can he please be my insurance guy

๐•ก๐• ๐•จ๐•–๐•ฃ๐•๐•–๐•ค๐•ค ๐•ค๐•ฅ๐•’๐•ฃ๐•ฅ๐•–๐•ฃ๐•ค

» Feel free to change pronouns as needed. || Mix of fluffy, angsty, NSFW, etc. «

  • ‘ I alter the structure of expectations. ‘
  • ’ Just to be clear, I’m not gonna do whatever you want, so… ‘
  • ‘ If you are lying to me I will put rocks in your pockets and throw you in the ocean. ‘
  • ‘ Gone are the days of a man in a bandit mask stealing a ruby from a museum. ‘
  • ‘ If I knew I could fail up, I would’ve done it years ago. ‘
  • ‘ You know how everyone wants to have sex with robots, right? ‘
  • ‘ Now you’re smelling it like a creepy person. ‘
  • ‘ Prepare to feel my powerful balls…of fire! ‘
  • ‘ You promised me that we were going to stand in awkward silence. ‘
  • ‘ Did you just call yourself a bitch? ‘
  • ‘ You don’t even feel shame properly! ‘
  • ‘ It’s called “Being a Dick”. ‘
  • ‘ That’s very aggressive language. ‘
  • ‘ This will cut off the heating, AC, and sewage, but it might get us the internet back. ‘
  • ‘ Were you making that whipping sound at other black people? ‘
  • ‘ You’re on the very short list of things that upset me. ‘
  • ‘ We bitch and we procrastinate because that’s what we do. ‘
  • ‘ We would’ve gotten it done at the absolute last possible minute. ‘
  • ‘ You are definitely not our friend. ‘
  • ‘ You are a turd in my toilet, and you can’t even swim. ‘
  • ‘ My dad always said, “Buy your mistress the same perfume as your wife.” ‘
  • ‘ The only way to know for certain is for one of us to sleep with him. ‘
  • ‘ Daddy doesn’t love me. ‘
  • ‘ He’s even half circumcised. ‘
  • ‘ This is far too important for you to screw up. ‘
  • ‘ I’m naked from the waist down. ‘
  • ‘ You therapy-inducing windbag! ‘
  • ‘ The acceptance of a racist grandfather is still my white whale. ‘
  • ‘ Batman never leaves anything behind, including insurance information. ‘
  • ‘ You’re like Jason Bourne if he was destined to die alone. ‘
  • ‘ If I leave now, I can still get home in time to not be here. ‘
  • ‘ I bet he stole it from somewhere really nice. ‘
  • ‘ I took the high road and it felt like crap. ‘
  • ‘ I invented the pretend-to-fall-and-grab-a-pair-of-breasts move. ‘
  • ‘ Why are you watching a guy get a handy? ‘
  • ‘ I know what you’re thinking: not a lot of white guys named Reggie. ‘
  • ‘ Please tell me this is a Japanese game show. ‘
  • ‘ Why, unprompted, did you just tell us your entire evil plan? ‘
  • ‘ My Bugatti is because my father didn’t hug me. ‘
  • ‘ Old girl’s still got some moves. ‘
  • ‘ I am not the “Hobbit” movies. ‘
  • ‘ What’s up, really hot loser? ‘
  • ‘ The joy of obeying a direct order from your superior, that lasts forever. ‘
  • ‘ Apparently, she has a “squad” and they have “goals”. ‘
  • ‘ That’s so sad. Except for the cartoonish level of opulence. ‘
  • ‘ Yes, I’m talking about sex! ‘
  • ‘ He’s definitely talking about his penis. ‘
  • ‘ There’s a chance you’ll get to punch a stranger. ‘
  • ‘ Please stop bonding with me. ‘
  • ‘ Aww, people are using my name as a verb? ‘
  • ‘ I’m giving you an opportunity to snitch on a friend. ‘
  • ‘ Grasp the furniture. ‘
  • ‘ You’re sort of reliable and capable in a middle school hall monitor sort of way.  ‘
  • ‘ Maybe I have too many bounds to step over. ‘
  • ‘ Your punishment will be of biblical proportions. ‘
talesfromcallcenters: I got a call from Satan.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted but this call needs to be shared.

“Hello thank you for calling AutoInsurance, where you’re in good hands, my name is Rachael, how can I help you?”

“Hello Rachael. How are you doing this morning?”

“I’m alright, how can I help you?”

“Is it morning there where you’re at right now? Is it morning?”

“Yes it is, how can I help you?” /eyebrow raise/

“I just wanted to talk. I’m not the policy holder, the policy holder is my guest here…down below. Do you know who this is? You know who this is? You said your name was Tiffany?”

“No my name is Rachael. How can I help you with your insurance today?”

“Oh it’s his insurance he asked me to call I’m a friend of his but I’m not his employer, I’m wanting him down here to work for me below the earth. Do you know the morning? I’m asking if you do you see the sun? I’m the angel of the sun, the brightest angel, or was the brightest angel, and that he asked me to call. He would like a life insurance policy. And I talked to him, y’know that you’re not going to live for more than 10 to 15 years y’know that don’t ya Ash? And I said well let me call your insurance policy, your company that handles your insurance policy and let me see if I can work something out. I do like to make deals with everyone, they sign my contracts and they join me down here to work for me. I’m the son of the angel of the morning, the son of Him, my Father, so I’m sorry Amanda, uhm uh um Amanda, I’m temp, uh this is not a joke, HE WANTS AN INSURANCE POLICY DO YOU UNDERSTAND? So let’s very polite and very proper.”

I’m just confused and trying to process what is happening at this point and confusedly answer.

“Ok, the life insurance department is not open on Sundays they are open Monday, uh if you would like I can provide the phone number but I do not work with life insurance.”

BUTTON MASHING“Like I was told you can’t hear anything when someone is talking to me, they have to wait until they finish speaking and then you can hear. Do you understand it’s a noise reduction? I would like to contact with insurance, with the life insurance department please. The life insurance department please if they’re open could you hit me though to that extension please.”

During this I’m on mute yelling at my manager to remote in that this guy is crazy.

“They are not open on Sundays”

“Oh no…you see there are a lot of restrictions on Sundays. I’m not allowed to walk the world on Sundays, but my children can hover so perhaps I’ll have one of them go to an insurance agency and get ash an insurance policy, life insurance policy because he has 15 years to live, and he wants to provide for his mother and father and nieces, because I’m trying to work a deal with him and he will be gone. He will be dead in 15 years alright? I can have him work for me. Well thank you very much. Can you contact me…please send me to an extension with your supervisor, I want to talk to him. Do you have a supervisor at your call center right now, dear?”

“Yeah I do, but he does not handle life insurance policies either.”

“That’s ok dear, just patch me through to your supervisor please.”

“Ok, please hold.”

By: BigGirl420

3

Guys I could really use your help right now. My 9 month old nephew Austin is in the hospital right now in North Carolina because he is having seizures(yesterday he had 9 in 10 mins) and we don’t know why. There’s a blood test that checks for genetic disorders that my sisters insurance outright refuses to pay for or even bill her for so she can have answers as to what’s wrong with her son and what they need to do to fix it. I don’t have many followers at all so please can you guys spread this like wild fire. Each day that goes on with no answers is agony.if can’t donate to his go fund me please just spread this. We need as many eyes as possible to see this. tag as many things as possible that people will see. Also if anyone is interested in buying physical items from me message me bc I’ll be selling as much as I can to raise money. gofundme.com/austins-future

hey guys my dad and i are really struggling right now, i’m working when i can for usually less than minimum wage and he can’t work cause he broke his neck and back in three places a few years ago and he just recently got hit by a car while on his motorcycle and insurance won’t pay him what he needs to get his bike fixed + pay for medical bills so if you could please send over a few bucks for food and bills etc i would really appreciate it!!! my PayPal is ssimoneau17@yahoo.com thank you so much for reading :-)