can i be as pretty as my room

| right after The Punisher’s end; Thanksgiving; |

“Yeah, happy thanksgiving to you too, then, Foggy”
she’s sprawled across the sofa, not technically in her pjs, but close enough.
“I’m glad you’ll be in company” she tells the phone in her hand “no, no! I have guests of my own! Yeah, don’t worry”
Her gaze goes across her apartment, empty and dark.
“Have a great one!” her voice sounds happy as she closes the call.
Foggy has been pretty distant from her since Matt’s incident and who could blame him.
Karen throws the phone across the room and her head falls back on the sofa.
What a Thanksgiving, she thinks.

The doorbell rings.

“Coming” she says as loudly as she can while she reaches for the money she prepared on the table. 
Eating take-away pizza for thanksgiving, she tells herself while opening the door.
“Thank you so much, happy thanksgiving” she tells the guy without even looking at him.
Alone in my apartment, eating pizza for thanksgiving as dinner. Her head keeps repeating that mantra of loneliness. 
The door closes shut and Karen turns around.
It’s sad. Her cold hands warm from the pizza she holds, her apartment as silent as it can be, the city, lit up, shines bright into her dark apartment.
Karen can’t help but sigh.
“Happy Thanksgiving, Karen”
She hears, muffled through the door.

Her heart skips a beat.
The pizza box is breaking under her clenched hand as she opens the door, once again.

Her eyes meet familiar eyes and her smile lights up as she hears that smirk that feels like home mutter “Hey”.

Suddenly she’s thankful for something.

“Frank”

I can’t take it anymore

I can’t take feeling like a bloated balloon all day. I can’t take the feeling of walking into a room and immediately asking myself if they all can notice how fat I am. I can’t take watching the scale go up and up. I can’t take not being the skinny girl of my dreams. I know i would be so pretty if I wasn’t fat. I would be so much happier at my goal weight. I want it so bad. I just want to be THIN SO GOD DAMN BAD 

Beauty without kindness and bravery is just a pretty empty shell, my dear. And you can find plenty of those on the beach. People use them to decorate their rooms. So I hope you aspire to be so much more than just beautiful. I hope you aspire to be so much more than a pretty little thing that decorates the room you walk into.
—  Nikita Gill, Excerpt From Life Lessons From The Not So Wicked Witch To Dorothy”
BTS replaced you. - pt.3

[pt.1] [pt.2] [pt.3] [pt.END]

Originally posted by hobixing

“Ah… they did? What did they say?” Hongseok passes my phone to me as I read the messages I haven’t opened for the last few hours. Seeing them still hurt because it still feels insincere, as if I was alone in this friendship. 

“Are you going to reply?” Hongseok asked while taking one of my hand in his from under the blanket. It was barely even 6am and I wasn’t down for the drama just yet. 

“Not yet, let’s have cake.” I say smiling, and dragging him with me over to the kitchen still with my phone in one hand.

I took the cake out from the fridge and set it on the table between Hongseok and I. He placed a candle in the centre and lit it, turning the light off before he took his seat. The room was dark and the winter sun hasn’t yet risen and so all that was left to light up the room was the moonlight seeping through the gaps of the blinds and the orange candlelight. A few seconds after, the room was filled with his voice - he sang happy birthday and I couldn’t help but wear a smile on my face. His voice was pretty and I honestly couldn’t thank him enough for doing all this for me. When the short song came to an end we both clapped, I clapped to applaud his singing and he clapped to applaud me fo coming to life twenty-one years ago.

“Make a wish Y/N.” 

“Wishes don’t come true Hongseok.” 

“I’ll make sure this one does, as long as it’s realistic and I can afford it.” He laughed as I smiled. 

“There’s nothing I want.” 

“But there is, I can tell.”

“I just want a shoulder to lean on and not be a burden to people.” 

“Done!” I laughed at his enthusiasm.

“I’ll always be your shoulder to lean on, and you’re never going to be a burden to me.”

“It makes me feel as though I’m replacing them because that’s exactly what they said to me five years ago.” 

“I’m not asking to take their place silly, but just know that I’m always going to be here for you.” He grabbed my hand again from across the table and rubbed his thumb on the back of my hand. I wanted to cry in this moment because I was so grateful of him and his words. 

“I don’t deserve someone like you in my life.” 

“Idiot, I told you this already. You deserve more and better but you’re stuck with me now.” 

“I like the sound of that though.” We both laughed and enjoyed one another’s company. Until my phone dinged, showing a notification from the group chat. I un-muted the conversation but didn’t think they’d be up to say anything.

Keep reading

Like I said in my Inktober Intro post, this year I am doing my DnD groups inventory from our current game. I’m not sure what any of them looked like so I just winged it! Most of the objects that aren’t from a handbook were created by our DM, he get’s pretty creative haha. You can find the rest of the items I’ve drawn from my Intro post here.

Day 1: Throwing Brick of Returning
It’s like a Throwing Dagger of Returning, but a brick.

Day 2: The Beacon Belts
A pair of identical belts. Wearer of each belt always knows the location of the other one. Once per day, if both wearers are willing, as an action they can swap their positions, regardless of distance.

Day 3: Pocket Galaxy
A small orb that casts dim, star-like lights in a room. Very calming and floats in water.

Day 4: Powdered Booze
A bag of powder that makes any beverage taste like ale, but it is non-alcoholic.

Day 5: Locket of Instant Mustache
When opened, it gives the holder an instant, beautiful mustache. When closed, or leaves the holders possession, the mustache instantly disappears. +1 to Bluff checks. +2 to Disguise checks.

Day 6: Vial of Dragons Breath
When breathed in, it smells of strawberries and restores 1hp. When drunk, it tastes of cherries and makes your next bathroom break deal 1d6 fire damage. When sprinkled on food, it tastes and little too spicy for the user and deals 1hp of damage.

things harry has said on tour so far that have made me feel some type of way:

“You are the best friends anyone could ask for… thank you so much.”

“I’m gonna need more from you. I’m pretty into you right now, and I’m about to tell you I’m having your baby. Maybe we’ll skip Kiwi tonight. No? Shall we start again?”

“You were good, but you need to be better.”

“I’m forever yours.”

“Thank you for popping my cherry, as it were.”

“I’m falling in love with you to this song.”

“Who’s ready to dance with me? Are you ready to sing with me? I wanna see what you got.”

“If you’re gonna do it as loudly as this, you’re gonna get it as many times as you want.”

“I want you to do whatever makes you happiest. You can be whoever you want to be in this room.”

“I could not feel more honoured to stand in front of a group of strong women every night and sing for you.”

“Sois belle et tais toi.” (Be pretty and shut up.)

“The girls said earlier, it takes so much courage to come to shows these days. So thank you for being here. You have no idea how much this means to me. Thank you so much.”

“I’m loving you with every piece of me.”
2

Tougher even than the love scenes for Hammer was one sequence in which Oliver dances with abandon at a disco to “Love My Way” by the Psychedelic Furs. “That was not fun — I don’t really enjoy dancing,” he says. “I very quickly become the 6-foot-5 gangly guy that’s very easy to spot from across the room.” In the scene, the locals, including Elio and some summering French girls, are entranced by the Adonis with the sick moves. “So Luca calls ‘action’ and literally everyone is ogling me, including, like, 50 extras off camera. And the music’s pretty quiet, so we can record the dialogue. Here I am, dancing to this quiet music. And I’m just like, 'I hate myself! I hate my life!' 

the losers as shit me and my friends have said/done

Bill: *sighs* Being a mother of six is so hard. *sips capri-sun*

Stan: *face planted on a desk* I just realized I’ve been spelling that wrong this entire time and now I wanna die.

Eddie: *giving advice* You can hoe if you want to, but please be safe when you hoe; remember that love is cleaner with a packaged wiener.

Richie: *staring ahead with narrowed eyes* Something is really fucking weird about this. I can feel it in my nuggets.

Ben: *class is reading a poem by Robert Frost* This guy is pretty frosty. *laughs hysterically with the teacher while everyone else stares silently*

Bev: *gets an A on a test* I can do anything now. *tries to slide across a desk like a badass and ends up laying face down on it instead*

Mike: *many people arguing when suddenly there is a long awkward silence* So we’re all pregnant. *walks backwards out of the room slowly*

Cop on a power trip gets grilled by a judge....and tries to shit talk me, then gets probably fired/moved away.

Okay so background: my house is literally connected to my elementary school’s perimeter. I occasionally used to go there at the ripe age of 15 to rip around with my RC nitro cars on weekends. No cars, actually the parking gates were closed but not the human entrances.

Rinse and repeat for 2 years with no problems. I even had patrolling RCMP officers come over and try out my kewl toys. In return, they would oull out a HUGE drone from their car and fly it around me to show me what drones are like and what speeds they can go at.

This went well till 2015. 2016 June comes and I am still doing that stuff while suddenly I hear police sirens. Out comes a cop, gives me a HUGE lecture about how I’m on federal property and I need to IMMEDIATELY get off because I do not have permission. This hot shot acted like I was stealing shit or something, he even looked through my bag without permission and found a pack of “dangerous liquid packs” which turned out to be rubbing alcohol for my hands.

Anyways, he issues me a $187 ticket for unlawfully operating a remote controlled blah blah (I forgot).

I was thinking, f*ck this. I’ll fight it in court. I did my research and the ticket he gave me was actually for people who rip around in their oil powered RC planes in private spaces without permission. This was obviously some bullshit. I even got the recording of his car dealing with me.

A few months later, I go to the court to contest it (that’s the set date). A**hole cop is there, and he tells me that before I go to the court, he can make my fine half if I plead guilty. I say no and I am pretty sure he said “f*cking b*tch” under his breath.

We go inside the court room, a**hole is all loud and proud when giving his statement. He straight up LIES, saying I was being belligerent and I almost ran away in fear.

Well, cameras don’t lie a**hole! When it was my turn to give my statement, I played back his cruiser dashcam, which CLEARLY showed him being a dick, pointing his hands away as if he’s going to fight a 17 year old puny 5 foot 8 guy.

The judge f*cking grilled him. She constantly said this was an abuse of power, a waste of resources, and that recommended the officer to read up on what public and federal restricted property was. The whole ordeal was embarrassing for him and I kind of felt bad because people were giving him dagger eyes the whole time.

Anyways, ticket is thrown out and I head out the room. I see the cop on the parking lot, and right as I pass by, he says exactly “f*cking brown motherf*cker, get f*cked”. I was f*cking shocked by this, so I went home and filed a complaint at his Depot.

No response for 7 days, then 15. So I call them back about it.

“Yes, he is not working at this branch anymore, we can still assist you with anything pertaining to this report sir.”

“No it’s alright, thanks”.

That was it. A**hole either got fired, or got moved away.

The party is staying in an inn for the night, and our dragonborn fighter and human rogue are in the bar, drinking heavily. The human, being half the overall size of the dragonborn, is extremely dunk.

Rogue (to DM and pretty out-of-the-blue): can I seduce the bar stool next to me?

DM: uhhhhhh… excuse me?

R: I seduce the bar stool

DM: uh… roll charisma, I guess

*rogue rolls a nat 20*

DM: the stool agrees to go to your room with you. You drag it up to your room and proceed to fuck it. Let’s not talk about how.

BTS Reaction | Sex when the members could catch you.

Request; bts reaction when having sex in the same room or in a room close to where other members are or just in a place where they could catch you  (descriptive and smutty please!)

A/N; I tried ;-; It was like 4am when I wrote this so I’m sorry if it’s terrible

Keep reading

Character prompt: Try to think of as many possible responses a character could have to any given question. E.g. Lily Evans: “Are you having sex with James?”

  • “Define ‘sex.’ And also… define ‘James.’”
  • “Obviously not. He’s not even in this room.”
  • “Not until next Tuesday. Why?” 
  • “Yes, but I’ve got a family emergency. Do you know if anyone can cover my shift?” 
  • “I’m doing my Charms homework, but if he wants to try it, he’s welcome.”
  • “Metaphorically?”
  • “Knickers are still in place, so probably not.”
  • “Is he offering?” 
  • “I try to at least once a week, but you know how hard it is to stay on top of these things.” 
  • “If I know the answer, do I win a prize?” 
  • “Well, it’d be pretty impolite to do it while I was talking to someone else.”
  • “In a way, aren’t we all having sex with James?”
  • “Only for recreation, but with practice I hope to do it professionally.”
  • “Why, is there a queue?” 
  • “Pass.” “On the sex or answering?” “Pass.”
Writing Prompts

Send me your requests HERE with your prompt choice and ship / character of choice! (Please no more than 4) and also add your own request merged into it if you want??

  1. “Give me your jacket, I’m freezing.”
  2. “These shoes were made to kick you in the ass!”
  3. “Are you okay?”                                                                                          “I don’t know how to answer that.”
  4. “It’s no big deal, its just a few scratches.”
  5. “I’m so cute, I don’t see why you aren’t dating me.”
  6. “We made a deal and you’ll keep your end, one way or another.”
  7. “You look cute when you smile, you should do it more often.”
  8. “Why are you blushing?”
  9. “I’m always here and you just ignore me.”
  10. “I’ve worked my ass off to get you in this position.”
  11. “Grab my hand!”
  12. “No, listen to me.”
  13. “I don’t know if I can keep going like this.”
  14. “There’s no shame in taking a step back.”
  15. “I’ll kill you, you sick bastard. I’ll kill you, you’re a fucking monster who deserves to die.”
  16. “Is that… a dog?”                                                                                   “No, Its a fucking horse. Of course its a dog, dumbass.”
  17. “I walked here to you in the rain, this is how much I love you.”
  18. “You are quite the mystery, aren’t you?”
  19. “Let go of me!”                                                                                        “I’m barely touching you!!”
  20. “You’re so cute when you’re mad.”
  21. “Do you believe in love?”
  22. “Put me down!”
  23. “You’re so small, it’s adorable.”
  24. “Look, this isn’t a guilt-trip: I just genuinely want to know if you dislike me so I can stop bothering you.”
  25. “We can’t be friends anymore.”
  26. “Open your fucking eyes, it’s so obvious that I’m in love with you!”
  27. “Don’t you dare touch him/her.”
  28. “Please don’t be mad at me.”
  29. “Don’t do anything stupid, I’m gonna help you.”
  30. “They say less is more, but when have I lived by that?”
  31. “Hey, don’t touch anything. I don’t know how stable it all is.”
  32. “I hate how you’ve made me broken.”
  33. “I’m a screamer. Not sexually, just at life in general.”                                     “I can make that sexually.
  34. “This isn’t one of my more subtle plans, but considering how long it’s been since I ate or drank or slept, I think I’m doing pretty good.”
  35. “If I wanted you dead, this room would be a lot quieter.”
  36. “Do you ever shut up?”
  37. “You’re such an ass!”
    “But a fine looking one, yes?” 
  38. “You’re safe now, I’ve got you.”
  39. “Since when did you become a badass?”
  40. “I don’t know why, but I think I’m in love with you.”
  41. “Holy shit! You’re bleeding!”
  42. “I’d like to talk to you when you have your pants on, okay?”
  43. “If anyone could have saved me, it would have been you.”
  44. “Everyone has a breaking point.” 
  45. “I refuse to play along with this. No thank you, go away.”
  46. “What now?”                                                                                               “I don’t know, I didn’t think we’d live this long.”
  47. “They might not want you, but I understand you, and- well, I like who you are and I want you. Please don’t believe what they say.”
  48. “Are you done staring?”
  49. “Never let go.”
  50. “You broke your promise, you can’t come back from that.”
  51. “Hey, are you awake?”
  52. “I love how we all use affectionate pet names and flirt with one another. It’s nice, having such a close knit group of friends, you know?”        “Okay but have you considered: fuckpile.”
  53. “Stay here, I’m gonna go get help.”
  54. “Despite what you think, I can actually express emotions just like any other person.”
  55. “I’m so sorry-”                                                                                      “Then why would you do that to me?! You betrayed me!”
  56. “It happened again.”
  57. “I don’t like you, but for some reason you make me feel fuzzy.”
  58. “Can I kiss you?”
  59. “So what, you bitter piece of fuck? I’m nasty, lewd, I swear every third fucking word, and I am a better person than you. oh, that burns doesn’t it? That a shit like me is more moral and good and pure than you can ever be?”
  60. “Me? What about you?”
  61. “Oh shit, okay. I’m gonna toss you over my shoulder and book it okay, no way I’m trying to fight these fools. Don’t bleed out onto my back, ‘kay?”
  62. “I’ve been thinking about you. More specifically, where you fit in my future.”
  63. “I didn’t ever think I’d fall for someone like you.”
  64. “Stop fighting!”
  65. “Don’t ever talk to me ever again.”
  66. “Please, just give me a break. I’ve been so busy, trying so fucking hard- I’m doing the best I can. Please, please don’t ask more of me.”
  67. “I wish I could lovingly craft the words together to describe how angry you make me.”
  68. “Looks like we both have detention together.”
  69. “It was over when you said goodbye to me.”
  70. “I hate school and everyone in it.”                                                        “Even me?”                                                                                         “You’re an exception.”
  71. “Kiss me.”
    “No thank you- I don’t want your germs near me at all.”
  72. “Oh, fuck off you piece of shit. You think I care about you? That I give a damn about your feelings? Fuck off- I’m first in line for your head.”
  73. “Have sex with me.”
  74. “Please make me feel alive.”
  75. “You’re the only thing that is keeping me on this fucked up world.”
  76. “Even on the shittest days, you’re always there to brighten them.”
  77. “I love you just the way you are.”
  78. “Your stretch marks are like tiger stripes, it makes you look fucking badass.”
  79. “Stop asking me if I’m alright. My last answer was ‘annoyed’, why would it change any time soon?”
  80. “I will not leave you. No matter how hard it gets or how rough things are, I will always be here. I will not leave you.”
  81. “You are such a fucking cliché.”
  82. “Stay close to me.”
  83. “I can’t do everything!”
  84. “You’re art.”
    “But I’m nothing like your art.”
  85. “I think I owe you an apology.”
  86. “Have you seen- oh
  87. “Did you do that for me?”
  88. “That’s a weird way to say ‘I love you’.”
  89. “Are you happy?”                                                                                  “Yes, very.”                                                                                         “Good … that’s good. That makes me happy.”
  90. “Sorry to interrupt but you need to move your hands away from him/her before we have a problem.”
  91. “When I first met you, I thought nothing of you, now you mean everything to me.”
  92. “Please, I can’t live without you.”
  93. “Surprise!”
  94. “You told me it wasn’t my fault, so why are you blaming me now?”
  95. “Shut up!”                                                                                            “Make me.”
  96. “I’ll fucking kill him/her.”
  97. “Are you jealous?”
  98. “Are you flirting with me?”
  99. “You know me better than I know myself.”
  100. “What do you do when you realise you might not be the good guy?”

Let me tell y'all about this bed.

About a month ago, I randomly stumbled across the tumblr @unfuckyourhabitat , which is based off a book by the same title that gave practical strategies for cleaning and maintaining your environment in a practical way. The author makes posts daily reminding everyone to make their beds, and I, being a devout anti-bedmaker, was prepared to dismiss that. But the rest of what she was saying made sense, so I decided to give it a try, and I can say without exaggeration that this habit has changed my whole home life. I’ve made my bed every day for the past month, and starting the day with that one quick act of tidying makes me feel prepared to spend other minutes in other areas of my house and car and classroom, because if I can get up at 3:30AM and muster the energy to better my habitat then, surely I can manage to wash a dish or sweep a floor in the evening.

My house is sparkling, y'all. You know how many dirty dishes are in my sink right now? Zero. When was the last time I cleaned the base of my toilet? Why, every Thursday actually! And what did I do last weekend, just for giggles (and because it needed doing)? I washed my blinds. Washed. My blinds. Like with a bucket and rags and the whole shebang. A month ago you would never have caught me willingly spending my weekend doing something that labor-intensive for a reward as small as not having a decade of dust on my blinds. But I find myself wanting to do those little things now, because I’ve been living in this clean and organized habitat and I love it. It doesn’t take much, just one or two quick tasks a day to keep things from getting out of hand, and I honestly credit my continuing enthusiasm and motivation to this bed.

If my bed is all pretty and made, surely I can put the clothes into the hamper when I take them off instead of a pile on the floor. And if I have a clear floor, I suppose I can avoid dropping my junk on the tables too. And if my room is organized, I guess I can keep my bathroom tidy too. And if my bathroom is tidy I might as well keep the kitchen clean. The chain of logic goes on and on until eventually it just clicked somewhere in my brain that I want a clean habitat and I’m willing to do a little work each day to have one.

And it starts with a bed that’s made.

So thank you, ufyh, for kicking my butt into gear in this one eensy weensy area of my life that turned out to be not so eensy weensy at all. The light switches I Lysol this afternoon will be dedicated to you. ✊

9

i don’t really have any commentary beyond ‘why do mc shader creators think it’s good to have the sun punch you in the eyeballs’ and also have it so NOTHING is visible at night

i think i ended up using chocapic’s (with clouds turned off and sun eye punch settings lowered)

they’re all very pretty, and some of them let you customize more details than others so. go make your minecraft look nice. then you, too, can enjoy an 80°c gpu to heat your room up in the winter

honey, am I a chore |mafia!myg|

Originally posted by dreamyoongi

paring: min yoongi x reader (lowkey you x everyone)

words: 1.5k+

genre: angst, fluff, smut, mafia!au

summary: yoongi had tried his best to keep you safe, away from his work, but sometimes things don’t go exactly as planned.

yoonmin version

raising money for my pet’s tumor removal

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anabellerosenai  asked:

Hello, could you write this for a Drarry drabble? Soulmate AU where you experience unfathomable, collapse, sob and heave, pain when your soulmate is about to die. Draco Malfoy has experienced this pain at least 3 times and keeps a journal for it. He has felt this pain the day after the dark lord was vanquished, (maybe near-death from abusive/neglectant relatives?), when Quirrel burnt to death, basilisk biting Harry, etc. Bonus if Draco loves his soulmate and worries every pain may be The Death.

((the infamous carrot prompt was easier than this…oh my god… here take it.  I give up. I’m so sorry if this isn’t what you were hoping.))

Entry 1- 1988
I don’t remember the first time so I can’t write it down. Mother and Father told me I was a baby and I got hurt and they didn’t know why. They took me to St. Mungo’s and a healer said I was fine.  My soulmate died. That is why I hurt so bad.  I thought I was going to die yesterday.  I am alive still. The healer said maybe my soulmate got recreated and bad luck made my soulmate die again so soon.  The healers want me to write it down.  Maybe if it ever happens again I can write that too.  They don’t think it will happen. I hope I can see them if they get recreated again.

Entry 2- 1992
Mother had the healer come see me at Hogwarts so I didn’t have to leave school.  She called it an “episode.” I had another “episode” she said.  It doesn’t sound as bad as it was.  I don’t remember it hurting so bad last time.  Last time I didn’t cry.  I think I cried because I was sad.  Not just because my chest hurt.  I couldn’t breathe for a minute.  I’m supposed to write down what it felt like.  It felt like when you smash your finger in a door but not just on your finger. On your whole body.  

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underrated taz lines

in no particular order. also please add on. also also s/o to @tazscripts for saving my life.

magnus: do you still have the receipt?
taako: no, i ate the receipt

Kravitz: [drawing it out] Merrrrrllllllle fuckin’ Highchurch. You, my dear friend, care to take a guess? Care to wager a guess?
Magnus: Closest without going over. Taako, go.
Merle: I’m just surprised my middle name is “fuckin’”! I had no idea.
Kravitz: Are you?
Merle: No….
Taako: I’m gonna go with 1 in case we’re doing Price is Right rules.
Magnus: You know what, I’m gonna go the other way and say 1999.
Kravitz: Somewhere in between there. Merle Highchurch, the richest bounty I’ve ever hunted. You, my dear man, have died 57 times. [Clint background laughter] 57 times! Fifty se-veh-eh-en times!
Taako: That’s despicable.
Travis: Oh wait, shit, is this alternate dimension stuff?
Kravitz: And you’ve never come to visit! You’ve never come to visit me, Merle!
Merle: I never call!
Kravitz: After 57 deaths! That’s just rude!

Tom Bodett: Heyyyy~
Travis: [laughs] [imitating charmed Bodett] What is up?
Tom Bodett: Do you, uh…
Clint: [imitating charmed Bodett] What can I do for you guys?
Tom Bodett: You guys wanna kiss?

Magnus: What’s your grandpa’s name?
Angus: My grandpa forgot his name. He’s very old.
Magnus: Wait, but you also forgot it? You never knew it, Angus?
Angus: The memory of my grandpa’s name died long before I was born.
Travis: [laughs] It’s a word not spoken since the birth of dragons.
Angus: He prefers- He prefers grandpa. I call him grandpa, ‘cause he’s my grandpa. I love him.

Magnus: Carey, can I talk–can I talk to you in, in private, please?
Carey: I just became instantly pretty nervous, but, uh, yeah, I guess so–uh, ladies, take ten!
Griffin: And, uh, Killian and Noelle waltz out of the room. Literally, they waltz, which is weird.
Travis: It’s beautiful.
Magnus: I don’t, okay, I don’t know how to say this. Um, so, in the lab, um…
Carey: Yeah?
Magnus: I, I really liked your moves! I thought, I–you, uh-
Carey: Okay, I’m gonna stop- I’m gonna stop you right there, Mag, because… you’re a good dude, and I had a lot of fun in that crystal kingdom, killing a bunch of robots with you, but I, uh, you’re not really my… cup a’ tea, um, so to speak.
Magnus: OH! No, no.
Carey: No.
Magnus: No, no, no–
Carey: No?
Magnus: No, no.
Carey: No.
Magnus: No, no no no no no no, no! No. I–I want you to train me.
Carey: What do you mean? Like, in the ways of love? ‘Cause–
Magnus: No-ho-ho, no.

Justin: I just don’t want, I don’t want anybody to misconstrue it as Taako being like, cautious about talking about his sexuality. It’s literally just he doesn’t think it’s anybody’s fuckin’ business, especially not these three fuckin’ clowns–[laughter] –That have fixed onto him, barnacle-like, as he tries to save the earth.

A Series of Very Fortunate Events

Our party has been split up and the Dragonborn sorcerer and half orc barbarian (who always carries an unbreakable barrel) are currently scouting around an abandoned village to make sure we’re alone. They come across what we think might be a Goliath and frantically try to hide in a nearby shop.

Dm: (after they rolled poorly on stealth) as you dive into the empty shop, you crash into some boxes and hear the monster’s giant footsteps pause for a moment, then start coming in your direction. You only have a few seconds to hide. (Sorcerer) What do you do?

Sorcerer: ok, I cast invisibility on myself

Dm: with a wave of your hand, you turn completely invisible, but your wild magic has a side effect, let’s see… *rolls for a number on the table* HAHA HOLY SHIT
No way, you just turn into a potted plant!

(Everyone looses it)

Sorcerer: that works out I guess!

Dm: ok (barbarian), your turn, how do you hide?

Barbarian: I wanna hide inside my barrel I guess? (Rolls low on stealth)

Dm: you’re pretty large, I don’t think it could cover you all the way. The monster has reached your door now and starts to look around inside the room, it ignores the potted plant but its gaze falls on the strange looking barrel in the corner. It starts reaching towards you.

Barbarian: shit shit uuh, (sorcerer), help!

Sorcerer: well since I’m not invisible anymore, can I cast another spell? (Dm allows it) ok, then I cast invisibility on (barbarian).

Dm: alright, the barrel suddenly vanishes, and the monster rears back in confusion. Let’s see what your wild magic does this time. *rolls, checks the book* WHAT THE FUCK, YOU TURN INVISIBLE TOO

EVERYONE LOOSES THEIR SHIT as both invisible pcs run from the room and escape the monster.