can i not be fat anymore

13 weeks omg.

i’m 13 weeks today. I look pregnant tummy wise but it’s just some incredible bloating like omg are you carrying twins type of bloating. It’s annoying because all my clothes are high waisted so nothing fits, really. I can’t do muumuus either, it’s winter-ish at the moment and it’ll get cold real soon.

Other than that I doubt I’ve even gain weight besides what I’d lost earlier, which is good because ya girl is already thicc, baby can just dig into my fat reserves and give me a chance to be slender lol. I’m not really nauseous anymore but I only want to eat sour things, green vegetables, and pasta. I’ve stopped the junk food and I haven’t had coffee in a week. I did have one energy drink that I diluted and drunk over two days because the house has been so gross lately, I just needed a kick to clean up the house so I can spend the rest of this week working on orders etc. I’m gonna resume the coffee tomorrow though, I just need it, otherwise, I sleep all the time and I can’t do that anymore.

I obviously haven’t started feeling the baby move around but I do feel a lot of cramping in my pelvic area. I poke my tummy every now and then to say hi, and I try to talk to her about the stuff we’ll have to do for the day, food, fabrics, etc. I can’t wait for the scans etc. I just want to see what’s in there lol

I’m really hoping for a little girl, that’d make me most happy I think but either way it’s such a blessing, alhamdulillah. For second names I’ve settle on Julia for a girl and my dad’s name for a boy. They’ll probably have 3 names, one first name, a name from my family and a South African name. That’s already less names than me. I wanted to do 4 names (adding a Congolese or Ivorian name) but it feels so extra. I mean, it’s on brand, but still.

I’ve bought no baby related item yet because I need a proper list and plan to go about it, I don’t want to waste stuff or get carried away. I’ve been cleaning the house lately and throwing away all the silly, useless stuff I’ve spent money on makes me see I don’t need more money as much as I need better judgment and I’m trying to make sure Baby J/E comes into a thrifty and wisely managed home, in shaa Allah. I’ve just been having a lot of thoughts on all of that lately but I’ll stop here for now. I need a baby journal.

If you read this whole thing, thanks for being a star and keep me in your prayers!! 

pro annnnna tips

I figured that it might be helpful to some of you to have some tips how to lose weight. AT least those are the things I do :)

Drink, drink drink. drink a lot of water and tea (greantea)

make some rules for youself e.g. only eat between 6am-6pm

write down everything you eat and its calories. If you see the numbers going up, you´ll lose your appetite

keep yourself busy or you will eat out of boredom

sleep at least 6h a day (you´ll be more relaxed, the day won´t be as long as e.g without sleep, because of some stuff being released in your body you´ll be tempted to eat more if you´re tired)

eat from small, dark plates/ plates that contrast the color of your food ( a smaller plate makes your food look like more, the darker plate makes you eat less, the contrasting color makes you differ between food and plate more easily)

Don´t eat something if you don´t know its calories

Don´t eat at least 3h before you go to bed

if possible, eat in front of a mirror naked (you´ll get disgusted by yourself and won´t be hungry anymore)

only eat if you really have to (don´t be too extreme though and make sure to still eat enough so you don´t faint and get into a hospital before you have reached your goals)

make a list of bad foods and cross some out every once in a while and don´t eat them anymore

chew gum

eat high calorie stuff in the morning, low calories in the evening

eat tastful stuff (sometimes you don´t want the food but the taste)

I eat sweets every day. some dark chocolate. That way I can controll myself better and don´t binge 

don´t take extra cash with you or you might spend it on food

brush your teeth more often. food won´t taste as good and you can controll yourself better not to eat

apple cider vinegar. (2-3 tablespoons before a meal and you´ll feel not so hungry anymore)

watch your posture

habits like touching your hair etc burn some calories too

in general: move as much as possible

Move your fat ass and do some sports. Not is it only healthier but you´ll lose weight faster and if you started once you´ll get a craving for more

do sports if you´re boring e.g. crunches in your room or squats

if you´re about to binge or just want to taste the enemy, chew it and spit it out. Mia does not work for me and the last time I puked was when I was 8 (well and the onle time I got drunk when I was 15). Plus spitting it out directly saves your teeth from the acid, you save yourself from that disgusting feeling and you don´t have to worry about your body still absorbing the calories or not getting it out of your tummy in time. Just make sure to wash your mouth before you swallow.

watch/read something you consider disgusting before you eat. Heck, even watch a pimple popping video if it stops you from eating too much.

ruin your food. if it is burned or too salty you won´t eat much of it

punish yourself for thinking about food.

don´t reward yourself with food, you´re not a dog

put one euro/ pound/ dollar/ whatever money you have in your country in a box for every meal you skip. Just don´t skip breakfast (you may only do that if you are fasting) do it like this: breakfast, school food, lunch, dinner. I usually skip school food and dinner. and If you have enough money, buy yourself whatever you want (as long as it is no food)

drink warm water

lemon in your water is supposed to help with weightloss (I don´t do it though)

get up on the scale at least once every day and write down the number. I weigh myself about 4 times a day: after getting up, after running, when I come back from school and before I go to bed

look at some thinspo/ meanspo

drink coffe, 0 calorie soda 

I guess that´s about it. If I remember something else, I´ll add at to this list. Feel free to tell me what you do:)

Also: If I was you, I wouldn´t try mia because it is bad. you´ll get a lot of problems and the acid will come out even without you wanting to puke, also your teeth will fall out and shit like that. i have a friend who once was mia but because of reasons like that she had to stop. she still is ana though.

oh and please don´t use diet pills. I never have used some but I never take pills anyway (unless I am on the edge of dying xD)

after all, I can´t tell you what to do but this is my advice for you. That does not mean that the things I do are much better though but you probably know that yourself.

pidge and boobs: an unfortunate experience

  • pidge is just like. really done with having boobs
  • pidge, looking down at her chest: why are you even here
  • boobs are just like…sacks of fat that get in the way of fighting and seeing her computer screen when she lays down 
  • and when her boobs just hurt she’s like “why. why me. i’m just trying to live my life” 
  • she doesn’t even have boobs that are that big and she wears sport bras most of the time but sometimes during practice they bounce and she just wants them to s t o p 
  • to hunk: i don’t want my boobs anymore you can have them 
    hunk: pretty sure that’s not how this works
  • pidge never goes bra shopping like properly like she probably isn’t wearing the right size but the bra fits well enough and doesn’t pinch and she’s not spending any more time on these expensive fabric cups that society demands she wears
  • society sucks ass
  • so do boobs
  • one day lance is like “i’m like 90% sure shiro has bigger boobs than you” and pidge is like “good. he can share my suffering” 
    • shiro: i’m always suffering
  • those days where you just have to grab your boobs as you’re running up the stairs or something? yeah. pidge hates those days and swears aggressively as she wraps her arms around herself
  • she loves wearing huge oversized sweatshirts but she especially loves it because she can go braless and no one will know 
    • also for your consideration: the extra lazy days where she literally just wears a sports bra and a sweatshirt and no shirt
  • lance: do you ever just. hold your own boob
  • pidge: do you ever just punch yourself in the face
  • one day she’s bored and particularly annoyed at her boobs and she’s just like. an a cup for awful a, b cup for bothersome, c cup for cursed, d cup for dreadful—
  • she mostly lives in sports bras but there are a lot of days where she’s like “…what if i didn’t”
    • the answer is nothing would happen. she’s in space. no one cares. she can just go braless. it’s a freeing day when she realizes that
  • they’re just laying around one day and she sits up suddenly and is like “does space even have bras”
    • it does. or at least, alteans do 
    • both her and lance are disappointed when space bras aren’t anything special and are basically the same as earth bras
    • lance takes every opportunity afterward to say “cool starry bra” when it’s relevant 
      • because stars. and space. starry bra. it’s funny
  • she is so jealous of aliens that don’t have breasts like how is this fair
  • pidge loves her armor because her boobs are out of the way for once and it’s so nice
  • she’s just like “what is even the POINT of you!!” most of the time and like. she knows but still. what’s the point
  • pidge is just very frustrated with her boobs

you dont get to come into the fat community and pick and choose whose body you support. you dont get to make fat people with less desirable bodies feel left out of body positivity or fat acceptance. either you are here for us or you’re not. if your support comes with terms and conditions and a fucking uniform, you can leave. we don’t need you. go fake love the next bitch bc im not here for it anymore.

i could literally tag so many of you in this lmao trash. this my last post about this for right now.

Hello 2017

Wearing  ✶  Lime Ricki Daisy Bralette and Daisy Ruched Bottom  ✶  Wotoos star shaped face tattoos 

It’s the first day of 2017 and warm enough already for a little splash in the pool! The beginning of the year is also fraught with the traditional onslaught of diet and weightloss ads in every corner you look, so I thought it would be timely to post some positive inspiration to help counter the toxicity that us fatties are routinely assaulted by around this time. The moment the year turns around, you see it screaming it you from billboards, newspapers and even browser ads. ‘New year, new you!’ ‘Resolve to be a skinny minnie this year!’ ‘Time for a liquid diet “cleanse” after that gluttonous Christmas!’ Well, here I am in my daisy print bathers, with stars on my face and unflattering curves everywhere else and I haven’t made a new year resolution to lose weight since the year 2007.

It hasn’t been easy all the way, fending off well meaning advice from acquaintances and relatives, and having to tune out friends unloading their weightloss plans onto me. Thankfully, and mostly because I’ve been doing it for so long, this sort of selective vision and hearing comes as second nature to me. But when the lovely folks at Lime Ricki swimwear asked me if I’d like to try out one of their swimsuits and talk a bit about feeling body confident as a fat woman, I realised that it would actually be helpful to share my tips for keeping sane and preserving your mental health (and confidence) in this month of weight based penance (ugh!)

1. Take out the trash

By which I mean the glossy magazines promising miracle ‘cures’ on the cover, the tabloids and their websites, the Instagrammers selling diarrhea tea, basically any media that’s not fat positive. Back in 2007, I was more than a bit addicted to celebrity gossip - it was entertaining and a welcome distraction from my undergrad texts. However, once I realised how badly the tales of celebrity weight loss and gain affected my own body image, I started weaning myself off it. And the more time I spent on the fat positive internet, the more I started abhorring popular media and the diet culture it sells. After a point, I didn’t even want to browse through ONTD anymore. Especially because I could find all the fashion inspiration I wanted from the fat internet, and that too on bodies that looked like mine.

2. Surround yourself with fat positive media

Admittedly, the fatshion community has a very different face now than it did a decade ago, and there’s no onus on plus size bloggers to be fat positive as well. You’ll find countless plus fashion bloggers who advocate weightloss and think nothing of documenting their diets, but there are just as many anti-weightloss bloggers you can follow if you’re looking for some positive reinforcement to go with your daily fashion fix. If you’re looking for somewhere to start with, my blogroll on this page has quite a few awesome internet peeps who are just as fat positive as they’re fashionable. And if anyone you’ve been following for a while, and whose style you love descends down the slippery road to diets, don’t hesitate to unfollow them if that’s what you need for your sanity. Just putting that out there because I feel kind of bad whenever I have to do that!

3. You don’t have to listen to your friends’ diet talk

I have friends who get down on their bodies, who can’t stop talking about how badly they need to lose weight. Most of us have friends like that. It’s especially distressing when they’re people you’re close to and genuinely care about, people whose concerns you can’t just shut down without an explanation. I’ve found that a gentler approach works best in these situations. All my friends are extremely aware of my stance on diets and weightloss - I mean, I’ve only been banging on about it for the last decade or so! Yet they still try to talk to me sometimes about how they’re planning to lose weight. In situations like this, this is pretty much what I tell them: Listen dude, it’s your body, you do whatever you want with it. But you know how I feel about weightloss, so there’s no point telling me about this because I’m just going to space out. You’re an adult, making your adult choices, so go ahead and make them *shoulder pats* I have literally zero inputs to give here. *firm shoulder pats*

Back when I was first learning about fat positivity, I made it my mission to bring all my closest friends into the fold. How could I let them suffer in the purgatory of dieting and self hate when I’d found such freedom in the  alternative? Unfortunately, that’s not how people work. And ultimately, everyone has to make their own decisions about the path they want to follow, whether it comes to weightloss or the rest of life itself. You can help them along the way, but the decision of whether to be diet free or not is theirs to make.

4. Spend some time with yourself

One of the things I realised when I was getting to grips with body positivity was this: I didn’t actually know my own body. I used to avoid looking at mirrors, especially when I was naked, I only ever saw myself from one single angle, looking down at my boobs, belly, a bit of leg and feet. Whenever I came across a candid photo, I would be aghast because is this really how everyone sees me? To accept my body, I had to know it first. From every possible angle so that I couldn’t take myself unawares. Back then, I had my ex to photograph me naked, but if you don’t have anyone like that, use the mirror, use your webcam! Take photos of yourself with the self timer, standing, sitting, in silly poses and unflattering ones. Examine those photos, find the parts of your body that you love, and write down what it is that you love about them. Then find the parts of yourself that you don’t love as much and figure out something positive to say about them as well. Write that down too. Keep going back to those photos and notes whenever you can, and keep adding to them. If I’d taken these swimsuit photos 5 years ago, I’m sure I’d have been cringing at my flat butt and lumpy thighs entirely because I wasn’t familiar with them. But now I know exactly what I look like from the back, or sitting down. The body I have is the body I expect to see in photos because I’ve seen it so many times now. I know exactly how my belly folds, where my things dimple when I’m walking. These are regular, everyday features to me now, not some kind of a bogeyman waiting to jump out at me from photos I didn’t expect.

5. Set a positive example by eating

This one’s for those of you who have already taken the first steps towards body positivity, those of you who are feeling secure enough to give a very public middle finger to diet culture. I didn’t find public eating easy at the beginning, especially since I had a history of eating disorders. As my BFF recalls, one of her first memories of me was at the University canteen, with an apple in one hand and a cigarette in the other, steadfastly refusing any other food because ‘that’s all I needed for lunch.’ It took a while to get to the point where I could go out with her and triumphantly demolish platters of food in public. What I noticed, though, was that whenever I was out with a group of people and a couple of them were heading towards the ‘I think I’ll just have a salad’ territory, they ended up ordering what they actually wanted and enjoying it once I’d set the lead by unabashedly eating what I wanted. And even if you’re still a way away from being able to eat freely in public, I think that just eating the food you want with relish and joy and savouring every bite without guilt is the biggest FUUUUU you can hurl at the diet industry this time of the year. So treat yourself to the food you love and actually want to eat, listen to your body instead of the ad pointing out your supposed failings. And remember, food has no morals attached to it, it’s we who burden our plates with them.



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The struggle is real and will always be real. Sometimes I look in the mirror and still see the girl who was 100+ pounds and freak out only to realize that I’m not that person anymore. It’s scary for me to think about where Ill be 6 months to a year from now. Will I gain will I lose…. these are thoughts that go through my head more than I like to admit. It can be mentally exhausting. All I can tell you right now is that I’m going to keep on pushing.

IG : lizzy_rockz

  • Chloe: Amy, how many times have I told you to put the lid back on the peanut butter jar?! It's this inconsiderate, immature jackassery that makes me feel like I'm living in The Real World House! And not the early days when they all had jobs and social consciences, I'm talking about Hawaii, and after! I can't take it anymore! Amy, Beca and I are married now! It's time! We're getting our own place!
  • Beca: ...Actually, I left the lid off, sorry, baby.

“For a man (Donald Trump) to be able to publicly refer to a woman as a fat pig, that makes me teary. And for people to applaud, that is absolutely fucking insanity to me.

My grandmother would have smacked my teeth out of my head if I had referred to a woman as a fat pig. And I cannot understand how people can clap for that. It’s absolutely collective insanity.

If one of my sons – I am getting furious just thinking about it – if one of my sons said that in a public place, they couldn’t even live in my house anymore.”

– Will Smith, news.com.au

Strength and Guidance

Part One of One Dance (A Check Please Soulmate AU where songs sung by your soulmate get stuck in your head) Also on AO3

Read Polyfarms companion fic here

For @ransomwee Prompt: Celebration.

Justin is a junior in high school. He knows exactly three things about his soulmate. One, she’s around his age. Two, she’s definitely American. Three, she has a thing for musical theater. 

Ever since puberty. Everybody stares at me. Boys, girls. I can’t help it baby.

Justin, or Ranser as his hockey team knew him, sighs. He’s knee-deep in a practice SAT test. He knows his soulmate is American, so that’s where he’s planning to go for university. Even if they don’t end up at the same school, it’ll be exponentially easier to find her if they don’t have an international border between them. 

So be kind. And don’t lose your mind. Just remember. That I’m your baby.

Allow me to kiss your hand, be your man,” Ranser interrupts. “You know, I’ll understand…You see where I’m from, WC, I’m from Nigeria,” he murmurs. “Omo, you know say na criteria.” 

Justin doesn’t know what skipping ahead in a song does to the music inside his soulmate’s mind. But he’s not one for singing,really. He finds the songs that suit his message and sticks lyric-less songs otherwise. Many reactionary music genres nowadays were mainly instrumental to resist the idea of finding soulmates through consumerism. It’s not that he didn’t care about his soulmate. But it’s one less thing to worry about if he has separate music for communicating with her and for enjoying for himself. Afrobeat has been particularly effective in balancing out her more…exuberant tunes. 

He can’t fault her for her love of Lady Gaga, but priorities take precedent over fun time. As if she understands his protests, the music dies down. Justin takes a deep breath, resuming his test. He can only hope she doesn’t do this during the real exam time. Although most administrators were understanding, it was a three strikes policy for singing during an exam. 

If there’s one thing Justin’s learned about his soulmate, it’s that she sung everything she felt. 

_/.\_ 

“What if I got a double major in music and economics?” Adam, or Birker, asks his teammate, Hobbs, one movie night his last year in Juniors. 

Hobbs eyes him incredulously. “Why?” 

Adam shrugs, “my soulmate listens to a lot of cool music.”

“So? Fucking congrats,” he snarks. 

“No man, it’s like,” Adam gestures with two hands at the space in front of the coffee table. “Most of the stuff they like isn’t pop and doesn’t even have lyrics. Which fucking sucked when we were younger, right?”

“Sure,” he concedes. 

“I learned how to play the piano and some other instruments so I could figure out what songs they were — and now I have all this musical knowledge that I won’t be able to use ever again.”

“Because…” Hobbs prompts. 

“Because when I find them, what the fuck do I need to know this shit for anymore? If they like something, they can just show it to me.” 

Hobbs rolls his eyes, “be a music major. Become a fucking teacher why don’t you?”

“You think I could handle that?” Adam inquires seriously. 

“I think your other option is to get famous writing music, and fat chance of that ever happening,” Hobbs chirps.

“Thanks, you’re helpful,” Birker rolls his eyes dramatically. 

“I don’t get why you’re going to college anyway,” Hobbs jabs him in the ribs. 

“I’m not doing the draft, bro,” Adam reminds him curtly. 

“Oh c’mon,” Hobbs eggs him on, “what’s the worst that could happen?”

“I miss my chance to meet my soulmate in college, I spend four years in fucking Syracuse before I get called up. I retire at 32 if I’m lucky with no degree or skills.”

“Except music,” Hobbs chirps. 

“Except music,” Adam parrots. 

Brownie comes back with a bowl full of popcorn and a bag of Twizzlers. “What’d I miss?”

“Birker’s whinning about his soulmate again,”  Hobbs replies.

“What else is new,” Calvin shouts from the kitchen. 

“Can we start the fucking show already?” Adam shouts back.

“Yeah,” Calvin comes running in, hopping onto the first body he sees (Adam).

Adam frowns when Calvin won’t get off his lap. “I really hate you sometimes.”

“Taking your way in the world today takes everything you’ve got. 
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot,” the four boys chorus. 

“Man, I hope for your sake she’s funny,” Brownie tells Birker. 

Adam laughs hollowly. He’s very convinced that his soulmate’s a dude. Which is fine, Adam’s as bi as the day is long. The way Calvin looks back at him pointedly, reinforces his suspicions that he’s not the only queer guy on the team.

Which is exactly why he’s going to Samwell. It was one of the queerest schools in the country. He had no assurance that his soulmate will find him there. But at the very least, he can have four years away from the quite chaos of hockey. The NHL was still ignoring the fact that a good third (or more) of their players weren’t straight. The press was constantly writing soulmates off as “platonic”, and Adam was not about to put up with that any time soon. He wanted to go to school, do something he loves, and fall in love. Why was that too much to ask for?

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soul eater sentence starters.
  • "what's good and what's evil is determined by who's in power."
  • "but you... you i actually decided to trust. i put my faith in you."
  • "you can lean on me."
  • "this is fear. that's good, then. i'd forgotten what it felt like."
  • "we might be scared... but that's what makes us stronger."
  • "what's the point in worrying about the past?"
  • "i refuse to let my fear control me anymore."
  • "i'm tired of hating myself all the time."
  • "there's no way i'll ever consider you my father."
  • "if you forget your fear, you become reckless."
  • "you're boring, and you have fat ankles."
  • "you don't understand assassination, do you?"
  • "oops. sorry. my fingers slipped."
  • "i'm not very good at talking with girls. they make me nervous."
  • "let's meet again."
  • "pain in the present can be dealt with."
  • "i'm not afraid of pain, not at all."
  • "the odds are stacked against us."
  • "quit it, will ya?"
  • "you would never betray me."
  • "if i killed a kid, that would give me nightmares."
  • "you're a persistent one, aren't you?"
  • "i am going to fight you. and i'll win!"
  • "bravery's not special."
  • "it looks like it's over at last."
  • "you're the one who decides who you are."
  • "i'll never give up."
  • "the only time i'll lose is when i die."
  • "get your ass moving!"
'Progressive' obesity documentaries

So there’s a program on tonight called ‘Obesity: How prejudiced Is The NHS?’

So first of all, I have an issue with the title. It’s like saying 'Water: How wet is it?’ Taking an established fact and reframing it as a question like there are two sides to the debate and it’s a nuanced issue. Cos, y'know, water may not be wet.

However, the main issue I have is that this supposedly progressive documentary admits freely to prejudice in the NHS against fat people, but says this is a bad thing because this…

…can prevent fat people accessing bariatric surgery.

This entire program supposedly is about NHS prejudice but is actually about stressing the importance of making sure the fat people get thin.

Because GOD FORBID we try and eliminate this prejudice because it HURTS AND HUMILIATES people. That’s not a good enough reason.

And I just can’t. I can’t anymore.

Like bariatric surgery isn’t a tool used by doctors to control and humiliate fat people. Like as well as denying surgery to people that want or need it they dont also pressure and push for it with others, or refuse treatment for other issues unless you agree to hear them out about it.

Like they don’t refuse treatment for other, non fat related conditions because of this prejudice. Like there aren’t very real and scary mental and physical health repercussions to fat prejudice in the NHS that have nothing to do with surgery.

This is something I have to deal with on a regular basis. This is something that I am currently, as I type this, dealing with because I am in pain. I am in pain because I have a treatable condition no NHS doctor will treat me for unless I lose weight. I am personally and profoundly affected by this issue.

And my mother wanted to watch it and I was trying to explain why I was so angry when 'They agree with you about NHS prejudice’ and it was just infuriating because they’re only using this fact to push their bloody damaging message about how fat people must be thin or die.

They’ll tell you about how there’s prejudice against fat people, then exhibit that prejudice through the entire documentary and think they’re being forward thinking.

Urgh.

URGH.

Soundcheck

Spencer x Reader have a summer fling which ends quickly, and both are left wondering, was there a possibility for a future together?

This is a true story. Apart from the end, they got back with their ex and I have been left wondering what would have happened if I had stayed with them. I just needed to write something down.

Soundcheck by Catfish and The Bottlemen was the soundtrack to our first kiss.

// In this AU, Maeve is alive //


It started in the Summer.

You had met through Penelope Garcia, she thought you two would be amazing together. A shared love of books, music, and learning. A perfect match, right?

A coffee date turned into sleepovers and laying together in the park, you had never told someone so much about yourself, and at first it didn’t concern you that he did not do the same.

He was like your drug. Every moment spent with him fizzed like cherry cola and tingled like kisses on your neck*. You stopped taking your medication, convinced that HE was the source of your infinite happiness and you thought that you had never seen perfection until you first glanced at his face. You asked him to be your boyfriend, one afternoon lying next to each other. You had always feared commitment, but this now seemed to be the most natural thing in the world.

It lasted eight days.

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Clothes for Fat Trans Girls

Hi Friends!  

Hi I’m a fat trans girl.  For Reasons I don’t wanna get into on a public forum, some of my clothes don’t fit me right any more.  It’s incredibly hard to find attractive clothes in large sizes, and I want to make sure they get to a girl who can use them.  Most of my clothes right now are a size 28, and I’m 6′3, for reference.  I’ve got tons of shit from Torrid  and some shit from thrift stores.  Right now, there are only a few things I just can’t wear anymore (mostly jeggings, maybe some dresses), but there may be more over time.  If you’re a fat trans girl who has a hard time finding cute clothes and you want me to check in with you as I decide to part with some things, shoot me a message and I’ll keep you in mind.  I can probably cover shipping within the continental US.  

Feel free to signal boost or share with the beautiful fat trans girls in yr life, and keep it stylish~

Say it again | Michael Gray

Prompt “You’re a disappointment.”

You didn’t know what to say when your foster mother told you that Henry had left to live with his birth mother. He’d mentioned the man that’d come to the house. The way he was dressed and the car he’d arrived in. You could see him ticking things over every night after. You and him had been like two peas in a pod ever since he arrived at the foster home. You were either the best of friends or at each other’s throats. You told each other everything. That’s why it’d hurt so much when Henry didn’t even tell you himself that he wasn’t coming back.

You stewed on it for months. Eventually you realised you were so angry because he’d meant more to you then just being a friend. You felt like he’d broken your heart.

It was on your eighteenth birthday that you went a little nuts by the villages standards at least. Henry had always talked about it to you and every time you went passed that little wishing well it reminded you of him. You didn’t use dynamite like he’d always planned. You took the sledgehammer from your foster father’s kit and dragged it down to the village green.

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Falling In Reverse - Six

Y/N drove although both were unsure where to go. At first Y/N suggested that they should go somewhere that was neutral ground but they couldn’t decide on where as they needed somewhere quiet yet comfortable enough to talk in private. In the end they ended up going back to Y/N’s apartment, both of them surprised when Spencer commented that she was at most, a fifteen minute walk from his building.

“Do you want a drink?” Y/N tossed her keys and her bag, kicking off her shoes by the door.

“Coffee would be great. Do I… Do I need to take my shoes off too?” Spencer observed the row of footwear by the door, fully aware that some people had a no shoe rule.

“Huh?… Oh.. No. It’s fine. Whatever is comfortable for you.” Y/N made her way over to the kitchen and Spencer quickly toed his converse off and followed her. She made them both a drink, coffee for him and juice for her, and then led him over to her couch.

“So” Y/N took a sip of juice, feeling so very out of her depth.

“So…. ”

“Erm….Spencer. I just want you to know that I don’t expect anything from you. If you want nothing to do with this I’ll understand. I…. I was thinking on the drive back here that… I think, I’m gonna keep this baby and raise it. It’ll be hard and it wasn’t exactly what I was expecting to be doing at 26 but… well it’s happened right? If you want an annulment and to just walk away then I understand. No judgement.”

The words just came pouring out of Y/N and she felt lighter somehow for saying them.

“We can’t get an annulment,” Spencer told her still mentally processing her speech.

“We.. We can’t?”

He shook his head. “The marriage has been consummated. We’d have to get a divorce.”

“Oh.” Shit. Her mother was going to kill her.

“I don’t want to get divorced,” Spencer whispered, staring straight ahead.

“No.”

As Reid sat there an image formed in his mind. Two years down the line, him and Y/N and a small child sitting together on a picnic blanket in front of a small house. He and Y/N were holding hands and laughing, the child wobbling on its feet as it tried to potter around.

Could this work?

“Y/N, if you hadn’t have lost your cell phone would you have contacted me?”

She was struck by his question, completely not the one she was expecting. But she nodded.

“Yes, I enjoyed spending time with you. As cheesy as it is, I thought there was some sort of connection between us and I was looking forward to meeting up with you again.”

“So was I.” Spencer turned on the couch today look at her, shuffling a little bit closer.

“So here’s what I propose. And it sounds crazy but…. what if we stayed married? And raised this baby together as a family. If we were going to date anyway then…. it’s just like we’ve sped that process up? We like each other, we enjoy each others company at least the small amount of time we’ve spent together so what if… What if we just went with it.”

“You’re right, it sounds crazy,” Y/N commented after a few moments of thought, lifting her head to lock her eyes on his. “But crazy sometimes works.”

And so six weeks later Y/N and Spencer, along with Spencer’s teammates, were moving into a three bed rental. Reid’s colleague Derek Morgan owned the property and had recently finished renovating it.

“I can’t believe you’re going through with this,” Morgan said through gritted teeth as they positioned Spencer’s bed in one of the double rooms.

“Hey, you signed the rental agreement.”

“Yeah well, I’m beginning to regret that decision,” Morgan huffed.

“I thought you liked her?”

Spencer had taken Y/N to one of the team dinners at Rossi’s a few weeks ago, her making a resounding impression on the team.

“I do. I just think this is all too fast. You barely know this woman and now you’re shacking up and playing happy families with her.

“Derek, we’ve been through this before. I appreciate you looking out for me here and both Y/N and I understand that this relationship isn’t exactly conventional. But it IS a relationship. She IS my wife and the mother of MY child.”

Spencer looked at his friend, a pleading look on his face. His didn’t want Morgan to ruin this day for him, they’d had this discussion multiple times already.

“Okay fine, I’ll go help bring the other bed in.”

Derek stalked out of the room leaving Spencer to reposition the mattress himself.

“Hey….” Y/N crept up behind him pressing a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey yourself.”

She plopped down onto his mattress. “I’m bored. None of your friends will let me lift anything and the stuff that I could be unpacking like our clothes, are at the back of the van.”

“That’s because they’re under strict instructions from me NOT to let you do anything….”

“Spence, I’m pregnant not an invalid.”

Spence. The nickname hardly anyone got away with using. But when it had slipped off her lips a few weeks ago, Reid hadn’t corrected her. He kinda liked the way it sounded from her.

“I know you’re not. But I’m not taking any chances with that peanut in there,” he motioned towards Y/N’s belly and she reached out and took his hand, pressing it against the small curve that was forming. They both knew it was too early to feel anything but it was a sweet motion none the less. They’d been for the first scan two weeks ago, the Doctor confirming that the dates did match up with the size of the teeny tiny baby that was shown on the screen. She was now roughly fourteen weeks gone, although neither of them had told their parents yet.

The scan had been an experience Spencer would never forget. He’d accompanied JJ to one when she’d been pregnant with Henry and it had been emotional then, but this was his child in there. His baby. They’d both shed a tear watching the monitor, their hands clasped together so tightly that no one would have guessed that their relationship was only five days older than the baby shown on the screen.

Relationship…. It was still strange to them both that they were going ahead with this. Not so much the pregnancy but the staying married and just going with it. The decision to move in with each other had come a week week or so after their decision to stay together and try to make this work, and although Morgan hadn’t seemed tremendously happy when he offered one of his houses to Reid, he still did it. Y/N and Spencer had made sure that they spent as much time together as they could, learning more about about each other. So far neither of them had found anything they particularly disliked and Y/N had found herself wondering whether it was just that they were simply meant to be together and the marriage and baby was fates way of ensuring that happened.

They still hadn’t kissed or had any real kind of intimacy between them though. Spencer would touch Y/N’s tummy and they’d hug whenever they were saying goodbye but so far, nothing had happened. It was like they were both nervous even though they’d already done the deed once. And they’d settled on separate bedrooms which had caused snickers from Rossi and Derek.

“You’re married but sleeping in separate rooms. C'mon now Kid, that’s how marriages end not begin,” Dave had teased him, earning a withering look from Reid.

Y/N looked around the room that was now Spencer’s bedroom. Being the gentleman he was, he taken the slightly smaller of the two doubles, the rooms backing onto each other.

“Where are you bed sheets? I can at least make your bed for you, that’s not too strenuous.”

“Erm. I’ll find them for you. But that’s all you’re doing for now, until we get the smaller stuff in okay.”

“Okay,” she grinned at him. “Whatever you say husband.”

It was 10pm when Y/N and Spencer finally sat down on the couch that had come from Y/N’s apartment. The team had left around an hour ago, both Y/N and Spencer showering before eating some take out that they’d ordered. Despite not doing any of the heavy lifting Y/N was shattered and rose from the couch, stretching her back out and feeling Spencer’s eyes going almost immediately to her tummy.

“I’m beat. I think I’m gonna head on up.”

“I think I’ll join you….. I mean, in my own room of course,” Reid hurried to correct himself.

Y/N nodded and then found herself saying, “You don’t have to you know. We ARE married after all. Maybe we should be sharing a bed. Although… We’ve not even… We’ve not even done anything since that night.”

“I know,” Spencer’s words were quiet.

“Doesn’t that bother you at all?”

Reid’s shook his head, his replying coming out as more of a question, “Not really?”

“You sound so sure there.”

He hauled himself off the couch and stood directly in front of Y/N.

“I just didn’t want to presume anything. Yes, a piece of paper says we’re married and we’ve very obviously already had intercourse….”

“Intercourse, Spence? We fucked. We had sex. Don’t make it sound so technical,” she smiled to let him know that she was jesting and he continued.

“Fine.. We’ve very obviously already had sex. But… I just didn’t want to presume that meant that we were going to again.”

“So we’re just going to be married and have a kid and not have a physical relationship?” Y/N’s voice was more high pitched than she’d intended it to be.

“No!… Yes? I don’t know.”

“Do you not find me attractive anymore? Oh god, is it because I’m getting fat because of the baby?” Y/N was barely showing but she was still paranoid about the change in her weight.

“Of course I find you attractive, anyone would be blind not to. And you’re not fat, you’re pregnant. And you can barely tell that anyway.”

“Then what is it? Because…if we were dating ‘normally’ and the same amount of time had passed from our first date, then I’m quite certain things would have progressed beyond us hugging by now.”

Spencer shrugged. “I just didn’t think you’d want to.”

Y/N looked at him, her husband. He looked dejected and unsure of himself. Where was the smooth talking Spencer who had charmed her family at her sister’s wedding? Why was there suddenly this lack of confidence here?

“Spencer, I don’t need to constantly point out the unconventionalness of… us. But I wouldn’t have agreed to stay married to you if I didn’t want a physical relationship with you as well. And it frustrates the hell out of me that I can’t remember that night, that I can’t remember kissing you or seeing you naked, or doing any of those things we must have done to each other.”

“It… It does?”

“Yes! How many married women can say they can’t remember kissing their husband? I don’t want to pressure you into anything you don’t want to do but…. ”

Y/N couldn’t continue because Spencer’s mouth was suddenly on hers, kissing her gently. His lips were warm and soft and when she parted her lips to deepen the kiss she could taste the chinese food they’d been eating earlier. It was… nice. Not earth shattering or knee trembling, but nice. She pulled away a few moments later and licked her lips.

“Alright. That’s one thing ticked off the list. First sober kiss as a married couple.”

“Was it… Was it o… ”

“Don’t you dare ask me if it was okay Spencer Reid. I’m not going to mark you out of ten. But if yours are the only lips I get to kiss for the rest of my life then I’d be okay with that.”

She reached up and touched his cheek, nudging a piece of hair out of his eyes.

“Can we try not to leave the other things too long? I’d rather not have our first sober time when I’m the size of a whale. I’m not saying it has to happen tonight or anything but….”

“It wouldn’t matter to me, just so you know. You’re beautiful to me no matter how big your tummy gets. You’d be beautiful to me no matter what,” Spencer’s eyes were full of warmth when he said that.

“There he is! There’s the charmer…. Welcome back!”

Even though Y/N had joked, she did feel well and truly charmed after those words.

Tagging:

@original-criminal-fanfics @peytonnation @mxolh @mollywobbles867

@katekat-lions @matthewgublers @hotchnerfuckmeup @camigt1999 @obsessed-with-book-boyfriends @alexfayer @breakawayfromeveryday @reiding-and-writing @ultrarebelheart

● —— stand by me sentence starters.

’ alright, mickey’s a mouse, donald’s a duck, pluto’s a dog. what’s goofy? ’
’ goofy’s a dog. he’s definitely a dog. ’
’ if i could only have one food for the rest of my life? ’
’ there’s no way anybody could know that much about opera! ’
’ does the word “retarded” mean anything to you? ’
’ i don’t shut up. i grow up. and when i look at you, i throw up. ’
’ don’t call me any of your mother’s pet names. ’
’ fuck writing, i don’t want to be a writer. ’
’ god gave you something, man, all those stories you can make up. ’
’ kids lose everything unless there’s someone there to look out for them. ’
’ this is what we got for ya, kid. try not to lose it. ’
’ if your parents are too fucked up to do it, then maybe i should. ’
’ i’m in the prime of my youth, and i’ll only be young once! ’
’ yeah, but you’re gonna be stupid for the rest of your life. ’
’ how do you know if a frenchman has been in your backyard? ’
’ your garbage cans are empty and your dog’s pregnant. ’
’ didn’t i just say i was french? ’
’ do you think i’m weird? ’
’ no man, seriously. am i weird? ’
’ so what? everyone’s weird. ’
’ suck my fat one, you cheap dime store hood. ’
’ this isn’t funny! what am i supposed to eat? ’
’ come on you guys. let’s get moving. ’
’ by the time we get there, the kid won’t even be dead anymore. ’
’ you four-eyed pile of shit! ’
’ a pile of shit has a thousand eyes. ’
’ do you think mighty mouse could beat up superman? ’
’ he/she was carrying five elephants in one hand! ’
’ boy, you don’t know nothing! ’
’ there’s no way a cartoon could beat up a real guy. ’
’ maybe you’re right. it’d be a good fight, though. ’
’ i’m never gonna get out of this town am i? ’
’ you can do anything you want, man. ’
’ the main guy of the story is a fat kid that nobody likes. ’
’ friends come in and out of our lives, like busboys in a restaurant. ’
’ come on, choppy! bite my ass, choppy! bite my ass! ’
’ stop teasing that dog, you hear me! stop teasing him! ’
’ i’m gonna beat your ass, teasing my dog like that! ’
’ i’d like to see you climb over this fence and get me, fat ass! ’
’ don’t you call me that, you little tin weasel peckerwood looney’s son. ’
’ what did you call me? ’
’ i’m gonna rip your head off and shit down your neck! ’
’ i never had any friends later on like the ones i had when I was twelve. ’
’ nothing like a smoke after a meal. ’
’ yeah… i cherish these moments. ’
’ “suck my fat one”? whoever told you that you had a fat one? ’
’ i was twelve going on thirteen the first time i saw a dead human being. ’
’ what are you gonna do? shoot us all? ’
’ you guys wanna go see a dead body? ’
’ you wanna be the lone ranger, or the cisco kid? ’
’ shit no! what do you think i am? ’
’ is it loaded? ’
’ if you wanna get laid, you gotta get yourself a protestant. ’
’ did your mother have any kids that lived? ’
’ maybe you will, maybe you won’t. ’
’ i wasn’t that scared. i wasn’t. sincerely. ’
’ don’t pay any attention to those fools. ’
’ are you all right, young man/lady? ’
’ hey lardass, how was your trip? ’
’ that was the all-time train dodge! ’
’ you were so scared you looked like that fat guy. ’
’ you come on and try it, you slimy bastard. ’
’ you watch your mouth, smart guy! let him do his own fighting. ’
’ from the racks and stacks, it’s the best on wax! ’
’ we’re just here to take a couple steelhead out of the river. ’
’ come on, man, we’re gonna be famous! ’
’ we’re gonna be on every radio and tv show in the country! ’
’ now i’m gonna state mine: get in the fucking car, now! ’
’ okay… you’ve stated your position clearly. ’
’ when they gonna give up? the kid’s gone. ’
’ they ain’t never gonna find him/her. ’
’ would you hold still? you’re making me fuck up the snake part. ’
’ some hunter’s gonna go in the woods to take a leak, wind up pissing on his bones. ’
’ i bet you a thousand bucks they’ll find him/her before then. ’
’ hey, what’s the big deal? who cares? ’
’ will you two just shut the fuck up? ’
’ if either of you assholes had two-thousand dollars, i’d kill you both. ’
’ why couldn’t you have gotten breakfast stuff? ’
’ i guess a more experienced shopper could have gotten more for your seven cents. ’
’ the train had knocked him/her out of his/her keds. ’
’ you’re gonna be a great writer someday. ’
’ i’ll be waiting on the other side, relaxing with my thoughts. ’
’ you use your left hand or right hand to do that? ’
’ you let him/her beat you, you cock-knocker! ’
’ what am i supposed to do, think of everything? ’
’ what did you bring a comb for? you don’t even have any hair! ’
’ i’m sorry if i’m spoiling everybody’s good time. ’
’ we’re going to see a dead kid… maybe it shouldn’t be a party. ’
’ you know what that means. next year we’ll all be split up. ’
’ what are you talking about? why would that happen? ’
’ no, man. don’t say that. don’t even think that. ’
’ i told you we should of stuck to the tracks. ’
’ is it me, or are you the world’s biggest pussy? ’
’ i suppose this is fun for you? ’
’ i still think we should call the cops. ’
’ it’s best we just keep our mouths shut. ’
’ we could make a ‘nonymous call. ’
’ they trace those calls, stupid. ’
’ you’re a real asshole, you know that? ’
’ i know you didn’t mean to insult my friend. ’
’ why don’t you tell me something i don’t know, asshole? ’
’ any of you guys know when the next train is due? ’
’ the kid wasn’t sick. the kid wasn’t sleeping. the kid was dead. ’
Caught Part One

A/N: This is my first Peter Parker fic! Yes it is based off of Tom Hollands Spiderman because I think he did amazing (and also he’s kind of adorable). Please give me feedback so I know how I did! 

(I also know I promised The Soldiers Toy when I came back from hiatus but I just couldn’t write it the way I wanted it to be)

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Word Count: 1216

Category: ANGST, so much angst

Warnings: pregnant reader, barely, but I’ll still put it, Peter Parker feels, Peters POV, Cliffhanger ending, 

Summary: You are kidnapped by the Vulture. 


Your name: submit What is this?

Peter skids to a halt inside the abandoned warehouse, eyes searching frantically for any sign of movement. He had received a strange message from you earlier. Meet me here, I have good news followed by an address. Google maps told him it was an abandoned warehouse, which made him a little nervous. He keeps looking around the room, waiting for you to jump out and make some joke about how stupid his face looks right now.

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Caffeine Challenge “Something to Do With the Shadows”

My first attempt at a caffeine challenge. Does it count if I don’t consume any caffeine? Not really sure what this is.


It didn’t work. That’s the worst thing about all this. It didn’t even work. I look over at the lamp in front of me. Then down at the floor behind me. Still nothing. They say we used to have shadows. Lots of people say that; mostly older people but they say it all the time.

There’s nothing there though. Instead there’s a slight drip of something warm from the base of my nose.

He’s looking at me again. He passes me a tissue. “I’m sorry,” I say. I always say I’m sorry. I’m not really sure that I mean it anymore but it would be rude not to apologise.

“Don’t worry about it.”

I wipe the blood from my nose. “I’ll try again in a minute.”

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