Is there a reason why ur dropping this blog? Like, I'm just being nosy but are you tired of bella or what? The account is so great btw, I really want to save a lot from here
About a week ago I got in an argument with a (still very annoying) anon and I told them they needed to think more about why they were so quick to defend and support Bella than they needed to worry about why someone would criticize or poke fun at her. It kind of dawned on me this morning that that is such a hypocritical comment coming from me.
I have spent $600+ on magazine because Bella was in/on them (at least $300 of which in languages I can’t even read), a hundred dollars on art supplies to paint photos of exclusively her, hundreds on clothes to dress like her, started dying my hair darker to look like her, I have framed photos of her actively above my bed, a tshirt and phone case that I use day to day with her face on it, I get anxiety whenever I see someone say something negative about her –like I will literally block people for making the same comments I make sometimes, failed the first semester of college I was running this blog because I would be on here instead of in lecture or studying (so thousands down the drain there), refused to acknowledge how underweight I became late last year (about 110 at 5′7.5) because I liked how my hip bones started sticking out as much as Bella’s, and despite saying I don’t like her for months and months now I still spend hours upon hours of my time running this blog instead of developing friendships or hobbies or working. It’s fucking ridiculous and, honestly, disgusting.
Why do I do that? Why have I let a blog I started because I thought some chick was cute and wanted to reblog photos of her on it take over my life. It has done so much against me and yet I still sit here and give this girl my time and money when I don’t even like her.
I think Bella is a fucking idiot. Like I literally think she has low intelligence, can’t think for or support herself, has no in-depth personality or likes/interests to speak of, is a spoiled brat, not hard working at all, hypes herself up all day and fakes everything for constant validation she can’t live with out, has no goals or direction, no purpose or cause to support in life, sucks at her job and is going no where fast in modeling, takes zero care of herself but demands sympathy, is a compulsive liar at best, and has shit street style that ranges from dull and ill fitting to straight up fucking ugly with little in between. Why does anyone support her? There’s nothing about her that makes her a good role model, an icon in the industry, or anything that you get (content wise, ex. movies, music) from being her fan. Being a Bella fan is a fucking waste of her entire fanbases time –everyone on this account is wasting their time –and I have been feeling this way for months and it’s driving me fucking insane. Why do I do this? What do I get from it other than constant anxiety? Why can’t I just live my life for myself?
For a while being here was my own way to get approval and validation. I started to rely on this blog to get the attention, a social life, and purpose that I couldn’t get on my own because I was a sheltered, ugly, and awkward teen who was lonely and needed something to live through. I don’t want to be that anymore and I’m trying really hard to get out of that place. I can get what I got from this blog from things in my real life that don’t give me nothing but a head ache like this account does. Continuing to run this blog only drags me down as a person and I’m over it. I really can’t do it anymore, I want more out of life than being a delusional fangirl.
edit: This is no shade to Bella fans and fanbloggers –do whatever makes you happy but think about why you’re doing it and what you get out of it in the end.