I am resentful and I have good reason to be, though I know I direct that resentment at the wrong people sometimes. Lately I find it hard to relate to the appeal of self-medication, of self-destruction: the poetry of how good it can feel to hurt.
I do not have the privilege to spiral anymore. I sit or I stand or I sink down on both knees but I never lay down. I do not indulge. I do not lash out. I do not speak up. I do not cry.
I wake up early and get my nephew his chocolate milk and I wash the dishes by hand while I pray for things I shouldn’t.
I no longer have the instinct to fight or flee. I only know how to endure.
So what was supposed to be a little doodle exercise in style, kinda turned into a low key self indulgent gemosona thing 😅😅😅
I’m not even that big of a Steven Universe fan
But I know that other people are so I thought I should share for mutual fans haha
So my writing warm up
today wasn’t so self-indulgent that I feel like I can’t share it with anyone so
here have it
“You’re doing the
thing where you’re thinking when you’re not supposed to be able to,” Han said,
arm wrapped firm around Luke’s shoulder as if he could prevent the other from disappearing
into his thoughts by touch alone.
“Sorry,” Luke said,
tilting his head so he could meet Han’s eyes and leaned up to press a kiss to
the underside of his chin. “I’ll stop.”
He didn’t. “I can see
the wheels turning in your head kid. What’s up?”
“I’m not a kid
It was true but Han
knew Luke hardly minded the nickname hanging around. “You’re avoiding. What’s
Luke looked up at him
again and Han saw more of the Jedi Master in his eyes then he liked when they
were naked and snuggling. “What do you think of having another kid?”
“Why? You pregnant?”
Sure he already had Ben and he loved him as much as he couldn’t understand him
half the time. That didn’t mean he was against the idea of another exactly.
“No. Don’t worry about
it.” Luke returned his attention to the far wall and Han realised how his words
probably sounded to it.
“I didn’t- I’m not
against the idea. Just, you didn’t want a kid. Why the sudden change of heart?”
He had brought his hand up to comb through Luke’s hair but the other still seemed
to be focusing somewhere else. “Come on, tell me what’s going through that
pretty head of yours kid.”
“I’m having visions,”
Luke said after a minute of silence. “I’ll turn a corner and see her running
through the halls or I’ll wake at night to a baby’s cries.”
“And you think she’s
ours?” He knew enough about the visions Luke sometimes got to know they were
maddingly vague more often than not.
“I’ve seen her Han.
She looks like she’s ours.”
“Right.” Han’s hand
wrapped around Luke moving to gently rub against his side as his brain
comprehended the fact that the Force was so interested in his potential future daughter
it was sending Luke vision of her.
“Don’t worry about it,
they’ll pass.” Han knew Luke too well to miss the disappointment in the words.
“Hey, no, look at me.”
Luke thankfully did so. “I’m not against the idea. Just – is this something you
want or something you feel like you got to do?”
“You wouldn’t be
asking me that if you had seen her.” Luke’s eyes gained the distracted edge to
them again, but Han was pretty sure it wasn’t the Force that was distracting
him. At least not exactly.
“Then yes. Sure. I’ll
have another one. I haven’t managed to completely fuck up Ben. If you want her
I’ll do it again.” It was a bit strange to already know the gender of his child
before she was even conceived but Han had been dealing with Force-users long
enough that he was used to strange.
“Yes, I do.” There was
an excitement in Luke’s eyes that reminded Han so much of the farm-boy he had
picked up on Tatooine and Han knew that Luke wanted this. “If you’re sure that
“Yeah, I’m sure,” Han
said, leaning down to kiss Luke. He wondered what their daughter was going to
look like and resolved to ask Luke later. Right now though, he had an idea in
mind that involved very little conversation.
In which Rhys steals things, Tamlin’s a dick, and Feyre and Lucien make out. Complete self-indulgent fluff.
“Rhysand, I am going to kill you,” Lucien hissed into the phone receiver.
“I said I was sorry, didn’t I?” Rhys said, not
sounding very sorry at all. “Listen, I’ll pay your bail as soon as I can.
Relax. Everything will be fine. I got this.”
“You’d better. You hear me, Rhys? You’d better get
me the fuck out of –” Lucien swore violently as the phone went dead. “Fine!” he
snapped at it, knowing Rhys couldn’t hear him anymore. “Be an asshole! Let me
rot in here! See if I care!” And he slammed the receiver back into its cradle.
Stupid old-fashioned phone. Stupid hick jail.
Stupid boyfriend who didn’t bother to let him know his fancy car was stolen.
“Done in there?” It was the sheriff – his name
badge said Tom Lint – watching
Lucien’s every move. Even more hick than this hick town, with his blond hair
and his belligerent attitude and his blustering, as if he’d punch Lucien’s
lights out if he set so much as a toe out of line.
“Guess so,” Lucien snarled, storming past the sheriff
and into the holding cell himself. In retaliation, the sheriff slammed the door
so hard that Lucien fell backwards. Then Sheriff Lint stalked off in a huff.
“Whoa. Careful, there.” Lucien yelped as someone
caught him before he could hit the concrete floor and set him on his feet.
“And who are you?” he sniped, brushing dust off
“The name’s Feyre.” Lucien turned around to face a
young woman with a spattering of freckles, brown hair coming free from a braid,
and a frown. Her arms were crossed tightly across her chest. “And you might say
HI IM NOT DEAD
IM SO SORRY I JUST my brain kinda scrolled thru a million different fandoms and then i just read fanfictions till i died and scribbled self indulgent shit i can never show and then i listened to be more chill last weekend and now im kinda into that so thats cool
Hh ill try to be more active again i just completely seem to have lost my internet voice or something. Is that a thing. I just dunno what to say anymore
How many ‘vivis’ can I fit into one reply? Sorry to go this throughout, I felt that it’d be easier to explain with images attached… Vivi has become something I’m not very good at explaining, but at her roots, she was born from self-indulgent fun and has become a solid part of my creative background pfft… I wouldn’t consider her a self-insert anymore, but it’s fun to look back and see how much she’s grown as a concept and character through time!
That's it. That's all I'm gonna be talking about for months. The Lotor and Kolivan comic literally broke my heart like I'd be sobbing like a madman if I wasn't in public oh my god. I actually headcanoned them as brothers before I saw this BUT NOPE NOT ANYMORE this is all I'm gonna want for the next six months. Ohhh my god it hurts... you cruel, cruel person, why are you so wicked.?
Oh my goooshh thank you so much!! I can never get enough of people saying these things about my silly self indulgent ideas
“It’s because, without your bravery in the face of all that’s happened to you, without your constant scheming behind my back, without that fire of hatred and contempt and hope in your eyes when you look at me…” He hissed out a breath. “In the shadow my father has cast over my entire life, you are the only light I can see anymore. And, whatever the cost, I refuse to let that light be extinguished.”
a fic I found on my computer that is self indulgent and had been written months ago. it’s set super early after the recall and focuses on genji learning about all the shit his cowboy has gotten himself into. mccree never actually shows up in this fic, only mentioned (a lot)
Hey again... Could you do some self indulgent cuddles? Like. They cuddle right after a really bad expedition?
The frown on Levi`s face made Eren`s heart clench. It wasn`t his normal “I hate everyone” frown, it was a “I can`t do this anymore” kind of frown. It had good reason to be there, the expedition went horribly wrong, half their troops were lost, too many other wounded to be grateful for, it was all a mess and Levi had seen it too many times.
Eren had thought maybe he`d want some space, but the slight inclination of his head urged Eren to follow after him instead. He did so silently, he didn`t know what to say, sorry always felt cliche, are you okay would have been stupid, and he wasn`t going to say everything was okay because Levi hated lying. So he just trailed Levi up into his room, even as Levi stopped near the door he walked further into the room.
He expected him to say something as he shut the door behind him, go on to spill all his feelings and whatnot, instead he walked to his bed, sad, sad frown still in place, and plopped down heavily at the foot of it. Eren shifted from foot to foot, unsure of what was expected of him, Levi hadn`t said a word since they`d returned to HQ and still hand`t said anything now. The boy got his answer when Levi silently held out his arms to him,
“I need a hug.” He said. Eren let a small smile grace his lips and quickly flung himself into Levi`s body, making him flop back onto the mattress. He buried his face into his chest, sighing deeply in contentment. Levi nuzzled the side of his neck and ran his hands through his hair, the two just lay there in one another`s embrace, taking comfort in the other`s presence and safety.
Eren pretended he didn`t feel his captain`s body shaking with quiet sobs or his salty tears seeping into his shoulder, he didn`t say a word. He just kept holding him, rubbed his back comfortingly and kept his own tears at bay.
I bet Derek Hale sings like an angel. Imagine him singing “Hallelujah” in a rich, velvety baritone to a sleepy Scott as they chill out on the couch after all their holiday company has gone. It’s just them, alone in a dimly lit living room, a few minutes away from heading off to bed, and Scott’s eyes are getting heavier and heavier with each passing moment. Derek doesn’t know why he does it, but he takes one look at Scott and feels like singing. So he does. Softly. Quietly.
Scott’s more asleep than awake, but he listens. He’s heard Derek sing before, but he’s never heard Derek singing tohim. Derek’s warm tone and the sublime lyrics settle somewhere deep in Scott’s chest, and he listens.
Scott gives him a small smile before he nods off completely. But Derek keeps singing, though. Softly. Quietly. All the way to the last “hallelujah.”
okay uh. im fugo. some of you know me,most of you dont. but,to be blunt,my family is getting poorer and poorer.
im a minor and i live with my grandparents,both disabled. my grandmother doesnt work and needs to get surgeries often. my grandfather works around 9 to 12 hours nightly and rarely spends time with the family. it gives us enough money for now,but he has knee problems,back problems,diabetes, and his job in itself could kill him if he something falls on him. and if something happens to my family,i have to live with my abusive aunt.
this year,we’re going to need to replace my school supplies,and well,our family needs to save money just in case something happens to us and my grandfather cant work anymore or if something worse happens.