can i get a hazmat suit

Established relationship AUs are my kryptonite I JUST WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY OKAY

- I came home early from work to find you singing to the cat with a spatula as your microphone

- truth be told I only vacuum so I can slide around the hardwood floors in my socks

- you like naps. like, really like naps. and you take them everywhere pretty sure I saw you lying on the kitchen floor one time

- I know it’s our anniversary and we’re all dressed up and everything but I’m not really feeling this fancy restaurant, want to hit up the food truck? (bonus: I got food poisoning from said food truck and I’m puking my guts out but I’m still wearing my fancy clothes so at least I’m still classy)

- people always say to get a pet to see if you’re responsible enough to have kids but we’re still at the stage where we got a houseplant to see if we could get a dog

- you’re in my phone as “that loser who keeps texting me” and I’m in your phone as “how about no”

- we don’t call each other’s names when we need each other anymore we make dolphin sounds

- I have a goldfish named Prince Bubbles and I love him and when you made a commitment to me you made a commitment to him

- you have terrible taste in furniture no you don’t get to make these decisions alone anymore I hate that couch so much and now I have to look at it every day

- your mom came over while you were at work with some stuff she wanted to give you and it included your baby album and oh my god you were so cute (alternatively: you were such an ugly baby I’m so glad you grew out of that phase)

- we’re pretty sure we need hazmat suits to clean out the bathroom

- you don’t like it and I don’t like it but you need to take a bath now, kitty

- I bought a squirt bottle so whenever you do something obnoxious I can spray you with water

- you keep coming up with the worst possible names for any potential children we might have someday no I’m not letting you name our son that

- the water’s getting freezing cold but you’re warm and so we should definitely stay in the shower together a little longer

- we’re brushing our teeth and we both went to spit and you spit on me guess who’s living on the couch for the next month

- I’m always cold at night and you’re always too hot so we built up a little pillow wall so I’d get all the blankets but it’s 2am and I still can’t sleep because I miss snuggling with you

- you went through my stuff and found the ring I was going to use to propose and how dare you go through my personal stuff that’s so rude and invasive but more importantly will you marry me?

- you used up the last of the shampoo and didn’t tell me what am I supposed to do now

- we went to a bar and yes I signed you up to sing karaoke can’t back out now

- we both decided it would be a good idea to have a parent at home to raise the kid but I definitely thought it was going to be you what do you mean you thought it was going to be me

- we rock-paper-scissors or flip a coin for every major decision and you know it’s worked out pretty well for us

- you SAY you didn’t eat in bed but these crumbs say differently you’re not nearly as sly as you think

- that’s my shirt you’re wearing and usually I’m okay with that because you’re so cute in my clothes but I wanted to wear it and it’s mine so I get priority

- it’s ridiculously hot this summer and we’ve started just hanging out naked and it doesn’t really affect me anymore (most of the time) (bonus: someone’s coming to visit in like 10 minutes can you PLEASE put on some pants)

- you finally met my parents and they absolutely hate you but I love you so I hope you stick around

  • Me: *sigh*
  • Cashier: What's wrong?
  • Me: It's the scent of this place. It's nostalgic. Reminds me of lavender scent of my grandmother's house. Even color of the walls remind me of the bygone era of my childhood; the dim sunsets of a fuzzy summer evenings, and faint memory of fading dreams.
  • Cashier: Ah, you want to start all over do you? I know the feeling. It's enough to drive me to the brink.
  • Me: Verily. At some point, I began to live my life in retrospect. The now doesn't matter anymore because everything has become so bland. What am I to do in this monotonous life when my happy times passed so long ago. It's as if-
  • Cashier: *turns into a 9 foot tall vibrating metal cube that deconstructs me at a molecular level and turns me into pure radium powder*
  • Guy, with that as fetish who actually wrote this post: *doesn't even jack it just looks at the screen all sweaty and breathing heavily*
  • Girlfriend: *walks into the room unannounced* Everything okay? You've been acting kind of strange recently.
  • Guy: *quickly closes all tabs* Oh, nothing. I'm just like. I'm... you know. I've been tired.
  • Girlfriend: *suspiciously* ...sure. Pizza's here by the way.
  • Guy: Okay, cool. I'll be right out. *wipes sweat from head*
  • Girlfriend: *texts best friend* He's definitely cheating. He just closed like twenty tabs on his computer!!!!!!!
  • Best Friend: Did you look through his browsing history?
  • Girlfriend: Yeah, it's all wikipedia pages about radioactive stuff. It's so fucking weird. He's either cheating or a terrorist.
  • Best Friend: That's creepy. I'd break up with him.
  • Girlfriend: I've been considering it, but it's complicated. I still feel so strongly about him. I don't want to ruin our relationship.
  • Best Friend: Sometimes you have to break things off with the people you care about the most. For a little bit anyway.
  • Girlfriend: Yeah, I get that. It's so hard though. I can't imagine life without him.
  • Best Friend: You have to do what you have to do. It's the only way to move forward. Getting stuck in a stagnant relationship can ruin you.
  • Girlfriend: I guess you're right...
  • Best Friend: *is wearing a full hazmat suit.*
  • Doctor: *walks up behind her* Jennifer, stop texting. We need you in the bottom.
  • Best Friend: Sorry, got it.
  • Best Friend: *descends in elevator, sees 9 foot tall humanoid ant corpse on the ground* Fucking gross! Do you know where it came from.
  • Doctor: No clue. It's why we called you here.
  • Best Friend: This isn't like any cryptid I've ever seen. It must be extraterrestrial in origin. Wait... is its body full of gummy worms? *hears the sound of the elevator going up behind her*
  • Best Friend: Doctor! Where are you going!? What the fuck!?
  • Doctor: Waves to her from the elevator.
  • Ant Humanoids: *appear from the shadows in the hundreds*
  • Best Friend: No, no, no, no! This can't be happening.
  • Ant Humanoids: *surround her*
  • Best Friend: Don't fucking come near me! I'm highly radioactive! You'll all die if you eat me.
  • Ant Humanoid in the back: *listening to comic book podcast*
  • Podcast Guy 1: So when it comes to Superman, I feel like there are actually two characters. Clark Kent, the man. Then there's Superman, the ideal. They're the same person but represent very different aspects of him.
  • Podcast Guy 2: Comic books are fucking stupid, my dude. *cellphone buzzes* Hold up, I gotta take this.
  • Podcast Guy 2: *gets an alert that his favorite fetish forum has updated, licks lips fuckingly*
  • Podcast Guy 2: *under breath* Oh yeah. A new radium dust sexual fanfic. Can't wait to tweak my noodle to this! Zoo wee mama!
  • Podcast Guy 1: What did you just say.
  • Podcast Guy 2: Nothing, man. We were talking about Superman. Let's continue with that.
  • Podcast Guy 1: Yeah, as I was saying. Superman would definitely be a power bottom and

anonymous asked:

20 minutes before close tonight (6/3) I went to clean the bathroom and discovered that somebody had taken a shit in the bathroom sink, smeared poop all over the walls, and stuffed the toilet full of paper towels and made it overflow. To top it off they plugged the sink and left the water running, so liquid shit got everywhere. I ended up making my own hazmat suit out of trash bags and duct tape. I took a picture so that when I get in trouble for staying 3 hours late I can shut them up. 😡😡😡

anonymous asked:

do you have any cu headcanons? :o

Sooo many so heres a glimpse

-George is bi, Harold is gay, Captain/Krupp are pan, and Edith is bi! Theyre also all trans

-Captain and Krupp have Thos Pointy Teeth

-George & Harold like to watch Sailor Moon!

-Captain & Krupp get a cat and its name is Bitty

-Edith has superpowers from being around those leftovers without a hazmat suit. They arent as strong as Captains/Krupps, because she never like ate it/drank it like Captain did. But shes really strong and can kinda hover!

-krupp is jewish and im like 80% certain this is mentioned in a book but i cant for the life of me remember which one

-Edith knows about both Captain & Krupp, and so the boys just r like “fuck it” and they let her hang out with them and help out with keeping Captain under control AND fighting bad guys

-The boys have a huuuge love of superhero films, their favourites are Wonder Woman, Ant-Man, and Gaurdians of the Galaxy!

-Every time a new superhero flick comes out, the boys drag Krupp to the theatre. If he doesn’t come they just get Captain to take them instead.

-Captain likes to wear eyeliner, and Edith taught him how to put it on.

-Harold met Billy at college, and George met Lisa in Senior Year of High School.

-The boys loove Weird Al. This is canon i think

-Captain and Krupp caaaan seperate like in @angerydj ’s seperation au, but they can also communicate through dreams and notes!

-Krupp was abused as a kid

Ty for sending this ask this franchise is my absolute favourite

Westworld AU

For @conduitstr; happy birthday, girl!  ❤️ ✨

  • The moment the old steam train stops in the station, Jim is quick to hop out. He doesn’t carry any luggage with him, he doesn’t plan to stay long. Just a quick look around the town; see if any of it is worth his time and his money. It smells like dry grass, grease, and the perfumes of different people mix together as other visitors depart the train now, too. Okay, Jim thinks to himself, time to go exploring.
  • Leaving the station, he arrives at the main street. It’s really a dirt road, old wooden and stone houses on either side of it. People walk by; some in awe of their surroundings, others walk around like they don’t know any better. It doesn’t take him long to find the local saloon. There’s piano music to lift up the atmosphere. People are sitting, chatting, playing card games together, or being approached by the local host girls. Jim, too, is approached by one. “Hey, handsome,” she says, and Jim’s lips curl into a smile when she reaches out to touch his arm, “how about you and I go and have some fun upstairs?” Tempting. Very tempting. But Jim shakes his head nonetheless. “No, thank you. Perhaps later,” he replies, and then buys a glass of bourbon at the bar.
  • He’s quietly chatting to the bartender, trying to figure out more about this town. After a couple minutes, though, there’s commotion outside, so Jim goes to check it out. A group of bandits has arrived and are actively creating havoc. Jim has to duck besides liquor filled barrels to avoid bullets flying his way. The same girl who tried to get him upstairs before tries to duck, too, but she gets shot before she gets the chance to. Jim forgets all about his own safety, jumping up to drag her to safety instead. “Are you okay? Where are you hurt?” he asks, though the red stain on her dress is indication enough. “I need… I need a doctor,” she breathes, looking at Jim through tear stained eyes, and Jim nods. “Of course.”
  • They have to wait until the shooting is over, and by then, Jim worries it’s too late for her. He’s used his knife to break open one of the barrels, and uses the clear liquid to clean up the wound in her side the best he can, while simultaneously trying to keep her quiet. Then, he carries her to the doctor’s office. It’s small and it’s dusty – fairly sure it doesn’t fit the health regulations. It’s also busy, all the wounded who are still alive are all sitting on available chairs or lying on the floor while a single guy works to fix them all. “Doctor?” Jim says, “I need a doctor.” “Get in line,” the guy replies. “Please,” Jim stresses, and the guy sighs. “Put her down, I’ll be right there.”
  • The work is slow and frustrating, and so Jim decides to help out. He uses alcohol, gently cleaning the wounds of the men and women who are hurt. He doesn’t really know how to bandage them up properly, but he does his best – messy as it looks. “Thanks,” the guy says, and Jim shrugs lightly. “It’s fine. Does this happen a lot?” “More often than I care to admit,” he replies, “I’d treat you to a glass of strong liquor, but you used most of it on the wounds of these people.”
  • Life here is just hard, it seems. The doctor works through the night while Jim sleeps in the local inn. Come morning, it’s mostly curiosity who brings him back. Leonard looks exhausted, perhaps a little frustrated. “Are you okay?” Jim asks. “I’m out of supplies,” Leonard says, “last night, I’ve been raided. Stole most of my bandages and medicine. I’m thinking about going on a supply run to the next town, but the road is long and dangerous.” “I’ll join you,” Jim shrugs. “Really?” “Sure, sounds fun,” Jim replies. “I’ll pay you,” Leonard says, and Jim simply shrugs to that. It’s not like he genuinely needs the money.
  • They leave after Leonard gets someone to look after the office while he’s out. Jim’s never been on a horse before, but the horse seems to immediately listen to whatever’s on Jim’s mind, and the start of the journey is pretty harmless. Leonard talks a little about his life. About how he lost his wife and kids to raiders when he lived on a small farm outside the town. How his parents were taken by a deadly illness that made him become a doctor. He speaks with such hurt in his voice, that Jim wonders why anyone would want to live in these outback towns. Sounds like it sucks.
  • They stop an hour before sunset, near a small river. Good, too, because Jim’s legs hurt, and his feet feel a little unstable after riding for so long. He ties the horses to a tree and searches for firewood while Leonard returns just before sunset with two dead rabbits. “You’re a doctor and a skilled hunter, you’re pretty good with your hands, huh?” Jim comments, and Leonard shoots him a small grin. “You haven’t seen anything yet.”
  • They eat dinner, which is surprisingly good. It gets cold at night, so Jim is glad for the fire to keep them warm. They talk more while overlooking a sky full of stars; large mountains looming in the distance. The gentle stream of the water is soothing to Jim’s ears, and he finds himself just dozing off to sleep. The same thing happens the day after. They spend time together, and Jim grows rapidly closer to this handsome doctor, who stitches him up when Jim guides his horse through a bigger river and hurts his foot through a sharp rock that hits him through the sole of his boot. They run into a lone woman who cries for help because her family’s hurt in her farmhouse, and so Leonard decides to take a detour from his own quest to help them. They save a family’s life (or Leonard does, mostly), and Jim feels pretty awesome about that.
  • “How much further, Bones?” Jim asks, and Leonard raises an eyebrow. “Bones?” “Seems a fitting nickname,” Jim says, “for all the patching up you do.” “We should be there in the afternoon,” Leonard replies. Jim watches the other’s back figure as he rides in front of him. It’s a good sight.
  • But it’s almost as if Leonard registers that feeling, or something. Because they arrive and get Leonard’s supplies, but come nightfall on their way back, Jim finds Leonard sitting closer to him than usual. Leonard teaches him how to hunt. Standing behind him with his arms around Jim’s shoulders, hands on Jim’s to make sure he aims properly. Really, it just makes Jim more distracted. When they get raided on the road, Leonard actively stands in front of Jim to try and protect him, though they make it out alright. Just with a few supplies less, because Leonard patches up the cut in Jim’s hand. “I wanted to thank you,” Leonard says, “for coming with me. In these lands, it’s hard to tell apart friend or foe. You’ve been good to me.” Jim smiles at that, reaching out to keep the other’s hand on his own a little longer. “Just a friend?” he asks with a smile, growing even wider when Leonard leans in to kiss him.
  • It just feels too good to be true. And it is. Because they get back to the town a few days later, and Jim feels oddly intimate to this man and just wants to be in his presence all the time. But he doesn’t get that lucky. They make it to the doctor’s office, and Bones gets to work immediately. But while he’s at work, a civilian comes in and demands he gives up some supplies. Jim gets up to help Leonard when the doctor refuses, but before Jim knows it, Leonard gets shot. Just like that. There’s a commotion while people flee, but Jim rushes towards the doctor instead. He kneels down next to him, grabbing his hand quickly. “Bones, please, tell me what I can do to help you,” he says, reaching out with his free hand to grab a hold of supplies. But there’s blood everywhere. “It’s okay,” Leonard breathes heavy, fingers tight in Jim’s grip, though rapidly weakening.
  • Leonard dies seconds later. Jim is devastated; staying by Leonard’s side for what feels like hours. In reality, though, it’s no more than twenty minutes before the men in the hazmat-like suits show up. They have to pry Leonard from his hands. They have to convince him it’s okay, because they’re going to fix up the broken skin tissue. They’re going to reset Leonard’s data. And they’re going to roll him back out. Leonard’s going to be okay.
  • “Do they suffer?” Jim asks, once he’s back in the real world. It feels surreal not to be in the wild west anymore. “They think they do,” his spokesperson says, “they think they feel pain. They feel terror, fear for their lives. They feel the pain from their written backstory, most of them tragic. Like Leonard and his wife and kids. It gives them character. Makes guests and potential buyers such as yourself more engaged.” Jim frowns at that, because somehow, that just seems wrong.
  • The moment the old steam train stops in the station, Jim is quick to hop out. He doesn’t carry any luggage with him, he doesn’t plan to stay long. But this time, he’s not here to look around. He’s not here to admire the life-like scents of the place. He’s not here to watch his surroundings in awe like other guests do, nor is he here to interact with those who don’t know any better. He passes the local saloon, and instead, heads straight for the doctor’s office. The bell rings when the door opens, and Leonard is there. Beautiful as ever. “You don’t look sick,” Leonard tells him after a quick scan from top to bottom. He doesn’t remember Jim, and that stings, “you need a patching up? I also have a good hangover cure.” “No, thank you,” Jim says, struggling to make sense as to why this thing, this robot in front of him, tugs at his heartstrings so much. “I can patch up nearly everything,” Leonard continues, “though I’m running real low on supplies these days-” sounds like a set up for a similar quest like the one Jim went on before. Suddenly, it all feels a little played out. “Bones,” Jim interrupts him, and just briefly, Jim witnesses the other narrow his eyes ever so lightly. Like the nickname is a very distant memory he’s trying to access. “Bones,” Jim continues, resting his hand on Leonard’s shoulder, “one of these days, I promise, I’m going to get you out of here.”

anonymous asked:

some human fell asleep in the bots/cons alt mode. who lets them stay until otherwise? who pushes you out?

Knockout (TFP): He wouldn’t let anyone inside his altmode without a full hazmat suit. I hope you think pavement is just as comfy to sleep on as Egyptian leather.

Ratchet (TFP): He’d let you go on sleeping, though he’d try to get you out of his altmode before you woke up so he can at least claim he didn’t let you sleep inside him for six hours.

Scrapper (TFA): If he knew just how uncomfortable it is to sleep in heavy machinery, he would’ve pushed you out for your own good. Too bad for you that he’s nice enough to let you go on sleeping, because now you’ve got a terrible crick in your neck.

anonymous asked:

Would a space suit or maybe even a hazmat suit (anything full-body, really) protect a lunarian from impurity? How exactly does getting affected by impurity even work, anyways?

Well, obviously I don’t know the exact details, but there are clearly ways to prevent its spread, otherwise even living on the moon wouldn’t help (ie: distance and/or vacuum can insulate). But I’d imagine it’s more like radiation, and there’s no perfect protection against high concentrations. Or something like that.

Jessica Jones FAQ for adressing common criticism/occasional trolls

Q: Why is Jessica acting like a moron? I would have easily handled Kilgrave

A: Jessica is a DEEPLY traumatized individual with the obsessive desire to save Hope and a strong need to prevent others from dying. She is not at a place where she can take calm strategic decisions. This is not being a moron this is being a person

Q: Why the hell aren’t they just using earplugs? So obvious.

A: A big part of human communication is non verbal. If you can see Kilgrave this is enough for him to give you basic commands. Fighting someone while you are both blind and deaf is not easy. And even if you were to get your hands on a hazmat suit (the only thing that would actually protect you)  and wear it all the time  there is nothing to protect the crowd from Kilgrave’s powers who would quickly make them swarm you

Q: Why is she wearing the same clothes all the time

A: Derek Zoolander is that you?

Q: Why does Jessica suck at fighting so much? I want some real action like Daredevil

A: Because Jessica is not a fighter. She never needed to be. Her strength is so great that nobody is really a match for her so she never needed to learn how to fight

Q: Well if her strength is so great how comes she constantly gets taken down by regular people. The crazy sister freaking knocked her out!? So unrealistic . So inconsistent

A: For the same reason she never learned how to fight. She is TOO strong. She must ALWAYS hold back. For her fighting against regular humans is like for you fighting against kittens who are trying to scratch and bite you. And yes Jessica despite all her strength can still be injured.. And head injuries can be tricky. One hit at the right spot and bham. You are out

Q: Why did Simpson kick her ass?

A: Because it’s been ages since she slept , and she had broken ribs and a concussion while he was on super steroids and could barely feel anything even if his body was falling apart

Q:This show is sexist!!! It’s attacking men

A: The show presents both man and women at their worst and at their best. In the fact that woman take the lead in this show instead of man bothers you so much that you feel attacked you should reconsider your life

Q: But….“Men and power, it’s seriously a disease.” that’s clearly an attack on men. I feel offended

A: If that one line bothers you so much you will never make it as a woman in this world

Q: Why the hell didn’t she kill Kilgrave when she had the chance?

A: Because she was obsessed with saving Hope. And in many of the cases where she had the chance Killgrave had backup plans that would have forced people to kill themselves

Q: But that’s irrational. Kilgrave is very dangerous. Sacrificing a few to save many is obviously the right choice

A: Yes. In case you haven’t noticed Jessica is not a bastion of rationality and cold hearted logic

Q: But….

A: Look mate. Have you seen Batman kill any of his enemies even though this could have potentially saved a lot of lives? Did you complain that much about him as well? Think about that

Q: Simspon was a complete stretch. Kilgrave just happened to find this super special ex soldier by random chance?

A: Kilgrave likes the best of everything. If he wanted to kill Trish he probably simply decided to get the best cop for the job. It wouldn’t have been too hard for him to find a random cop and ask him who is the most badass policeman in your precinct

Q: Why didn’t Daredevil get involved?

A: Even if he were to believe it he had no way in. He can’t muscle in on Hogarth’s case and beating up random thugs on this street would get him nothing on Kilgrave

Q: What about the Avengers?

A: Until Kilgrave lost it at the hospital he NEVER left fingerprints. They had no reason to suspect this as anything more then an urban legend

Q: Why didn’t Kilgrave take over the world or at least have bigger ambitions?

A: Why would he?He gets everything he ever wants whenever he wants it. He has no need for anything more

Q: The show is needlessly long. They should have made it much shorter and had her beat Kilgrave way earlier

A: This show is not simply about beating an enemy. A LARGE part of it deals with overcoming trauma, dealing with rape and other issues. The fact that this makes you feel uncomfortable and you want a more mainstream show is your problem not the shows

Q: Jessica doesn’t act the way a hero should! Why isn’t she better?

A: Because she is an asshole. An adorable asshole but still an asshole. That’s her style of heroism

important ebola info for my friends in the dallas area:

with the second and third diagnosed cases of ebola in the U.S. in the news, it’s important for you to know where to go and what to do if you display symptoms of ebola.

1. first off, THIS IS A HIGHLY UNLIKELY SCENARIO, but there are strains of ebola with an airborne element, so being near to someone who might be infected is risky because we don’t know everything about this particular strain. just avoiding touch doesn’t guarantee safety.

2. the first symptom you’ll display is a fever, whether it’s low grade or regular. anything at or below 97.1 or above 100.5  is dangerous! whether you think you’ve been exposed or not, get you to a hospital!

3. do NOT go to Texas Health Presbyterian, the hospital where this shit is happening. they do not have level 4 hazmat suits, which is frankly the minimum required for this kind of event. their mishandling of the situation is the reason these two nurses are now infected.

4. if you can, go to UT Southwestern Hospital in Dallas. It is much safer, I promise.

  • this being said, do NOT call an ambulance.
  • if you think you are exposed, minimize all contact with other people. drive yourself to the hospital.
  • call them ahead of time. don’t get out of the car. tell them you are in the parking lot and believe you have been exposed. they will know what to do.

5. most of all, exercise common sense. wash your hands. don’t touch people who look sick. don’t spend lengthy amounts of time in public places. ebola is not a joke, and everyone needs to be aware of the safety risk so that nothing else spreads.

6. please reblog, even if you aren’t in dallas. one nurse flew on a frontier airlines flight to Ohio, and could have exposed up to 132 people as well as her immediate family. please be careful!

MBTI types taking care of you when you're sick

You: I’m sick can you come help me?
Them: Yeah no I hired someone to do it they’ll be there in five.

*shows up in a hazmat suit*
Yeah, I’m gonna take some samples, grow cultures, and figure out the best way to cure you. You’re welcome.

I can’t take care of you, I’m way too busy. *somehow rearranges their schedule so they can bring you soup and clean up*

*Cleans the entire house, takes your temperature, records it in a chart*

*Calls all of your friends and family, makes sure they all check up on you* Here’s some soup!

*shows up and ends up sleeping next to you all day*

You: Hey I’m sick could y-
Them: *somehow appears in your home with a care package before you finished your sentence* Oh my gosh how are you? You know what you should do? Try this amazing home remedy thing, it’s been passed down in my family for decades, I brought the recipe just in case you want to use it, you should really be eating and staying hydrated, I’ll make you some tea and toast to go along with this soup *continues talking until you fall asleep*

*shows up in a hazmat suit, cleans your entire house, gives you a sponge bath, basically just acts like your personal nurse and maid for the entire duration of your illness*

You: I’m sick can you come help me?
Them: Sure, I’ll be there in 20! *shows up 2 hours late* Ok man here’s this thing I whipped up in my kitchen/laboratory, according to my calculations there’s a 70% chance it will instantly cure you and a 30% chance you’ll fall into a coma, I tried it on a pigeon and it didn’t die, wait, shit, you don’t mind sharing needles with a pigeon do you?

*shows up in a hazmat suit and helps you look up your symptoms on web MD and then leaves*

You: I’m sick, could you come take care of me?
Them: I would, but, I don’t, want to… Get better though!

You: I’m sic-
Them: *hangs up*

I heard this thing about how positive thinking can help cure diseases there’s a really cool video online you should definitely watch it it’s about this thing called ‘the secret’ you know what you should watch it now I’ll watch it with you let’s do it!

*reads from their favorite book, which is incredibly soothing and makes you feel much better*

*performs some sort of magical energy transfer. What is this? How are you not sick anymore? The ESFP just worked their magic.*

Them: What do you want me to do?
You: Um, I don’t know.
Them: Want to watch TV?
*you both watch TV until you’re cured*

the signs as tv shows

aries: game of thrones
I’d skin you alive for wine.

taurus: grey’s anatomy
You want to be a mess, be a mess. I don’t care. I can take it.

gemini: orange is the new black
I’m an angel of God. I mean, look at my dress!

cancer: supernatural
You never give up on family. Ever.

leo: american horror story
Either crown me or kiss my ass.

virgo: scandal
You are a warrior – never reckless, never naive. Too smart to let fear drive you.

libra: parks and rec
When I bet on horses, I never lose. Why? I bet on all the horses.

scorpio: pretty little liars
That pageant world is squeaky clean and last week you were modeling a HAZMAT suit and pushing a barrel around with a liquefied friend in it.

sagittarius: how to get away with murder
Seriously, just cause my facial hair isn’t exactly as luscious as yours, doesn’t mean I can’t still kick your ass.

capricorn: vikings
I would rather go back fighting, than receive such scant justice.

aquarius: bob’s burgers
Stronger and gayer than ever. That’s our motto.

pisces: adventure time
I’m freakin’ all about sugar… but I’m even more all about feeding hobos!

tevruden  asked:

When Oliver takes a bath, does the water turn green like the slime in Naxxramas?

“… Black, akshully. M'blight gits ever'where regardless, but when yer full ‘a holes an’ then yer lettin’ water run through 'em? Don’t take a genius  t'figger out th’ results. Winds up lookin’ lahk black tea by th’ end’ve it, 'cept it’ll melt yer skin off if y'touch it. Senkha puts on a Lightdamned hazmat suit when she forces me t'take 'em.

Y'seein’ why Ah hate 'em so much?”

“You make it a thousand times more difficult than it needs to be. I can keep myself safe, if you’d only keep yourself still. Honestly, the only obstacle that we should be facing should be getting rid of the water, because it certainly isn’t going into the garden or the lake. The last thing we want is to poison the water supply. But that’s where your frost magic comes in handy, isn’t it?”

“… That’s where m'frost magic comes in handy.”

April’s Trailer Analysis/Thoughts:

Alright kiddos here goes:

(First things first-I feel confident that the trailer is comprised of footage from Episodes 4x01-4x10 or 4x11 as Tree did not receive the trailer until the 6th and they started filming 4x12 on December 7th.)

(0:00-0:15 seconds in) I think the beginning is very interesting, although I do wonder if the woman who is burned to death in Egypt in the very beginning of the trailer is an actual human being or if there are parts of the simulation that ALIE showed Clarke that we (as the audience) have not had an opportunity to see just yet (more on this later).

 I’m also really excited to see other places in the world outside of two states in America. It’s always been completely unbelievable to me that America would be the only place with survivors. 

It gets long so here’s a read more!

Keep reading

Harper Shouting Out for Bellamy?

First off, hello Bellarke/the 100 peeps. I generally lurk in the shadows, as in, I just follow some of you guys and like/reblog stuff so writing something is kinda weird, but this has been on my mind ever since yesterday. Bare with me! :)

Okay so after watching the trailer for like the 20th time, I’ve noticed that near the beginning of the trailer, around the 0:16-0:18 mark where we see a crowd running from the rain, Harper is there:

Now I assume this is Harper because her hair is shown to be like that whenever we see her in the trailer (the braided crown), and because of her guard jacket. Now if you start the video at the above time stamp, you hear a high-pitched shout/shriek. At first I couldn’t make it out but after watching this beauty of a trailer for like I said the 20th time, you can hear Harper shout “BELLAMY”! It looks like the crowd is pushing her away from Bellamy (or whoever she’s shouting after) because she’s facing the opposite direction of where the crowd is running away. Sooo….what does this mean?? I have no idea but I find it interesting! Has something happened with Bellamy? Is Harper warning him to get out of the acid rain? Does it connect to the next scene of the trailer, which is of Bellamy in the hazmat suit walking out in the rain? I don’t know, what is happening to Bellamy!! It just made this scene more interesting!

Is Bellamy staying out in the acid rain the cause of that hallucination/dream at the end of the trailer of Clarke? (that is totally his hand btw!). This is/might be a reach. Just a possibility!

She can very well be saying “Save me!” or something else though

Also, I like the camaraderie between the Delinquents, like all of these unknown people are like running away, and then you have Harper here who is yelling out for Bellamy and is facing the opposite direction of the crowd…it sure smells like season 1 again!

@forgivenessishardforus, @bellamyblakeprotectionsquad2k16, @abazethe100, @rosymamacita, @ginalou16, @head-and-heart and anyone else! Sorry if tagging you guys is weird, but I like your thoughts and discussions!

Inside The Actor's Studio Edition.  

Tagged by catchthatregenerator, eafoot, regenerable, and thenewsuicideblonde, and I think a couple of others? Thanks baes <3

So the purpose of this meme is to give a little info on your muses without having to rely on others to fill your ask with meme questions. I know how disappointing it can be to come back to an empty ask so I wanted to create a meme that anyone and everyone can do (mun and muse). The rules are simple, you do not need to be tagged to fill out the questions, but once you have you must reblog and tag 10 of your followers to spread the love (as well as add a question of your own to the bonus section). You can fill it out as many times as your heart desires (we all know muses can change with their character development.)

10 Questions:

1. What is your favorite word?:


2. What is your least favorite word?: 

The C word.

3. What turns you on?:  

When it’s pointed out what I want, even if I didn’t know I really wanted it. Touching, light teasing kisses.

4. What turns you off?: 

Fangs. Put them away.

5. What sound do you love?: 

Gran’s laughter.

6. What sound do you hate?: 

Hard, rushing water.

7. What is your favorite curse word?:


8. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?: 

Real estate.

9. What profession would you not like to do?: 

Anything involving a hazmat suit.  

10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?: 

“We’ve been waiting for you.”

Bonus Questions:

1. Something most people don’t know about you?: 

A guilty pleasure of mine is action movies - gun fire, explosions, blood, the whole shebang.

2. If you were one of the seven sins which would you be?: 

Lust or envy.

3. What are some notable merits and flaws?: 

Sometimes I do before I actually think, and I say what I want, which can get me into a heap of trouble. A merit would be that I’m strong enough to hold my own.

4. Sexual Preference?: 

For the most part straight, but if there’s a connection, I can go the other way.

5. What position do they sleep in?: 

On my side, mostly in one spot.

6. Favorite sexual position?:

I’m experimental. I like it this way one minute, and then another the next.

7. If they could change one thing about their lives, what would it be?

A week ago I would have said that I didn’t want to be a faerie anymore. That I wanted to be human. But now I’m proud of what I am. If I could change one thing, it would probably be never letting Bill drink from me and contracting the virus. It wouldn’t have led to his demise.

|| 10 tagged muses ||:

northmanthevikinggod, imnotafraidofthebigbadwolf, sardonicallydelightful, swynford-de-beaufort, theoriginalbloodcountess, youfuckingfiend, xconsumit, iustum-peccator, makingthatfeelinglast, and alwaysenduphere

Apologies if I tagged anyone who has already been tagged!