can someone slap me on the face

the rom coms got it wrong

today’s fic: jily fake dating au

wc: 2 651

ao3 | see more ficmas here

Lily Evans needed a stiff drink. Or twenty.

“Stop that,” she hisses for the umpteenth time this evening, slapping his hand from where it was slowly inching up to fidget with his tie.

James makes a face at her, but drops his hand nonetheless. “I can’t believe you made me wear a tie,” he complains, saying the word tie as someone might say laryngitis or brussel sprouts.

She barely refrains from rolling her eyes, choosing instead to dig her nails into his forearm. “No, I was making Sirius wear a tie, but then he got sick so I ended up with you at the last moment. It’s like paying for Prada and then getting some cheap knockoff instead.”

He snorts, steering them to an empty table nearby. “You wound me, Evans.”

Lily crosses her legs as she sits, pasting on a large, sunny smile. “Shut up and put you arm around me. And pretend to be hopelessly in love with me.”

James does as she instructs, draping his arm across her shoulders and bringing her flush against his side, though not before dipping his head and whispering, “Oh come off it, Evans. If anyone is looking hopelessly in love with anyone here, it’s you.”

He receives an elbow to the gut for that, but it does nothing to wipe the grin from his face.

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I Hate Valentine’s Day Starters

“If I see one more heart, I’m going to hurt someone.”

“Roses are red, violets are blue…Go to hell, fuck you.”

“Why can’t I just NOT be single this year?”

“I think Cupid just slapped me in the face…”

“How about you come over so we can watch bad rom coms and make fun of them?”

“It’s totally not pathetic that I’m on Tinder/Grindr right now…”

“I HATE Valentine’s Day.”

“This holiday is nothing but capitalistic propaganda anyway.”

“Valentine’s Day is a web of lies.”

“The only good thing about it is that once it’s over, all of the chocolate goes on sale.”

“Cupid is a douchebag.”

“All of these happy couples…I’m going to puke.”


Here is my latest twitter rant and I don’t have the energy to convert it into a cohesive blog post.

Who will crowdfund me so I can manufacture bras for super fat people I mean really please come on.

Did you know bra wires just stop existing past a certain point?

Like someone decided “no, sorry fat person, you do not deserve separated, and uplifted boobs.“

You want to make fun of a fat person not wearing a supportive bra? THEY STOP EXISTING.

I’m about to slap someone in the face with these unsupported boobs.

Don’t tell me to sew my own clothes.

I mean, I do sew my own clothes. But I make patterns, I grade up patterns. Patterns just don’t exist for me. I’m basically fucking magical.

Even the people in the “curvy sewing group” tell me to just “grade patterns up”. No one gives a shit about super fat people.

Exactly who the fuck is doing all the work in this “body positive” world? Super fat people have been bootstrapping forever.

Super fat people DIY to survive.

Heavy and Hollow

Where does HYDRA end and SHIELD begin? That’s the question you must ask yourself when the Winter Soldier is sent to test where your loyalty truly lies.

author: buckysbackpackbuckle
Winter Soldier!Bucky Barnes x Reader
word count:
!!!warnings: consensual non-consent, m/f intercourse, oral sex, thigh riding, face slapping, hair pulling, choking, marking, knife play, bound and gagged, no aftercare

Special thanks to @bucky-sempai for the prompt! I changed some things, but hopefully you still enjoy it. And another thanks to @callingmrsbarnes for helping me work through writing this fic!

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The photo on the left was taken the same day the photo on the right was taken.
I’ve spent a lot of time in and out of the hospital due to my Chronic illness. 9/10 someone says to me, “You’re too pretty! You can’t be sick!”
Telling someone battling an illness that they don’t look sick is the biggest slap in the face.
I’ve puked, shit, and bleed my brains out within these last months. At 5'7 I am barely clinging to 100 pounds and sometimes I step on the scale and cry when I see that I’ve dropped back down to 90 pounds. If you are one of those people who has told me I am “lucky to be so thin” or that “at least you’re pretty” you can KISS. MY. SICK. ASS.


Who all is doing it? I’m really looking forward to it. I’ve spent my last three years focused solely on revising my novel, but I’m dedicating 2017 to creating new stuff.

Let’s support each other! I’ll be here to cheer you on.

Someone slap me in the face if I slack off.

I’ll be posting more about my writing hurdles and stuff on my personal tumblr, @just-some-writer

If you’re gonna be writing your heart out this year, come follow me and I’ll follow you and we can create together!

Also, in case you want an app that will help you stay on track, I use Writeometer. You set your day- to-day and long term goal. You can also set a reminder or multiple reminders every day to help you remember to sit your butt down and write. I find it very helpful.

Hey guys, I gotta say something

I was cruisin in the lotor tag and someone pointed out something i hadnt thought about.

Someone felt a little uncomfotable with art showing lance as lotors sex slave, which can have offensive conotations since lance has brown skin.

Now im a white person, so i can be ignorant about this shit. So, im suggesting when we make art/fanfics/headcanons with the subject of any kind of slavery, we should probably take a step back and think “is this offensive? I am i being insensitive? Would i show this to a poc?”

Also, if i ever do or say anything offensive, come into my inbox and slap me across the face.

I myself deal with discrimination for being lgbt and disabled. I dont want to be a hypocrite for wanting equality but leaving a group out.

That is all, my dudes.

It hurts me more than I will ever let you know. When the words escape other peoples tongues you believe them. But when the words come from my mouth you argue against each one. 

It physically hurts me to see you hate yourself, and it is a slap in the face when you believe it when other people call you beautiful and intelligent. I have risked my recovery to help you, but you don’t see the positivity when it comes from me. 

So I ask you, what can I do? Because you make it quite clear that I am not enough for you, you are always searching for someone better. Maybe it’s my fault, because I have shown you time and time again that I will open you back with open arms and leave the past in the past. But it hurts, because I think I am going to lose you to another boy, and you are already hurting so much, and I’m scared for you. 

But you never listen to me, you are always so defensive when it comes to me, and you are always trying to prove me wrong.

—  I don’t know how to be a better friend for you. I feel like I have failed you.
  • Tormund: *making hearteyes at Brienne*
  • Brienne: *flustered*
  • Meanwhile in King's Landing...
  • Bronn: What's wrong?
  • Jaime: My Wench Sense is tingling.
  • Bronn: Your what is what?
  • Jaime: Someone is eye-sexing my wench, I can feel it.
  • Bronn: The warrior lady? Wait, where are you going?
  • Bronn: Knew it.

I’m really sooooo late with these ones and I probably also missed some (in which case… sorry, ups!), I’ll try to keep up better with the next ones but just know that I love reading your comments! 

@randomcoffeesimmer @simcataris @simsoiree @simlishanddreams @igglemouse @samtastic-sims @kismet-sims

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@pickedapeck A song about friendship. Just wanted to let you know….
Let It Be Me

There comes a time
A time in everyone’s life
Where nothing seems to go your way
Where nothing seems to turn out right
There may come a time
You just can’t seem to find your place
And for every door you open
Seems like you get two slammed in your face

That’s when you need someone
Someone that you, you can call
When all your faith is gone
And it feels like you can’t go on
Let it be me
Let it be me
If it’s a friend that you need
Let it be me
Let it be me

Feels like you’re always coming up last
Pockets full of nothing and you got no cash
No matter where you turn you ain’t got no place to stand
You reach out for something and they slap your hand
Now, I remember all too well
Just how it feels to be all alone
You feel like you’d give anything
For just a little place you can call your own

That’s when you need someone
Someone that you, you can call
When all your faith is gone
It feels like you cant go on
Let it be me
Let it be me
If it’s a friend you need
Let it be me
Let it be me
Let it be me
Let it be me
If it’s a friend you need
Let it be me
Let it be me, let it be me

Percy Jackson's POV vs Everyone else's POV part 2 (feat Annabeth's POV)
  • Percy: Wow, Annabeth is so pretty! She's also such a good fighter. How did someone like me end up with someone like her? She's also really cute when she's angry.
  • Annabeth: Percy has that "Annabeth-is-adorable-look-on-his-face" again. I can't believe this. I told him I am not cute. I will smack him.

Thanks Marvel for the reminder that men can play superheroes, and hold films on their own in their 40’s and 50’s, but a female character who is canonically in her 40’s has to be aged down to her mid-20’s to sell a movie.

Carol Danvers, someone I look up to, who makes me feel better about getting older because she’s still respected, and admired despite being ‘old’, is now being played by someone younger than me.

Brie Larson is wonderful, and I loved her in Room and Short Term 12, but this just feels like a slap in the face and another reminder that women have a goddamn sell by date.

anonymous asked:

I know how you feel about the GTS stuff. The thing that bugs me most is when a character becomes so grossly out of character for the sake of "ermahgad hawt" What's it take for a lesbian to find in-character giantess that isn't just someone becoming so bland that you can slap another face onto it and nothing would change?! >:C

I agree with you but being a straight man I can’t don’t really know where a lesbian can find in character giantesses that aren’t bland and boring.

The signs as things people have said during play practice
  • <p> <b>Aries:</b> "Sagittarius doesn't have nipples!!"<p/><b>Taurus:</b> "Want some Doritos?"<p/><b>Gemini:</b> *is talking backstage during a performance* "Will you guys shut the fuck up?!" *continues talking*<p/><b>Cancer:</b> "This costume makes me look like a stripper"<p/><b>Leo:</b> "I'm literally the most conceited person ever"<p/><b>Virgo:</b> *In response to Leo* "You're like the least conceited person I've ever met though"<p/><b>Libra:</b> *says to someone using face paint* "Um can you put that back when you're done? Thanks."<p/><b>Scorpio:</b> *has a resting bitch face* "Why does everyone think I'm pissed off at them?"<p/><b>Sagittarius:</b> *in response to Aries* "I do too have nipples!!" *flashes everyone to prove it*<p/><b>Capricorn:</b> *in response to Cancer* "Hey, that's not a bad mental image" *gets slapped*<p/><b>Aquarius:</b> *in response to Libra* "Wow passive aggressive much?"<p/><b>Pisces:</b> *in an optimistic tone of voice* "Do you guys want to hear a depressing story????" *smiles widely*<p/><b></b> *Names have been changed for privacy reasons*<p/></p>
Time to be real for one sec..

This is for you.

I’m frustrated now. The fact that you gave up when I realized that I needed to turn things around to make the relationship better, was too late. It was such a huge slap to the face. It was the worst holiday ever because all I could think about was you and how you didn’t want me anymore. I seriously wanted to do something so bad to myself, but knew it wasn’t worth it. I’m so frustrated that I can’t tell you about how my day was and ask about yours without feeling that i’m an obligation to talk to. Some days I feel like you care and genuinely want to talk to me, but other days I feel like someone you want to forget. I’m so tired of continuously thinking what you’re up too, and how easy it seems like that you’re keeping yourself busy and moving on. I’m jealous that you have co-workers who you have common interest with to go out and have fun, because that’s not something I have at all, especially with the people I work with. For real, i’m trying my best to keep busy and to attempt to find something that I could be passionate about. But it’s just so hard to keep it together and put on a face for people not to see that i’m sad. When I wake up, when i drive to work, when I leave, when i’m at the gym, when i’m alone at night, when i see or hear something that reminds me of you, i start to think about the memories we once had. I start to think about all the up coming memories I wanted to create with you. I think about just picking up my phone and just saying, “whats up?” Just to know that you’re safe and sound.. I keep putting all these idea’s in my head that continuously hurt myself. All these upsetting thoughts and idea’s of how you wanted to throw it all away or the idea that you’ve found someone else. It paints a bad image of you and I keep blaming myself for everything that i’m feeling and so mad at you at the same time. But in all honesty, I’ve developed a saying for myself to remind me of what we once had.

“You are not a bad person. Neither is she. You were just young and stupid. So was she”

You are not a bad person. You are the most caring person I know. I realize now that it must have been so hard for you to keep the idea of us splitting up in the back of your head for so long. This wasn’t a spontaneous decision. It was something you had been thinking about. You try so hard, you do so much, and you exhaust yourself to keep everyone happy. You genuinely feel bad about the things you do, even if it is the smallest thing in the world that would not matter to anyone else. You may think that this is a bad trait you have, but you have no idea what it looks like from someone else’s perspective. To me, that’s being a genuine human being. We dated so young and felt so in love. It felt like we were in the honeymoon stage for so long, then all of a sudden it began to slowly drop and we began to feel an uneasy feeling in our guts. You and I both made a lot of stupid decisions, and we were too stupid to correct those mistakes.

So i’ll say this, and don’t think to tell me that I shouldn’t be sorry. Cause I should be.

I’m sorry for getting mad, shutting down, and not talking about it.
I’m sorry that I held you back from anything you wanted to do, just to be with me and keep me happy.
I’m sorry for raging and calling you a bitch, when what I should’ve done is explain what you did to upset me. 
I’m sorry I didn’t support you enough or take you seriously enough about your idea’s and dreams.
I’m sorry for the nights that I didn’t make you feel like you’re my whole world.
I’m sorry for acting like a hoe.
I’m sorry that I kept you away from meeting my coworkers, when all it was, was that I didn’t care enough about them to give a shit about them.
I’m sorry I gave you doubt and second thoughts and what if’s. 
I’m sorry that it took me too long to realize this.

From the bottom of my heart, all the way to the top.
I want to talk to you and see your face. I also want you to have your freedom and to live the life you wanted.I’ll try not to revolve your life around mine when you aren’t even around anymore. As much as it hurts and bugs me, I have to learn to accept it and to not forget about who I am. I’ll show myself that I can live life normally without you. I’ll show myself that i’m capable of things that I didn’t know I was capable of. If things were meant to be, then let life run its course and we’ll meet back again when we’ve matured. If not, then at least I tried and didn’t lose myself in the process. A part of me will always love you and cherish all those good and bad memories we had. A part of me right now, want’s you back in my life. But if any of the things I said I was sorry for, still feels like a shitty feeling I gave you, then that isn’t something I would want. 

Live a life that you want. Do not lose your chances to do something that is adventurous, just to keep someone else happy. Unless yeah know, that person is down for those things too.. *coughcough*

Talk to you soon. *fist bump*


The Flash: Season 2


Stop pining you worthless little nerd before someone slaps Nice Guy ™ over your face, you seemed to be doing so well, I thought you could be rehabilitated of this obsessive decade long creepy thing you got going on with the girl you’ve been living with as a foster sister since you were god damned 10. Iris can do better than your weird creepy-ass long term “Oh she’ll come around, she has to, please love me and only me please oh god” it’s pathetic and Patty Spivot is just as good.

Let it go. Let her be happy, live her life. ANd writers, stop doing this, stop with the idiotic long term useless pining that gave us some of the worst sorts of drama that plagued Arrow. Supergirl did this better than you, Kara, Jimmy, and Winn were eventually able to get over their relationship issues and eventually move on like mature adults.

Man-child Charles Boyle from Brooklyn 99, who spent the better part of season 1 pining for Rosa Diaz and rejected constantly was able to not only move on to other relationships but after burying the lovesick puppy thing with her was able to even be a better friend to her and stuff, he’s been able to help her with relationship crap without a bitter bone in his body.

In A comedy. Where your typical comedy would keep him obsessing over her for laughs.

You should be better than this.

And again, Iris can do so much better than you, Barry. I mean, she was with Eddie Thawne for gods sakes, the guy who was still a decent guy even through all this drama with not an obsessive creepy long-term love sickness. When he felt as though things weren’t working, he tried to get away from it and not let it hurt her or himself because of potential toxicity that you brought on with your too many years too late confession, and when they were more honest with each other they were able to overcome, they were going to flip off “destiny” and get married because they meant that much to each other. Even if all the instability in their lives and your weirdo interference, they preserved.

‘Humanizing’ humans will never be a problem. Every person in the history of this earth that did something (or many things) vile, hateful, bigoted, disgusting…..each one was human. People are not monsters. Human being commit these acts and they are proof that we all can cause harm, we all have the capacity to do evil if we don’t choose to actively do good.

If what you’re calling out is /romanticizing/ a fascist, a murderer, etc. then point out the actual problems with making someone who did/does terrible things look tragic and misunderstood or a secret hero. But when you see evidence of these people having shades of normality in their everyday life, simply presented as factual happenings, that isn’t romanticizing anything. It’s a slap in the face for me. That person woke up each day and thought of themselves as being right at the very least, and often good. They interacted with many people who wouldn’t tell them otherwise. They ate, they had hobbies and interests, they had families or coworkers or friends. You don’t have to be grossly inhuman to harm a person, a group, or hell, the whole world.