can i be anymore depressing

10

Have a little faith.

I dont know if i know how to love anymore. I fell in love with your dark chocolate colored hair and milk chocolate eyes. I fell in love with the constellations of freckles on your face. I still love you. But fuck man, you broke my heart and i may seem put together, i may seem like i glued the pieces of my heart in their rightful place, but darling my glue wasnt strong enough for the mint taste of your lips, and my pieces are still pieces. I dont know if i can love anymore.

I’m hurting soo much. I can’t even pin point it anymore, everything seems to depress me. I ain’t sure about my friends and somehow always make friends that love to talk shit about me, are bad influences, or don’t act like friends in return. My family is insanely dysfunctional. School…just sucks. I just feel like I don’t belong in this world. I don’t know why I exist (hell there probably isn’t an answer, I just am or maybe I have to create a reason…I don’t know).

My sadness is slowly turning into anger. I’m angry that I exist. I’m angry that I can’t make friends, and the ones I do I wish I never did because they’re not great friends. I’m angry that everyone just always seems to have what I want (family, support, resources, understanding, opportunity, love, etc.).

I think about ending it. Every. Damn. Day. The idea of going to sleep and never, ever, ever waking up again seems like absolute bliss. I never felt like I belonged anywhere, so it wouldn’t matter. I’ve just always been hurt and keep hurting….

.