can never repay him

Teru (& some TeruMob) meta

Warning: contains some fandom salt, oops.

Fandom opinion from what I have gathered so far tends to either characterize Teru as this pure boy who has a crush on or lives for the attention of Mob and gets nervous and anxious over it like a shoujo heroine, OR this somewhat edgy yandere that fucks a girl every week and would probably choke and abuse Mob or something… and I fucking cringe.

Both are so wrong I don’t even know where to begin and I know both characterizations are passive aggressive wars between “antis” and “nasties” but lol, that’s something I am not coming within a 20 ft pole of and I can’t stand when ppl warp characterization to piss off the other parts of a fandom instead of reading carefully with canon… but I digress.

I think what’s jarring and easily misinterpreted is Teru’s change of behavior following his battle with Mob.

There was a great Tumblr post awhile back (which seems to have been deleted, argh) that hypothesized that Teru’s change in personality is an example of altruistic surrender.

Altruistic surrender refers to an ego-defence mechanism postulated by Anna Freud by which a person internalizes the values of another person and lives his or her life in accordance with those values.

I never took a psych class so I’m not going to delve into this further but this makes a lot of sense, since Teru’s previous identity and system of values took such a huge collapse that it’s impossible for him to formulate and rebuild it quickly, so he latches onto and internalizes Mob’s values, which does ultimately change him for the better and is a powerful driving force in him learning to reform his own personality, but does clash with his inherent personality traits to an extent.

Teru says during his battle with Mob that “people can’t change that easily” and that point is simultaneously right and wrong regarding himself. On the surface, it seems like he’s suddenly changed, but that’s because his entire world has been uprooted to the point he can’t return to it so he’s substituting believing in (and thus admiring) Mob until he figures himself out again.

However, for a person with stubborn pride like Teru, when that pride is shattered it doesn’t smooth out immediately, but impales the person on its pieces. You definitely see flashes of those gaping wounds post-defeat - an example being when he intimidates Ritsu, which I believe was both genuine advice and a way to vent frustration with his own former self.

In the manga, you see that Teru gets addicted to developing and refining his psychic power and learning multiple techniques. Sure, it’s probably because it’s useful if he and Mob ever have to fight a shady organization again (and they do), but on some level he’s still trying to surpass Mob in some way. He’s not demanding Mob acquiesce to his values like he did initially, but he’s trying to prove, perhaps both to Mob and himself that he’s an equal - since he can’t match Mob in overwhelming power reserves, he makes up for it in versatility. And from my point of view he seems to be always, on some subconscious level, trying to figure out why he wants to prove himself to Mob - as a friend? A rival? Maybe both? Why? Does he simply want peace of mind by proving that point? Or does he want to ‘repay’ Mob for ‘saving’ him? Shrugs, we can never know exactly but those are both possible.

It’s interesting that Teru’s catchphrase is “I am an ordinary person” and it seems like something he both accepts and fights at the same time. He accepts it in that he’s gotten through to his head that psychic powers don’t make him a better person inherently, they’re just another talent, etc. He fights it because he simply has too much ambition to sit quietly and not be outstanding in some way (“through effort, I have become an exception”).

Unlike Mob, he doesn’t easily accept being ‘nothing’ and having ‘no presence’ - he doesn’t quite have the strength of heart to embrace that ideal without looking back. But I do feel like this time the way he deals with it is healthier because he wants to stand out for genuine hard-earned achievement, not arbitrary factors he was born into.

Now, I’ll address the characterization in most TeruMob fics of Teru as the “nervous blushing shoujo heroine” and WHY I think people make that mistake a lot of times when writing fluff. Those writers aren’t 100% utterly WRONG in reading how Teru would act towards Mob in a romantic fanon context but they oversimplify his internal thought processes and fixate too much on the tropey outwards actions.

Teru has never had a real friend before Mob because his previous “friendships” were for status and ego boosts. Mob saw through that facade while everybody else bought into it.

There’s a lot that could give him anxiety re: forming his first friendship because it’s new and difficult and he’s learning as he goes along without being able to skip any steps, and also because Mob is particularly difficult to read as is. Teru and Mob, in the earlier stages of their friendship (outside of the necessary temporary alliance in the Claw infiltration arc) would probably be very awkward as both of them can easily be concerned with what could go wrong.

Mob is bad at reading the atmosphere, and Teru is not the greatest at genuine communication without putting up a front, so you can imagine how that goes.

Now if we’re going the route of implying Teru having romantic feelings for Mob, that complicates things further. Teru’s dated girls for show but when it comes to somebody he genuinely likes… given the way he’s handled facing his own emotional problems thus far I’m inclined to think he’d be in denial. While Mob’s clinical, pathological compartmentalization of his emotions made him a literal time bomb of sorts, Teru is more of the “self-aware but actively avoiding” type is my interpretation. And frankly speaking, there’s a lot that could go wrong should he get into a relationship with somebody he has genuine feelings for because he has too much to unpack about himself. His admiration of Mob in general would prompt him to also keep those feelings under wraps because the friendship is already an intricate maze to navigate.

Again, everything I’ve just explained is probably where TeruMob fic writers are coming from but they tend to gloss over or skip depicting these parts and thus end up with a hollow shell of what could have been. Also, for anime-only watchers, it’s easy to not get a good grasp on Teru (because you miss out on his technique-developing obsession and what that implies) I feel.

swingandswirl  asked:

I never thought of BPD!Nursey before I saw your post, but now I'm intrigued! For a prompt... how about his family being supportive, or at least trying? My experience with diaspora South Asians (I headcanon Derek as part Indian, specifically Tamil) has been less than positive and I want better for him. TIA!

yay let’s talk about his family ((Nursey’s various family hc’s are another major point of world building for me)) 

ok I seriously don’t know where that post is right now but here’s where Nursey’s storyline coincides for this universe. His parents are uber sucessful (top of their fields, constantly going to conferences and speaking at events and are widely renowned for what they do). His older sister is like five or six years older than him and was raised for most of her childhood by one nanny. Then that nanny retired and Derek got a lot of inconsistent care. That instability left it’s mark on him. It wasn’t until he got older that he was able to do more things with his parents and they were more interested in who he was as a person. So he has this fear of not being interesting enough for people. The first people he ever had to mediate himself around was his family. 

Which isn’t to say they didn’t love him. But they always took his attention seeking as him being dramatic or eccentric. And he didn’t know really that what he was feeling (or rather, his inability to regulate his emotions) wasn’t normal? Then you move to him in his middle/high school years where at first he received a lot of shit from people and learned to lowkey hate himself for crying in public or for not being able to shut up sometimes. And he moved into this phase in high school where he tried so hard not to feel that he was basically devaluing everyone. 

this is getting long and the rest is sort of a jumbled mess tbh:

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Fic: How Lucky We Are (6/?) (M)

Author’s note: Thank you all for your patience! This verse is so much fun; I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I did writing it.

Summary: What happens when a revenge obsessed pirate meets a princess at a ball?

Also posted: / AO3

Chapter 6

Emma stared at Tinkerbelle, flabbergasted. Nothing made sense. “Not Blue? Tink, you must be mistaken. That makes no sense!”

Tinkerbelle simply looked worried and sad. “Emma, I know what I saw. I’ve known Blue for a long time. That fairy wasn’t her. I swear. It’s hard to forget the woman who banished you.”

If Tinkerbelle was right, then the corridor was no place to discuss such things. She grabbed the other woman’s hand and nodded up the hall. “My room’s just ahead. We can talk there.” She could also find out if Killian was back from his interrogation.

Emma threw open the door, looking around eagerly for her pirate. “Killian? You here?” Only silence greeted her. “Killian? Tinkerbelle is here?” More silence. Don’t panic, she thought wildly. There could be a dozen reasons he wasn’t back yet.

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i love how even though jack was in the process of moving, he still had time to prepare and post tons of videos for us, so that his videos could be consistent. and despite the fact that he was busy moving, he still had time to go on social media and interact with his fans daily. not many people would do that, not many people would find free time and make it for their fans. it’s just another reason why jack is and always will be my most favorite youtuber. not many people interact with his fans as much as jack does. for years he posted two (amazing) videos a day for us, while others post either once a day or even every other day or one day a week. through all the things that jack has done for us, through all the things that jack has helped us with, he’s one of the most genuine and honest youtubers i know. and he makes so many of my internet friends and me so happy each and every single day. i love this boy so much, i dedicate so much of my time for him. no matter how many times i thank him, i can never thank him enough to ever repay for what he has done for us. 💚

I’ll Take Care of It (Part 5)

Killian x Reader

Word Count: 2503

Rating: M

Warnings: smut, language, mentions of violence, mentions of kidnapping, mentions of murder

Notes: I wrote this somewhat in response to a request I received quite a while ago, where Killian is rough and dominant with the reader. Enjoy!

Originally posted by thefirstsassvenger

Originally posted by pan-imagines

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Enzo Amore One Shot - Superstar Ink (Zo’s Girlfriend)

Part one:

“So today we have the beautiful (Y/N) with us on Superstar Ink.” Corey Graves began as you adjusted yourself on the bar stool beside him. “Thanks for having me on here… Maybe my phone will stop blowing up now.” You chuckle. “Yeah you have been our most requested guest yet.” “I’m flattered.” You blush adverting your eyes from the camera. You and Corey go over your various tattoos and finally got to the one that everyone as been pestering you about on social media. “Okay so lets get this one over with.” You roll up your shirt sleeve to show the large tattoo on your forearm. “Looks familiar.” Corey smirked. “It should… Its inspired by one of Enzo’s tattoos.” Your tattoo was the outline of the state of New Jersey. “But it looks like the outline of it is handwritten.” You nod and move your arm for the camera to get a good angle of it. They show a side by side comparison of yours and Enzo’s Jersey tattoos. “Now did you get this because of Enzo or??” Corey asked. “Yeah I did… I mean I didn’t get it just because Zo got a tattoo for me… I got it because Zo as been a huge part of my life… He told the story of how we met and his side of the story but mine represents my side of the story… You see its true that I saw something unique in both Zo and Cass but it wasn’t just something in the ring when it came to Zo… I was drawn to everything about him. He always put a smile on my face. Even if it was just a phone call in the middle of the day it could turn my day from horrible to fantastic.” You smile over at Corey who hung on your every word. “Now everyone knows that Enzo is a confident son of a gun so it wont be a surprise to everyone that he asked me out the day he made it to the main roster. Literally the first words out of his mouth when he saw me backstage were ‘Me you dinner tonight okay??’ and of course I said yes.” You blush thinking back to that day. “When we went out to dinner that night Enzo was talking pretty much non-stop about how I inspired him to shoot for his biggest dream and how it wasn’t an easy road… That right there that passion he had for his dreams and how he claimed I helped inspire him was the inspiration for the the quote at the top of Jersey on my arm.” They show the top of the tattoo that says ‘Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations’. “I just feel like that sums up the look in his eye that day…” “Now what about the bottom quote?? What does it say?? ‘Life is tough my darling but so are you’??” Corey questioned. “Yup… A lot of people who follow me closely know that about half a year ago I had some difficulties with my family and it really took a toll on me… Made me go into a dark place that affected every aspect of my life… I was pretty much living in a pity party and started to push people away from me… It wasn’t a fun time for me or anyone close to me… One day on a really hard day for me I found a note in my duffel back… It was from none other than Enzo and all it said was ‘Life is tough my darling but so are you’ and somehow that right there snapped me out of my sinking hole. Honestly I can never repay him for all the support and strength he has given me since the day I first met him.”

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING… thanks to everyone who requested part two and a big big thank you to @meganloveeeworld for helping me with the details :)… if you want another superstar ink with another superstar let me know… please let me know whatcha think… any and all feedback is welcome… THANKS AGAIN FOR READGING

theskittypink  asked:

ok so i have this hc for a bit. apollo will wake up with this feeling of somber happiness. its because klav will play soft sad love songs while apollos passed out from working too much. about just how much he loves apollo and how hes done so much for him that he can never repay (and how he should be easier on himself). (and one time apollo isnt asleep and hears everything)

This is my hc too! After AA4 Klavier had a music block, but after he and Apollo become closer, Klavier feels renewed and the weight of the world is off of his shoulders and Apollo becomes a huge muse for Klavier.
Apollo of course will be like “omg Klavier stop being so schmoopy”, but there are times Apollo gets so choked up hearing Klavier’s honest and loving words about him.

yoongi; stress out, love in

i’m really stressed out, thus the messy format than my usual but i just wanted to write and post it out sooo, here’s a lil’ something ♥

Upon entering the apartment, everything seems to crash just as you drop your bag to the floor. It creates a loud thud and you hear shuffling coming from the bedroom, telltales that Yoongi’s home and would be wondering what the hell or who the hell came in. The thought makes you feel inconsiderate, that you should’ve spared how he’d feel but today wasn’t that day.

It’s all about caring what other people think, what they want, what they need and it’s everything that deducts from your conscious—from what you want. It’s to the point where you can barely hear yourself think, worried about everyone else that you had forgotten about yourself. Today’s the day you say fuck you to that. It’s a day to listen to gather your thoughts and try to collect yourself before you lose yourself completely.

You close the door shut and let it click before locking it securely.

Yoongi steps out, an excited smile on his face because it’s been a long day without you and he’s always, always down to greet you home. It’s the least he can do when the roles are reversed. He can never repay you for the amount of times you’ve showered him with love whenever he came back from tours, drained out from trainings, wrecked from fansigns. Your love was there to cure it all and it’s the little things and daily affections that keep him rooted to who he is.

His smile is bright, wide, but it slowly fades when he stands by the walkway, watching as you press yourself to the door. Your back faces him, your shoulders hunched forward and your head hangs low, forehead thumped against the wood. He stares at your worn out figure, tired and fatigue and it’s everything combined together to crush his spirits.

Frowning, he comes closer, taking a few measured steps, leaving a gap in between that would pass as lgiving you enough space, “B-Baby?”

It takes you a while but he’s grateful you’re answering instead of shutting him out like how he sometimes does to you (he’s trying his best not to, you’ll give him that). “…yeah?”

Sensing your tone, despite how airy it is from the emotions overwhelming you, Yoongi manages to stand right behind you. He soothes a hand on your shoulder, feeling your tensed muscles attempting to relax at his touch. “Are you okay…?”

He doesn’t need to hear it, even if you lie.

“Yeah, just…”

“Tell me the truth,” Yoongi says calmly, succeeding in holding onto you with both hands as he lures you a few steps backwards. He’s testing the waters, slowly turning you around and when you’re following his suit, he makes you face him. Your eyelids are trembling, closed shut with your pink lips parted, quivering as you try to breathe.

Your eyes open to meet with Yoongi’s and when you see the depth of his love, seeing how much he cares, it’s impossible to be a liar.

“Honestly? No, not one bit. My brain feels like it’s being deepfried. Again and again, ripped to pieces, then fried again. I think I’m going to go insane,”

Yoongi bites on his lip at how distressed you are, leaning forward to rest your head on his shoulder, you arms weakly holding onto him, “I’m sorry I’m such a downer on our night off. I’m just… I really can’t today…”

He shakes his head, sighing as he puts his arms around you. His tight grip assures you that that’s nothing to worry about as he kisses your head, tucking you in his embrace. “Silly girl. You don’t always have to be happy around me. If that’s the case, I would’ve been kicked out of this house a long time ago, don’t you think?” You laugh at Yoongi’s tone because he’s right. Damn, he’s right.

He pulls you away delicately, tipping your chin up to look into his eyes and you swear, you fucking swear, that’s love right there.

“How about you go take a long bath, wash away those bad feelings while I make us something simple to eat? We can talk about it however you want and I managed to get a few of your favorite ice cream flavors.”

“I fucking love you.”

“Damn straight.”

We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents; in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth.

Qur’an (46:15)

We can never repay our Mums. But we should give it a go. With kindness and softness. The intimacy between Sana and her mother has a history of sharing secrets, and cuddles on the bed. It’s so obvious in the way they are curled into each other.

curvacious-conversations  asked:

Thomas I just want you to know that my whole family loves your vines! My brother has autism so he latched on to things that he loves and he LOVES you and your vines. They make him laugh so much and it's given me a way to bond with him that I can never repay you for. Ps. My brother is determined to you his brother by asking you to marry my sister or me! 😂 he constantly asks when I'm gonna go marry you. I hope this makes you smile because you deserve it! ~❤️ Sierra and J.P.

Omg!! This is absolutely the sweetest story ever. It definitely made me smile!! Tell him we’re already cyber brothers, because you and I just got cyber married! Lol I hope I can continue to make him laugh, and I hope I can continue providing content for you two to bond over!! <3 Give my love to the family!

A Change of Color

She hates Peeta Mellark. From the moment he steps in and alters her life she pulls back. He’s golden, healthy, freckled and fine, she can never keep up. When they are young he saves her and she hates it. She wishes to have what he has. It keeps happening. But finally fate intervenes. She’s here and so is he. One summer, one job, and one boat that breaks down one hot summer evening. She hates Peeta Mellark. Until she realizes she doesn’t. Katniss is green with envy. NC17 language and sex ;)

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Some of my Raphael headcanons:

  • he pretends to care about no-one, actually cares about everyone very deeply
  • knows how to play lots of musical instruments but his favourite to play is the piano, playing the piano has become therapeutic to him and he played it for hours the night simon betrayed the clan
  • still isnt entirely down with the whole blood drinking thing, however much he hides it, which is why he always makes his drinks look fancy and mixes them with other drinks of choice
  • watches the sunset and sunrise every night/day because he missed being able to go out during the day
  • reads a lot in his spare time, usually classics, his favourite authors are Dickens and Austen, although he does have a soft spot for some modern day authors
  • Visits his mothers grave on the anniversary of her death every year, and always leaves behind flowers for her.  He never lets anyone come with him to this, and usually spends the whole night alone after visiting the grave
  • Although vampires dont celebrate birthdays, he knows everyones birthday in the clan and does a little something for them when it is their birthday, something as simple as being extra nice to them for the day, or mixing them a special drink,  His efforts arent wasted, as one of them (he doesnt know who or how but he suspects magnus) finds out his birthday and the whole clan chips in on being nice to him the whole day
  • Visits Magnus a lot, just to catch up. He feels like he can never repay him for what he did, he thinks that staying in touch and staying friendly with him will go a little way
  • Is an old man with technology, when simon joins the clan he asks him for help with his phone all the time, simon asks him why he even has the phone since he cant use it, raphael doesnt tell him that this is the only way he can keep in touch with his remaining family.  He also uses it to text magnus from time to time
  • hasnt forgiven simon for what he did, but regrets the death penalty he put on his head
  • has a little respect for clary, as he knows what it is like to be pulled into a world that you have no idea about and having to live and put up with that
  • is an actual sweetheart, the only person who knows this is magnus, and raphael hopes no one else ever knows this because, as he says, he has an image to uphold magnus

Trans day of visibility! Despite the lack of enthusiasm and support from my family, my friends and everyone on tumblr have been amazing. I feel like I’d never be here if octokio megidown takeru911 cutie-sunraye unicorndreamings and demoniceggs didn’t have all the love and information that they do. jurisdon got me my first and only binder and we’ve never even met face to face. boygraves gave me the idea to make a personal blog.
You guys are great and you’ve given me so much that I can never repay you for. Thank you 💚💚💚💚 Demiboy (He/him)

I’ve never been in love. At least not true love. The kind where the thought of another person living a happy life for the rest of their days at the cost of your own can genuinely make you smile. Jesus did that. He valued our second chance at life, our eternal rebirth with The Spirit. Still, I can never repay Him enough.
—  thefemalewarriorofgod

my birthday present to myself ❤

I’ve thought of getting an Always Keep Fighting tattoo since the campaign began and when I met Jared back in February, I got him to write it out with this intention in mind.  For some reason I kept putting it off; I think it was fear, a fear that stemmed from how important this, how important Jared, is to me

it’s still red and raised (I only got it six hours ago) but this is it and I love it more than I can ever ever ever say ❤❤❤ Always Keep Fighting changed my life; Jared changed my life; I love him so much for it and can never ever repay him for what he’s done for me