Scarf v. Crabot, Docket No. 3838
Citizens of the jury. Check this shit out.
Before I show you this shit, I would like to remind you all what brought us here today. Exhibit A:
That’s right. This beautiful, good man. But more specifically, this, Exhibit B:
What exactly the hell this is has teased inquiring minds for years, one can safely presume. There have been theories and inquiry into the neckwear of antiquity. But this man’s fashion sense has eluded precise articulation. The prevailing theory is that it is a cravat, but a Google Image Search shows otherwise. Exhibit C:
A cravat seems to be like an extra puffy necktie scarf thing. It certainly does not flutter to that extent, being tucked inside the shirt.
An alternate, but equally doomed theory arose–that of the jabot. Exhibit D:
A more likely option, with the layers and the fluttering, but, please observe again Exhibit B:
See how the collar is a few inches tall, with dimples in the cloth, around his neck, and how the fluttery layers seem to come out from the top of it and down? Here’s an image of him in his daily asskicking duties to compare as well, Exhibit E:
Well, it clearly doesn’t have the thin collar and flat lay of the jabot, because the fluttery front comes over the top of the collar, not attached to the bottom like the jabot.
I too was resigned to ambiguity, until I was sitting on my bedroom floor writing fanfiction one Sunday afternoon and my mom brought me something. She had been cleaning out her closet and found something interesting from her Los Angeles department store days in the 1980s. It is a booklet guide from Nordstrom on how to wear scarves. The booklet, Exhibit F, is in such a state due to Dog:
Cute, wholesome, etc. But the true revelation waited inside. Citizens of the jury, my decisive evidence, Exhibit G:
[Transcript: 6 SQUARE SCARVES 1. Take a square scarf and make accordian (sic) pleats from top to bottom 2. Wrap around neck and flip one end over the other. 3. Fan out pleats and wear off to the side or in front.]
BROS DO U SEE THIS RN??? This shit has the exact same features that were missing in the cravat and jabot, and is identical to the Chest Kleenex on this beautiful man. Once more, Exhibit B:
Conclusion: He’s been wearing a specially folded square scarf this whole time. The prosecution rests. *mic drop*
*hasty scrambling to pick up dropped mic* The prosecution takes official notice that there are three layers of ruffle in every official art, not two. The prosecution saw that just now and has no idea how that could be but stands behind its argument. Okay, thanks guys. *puts mic back into stand*