can t look to myself

anonymous asked:

Help..I'm what some call, an "Indio" Pinoy - my appearance is mostly austronesian-looking.I barely have any stereotypical asian features like most other pinays I know have.I don't have even a touch of those beautiful sharp eyes, I don't have light skin, I have really curly thick/big hair. I can't help but feel insecure about myself, I can't help but wish I looked more like that other type of Pinay.I barely see Pinays who look like me in the PH media, or who are praised for their beauty as much..

Today I can’t look at myself in the mirror,
today I feel as if the world has smothered me in it’s lands and oceans.
Today I recognize space is vast and endless,
it makes me want to live forever and explore the depths.
Today I can’t say a word, I turn away and hide when people ask,
today I feel emptiness and loneliness around my family so I hide away.
Today I explode aggressively,
words flow out of my mouth like lava
and I can’t hold my tongue.
Today everyone asks me why I look so down,
today everyone asks me why I scream instead of speaking.
Today I question why I ever questioned my existence,
I think I’m a beautiful individual
and that I can control the waves if I wanted to.
Today I can’t eat,
today I love my body and stuff my face.
Today I realize I am wasting away,
nothing more than a rotting corpse
so I’ll hide in the sheets of my bed,
I’ll cry out for something.
Today I’m sick and I can’t blame it on the weather,
today I am happy and I’ve never felt better.
—  mixed episodes
You can’t satisfy everybody. I’ve had to consciously remove myself from looking at people’s responses. As wonderful as it is when you get messages from people saying how much they like your performance, all you have to do is see that one person who’s like ‘This is stupid, I hate you’ and it’s gut-wrenching. Like, this is a story our creator came up with, and it’s my job to tell that story to the best of my abilities. So when someone says you were horrible, it’s hard not to take that in.
—  Troian Bellisario on fan reaction to the finale
From Enemies to Lovers. Pt:9

Kim Seokjin x Reader

Genre: Angst & gradual fluff

Pt:1 Pt:2  Pt:3  Pt:4  Pt:5  Pt:6  Pt:7 Pt:8 Pt:9 Pt:10 Pt:11 Pt:12 Pt:13

Originally posted by bwiseoks

Jin’s p.o.v

“Shit, I’m so sorry.” I say whilst retracting my hand instantaneously, clearly showing my embarrassment caused by my own actions. Y/N’s cheek felt so soft and smooth when I ran my thumb across it. She was in her natural state and I can’t even try and lie to myself about the way she looks, because she’s beautiful.

“Thanks Jin.” She said as her cheeks turned a slight pink. I furrowed my eyebrows and wondered why she was thanking me.

“Hmm? Why are you thanking me?” I questioned her, confused and she let out a small laugh. 

Keep reading

dammit i wanted my first fanart of my angry trash son to be cool and intimidating and feature a lot of explosions or something, not This

You can’t satisfy everybody. I’ve had to consciously remove myself from looking at people’s responses. As wonderful as it is when you get messages from people saying how much they like your performance, all you have to do is see that one person who’s like ‘This is stupid, I hate you’ and it’s gut-wrenching. Like, this is a story our creator came up with, and it’s my job to tell that story to the best of my abilities. So when someone says you were horrible, it’s hard not to take that in.

anonymous asked:

what are some interesting music-related articles to read on Wikipedia? It's 3am and I can't sleep

too lazy to look up things myself but try searching for these:
-tchaikovsky’s live life (you can even find an audio recording of his voice on wiki and it’s genuinely the greatest thing on the face of the earth)
-anything shostakovich, but especially his 7th symphony
-theories about mozart’s death
-anything explaining how the devil is associated with the violin
-the history and evolution of any instrument you’re interested in
-list of composers with mental illnesses

Chris Schistad

I’m literally so happy. From the second I started watching Skam I literally grew so weirdly attached to p Chris bc i was like “there’s no fucking way his entire personality is ‘I like hooking up with girls (+boys)’” and as soon as he started popping up throughout the seasons with Eva I fucking knew it! I literally posted so fucking much about them on my old tumblr (deleted) and I got shit for thinking Chriseva was a fucking thing BUT I WAS LIKE NO FUCK YOU GUYS IF WILLHELM GOT HIS REDEMPTION CHRIS NEEDS TO GET HIS TOO ! And this fucking clip is literally what I’ve been waiting for bc he looks so in love and he wants an actual relationship for the first time ever and he met her mom and he fucking spent the night and neither of them freaked out WHICH MEANS THIS WASN’T OUT OF THE NORM AND GUYS IM JUST SO FUCKING HAPPY I CAN’T CONTAIN MYSELF WHEN CHRIS IS OVER HERE LOOKING AND SMILING AT EVA LIKE THAT AND HIS LAUGH AND THEIR MOMENTS AND JOKES AND PLAYFULNESS EVEN THOUGH HE BROUGHT UP SOMETHING SEMI SERIOUS! My OTP is canon and this is all I’ve ever wanted (except a p chris season but ya know….)

anonymous asked:

this blog is horrible because i want to stop looking at it but i just can't bring myself to stop

Portion control, shitposts in small portions will keep you from fading on us.

anonymous asked:

Was ruby hard to deal with when she was in her feral state

At first Sapphire and Ruby talk about what they will do when the time arrives and both agreed that, with a little of time, Sapphy would convince Ruby to hand over the geodes so they can be put in the brooder on time.


Both were in the Burning Room when Ruby suddenly start to feel her feral state to kick in. She don´t let Sapphire approach and pick a corner to lay two healthy small geodes. Then the negotiation starts… when suddenly Ruby pick up the eggs and run to the lava pit.

Ruby, being a high temperature gem, decides that the safest place to dig them is in molten lava. The future vision of Sapphire show a lot of outcomes and non of them was promising, so she had to stop her ASAP. Using ice tries to freeze her, increasing more and more the cold until she stop Ruby just when she was about to drop the geodes in the pit.

Sapphire relaxed just for mere seconds before Ruby poofed. The blue gem runs just in time to catch the gemstone with her teeth and submerged both hands in the molten lava to retrieve the geodes.

Luckily her quick reaction saves them a lot of time and the geodes were put in the brooder on time. Ruby regenerates a couple of hours later and was very ashamed of what happened. Sapphire apologizes too for poofing her, but nobody would expect that the things run out of control so quick. They fuse to comfort themselves after many months separated.

And that´s it!

[Bigger pics here and here]

anonymous asked:

I hate being a woman. I hate it so much. I'm becomming more and more obsessed with how I look, with how I want to look. I can't stop myself. It's so fucking horrible. When I was a kid, I was pretty gnc and I had no friends because I was that "weird kid" and I grew up depressed because I was lonely. Now I'm not as lonely, but I'm fucking depressed because I'm starting to care more and more what I look like. It's like I can't win. I'm so fucking jealous of men, it's not fucking fair

It isn’t fair. It sucks.

It sucks how we are told from birth on how important what we look like is. It sucks we are denied opportunities to concentrate our energy elsewhere. It sucks sucks sucks.

So let me write about how I’ve tried to fight for space to be me. Idk if it will even help, but it’s what I do for me.

1. I concentrate on strength instead of appearance. I’m short and muscular with a layer of fat over the muscle. I look perpetually pregnant because of tumors in my uterus that are getting worse as I age, but I can walk for miles, swim for miles, lift heavy weights, etc. I have literally swam from shore out to international waters and back. I have to wear men’s extra large shirts because women’s clothing, even in plus sizes, usually doesn’t accommodate my shoulders or my arm muscles. My body looks like what it looks like, but it is powerful.

2. I give my hands and my mind other things to work on. My knitting is gorgeous. I also paint, sketch, do metalwork, cook like the culinary genius I am, and so much more. Again, I focus on what I can *do* instead of what I look like. Every time I find myself looking at binders (yes, I do this when my dysphoria is bad), I start a new project. So I’ve made jewelry for fundraising for the local women’s clinic (who are trying to help me with the tumors thing). I’ve made hats and scarves and house slippers for the local coat drive. I’ve gotten a friend to go in with me on a community garden plot and raise my own veggies in the summer. I do so much that people ask me when I have time to sleep, but the thing is that I’m filling the hours I can’t sleep with better things than obsessing about my body.

3. I kinda hinted at it in #2, but I try to keep my focus turned out instead of in. What good is strength and skill if I don’t have projects for it? So bi work to make my community a better place. I help people with disabilities take their rightful place in the community. I am politically active (especially regarding healthcare and disability rights issues). I help with fundraising and work for a better life for my community.

4. I get outside and spend time in real spaces with friends. This is gonna sound hokey and like that crap advice to yoga away depression, or whatever, but I do better when I have opportunities to be outside, moving around in fresh air. The worst thing for me to do during a dysphoria episode is to just hang out on my phone. I call a friend (we support each other with our mental health issues) and we meet for dinner. If we can’t afford to eat out, we make the food. It doesn’t matter if it’s spaghetti with canned sauce and veggie meatballs from the freezer. Then we go for a walk.

5. I don’t do a lot of clothes shopping. It’s basically guaranteed to mess me up to go into a mall and try on a ton of clothes that don’t fit, so I don’t do it. I buy a few classic styles from goodwill and wear them until they practically fall off my body. I have a bunch of protest shirts, jeans, cargo shorts, that kind of thing. I have two dresses (sewn for me by the friend who goes walking with me when either of us need it) so my mom is happy when I show up for family events, even if I think I look like a gorilla in a tutu. And all of my clothes are comfortable- literally, my dresses? One of my conditions was I had to be able to wear my doc martins with them. Also, they had to have pockets and I had to be able to swing my arms in a full circle while wearing them. (Recently, I’ve been looking at the places that make dressy suits for females, but I don’t think I could afford a bespoke suit anyway, so two tunic style dresses it is.)

6. I don’t do makeup. If there’s a special event and my mom really wants me to be made up, I will go to a salon and pay the money for someone who has that skill to do it. Day to day, I just wash my face when I shower, brush my teeth, basic hygiene but no goop on my face. I run my fingers through my short hair and head out to do my day.

Mostly, it’s finding that I have value aside from my looks. That I can DO shit in this world and have an impact. And that is gold.