can i count it as self care since it's about mental illness



Summary: Aveline has always been a strong, leading woman in the Sanctuary’s community. But one unfortunate event makes her walls crumble and show her bare self. What will happen when that breakdown occurs right in front of Negan?

Word Count: 4911 (ooops.)

A/N: Hello everyone!  This is my part for @flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash’s writing challenge 2. My prompt was ‘Mirror, mirror’ and I also created an OC with a mental health illness. Thank you so much for letting me participate!

Writing this has been a challenge for me, since I have the same illnesses as the OC and I may have gotten a little carried away. I also began writing another fanfic that I was too shy to post yet, so I wanted this one to be like a start to everything.

I really hope you enjoy reading this as much as I loved writing it! On a side note, this is my first time writing smut. So, all I can say is I’m sorry. ^^

Warnings: Negan’s language, smut, emotions (like a LOT), description of a panic attack and depression, so a little angst?

Originally posted by irene-jmargs

(gif originally posted by @irene-jmargs)

“What could possibly go wrong?”

Turns out today hasn’t been a successful day for anybody. The people at Alexandria didn’t have the required amount of supplies for the Saviors and some chick decided that it would be wise to shoot Lucille. Which made Negan completely lose it.

Now, Aveline was driving one of the empty trucks with Negan in the passenger seat back to the Sanctuary. The silence between them was almost unbearable to her. She knew Negan was furious that someone scarred his precious barbed-wire baseball bat. Negan’s gaze turned towards her about every tenth second, but she kept her gaze firmly on the empty, crumbled road.

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Why I believe it’s unlikely that Chuuya has been abused in the past

Now, this theory is from a psychological standpoint. I find it even more unlikely that Asagiri-sensei-or any author, really- would write a story with psychology in mind. However, I’m going to throw this out there anyways. Make of it what you will. Just please, please be respectful.

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anonymous asked:

please, please, please rec something thank you

I know :( and I’m so sorry It’s been so long since I’ve recced something. I have 3 other ppl in my asks, asking about fics, so I’m just going to do a little bit of everything. All Sam/Jared centric, since he is the love of my entire life. Hope you enjoy <3


Threw Away the Sun

:  Word Count: 11,090 type of hurt - Blindeness 

AU. Six months after John Winchester goes missing on a hunt, Dean Goes to Palo Alto to find a psychic.Title is from the song “Bad Company” by the band of the same name.Character death is not Sam or Dean. 

Warnings: non-con mention, but nothing like that actually happens, violence, abuse, Sam/Dean
Side Note: I love this story so much. I’ve read it more times than I can count and although it does have a terribly sad story line, the end is happy and sweet.

Sam Is…: Word Count: 5,993 type of hurt - hell trauma

Dean gets Sam back. 

Warnings: none

Away to Darker Times: Word Count: 30,680 type of hurt - um everything??? 

Finally hunting on his own, Dean makes a trip to Stanford to visit Sam, only to find his little brother’s gone missing. And when he finally does stumble upon him in a dark twist of fate, Sam is not the boy he used to be.

Warnings: Prostitution, drug addiction, Sam/Dean
Side Note: This story is so so painful, but it hurts so good. Your daily dose of protective!Dean is there along with handsy boys ;) and off topic, but the author of this story has other amazing works, and as far as I can tell, all of them are bottom!Sam/Jared!!!! 

With Spit and a Prayer: Word Count: unknown but it’s long. Type of hurt - non-con 

Dean is possessed. Unpleasantness ensues. 

Warnings: graphic non-con (between sam/dean) and violence and a lot of other dark things, so if you’re sensetive to that kinda stuff, please don’t read <<33

The Repeated Image of the Lover Destroyed: Word Count: 103,024 type of hurt - non con

Sam is a prostitute. Lucifer owns the contract that keeps him in the brothel. There’s definitely something between them—but in their world, flesh comes at a price, and real happiness is far more difficult to keep intact.

Warnings: Sam/Lucifer, Eating disorder, graphic non-con, graphic self harm, graphic everything.
Side Note: So this is another one of my favs, and although I don’t really like Samifer, like ever, this fic is so beautiful and amazingly well written, like just trust me on this. I also really loved the relationship between the two and how it progressed. And since I am just a sucker for hurt!sam, it doesnt really matter for me what pairing it is. So if you’re the same, I would really suggest reading this.

Catch Your Death: Word Count: 22,000 type of hurt - sick!sam 

When Sam finds the ghost of a young man who was bullied to death and is now strangling young women, he just wants to put the spirit to rest. But he’s coming down with the flu. He’s having a crisis of faith. And frankly, Dean’s being a dick.

Warnings: Sam/Dean some violence but nothing too awful
Side Note: Been awhile since I read this story, but what I can remember about it, is that it was super cute and fluffy with some hurt!sick!sam, and caring!dean. Plus its long enough to ease your cravings!


Sunday Maybe Monday: Word Count: 21,810 type of hurt - abuse

Jensen is a short order cook. He works, he sleeps – it’s enough. Then one day, Jensen notices Jared.

Warnings: abuse, violence, murDER, age!gap, and one, very very veryyy brief bottom!jensen scene. Blink and you’ll miss it
Side Note: Probably my fav j2 fic. super sad and cute and everything in between, plus there is some pretty amazing fanart to go along with it.

Rivers Till I Reach You: Word Count: 51,724 type of hurt - mental illness

Jensen’s life is falling apart; with his formerly booming business going bankrupt, he’s losing his girlfriend, his money and his direction. To add insult to injury, he finds himself doing community service as a janitor in a mental hospital after having racked up one too many speeding tickets. But between scrubbing toilets and sweeping floors, Jensen saves the life of a young patient named Jared and is shocked when he follows him home. Weirdly, Jared seems insistent about wanting to stay with Jensen despite them being strangers, making every further discussion futile. Running out of time and too compassionate to leave Jared all alone, Jensen makes a momentous decision: instead of escorting the shy young man back to the hospital like he probably should, he lets him tag along to his brother’s wedding, and together they embark on a journey through the summer-hot, golden South that will shake both their lives to the very foundations.

Warnings: suicide, abuse, hunger strike, drug use, poor Jared baby :(
Side Note: Sad story line, but such a lovely fic altogether. Don’t let the tags scare you away because it’s more happy then anything else. And the ending will totally melt your insides. BELIEVE ME.

Out With the Old, In With the New: Word Count: 9,301 type of hurt - abuse

Jensen suffers physical and mental pain during the war. Afterwards he leaves his old world behind in the hope he might be able to start a new one. Jared is a boy who seems to move into his new world and stay. Can these men - both damaged in some way - start a new life in a new world?

Warnings: abuse, ptsd

(sorry there isnt much hurt!jared. I’ll do more later, promise!)


Take Two

: Word Count: Unknown J2

Jensen fucks Jared senseless, but Jared refuses to let him pull out when he’s done. Instead he wants Jensen to get hard inside him and fuck him all over again.

Say You Wanna Put Your Hands On Me

: Word Count: 4,174 J2

Joining a gay porn site just to get close to his crush probably isn’t the most logical thing Jared’s ever done.

Bet my life on you

: Word Count: 2,779 J2

The crazy thing is, Jared’s not even drunk when he agrees to offer up his virginity in a game of poker. Of course, he could use the money, and hell, he’s always wanted to fuck Jensen, so really, it’s a win-win situation.

You’re Possessing Me

: Word Count: 3,232 Wincest

Dean goes looking for something to get himself off to–he’s in no way expecting to stumble on porn vids of Sam. But now that he has, he’s becoming obsessed.

The Other Times:  

Word Count: 5,600 Wincest

Dean realizes that Sam is growing up (among other things)when he accidentally sees his little brother in a few compromising positions.

Supersize Me, Sammy

 Word Count: 15,673 Wincest

Dean finds a huge dildo in Sam’s bag and it’s all down hill from there.

Hope y’all can find something here that you like <333

When You Feel Broken

Pairing: Dean x Reader, Sam

Word Count: 1205

Warnings: depressed!reader, angst, but happy ending

Summary: You have been feeling depressed but Dean breaks through to you. 

A/N: So Tumblr told me that today is kicking off mental health awareness month. I was inspired to write a brief story about depression and self-care. I think I will write some more stories along this line to help spread the word, mental illness is a fight and as long as you keep trying you are winning the battle. 

It was a bright spring day, the dappled sunlight full across your face as you sat and waited under the shade of a giant oak tree, leaning against the hood of the impala. Your face was locked in a heavy frown, not even working the case was able to brighten the dark mood that had you locked deep inside yourself. You tapped your fingers restlessly against the dark black paint, feeling the metal heating up from the warmth of the sun and pushing itself into your skin. All that was on your mind was a plea that the boys would hurry up so you could get back to the bunker and the warmth of your bed. 

“That took you long enough,” your frown deepened as the Winchester’s strode up to their ride, “so did you find out anything, or was this just another giant waste of time?”

Dean raised an eyebrow at your pissy attitude, but he stayed silent which given your mood was probably for the best. 

On the other hand, the younger brother walked straight up to where you were half-standing half-leaning and spoke down to you from his giant height. 

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anonymous asked:

Hey I was bored and was looking up mental illnesses and came across complex ptsd and I was reading it but I don't really get it do you get it like I know that it's from childhood but would emotional abuse count? (part 1)

Sorry could you maybe explain if you know anything you were the only one I could think of that might know something about this or where I could get info so thanks (part 2)

I actually hadn’t heard of this term before, but wow, this is pretty fascinating stuff and it could really apply to a ton of people. Since I don’t know anything about it, I’m going to cite a lot from the Wikipedia article and I think that will educate all of us.

Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) is a psychological injury that results from protracted exposure to prolonged social and/or interpersonal trauma in the context of dependence, captivity or entrapment (a situation lacking a viable escape route for the victim), which results in the lack or loss of control, helplessness, and deformations of identity and sense of self. Examples include people who have experienced chronic maltreatment, neglect or abuse in a care-giving relationship, hostages, prisoners of war, concentration camp survivors, and survivors of some religious cults.

The diagnosis of PTSD was originally developed for adults who had suffered from a single event trauma, such as rape, or a traumatic experience during a war. However, the situation for many children is quite different. Children can suffer chronic trauma such as maltreatment, family violence, and a disruption in attachment to their primary caregiver. The diagnosis of PTSD does not take into account how the developmental stages of children may affect their symptoms and how trauma can affect a child’s development. This developmental form of trauma places children at risk for developing psychiatric and medical disorders.

Some of the symptoms and behavioral characteristics:

  • Attachment - “problems with relationship boundaries, lack of trust, social isolation, difficulty perceiving and responding to other’s emotional states, and lack of empathy”
  • Biology - “sensory-motor developmental dysfunction, sensory-integration difficulties, somatization, and increased medical problems”
  • Affect or emotional regulation - “poor affect regulation, difficulty identifying and expressing emotions and internal states, and difficulties communicating needs, wants, and wishes”
  • Dissociation - “amnesia, depersonalization, discrete states of consciousness with discrete memories, affect, and functioning, and impaired memory for state-based events”
  • Behavioral control - “problems with impulse control, aggression, pathological self-soothing, and sleep problems”
  • Cognition - “difficulty regulating attention, problems with a variety of “executive functions” such as planning, judgement, initiation, use of materials, and self-monitoring, difficulty processing new information, difficulty focusing and completing tasks, poor object constancy, problems with “cause-effect” thinking, and language developmental problems such as a gap between receptive and expressive communication abilities.“
  • Self-concept -"fragmented and disconnected autobiographical narrative, disturbed body image, low self-esteem, excessive shame, and negative internal working models of self”.

Adults with C-PTSD have sometimes experienced prolonged interpersonal traumatization as children as well as prolonged trauma as adults. This early injury interrupts the development of a robust sense of self and of others. Because physical and emotional pain or neglect was often inflicted by attachment figures such as caregivers or older siblings, these individuals may develop a sense that they are fundamentally flawed and that others cannot be relied upon.

Six clusters of symptoms have been suggested for diagnosis of C-PTSD. These are (1) alterations in regulation of affect and impulses; (2) alterations in attention or consciousness; (3) alterations in self-perception; (4) alterations in relations with others; (5) somatization, and (6) alterations in systems of meaning.

Experiences in these areas may include:

  • Difficulties regulating emotions, including symptoms such as persistent dysphoria, chronic suicidal preoccupation, self injury, explosive or extremely inhibited anger (may alternate), or compulsive or extremely inhibited sexuality (may alternate).
  • Variations in consciousness, including forgetting traumatic events (i.e., psychogenic amnesia), reliving experiences (either in the form of intrusive PTSD symptoms or in ruminative preoccupation), or having episodes of dissociation.
  • Changes in self-perception, such as a chronic and pervasive sense of helplessness, paralysis of initiative, shame, guilt, self-blame, a sense of defilement or stigma, and a sense of being completely different from other human beings
  • Varied changes in the perception of the perpetrator, such as attributing total power to the perpetrator (caution: victim’s assessment of power realities may be more realistic than clinician’s), becoming preoccupied with the relationship to the perpetrator, including a preoccupation with revenge, idealization or paradoxical gratitude, a sense of a special relationship with the perpetrator or acceptance of the perpetrator’s belief system or rationalizations.
  • Alterations in relations with others, including isolation and withdrawal, persistent distrust, a repeated search for a rescuer, disruption in intimate relationships and repeated failures of self-protection.
  • Loss of, or changes in, one’s system of meanings, which may include a loss of sustaining faith or a sense of hopelessness and despair.

If you or someone you love have experienced C-PTSD, you should go to the Treatment portion of the article and read about some of the suggested therapies for recovery.

on expecting friends to punish friends

arright so ive seen a lot of shock and outrage (honestly standard at this point) and just general disapproval of raven and bellamy’s reactions to finn this past episode

[note: i am not going to talk about clarke because she has clearly not forgiven him. she never said anything remotely close to that. despite the fact that she cares about him deeply and is a naturally protective person, she is now uncomfortable and scared around him. if you think everything is hunky-dory in flarkeville rn you are twisting the events of the show so you can be more outraged at finn than you already are and honestly i dont care about u bye

im also not going to talk about murphy because he was his regular old insensitive jerkass self. love ya murphy, never change. kill some more people soon, ok? cool. kisses.]

ANYWAY. im sure its difficult to see through the haze of your hatred, but let me tell you a thing

you may hate finn collins, but raven and bell love him, and they have just as much blood on their hands

lets start with raven

  • ravens brace is not her only battle scar
  • she has (debatably) the highest body count of the delinquents: 300 using the dropship, about 100 between the bomb on the bridge and the landmines, maybe more (and i dont think shes ever shown remorse for this. KILL HER!!!)
  • raven has never given much of a shit about grounder lives (see above)
  • finn is ravens best friend, first love, and her family (her words)
  • he saved her life as a child
  • he has saved her life twice on the ground (risking his own life both times)
  • there is a theory that raven took the spacewalk, or at least did it with finn or helped him, and that he took the blame (think about it: raven had access to the equipment and knowledge of how to do it. do you really think that pre-pilot finn would have been able to pull that shit off on his own? doubtful) [credit for this theory goes to rebelleleader]
  • if that is true, he also saved ravens career and reputation by keeping her out of space juvy
  • (sidebar: do you think raven would be persecuted for the spacewalk the same way finn has been? also doubtful. moving on)
  • she literally plummeted to earth from space to be with him again
  • she has forgiven him for the one very shitty thing he did to her
  • (seriously ravens over it, clarkes over it, im over it. yall need to catch up)
  • she was the one who sent him to the village in the first place (do you think she meant ‘go get them, but dont kill any grounders in the process’? nah. raven dont care. on top of the deaths i mentioned above, remember how she showed the least reluctance to torture lincoln? she just stormed up there, took one look at bellamys weak ass torture, and was like 'let me show you how its done’. raven. dont. care.)

if you were expecting raven to go to sass level 10 and bitch finn out over some grounder lives, you have not been paying attention. someone else, maybe. if hed killed arkers, maybe. but she cares more about his mental health than the villagers and honestly that is completely in character and in line with their relationship

ok now bellamy

  • bellamy cares about finn a lot ok
  • remember that time he carried an unconscious finn back to camp like a fucking disney prince? remember how when he tortured lincoln, it was for finn?
  • ive said it before, and ill probably say it again: the line bellamy told finn cant be uncrossed, he crossed for finn
  • finn gave up the safety of the drop ship (and committed his first murder that wasnt in self defense) to save bellamys life
  • in ssn 2, they are constantly protecting/defending each other and show a huge amount of trust in one another
  • they have not said one word against the other since this season began
  • even when they disagree, they listen to each other and seriously take the other’s opinion into consideration, usually giving in to it (ie bringing murphy, the girl on the cliff side)
  • bellamy doesnt chew finn out when he 'disobeys’ him, even when he doesnt understand it (ie untying murphy, shooting the one-eyed grounder) he sees him as an equal 
  • (remember when atom and murphy showed insubordinance and were literally strung up and lynched?)
  • (the only other people who get this treatment from bellamy are clarke and octavia. js.)
  • bell has been visibly concerned for finns mental state for this whole season
  • “i’ll sleep when we find finn”
  • and bellamy doesnt give much of a shit about grounder lives either. he is the military leader of the 100 and they are the opposing army.
  • he has killed many himself, and as the military leader, is arguably accountable for all blood spilled by the kids
  • he let finn go to the grounder village with an automatic rifle and a murphy, knowing full well he was not in his right mind
  • he gave the man he banished, and then tried to murder him a gun so that finn would have back up

seriously, i dont think bellamy has any moral high ground to stand on and even if he does, he wouldnt use it to judge finn. just like raven, he cares more about his friends mental health than grounder lives. in fact, hes more likely to blame himself for letting finn go in the state he was in than to blame finn. thats kind of his whole deal

and tbf, you cant see your crazy from the inside. bell could see how irrationally finn was behaving, finn could not. 

there was a time (early ssn one) when both of these characters may have condemned finn for his actions, but not over grounders. and at this point, im sure they both feel theyve been forgiven for unforgivable things

(which is not to mention that the arkers need every soldier they can get atm, and theyve made it clear that they dont give a shit about grounder lives since they landed. finns punishment was never going to come from them. his pardon by the council says more about the council than about him.)

i am NOT condoning finns actions. i am NOT equating theirs to his.

fuck, im not even saying their reactions were rational, healthy or morally sound. im saying that their reactions were in character and in line with their relationships.

these kids number one priority is each other. the bond theyve all formed is one of my favourite parts of the show. it sucks to see people belittle it by saying that finns best friends should be punishing him. his punishment will come from elsewhere, let his friends support him in his time of need.

or fuck it, dont. they will anyway.

jaha OUT

anonymous asked:

I really don't mean to trigger you or be any type of burden.. I just saw your most recent post you answered that you still have problems with mental illness but seem to have gotten better with it. I know you aren't a professional but its almost better getting help from someone who actually has been through it, do you have any tips on how to over come being in a bad state of mind, I am so tired of feeling so sad and alone

hi my love no worries. i’m going to be honest when i say when i was reallllly in it, like sleeping on my parents couch from 4am-2pm and then staying there all day in the dark watching tv, there was no making myself feel better. i really think sometimes you have to just ride it out until something in you is just like, we can try today. you know? like i just remember towards the end of being in a really dark place parts of me were like ‘maybe we can get up today’ i don’t think you can force yourself to that place. cause a lot of times people will be like, just get out of the house more! surround yourself with people! but i would try and literally feel tortured just counting down the minutes till i could leave, you know? i’m sure you know. anyways, once i got to there i would make little efforts everyday to do something that made me feel good about myself or maybe proud of something. this could be literally as small as walking down to the lake by my house and posting an instagram picture or something. like i was soooo m.i.a for a while on and off line that even that made me feel more like myself. 

i started trying to be more of the eager, hungry, enthusiastic person i was and the quietest ways to do that for me were to pick up new books, watch new movies, put on a face mask, make a really pretty but not so great tasting breakfast. just like …. realllllly dedicate your energy to being nice to yourself, being easy with yourself. i’ve always been an introvert, my entire life, but i really think the reason why i so so so enjoy my solitude this year is because it’s what saved me last year. a few months of this intense self care and trying new things made me want to share that with other people and i’m probably more social now than i have been since i graduated college. i hope this helps even a little my love.