can i have some on toast

anonymous asked:

This was a huge mistake.

((Fused this with a group challenge on discord with the prompt “Drugs”

Can be read on AO3 here 

Send me a sentence and I’ll write a fic! ASK))


This was a huge mistake.

Shiro had known that from the very beginning.

Even if it was part of the welcoming ceremony, he should have found some way to avoid the paladin’s being given a toast.

It was bad enough that the warm, almost mud-like, beverage they had all been handed smelled, not bad, but strange. Stranger than any drink he had ever had before.

Yet when he closed his eyes and drank it down, it flowed as smoothly as a milkshake with all the taste of a fine wine. Shiro had blanched at the overwhelming taste at first, but quickly got used to it.

Toasts had been common at the garrison, both before and after every successful mission.

However that had always been at work with people who had gotten used to the kinds of strong champagne Commander Iverson tended to pick out.

Something the young paladins of Voltron had not been able to do.

And Shiro really should not have taken so much time talking to the king. Otherwise he might not be in the position he was now.

Everyone but him was piss drunk. Even the Princess.

Coran had knocked a few back, but seemed surprisingly capable of resisting the effects of the alcohol. Though, given his everyday behavior it was incredibly difficult to tell if the crazy stories he was telling was the result of the drink or his own personality.

Pidge had passed out at a nearby table. Her drink tipped over and the rest of the contents spilled as the tablecloth was soiled by her drool.

Hunk was singing in a loud booming voice Shiro hadn’t known he was capable of. He stood on a table swaying to and fro in a way that was reminiscent of an old pirate film.

Lance was at Hunk’s feet strumming some alien stringed instrument. Badly. He was also holding it upside down if Shiro was any judge.

Keith was… yeah.The normally reserved young man was now as affectionate as a toddler with a severe lack of stranger danger. He hugged everything. EVERYTHING. He had hugged every alien present, all of his fellow paladins, and even a cactus like plant that he claimed was his “bestest buddy”.

He was now hanging onto Allura’s arm like some infatuated teenage girl. A fact that saddened him somewhat given what he knew about him. Shiro was tempted to bring the point up once Keith was finally sober. Get the ball rolling.

Speaking of which…

The princess was an utter terror. She was screaming for more drinks, downing the beverages in several large gulps before slamming them down with a violent laugh. Anybody who tried to stop her got glared at, or at worst, kicked.

If the galra empire could see her now, they might just rethink taking Allura on directly.

Quietly excusing himself from the room, Shiro decided that it’d be best to prepare the castle. Once they had all passed out, or otherwise sobered up, he would have to carry them all back to the common room and, hopefully with Coran’s help, find ways to help them all deal with the inevitable hangovers.

Memories of his co-workers at the garrison drifted into his mind forcing Shiro to smile.

Some things were universal he supposed.

i need poc wizards and witches getting sick of the hogwarts food after so long. there’s only a certain amount of eggs, bacon, and toast they can have for breakfast, and roast beef and potatoes for lunch and dinner for their 7 years of schooling. after about a month of school, they’re all just where’s the goddamn rice??

i need korean witches begging the house elves for some kimchi, and indian wizards craving biryani, and mexican wizards just dreaming for some pozole.

because who can really live without their culture’s food for 7 fucking years?

Pro Wedding Revenge

I’m a photographer, and was working with a super sweet couple. Everything was normal up until the cocktail hour. My partner and I were setting stuff up for the reception, and the groom comes up to us and asks the DJ if he can play a video for his wife. We assume it’s some cute slideshow or something.

Toasts happen, then the video starts to play. Turns out the bride was sleeping with the best man, and the video was from a PI. The whole room went silent. Bride runs out, best man goes to follow her, groom’s father punches best man out.

Everyone else ended up staying and having a great party. Super nice people, I ended up shooting the groom’s second wedding.

I asked him why we went though with it, apparently they had a prenup. At the time of divorce, if adultery could be proven, the offending party owed the other 15k.

Small tips that make a (healthier) difference

Hey you! I dare you to try your best to follow this checklist tomorrow! But hey! Not so fast. Why not try it again the next day (and every day after that)? Sometimes it’s the smaller changes that can in fact help improve our health and wellbeing, especially when we think we’re short of time. School stressing you out? Everything is going to be ok. Try a few little things here. Tick everything off that you completed! Tell me how it goes for you!

This was a spontaneous post and I’ve found that I’ve been making errors in my posts recently! Plz correct me bc I am an egg. Hope u like it anyway.


Morning:

  • Wake up as soon as you do naturally or when your alarm goes off. Make your bed! Open the blinds!
  • Get out of bed and s t r e t c h – all the way from the very tips of your fingers to the tips of your toes. (Trust me, this feels good)
  • Set your intention for the day. This might be weird for some, but try it. Example: Today I will be productive. I will be focused on my tasks and I will take the time to relax when needed. It doesn’t have to be as complicated – Example 2: I can do this. Remind yourself again.
  • Eat breakfast. A MUST. Try my favourite: eggs (poached, scrambled or fried) on toast with avocado or baked beans. Yes. We are on a roll today.
  • Drink one full glass of water within the hour of waking (don’t down it all in one go though!).
    • Add 1/8 of a lemon to this. Lemon is great to alkalise the body and getting that digestive system of yours goin! This will flush out toxins in the body and support your immune system too!
      • Side note: Wait half an hour before brushing your teeth after this (or maybe do it before) because lemons are acidic after all and can probably do some damage to your shiny whites.
  • Try having a water bottle by your bedside and beside you throughout the day as a constant reminder to drink water as you see it. Trust me, this has helped improve my water intake a lot.
  • Organise your day. What are your plans? What are of priority and what are not? Try brain dumping this, and then organising each task/item into a list, categorised in importance. This will help decrease stress throughout the day and easy referral back to this list.
  • Dress in some lovely clothes! Your fave sweater and some cool black tights? 100%!! What about that pretty skirt you like with a nice top? HECK YEAH!!!

Midday:

  • Lunchtime! Eat again. Wholesome foods are an absolute must whenever you can.
  • Aim for 3-4 cups of water by lunchtime (inclusive of the glass of lemon water you had this morning).
  • Remember that intention you set this morning? Say it again.
  • Throw a compliment at someone. Be genuine. This will have a butterfly effect. If someone throws one at you to – don’t disagree! Say thank you. You rock, don’t doubt that.
  • Are there any ticks beside those tasks on your checklist from this morning? I hope so!
  • Throw in a random burst of exercise! In public too – who cares! Pick one of these: 50 starjumps! 3 sets of 10 squats! A quick walk around outdoors!

Arvo (/Afternoon… Straya):

  • Hit that 3pm slump? Same. Here are a few ideas to get you going, especially coming home from a long day:
    • NAP! 15-20 mins. No longer. No less. Be strict here or your sleep pattern might go funny and we don’t want that. (And groggy headaches are gross)
    • Exercise! This is so fundamental to our health and wellbeing. Try out short pilates videos (no equipment) here (that as living proof, work) or some really cool yoga videos here, here, and here. Yoga is great. Try this daily. Or take a brisk walk for 30 minutes  = wake up your brain, pick up your mood AND burn some fat. C’mon, go get your shoes!
    • Have a healthy snack, such as those listed in this great post by @tbhstudying. Get your brain and bod going, my friends!
  • Write down your to do list for any work, study or event related things that you need to complete this afternoon. Set out all your equipment, sort out your papers from the day and get organised!
  • Clear your (bedroom/bed/desk/floor/work/closet) space for 5 minutes every day. I’m guessing that you’ve started to pile a few things here like I do. This will save you time and help maintain cleanliness, staving away from the complicated stress that comes from having to reorganise just about everything which we all know to hate when we’re busy with other things.
  • Have you had your 5th and 6th cups of water of the day yet? Get to it!
  • Sit up straighter and you’ll look more confident and feel more confident. Your back will also be very grateful for this.

Night:

  • Continue all your extra to-dos. Get this done. You can do it!
  • Make sure to put something in your body guys. I’m talking food here by the way… don’t let that sentence mislead you! This is especially important for those of you probably thinking “I’ll just eat later” or “I’m not hungry”.  Eat. EAT NOW. PleASE.
  • Spend some quality time with your family. How’s their day been? Tell them about yours too.
  • Glasses of water No. 7, 8 and beyond should be here.
  • Prep your meals, lists, notes, outfits, etc. for the next day. Getting these things sorted now will help you get it out of the way and save you time!
  • Settle down a little. It’s time to wiiiind doooooooownnn. Read a book. Scroll through Tumblr (aaayeee!) – but not too deep into the pits okay guys. Watch a little TV.
  • I know a lot of posts say to switch off 1-2 hours before bed. If you’re literally glued to your electronics, try switching off 5 minutes earlier every day and replace that with something else. What about doing your prep items for the next day (listed two points back!!)? Or, do get those pesky chores out the way.
    • Side note: Cleaning your room often will help freshen it, get rid of itchy dust and decrease the chances of bugs and other smol random things to crawl around your room. (If that’s not a little motivation then I’m not sure what is…). It’ll also keep your space maintained so you don’t have to do it all at once. *Shudders* Plus the likelihood of those gross germs from the world hanging around and building up in there is a no-no.
  • Sleep! 7-8 hours. Your body will thank you for it. CRUCIAL for healthy brain and body function. Plus your mood and skin will improve (i.e. gOODBYE EYEBAGS and hELLO GLOWING SKIN).
    • Side note: I see you reading this at 12am when you should be sleeping. I see you.

I hope this has helped you guys a little or at least inspired you to make a small change to your daily routine! Try doing a few items here (e.g. glass of lemon water, sitting up straighter, 8+ cups of water) and record this on a habit tracker! The smallest changes often have the greatest effects!

Don’t forget to let me know how you go.

Kalyisah (@studywithkal)

Witchy Morning Routine Ideas!

Being organized is a wonderful way to find success and just enjoy life more in general. Having a morning routine can start your day off right and keep you running on a full tank of energy. Quite a few of you probably do have an established morning routine, or at least a list of things you do every morning. Regardless of how your morning goes, there are always a few little things you can do to witch-ify your morning. 

1. Choose your breakfast based on your intent for the day! Whatever you’re hoping for that day-whether it be for your crush to say hello or a phone call confirming that you got the job-basing your first meal off of your intentions can help bring a little good luck your way. If you’re hoping for something passionate or frustrating or romantic, choose red (make a strawberry smoothie or some toast with strawberry jam). Get creative! Find a way to get in the color black or pink or yellow. 

2. Start the day off with a glass of water, then the best part, tea. I say drink water first because that’s extremely important and utterly refreshing. After all of that is taken care of, drink some tea. Try to aim for some more caffeinated tea if you can (to give you an extra shot of energy and productivity). Add in some honey and stir clockwise for a little extra magic. Anything to incorporate some telltale mysticism!

3. Meditate when you get up. Many individuals choose to meditate in the morning. This calms them and helps them focus on what they need to get done that day. It will relieve any stress and anxiety you’re feeling, and most importantly, it’s a very popular Witchcraft tradition. Meditating is known to help with astral projection, as well as seeing auras and getting in touch with your chakras. It doesn’t matter if you only do it for five minutes, as long as you’re getting in some me time.

4. Pop a good ole’ crystal in your purse or pocket! This is one of my favorites. Not only are the options so endless (depending on what you’re hoping for that day), it’s easy and takes no time at all to do. If you’re hurried and in a rush one morning, take the time to just throw a little crystal in with your things. Bonus points if you set it on your phone while it’s charging to cleanse it. 

5. Eat your breakfast outside. Getting in some fresh air before your day begins is a super good idea. It will clear your mind and refresh your senses, which will also help with your Witchcraft. Nothing beats listening to the birds while there’s still a bit of mist in the air. Plus, you have food! Good job if the food you’re eating is based on your intent for the day. If you don’t have the time to physically walk outside and sit out there without multitasking for five or more minutes, no worries. Simply pop open a couple of windows and sit by them for a more toned-down experience.

6. Draw sigils on your face with cleanser, lotion, or makeup. Rub them in to activate. This is a really good hack for glamours, as well as just making you look good. However, your sigil doesn’t have to be for your physical appearance. It can pretty much be any sigil at all. As long as you sufficiently activate it and are confident in your workings, things should go smoothly. The best thing about this hack is that you don’t have to wear makeup to do it. Just use your cleanser or some serum. Even water will do! 

7. Make some fruit water the night before. Fruit water is especially good for color magic because you can find fruit in basically any color imaginable, even black if you’re willing to search hard enough (blueberries are close enough if you don’t have any other options). The brilliant practicality of fruit water is pretty obvious. It’s wonderfully hydrating, flavorful, healthy, and best of all, magical. Plus, it won’t take up any of your morning time because it’s pre-made. 

8. If you have any deities, pray to them when you wake up. Although I personally have no deities, it’s a great idea for those of you who do. It doesn’t even have to be a fancy exchange. Maybe just say good morning or a quick, respectful hello. Or if you’re a fan of multitasking, just have a nice chat with them while doing whatever you need to do. Anything is suitable as long as it isn’t downright rude.

9. Light some candles. Your house will smell good all throughout the day, and it will definitely help to magic-ify the atmosphere. You can also burn incense if that suits your fancy. Whatever smelly-ma-bobber you want to use works fine. It’s quick and easy so it won’t be a hassle, and you’ll leave your home smelling like heaven. Bonus points if you wave a candle or some sage around to clear away any negative energies.

10. Put some dried flowers on your breakfast. My personal favorite is dried lavender, but you can use whatever you prefer. You can pick flowers for any number of purposes, as long as they’re perfectly edible. They can be sprinkled on a smoothie bowl, scattered over some toast with peanut butter and honey, or if you’re up for a challenge, add them to savory foods. The choice is yours!

I hope you guys enjoyed these ideas and if you want more, please just ask! Questions, requests, and suggestions (plus a simple hello) are all welcome. In the meantime, have fun and happy bewitching!

Sitting down to work and suddenly hearing “Hey, you’re not busy, can you-” from the doorway

Originally posted by slytherin-bookworm-guy

Magic AU Prompts

- “Your bf/gf was being a jerk and so I turned them into a frog and wow you’re cuter than I expected, and you’re thankful I did that?” AU

- “You saw me turn our dog into a horse for a minute and now you’re freaking out because you think I’m gonna do it to you… I’m sorry” AU

- “I saw you turn our cat into a person because he wouldn’t stop meowing and the only thing he said was ‘You suck,’ and now I can’t stop laughing. Wait… that means you’re MAGIC, WHAT?!” AU

- “I was trying to take you on a romantic date near a forest but all the trees were brown and ugly so I said ‘F**k it,’ and used my magic to make them pretty again and you’ve abandoned the date completely because you wanna know how I did it” AU

- “I’m really scared of the dark and we just had a power outage and to comfort me you used your magic to make lights and I appreciate that but you do realize that we have flashlights and candles right?” AU

- “The toaster stopped working and you have to be at work in 10 minutes and so you just used some magic to toast your bagel and you burned yourself but I don’t know how to help magical burns” AU

- “I’m being bullied and you’ve started messing with them using magic and you’re the only person who’s helped me and thank you so much” AU

- “You don’t know a single thing about magic but I just accidentally turned nyself into a talking cat and you’re the only person who can help me because I DON’T HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS ANYMORE. Also did anyone ever tell you that you suck at magic stuff big time?” AU

- “I have a crush on you and I tried to make a love potion to make you fall in love with me but I messed up somehow and now you’re glaring at me because I just threw a bottle at you while yelling 'LOVE ME,’ at you” AU

There are so many amazing things going on in this menu, you guys.

“American Plate”
*throws some shit on a plate* “This is what Americans eat, right?”
I don’t know what I love more, the single piece of broccoli (well, this is an accurate depiction of the amount of vegetables Americans eat, I guess) or the THREE tortilla chips for eating your “avocado dip.” 

“Of course those two make the perfect decisive end of your meal!”
Awww, okay, that’s cute. Though…it’s “light and shadow vanilla and chocolate,” so I guess Kuroko is the chocolate, not the vanilla?? I’m all confused now.

(I SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST)

“Super Long Range Toast”
“This super long shot can reach its target from the far end of the court (plate). It’s so long, your heartbreak is inevitable!?”

Can You Hear Me?

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Word Count: 1,868

Warnings: angst, mention of blood, mention of stitches, fluff

Prompt: Sam and the reader are taken by a wendigo. Things look scary, then scarier before they finally start looking up. 

A/N: Special thanks to @impala-dreamer for betaing. There are two prompts used in this fic and thanks to @lipstickandwhiskey for providing the prompts: “Squeeze my hand if you can hear me” & “”Do you still have your blindfold on?” His voice came from where he was dangling next to you. “Yes.” “Promise me you won’t take it off.” Both will be bolded.

Originally posted by admiringjensen

“Sam!” The voice was muffled, blocked by rows and rows of rock. “Sammy!” It was unmistakably Dean. Dean! Where was Dean? Where was Sam? Where were you?

“Dean,” you bellowed. Your voice was weak and hoarse, barely reaching the person beside you.

“Y/N?” You breathed a sigh of relief at the sound. Sam’s voice; right next to you.

“Sam!” you cried, struggling to move your arms. You pulled at the ropes, grunting when you couldn’t pull yourself free.

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I love kitchen witchcraft so much

It brings so many opportunities for everyday magic!

  • Tea and coffee make fantastic bases for quick, simple potions
  • Got a job interview? Have some tea to calm your nerves, with honey to sweeten your tongue and smooth interactions!
  • Angling for a raise or a promotion? Put some cinnamon in your coffee for that extra little nudge toward success!
  • Sigils! Outside of herbs, I think sigils are a kitchen witch’s best friend
  • Use jam or honey to draw a sigil on your toast before you eat it!
  • Use oil or butter to draw a sigil in your pan before cooking!
  • Ketchup on your scrambled eggs? Sigils!
  • Seriously, sigils are so useful
  • And don’t forget washing up!
  • You can literally “wash your hands” of bad energy while you do the dishes
  • Do curses or hexes in your kitchen? Clean up any leftover bad vibes while you wash your tools!
  • Speaking of tools, I love adapting kitchen utensils to witchcraft. They have so much of your energy in them already!
  • A well loved, well used chef’s knife makes a great athame!
  • Have a favorite pot? That’s a cauldron! Mine’s a cast iron Dutch oven!
  • A wooden spoon can double as a wand!
  • And I love using my cutting board as a sort of altar to lay out all of my tools and ingredients before working!

There’s just so much room for witchcraft in the kitchen. It’s fantastic!

so last week I reached 2000 followers?? holy shit thank you?? its honestly a mystery why you guys follow my lame excuse for a blog. as a thank you I thought i’d put together a list of some of my fave mutuals who you should definitely follow if you don’t already!! (this took forever to make i’m sorry it’s so late!!) If we’re mutuals and I forgot to include you then u have every right to beat me up / message me so I can add you in!

thank u, I appreciate and lov u all <3

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“Good morning!” You chirped, tossing your hair up into a ponytail as you made your way down the stairs. You let out a small grunt before stretching your limbs out a little, obviously still sore from last night. You had hickeys littered on your skin, your legs felt a wee bit number than usual - Overall, you kind of just looked and smelled like sex. Of course, you didn’t want to let Harry find out about the fact that you were hobbling around rather than walking. He would always get so confident (you couldn’t blame him for that - he was really good in bed, after all) and would make cheeky little remarks reminding you of how hard he had- 

“Morning, love. Sleep well?” Harry turned around to glance at you, smiling lightly at the fact that you were wearing practically nothing but one of his shirts. 

“Slept like a baby. You?” You asked, wrapping your arms around him from behind with your chin propped up on his shoulder as he made his morning tea. 

“Same, same.” Harry hummed, turning slightly to press a chaste kiss to the side of your head. This was routine for you two whenever it was the morning after. Harry would wait, and wait, until he had an entrance to bring up the amazing sex you guys had the previous night. It was just fun to see your cheeks brighten and your eyes widen whenever Harry talked about all the different ways he had ravaged you. You had caught on, of course. Sure, you knew it was fun and games for him, and as much as you loved Harry, you hated when he’d tease you. That was why this morning, you’d try your best to show that you were perfectly fine. 110% totally, completely fine. Even if you couldn’t feel your legs. 

“Did you want cereal or anything?” You hummed, opening the cabinets up to look at the array of cereal boxes. 

“Cornflakes would be nice, I suppose.” Harry shrugged, sitting himself down at the counter as he watched you shuffle around. As you got up on your tip-toes to grab the box in the cabinets, you immediately winced, feeling your legs tremble beneath you. 

“You, uh, you sure you don’t want anything else? I could make you some scrambled eggs or something. Toast, even?” You cleared your throat, letting out a short breath as you squeezed your thighs together. Harry raised an eyebrow while bringing his mug of tea up to his lips. 

“I.. No, no. Tha’s alright. Cereal should be fine.” Harry paused for a moment before speaking up again. “Actually, can yeh get the Cinnamon Toast Crunch? It’s on the top shelf.”

“You don’t usually go for Cinnamon Toast Crunch.” You quipped, glancing towards the top shelf. The thought of having to get on your tip-toes for more than a millisecond was already making your legs tremble again. 

“I know. I jus’ feel like it, though.” Harry grinned, hiding his smile behind his mug. “Yeh alright, love? S’almost like yeh don’ want me t’ eat the cereal.” 

“Only cos the Cinnamon Toast Crunch belongs to me. You don’t like sugary stuff.” You said, almost a little too quickly. “You know what? Fine, you can have some. I’m feeling generous this morning.” 

As you looked up towards the cereal, it felt like it was far, far away from your grasp. You spent about 10 seconds staring at the cereal before a hand shot up from behind you, Harry nabbing it for himself with his other hand clasping your waist. You jumped in surprise, immediately turning around only to be met with Harry’s smug face. 

“Could’a asked me t’ help next time, Y/N.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m perfectly capable of doing things myself without your help.” 

“That wasn’t the case last night, love. But you keep tellin’ yourself tha’.” 

+

gif isn’t mine!

Word for Word (M)

Originally posted by jeonbase

“Less talking. More fucking. Yeah?”

Part 1 | Part 2

3.4k, smut, jungkook/reader, friends with benefits au (+ college + fuckboy)


Jeon Jungkook is a fuckboy through and through. If you look at all his social media photos, all you see are countless images of him sandwiched between two girls, his muscular arms wrapped around their shoulders. Two different girls in each picture, never the same. Most of the photos are dark, dimly lit party scenes with the flash in their eyes, but sometimes there are filter-saturated beach pictures in which Jungkook’s shirtless and hugging girls in bikinis.

(Quite frankly, at times you weren’t really sure who to be jealous of: Jungkook or the girls. Both looked really fucking good. But it’s not like you were really Instagram stalking him and actually cared about his pictures or anything. Totally not.)

Keep reading

The Truth Comes Out

Pairing: Dean x Reader 

Word Count: 2,352

Summary: The reader’s quiet night at home is interrupted when Dean shows up looking bruised and bloody. 


“Thank god I live alone.” You grumble to yourself, thankful no one’s around to witness your behavior. You’re lazily sitting on your kitchen counter in a ridiculous onesie stuffing your face.

You twist open an Oreo, put a scoop of chocolate ice cream then add whipped cream and chocolate syrup. While singing along to the radio, you smoosh the Oreo back together and shove it into your mouth.

You’re really baffled as to why you’re not married yet. Your boyfriend would be crazy to not lock down all of this sexiness. Realizing it’s almost time for a new episode of Scandal, you make way towards the couch.

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Tofu Cream Cheese w/ Summer Veggie Hash: My challenge this week was no eggs! I always have them! It’s almost that time of year where the bounty of summer is fast approaching. This hash offers a variety of micronutrients and beautiful colors while still providing the mouthfeel you’d enjoy from the more traditionally used potato. Tofurky is also utilized here to pack it with protein and spicy flavors!

The tofu cream cheese is not really designed to fool anyone, but rather be a delicious spread that can very much stand as a pleasing option to bagel and toast lovers who have to skip the dairy. If I were being super legit I would have probably wanted to add nutritional yeast, and I probably will try it at some point–but, I’m very pleased with the initial results! 

Green Onion & Garlic Tofu Cream Cheese

  • 14-16 oz of firm tofu
  • ⅓-½ cup plant-based milk
  • juice of half a lemon
  • 1 TBSP apple cider vinegar
  • salt, to taste
  • 1-3 small cloves garlic (depending on how garlic-y you like it; I like vampire immunity)
  • 3-4 green onion sprigs, greens only
  • Optional: If you would like an undeniably cheesy flavor, try 1-2 TBSP of nutritional yeast

Directions: Roughly chop the green onions and garlic. Combine the tofu (drained and pressed), lemon juice, apple cider vinegar, salt, garlic, and green onions into a food processor and run on high until it is snowy and fluffy. Run on high again and slowly feed your milk substitute through the feeder until you have a smooth and whipped texture. You may not need all of it. Ideally, you should allow it to refrigerate before serving. 

Summer Veggie Hash

  • 1 package Tofurky Italian Sausages, cut into coins
  • 1-2 TBSP oil of choice (preferably one with a high smoke point)
  • 1 medium zucchini, diced
  • 1 medium summer squash, diced
  • 1 red bell pepper, diced
  • 4 oz white mushrooms, diced
  • ½ large yellow onion, diced
  • 2-3 cloves of garlic, minced
  • salt, to taste
  • Black pepper, to taste
  • ¼ tsp red pepper flake
  • 1 tsp dried Italian seasoning
  • 2 oz dry sherry
  • 1 TBSP white wine

Directions: Prepare all vegetables. In a large frying pan, heat up oil on high heat and sear the coined sausages for 2-3 minutes. Remove temporarily onto a plate, and add all of the vegetables. Toss and stir until al dente. Add the salt, pepper, red chili flake, and the Italian seasoning. Stir to coat and warm up spices. Hit it with the sherry, add back the sausages, and finish it off with a dash of the vinegar. Allow to cook off until vegetables are desired texture.

Pregnancy Cravings Sentence Starters

Feel free to adjust pronouns/etc.

“I want french fries and root beer like you wouldn’t believe.”
“Honey mustard. Not that fancy dijon crap. Give me a bottle of honey mustard.”
“I pretty much ate every form of cake within arm’s reach. Donuts, pastries, muffins, danishes, cookies, cupcakes…”
“I have cravings for apple juice and fried chicken wings with ranch, but thankfully not together.”
“One week I ate ONLY chicken quesadillas—Breakfast. Lunch. Dinner.”
“My husband always laughed when he saw a full jar of pickles with no juice… he knew it was me.”
“I want ketchup on everything. And I don’t normally like ketchup.”
“I craved mozzarella sticks throughout the entire pregnancy with my first kid.”
“I ate one pineapple a week while I was pregnant!”
“Whenever I had morning sickness, I’d immediately eat a hotdog with sauerkraut right after…”
“All I wanted the entire time I was pregnant was Big Macs and french fries.”
“Potatoes. Baked, scalloped, mashed, whatever it doesn’t matter. I love them.”
“When I was pregnant with my first son, it was PB&J for 3 months!”
“Why doesn’t this place have any good barbecue at 3 AM?!”
“I need some chocolate sauce in my life.”
“No, I will not rest until I get my Doritos.”
“Frozen yogurt and brownies are all I can think about right now!”
“I’d kill to get a spicy chicken sandwich.”
“They’ll probably be weighing me on a livestock scale by the time October rolls around. ”
“He’s making me french toast and apple cider at 11 PM. Clearly, I married the best man.”
“I’ve never had it before, but I want it so bad. It looks so good!”
“The pregnancy cravings are endless, please help me eat this.”

Pet Name Experiment Day 1: Sweetie

Results inconclusive. Subject laughed every time I attempted to test the hypothesis. Examples of tests include:

Test 1
Observer: “Good morning sweetie”
Subject: “Piss off Sherlock it’s four o'clock in the morning”

Test 2
Observer: “Would you like some more toast, sweetie?”
Subject: -muffled laughter due to consumption of previous slice of toast-

Test 3
Observer (high volume as the subject was in another room, could affect results): “Sweetie, we have another case!”
Subject: “I can’t take you seriously if you call me that, Sherlock.”

The subject seems unwilling to participate to his full extent. Will initiate a conversation to explain the purpose and desired result (the result being that any names you would call someone in a vulnerable position or your parents would name you are unsuitable for romantic partners such as ourselves).

Test day 2 will feature the name “darling”

  • Little: *Struggling to get to sleep, in and out of bed every few minutes, tossing, turning and whimpering*
  • Mummy: What's wrong little'un?
  • Little: I feel ill! I have a headache and my tummy hurts and I can't sleep...
  • Mummy: *Fills up sippy, grabs tablets and gets stuffie*
  • Little: I don't LIKE tablets...! I can't take them!
  • Mummy: *Kneels beside little and strokes hair* I know you can't, but they will make you feel better, mummy knows best, even if you only take one I will be proud of you... I am going to get us some toast...
  • Little: *Struggles but takes both tablets just for Mummy*
NCT as Scottish Tweets
  • Taeil: “you out ur mood yet” aye a was but am straight back in it now that you've hit oot way that
  • Hansol: anyone else get pure offended when a pal tags ur group in somethin on fb and ur names last up
  • Taeyong: There's an abnormal amount a wasps cuttin aboot the day. Must be work night oot or somethin
  • Johnny: how the fuck can 24 hour gyms pay for leckie, a leave a light on at night and ma maws chasin me wae a sword
  • Yuta: issue wi males that think it's acceptable to comment on how a girl looks when she's mwi am no oot tae be stunnin am oot tae cut mad shapes
  • Doyoung: hate when ye order somethin in a restaurant an it turns up an yer pals food looks better, fuckin choke oan it ya wee cow
  • Ten: The police came to ma door and told me ma dugs were chasing people oan bikes...ma dugs don't even have bikes
  • Kun: results aren't everything! a didn't do ma highers n look at me, am… well am unemployed right noo but am sound as fuck
  • Jaehyun: Pensioners just love gettin on buses when its roastin n shuttin aw the windaes, aww yes boil me alive Agnes, beat me wae a ladle and call me lentil soup
  • WinWin: Dinny trust anyone that can bite ice cream pure terminator teeth
  • Mark: Primary school was the best, a free gig every mornin just beltin out pure jesus anthems, fuckin quality
  • Donghyuck: How can people say ur too young for a relationship too young for wit??? being showered w love and Chinese food I THINK NOT
  • Jaemin: Ma maw has been away on holiday for a day and the dug is runnin aboot covered in curry sauce
  • Jeno: Why is ma Instagram full of crushed avocado and poached eggs on toast for breakfast? just have some coco pops and piss off
  • Renjun: weird how baked is pronounced baked and naked is pronounced naked
  • Chenle: im at the age where people r askin "so what u doin with ur life" n im like mate am genuinely jus here for a laff x
  • Jisung: do you think Icelandic dogs say björk instead of bark?