anything.

Chloe’s going to have a mini-heart-attack and the evening has just begun.

“Isn’t that Daniel.” Amenadiel gestures back toward the entrance, where groups of people are still being ushered in.

Oh, so now you show up. Chloe rolls her eyes. Wait. Is that Ella?

Dan spots them and throw’s his hand up in greeting. Both Ella and Dan make their way over to the group.

“Looks like Trixie’s enjoying herself,” Dan states as he smiles at his daughter still on the ride with Maze.

“Hey what’s hanging!” Ella exchanges greetings with Lucifer and Amenadiel.

Chloe glares daggers at Dan, but her gaze strays toward Ella as the young women goes to give Lucifer a hug. “So, you decided to show up after all.” She says more angrily than she had wanted to.

Dan shrugs. “Trixie’s more important than work, I gave the witness over to someone else. I’m sorry about the text this morning. Sometimes I forget what’s important.”

Chloe doesn’t know what to say. On one hand, she’s still angry because it’s not the first time he’s done this and he always bounces back to choosing work over their daughter. On the other hand, he’s here now and that counts for something.

“I didn’t realize everyone was going to be here,” Dan remarks.

Chloe replies half-heartily in response. “Yeah, the gang’s all here.”

Bobby scenario

“How could you do this?” You ask bobby. You just found out he cheated on you. With your best friend. “Y/n, please let me explain please.” He says chasing after you. “No! Don’t touch me! I don’t want to hear anything.” You shout. “Baby, don’t do this.” He says as he tries to grab your arm. you stop walking. “Excuse me? “Don’t do this?”? Are you fucking kidding me Bobby? You’re the one who’s doing this. You’re the one who’s cheating. YOU are, not me. So don’t blame this shit on me because you god damn know well enough that this is your fault. I’m done, bobby. Have a fun time with that bitch.“ You say and walk out of the door. That night, you left everything and everyone you’ve ever loved. You didn’t only lose your boyfriend but also your best friend.

You didn’t know where to go. So you decided to call Jinhwan. He’s basically like an older brother to you, he was always very protective of you. "Jinhwan?” You say. “Y/n? Is everything okay? It’s like 3AM?” He says, sounding a bit sleepy. “It, it’s, it’s bobby.” You started crying. “Y/n? Don’t cry, what happened? Where are you now?” He asks. “He cheated, Jinhwan. With my best friend.” You say, crying even more.“y/n are you outside her apartment?” He asks concerned. “Yes, I don’t know where to go.” You say. “Okay, stay there. I’m coming to get you, okay?” He says and you could hear him taking his car keys.“ Okay, thank you.” You say and end the call.

It felt like a lifetime until Jinhwan arrived. “Y/n..” he says as he walks over to you and hugs you tight. You couldn’t help but cry. “He cheated, he fucking cheated.” You say, sobbing. “ I know, shh. Come on, let’s go to the dorm okay?” He says, guiding you to his car. You started to explain everything.

You arrived at the dorm and all the other boys were sitting on the couch watching a movie. “Y/n?” You hear Hanbin say as you walked in. “hi guys.” You say and they all turn their heads in your direction. “What are you doing here? Is everything okay? I thought Bobby was with you?” Junhoe asks as you sit down next to him. You didn’t answer. Junhoe looked at jinhwan. “Um, can I tell them?” He asks you and you nod. “He cheated on her, with her best friend, you know the girl we once met backstage when Y/n took her with her? Yeah, y/n was at her apartment. She had a key and she needed to get something but when she opened the door she..-” he stops talking, looking at you to see if you’re okay with what he’s saying.“- she saw them making out.” He explains. “You have to be kidding me. I swear when he comes home, he better tell us it’s just a joke.” Hanbin says but stopped talking when he saw you crying. “Hey, y/n. It’s okay. He’s a dick, you desevere someone much better, believe me.” Junhoe says and gives you a hug. You decided to just go to sleep. Jinwhan said it was okay if you slept in his bed, he can stay the night in Hanbin’s room since they have a spare bed there. When you finally lay in bed, you started to memorise everything that happened. How you saw your best friend on top of Bobby. How you saw the look on his face when he saw you standing there. Tears streaming down your face as you’re about to fall asleep.
You het awaken by someone shouting “WHERE IS SHE”. You recognise this voice. Bobby. It was Bobby. “BOBBY GO AWAY! LEAVE HER ALONE.” You could hear Hanbin and Jinhwan shout. You open your door and saw Hanbin and Junhoe holding Bobby back so he couldn’t go anywhere. “no no I need to talk to her. Let me go, I need to see her. Please, please..” he says bursting out in tears. Hanbin and Junhoe let him go as he sinks to the ground, crying with his hans covering his face. “I fucked up. I fucked up so badly guys. How could I do this to her? I love her more than anyone. She- she’ll never be able to forgive me.” He says. You walk over to them and the boys look up at you. “Why did you do it?” You ask and Bobby’s head shots up when he hears your voice. He looks at you, not sure whether he should stand up or stay in the position he is in now. He decided to stand up. “I- I didn’t want to y/n. Please believe me, it’s wasn’t me who did this. I was at her house because she asked me to come get some stuff you left there and she said you asked her to ask me so that’s why I was there. And.. and out of nowhere she started being very touchy. We heard the door opening and then she pushed on to her couch and started kissing me. Baby, I swear, I didn’t do anything. I couldn’t do anything, it’s like she did it all on purpose. It’s like she knew you would come. I swear, I’d never do something like that to you.” He explains, coming a bit closer to you but you backed up. “How can I trust you? How can I know you’re not lying? How can I know that the both of you didn’t just agreed to say something like that just so I could forgive you, huh?” You say. He looks down. “You don’t have to trust me. It’s okay if you don’t and it’s okay if you don’t want to see me anymore. But I guess you just have to believe me this one time. I don’t blame you for not trusting me but I just want you to know that… that I’ll always love you, Y/n.” He says and with that being said, he left the dorm. You didn’t know what to believe anymore. “I don’t think he’s lying, Y/n.” Hanbin says out of nowhere. “ I mean, I haven’t seen him like this before, he really meant what he said Y/n. He loves you more than anyone, he’d never hurt you on purpose. ” hanbin says and walks back to his room, together with the other guys. You just stood there, not knowing whether you should go search for Bobby or go to bed.

You couldn’t sleep, you kept thinking about what Bobby said. Maybe he was right? Maybe she did it all on purpose? You took your phone and called Bobby.

“Bobby?” You say when you hear him pick up. “Y/n?” He says but you could hear he has been crying. “Where are you?” You ask. “Mino’s place.” He replies and all of the sudden everything got really quiet. “I’m sorry y/n. You have to believe me, I didn’t want any of this to happen.” He says out of nowhere. You stay quiet. “Can you please just say something?” He asks. “Do you know how hard it is to actually believe and trust you right now, Bobby?” You say. He didn’t reply. “Can you just come back to the dorm?” You ask him. “I’ll be there in 5” he says and ends the call.

You could hear Bobby entering the room, so you sit up. “Can we talk please?” He asks you and you nod. He sits next to you on the bed. “Please, I beg you y/n. Don’t throw away these 2 years. I love you. I need you, okay. Just… just try to believe me, for once.” He begs. There was a long silence until you answer. “Okay.” You say and Bobby’s head shot up. “You- I mean- are you- so- are we like good again?” He mumbles not sure how to react. “Yeah but I’ll take me some time to fully trust you again Bobby.” You say but he didn’t care about that. All he wanted to do right now is kiss you and that’s what he did.

2

An AU interview -  I saw this quote from Jenna at the Lego Dimensions demonstration at the San Diego Comic Con in  2015 and my mind immediately drifted into an “alternate universe” Q&A…

Q: Jenna, what can we expect from “Twice Upon a Time”?

A: Clara makes quite a small, but VALID appearance.

Oh, please, please, please let this actually happen in the real world!

It would be a Christmas miracle.

i want it to be pride again already bc i missed this years, and i’m feeling super gay rn

5

Forget vanity for a moment, I need to talk to everyone about road safety. First, let’s get this out of the way: I’m definitely a little chunky; I’m not comfortable with my body, which should speak to how important this is that I’ve posted two pictures of my hip and belly. These are not my only physical injuries, but the rest are either much more minor (scrapes), more internal (whiplash and mental health issues), or worsening of another issue (complex regional pain syndrome of my left foot). I was the passenger in the blue car (the one in the background with more damage and my driver was entirely at fault for the accident; the other driver likely couldn’t see us coming and my driver (let’s call him A) had a red light he intentionally ran.

Now, I’m not going to get into the specifics unless asked. Instead, I’m going to tell you what kept me from needing reconstructive surgery and potentially going blind, amongst other things. You see those bruises? The bruises that were turning purple-black by 11:30 am on 3/24/2017, not even 18 hours after the accident occurred? Those are from my seatbelt. I have a few others from the higher strap, but I’m not entirely comfortable showing those.
Now I want you to look at the blue car. Zoom in on it. The only portion of what would be under the hood that survived was that section of headlights that you can see. See the windshield? Almost shattered. I know you can’t see it, but the frame on the passenger’s side (driver is on the left and passenger is on the right) became bent badly enough that I was unable to easily get my foot out.
I was so scared. I blanked after that and thought maybe that was it. I was scared that maybe I would never see @thatbangtanhoeoverthere or our other friend ever again because I was over. And then suddenly a stranger opened my door and started yelling if anyone in the car needed an EMT.
I was sure I was going to vomit, but looking at these bruises, A HAD to have been going 50-60 mph (80-97 kph) in an area where the speed limit was only 40 mph (64 kph). I received a good portion of the hit, and I genuinely believe this seatbelt saved my life – or at least prevented me from going through the already cracked windshield.
Please, I’m begging you, use your seatbelts. Airbags can only do so much and I want all of you to stay alive and healthy. I don’t care about your religion, sexuality, gender identity, race, ethnicity, or anything else (actually I do, but that’s more so I can learn and be more respectful); I just want you safe and secure. Whiplash, concussions, and bruises are far from the worst things that could possibly happen.

I’m begging you, please stay safe. Please don’t just ignore this post. Please make sure you and your friends/family/those you feel safest around can see this. I tried to stop it from happening… I’m just lucky I took preventative measures by buckling up.
Be safe everyone ❤

.:Imagine getting into an argument with Luke:.

Request for anon
Gif not mine

Look at that sass. Look at it.

My dear nonny, you had originally requested this but also where Luke hit you. I wrote many, many versions of this, and I just couldn’t write it where Luke physically hurt you. So, it’s not you, it’s me. It’s just Luke wouldn’t do that, I can’t imagine him doing it. I’m sowwy.
So instead he yells at you. I mean it’s still sad but whatever.

Also this gets a little steamy at the end, so a little nsfwish. Aka you both shower together, and it’s actually adorable. But the sex doesn’t actually happen. Unless you want it too. You’re choice tho.
———————————————-

“Luke, please. Don’t do this! You don’t know what’s going to happen to you!” You said loudly.

“Y/N I know. You don’t want me too. I have too, I’m sorry. Han’s frozen and I have to help him.” He said. “Please understand, Y/N. We all need him.”

“Then can I come along?” You asked, tears threatening to spill.

“No. Y/N. Like you said, we don’t know what’s going to happen. I, don’t w- I can’t lose you. If I lost you, I don’t know what I’d do. Please understand.” Luke replied, he wished there was another way, but they had already set the plan in motion.

“Luke. Please, don’t go! Don’t leave me. I don’t know what if do either. I’m scared for you. Please don’t.” You said walking up to him.

“Dammit, Y/N.” He retorted. “I’m going. That’s it. You are staying here! That’s final!”

You jumped upon hearing his sudden outburst. You began to cry softly, nodded in his direction and walked out of the room.

“Y/N…” Luke called after you, but you already left. He sat down, and put his face in his hands, running his fingers through his hair.

I shouldn’t have done that. I can’t let myself get that angry that I would actually yell at her.

In the other room, you wiped the tears off of your face, stepped out of your clothing, and hopped into the warm shower, letting the warm drops run down your aching muscles.

You looked up and ran your fingers through your wet hair, trying to get the knots out of it.

You heard the door open, and the curtain pull back. You looked behind you to see Luke. He stood behind you, you could feel his warm skin against yours. It was comforting.

He wrapped his arms around your shoulders. “Y/N. I’m sorry. I should not have yelled at you. You didn’t deserve it. I’m sorry.”

You turned around and rested your head on his naked chest.
“I should have listened. I was pushy and so worries about myself that I didn’t see what the situation was clearly.”

Luke leaned down to kiss the top of your head. “You were just worried. It’s okay.”

You nodded. “Thank you for apologizing.”

“Thank you for letting me.” He ran his hands up and down your back, softly needing at the knots in your muscles.

You looked up and gave him a soft kiss on his lips.